Hello.

Well I've been with my partner since January now. The whole relationship started as an affair which frankly I'm not proud of but we fell in love and hell we did what young people did. I knew from the day that I met her that this is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with- I told myself that and I told her that.

Anywhoo, recently we've been getting into more and more fights about her ex. After she broke up with him, she still had feelings for him and told me she was struggling to let go. I told her that it would be best if she just forgot about him and moved on, so it would save the pain in the future though she didn't take my advice. A few week ago, he added her on Facebook (Oh boy, the one place where all the crap happens) asking if they could be "just friends"... And she asked me how I felt about this and I informed her that I wouldn't like it if she was friends with him; though she still accepted it and began talking.

Anyway, out of the blue her ex turned around and said "I still love you" which she thought I didn't see and kept trying to convince me didn't happen. The thing with Facebook in our relationship is that her ex is in Australia now and we're in the United Kingdom, so she tends to think I get worked up because "he isn't here". Yet I also explain to her that she can't be in a relationship with a guy she will never ever see again. The other thing with Facebook is that she doesn't trust me. She blocks everything so I can't see everything, on many occasions she's fully blocked me and my family so she could just talk to her ex- And it's come to the point now where I'm checking up on her (which I hate doing) but she just doesn't trust me enough.

After she broke up with her ex, we didn't rush into a relationship because she wanted time to get over him. Though a week ago we broke up because of the whole problem with the ex and she literally took 2 minutes to get back into a relationship with him; but now she keeps telling me that she does want to be with me she just finds it hard without him. And I told her that I don't want him around any more, but I know that if he says "Can we be just friends?" again, that she will fall for it and then it'll lead on to "I love you still." and frankly, I don't know what to do anymore.

The thing with the ex (same guy) has happened on many many occasions.

Sounds like a whole bag of trust issues, insecurities and blame.

You have expressed your concern for her communication with him as they have had a past and it puts a damper on your current relationship. If she doesn't listen or at least contemplate your thoughts then I would think about if the relationship is worth the effort and hardships.

No one needs to be insecure or untrustworthy in a relationship. That is not a healthy environment for anyone involved.

Mike, it doesn't sound as though she is as invested in this relationship as you are. It might just be time to tell her that it's you or him. Period.

Don't get me wrong, I see where you're coming from and I do agree that there are a lot of trust issues in our relationship. Many times we have agreed to delete both our Facebook accounts just to get rid of the problem completely, though no matter how hard I try; I literally have to confiscate her phone in order to have a night without her ex sending her messages.

I don't quite think she understands just how much it hurts me, for instance last night we were laying in bed watching a movie and all she was doing was texting him, right next to me; without a care in the world. I do love this girl with all my heart and it's worth all the effort and time I put it, I just don't know whether I should tell her straight or just keep waiting for her to do the right thing.

I don't quite think she understands just how much it hurts me, for instance last night we were laying in bed watching a movie and all she was doing was texting him, right next to me; without a care in the world. I do love this girl with all my heart and it's worth all the effort and time I put it, I just don't know whether I should tell her straight or just keep waiting for her to do the right thing.

In my opinion, this is emotional cheating. It's NOT worth the time and effort you put in if you don't get anything out of it.

I'm going to be brutally honest here, but the two of you got together as a result of affairs. You may have been one to change, but it seems she is continuing her cheating ways.

You can both delete your FB accounts AND she can change her number.

Thanks for that J_9,

I understand that it's a bit hypocritical of me to say with our relationship starting as an affair and believe me I did come close to leaving, though it's just every time it comes to it then she does realize she's in the wrong and she does apologize for it and we do have a good month or so without problems.

I just don't know whether leaving will help or make it worse.

It can't make it worse if you're no longer with her.

Well that's the thing. I don't know whether we're together or not.

She told me we were earlier today and that she was going to solve the problems regarding her ex and that I should just relax and wait for her to sort it out before we jump into a full-on relationship. The only thing I'm scared of is that she's going to delay it as long as she can, but I know that she might not.

Then again, it falls back to the trust issues. She might just tell me she's got rid of her Facebook but again just blocked me so she can continue to talk to him without me getting suspicious.

She is not over her ex, period.

For whatever reasons, she continues to stir up an old relationship with a man she never really let go of in the first place.

And you know where her priorities are. Keeping him in the picture, and balancing that with keeping you hanging, just in case it doesn't work out with the ex.

Deleting this man from Facebook, and 'forgetting' about him is something she is not willing to do. You are being played. As much as it hurts, you might do well to consider whether you want the relationship as it is, with a third party involved, to continue.

Man, if I was in that situation I would definitely cry. I hate fb, which is part of the reason I never get on. But this girl of yours seems very indecisive and if I were you I would just move on, because she is probably going to keep doing this over and over again. If she is with you and is saying its hard to live without him, than she doesn't need to be with anyone until she makes up her mind with who she wants to be with.

Well guys, I just thought I'd let you know... Me and my girlfriend broke up tonight, I finally told her that I couldn't really take much more **** so I'm not sticking around to go through it again.

Feel like crap right now but hey, I did the right thing right? Also uhm, she has had personal issues in the past that she has trusted me with; and I told her that I would still be around for advice and support if she ever felt upset or anything- Was that the right thing to do?

I'm sorry to hear that you broke up, but in the end it was the right thing for you since she was not over her ex.

As far as sticking around for advice and support. Bad idea. The best thing for you is to go complete and total No Contact or she's going to have the same complications in her next relationship but you would be the deal breaker.

I understand where you're coming from though in the past I told myself that I want to be with her. Now however, even though I said I'll be around if she needs me that I won't be around every day for her to play about with.

She's had a difficult life so far and she's trusted me and told me so much that she hasn't told anybody else and I have helped her in the past by giving her advice and support, I just feel that if I suddenly leave and stop with that; that she might just get back into her old ways again.

What she does with her life is her business, and you are not her personal savior. Disappear from her life and do your thing. Let her get her own emotional tampons from now on.