fightnfailure
Sep 16, 2011, 08:54 PM
This is from both of us... husband and wife, wife is writing this just to ave something of a third party view so we both can have reality sitting in front of us. I will write this as unbiased as I possibly can.
I complain a lot. My husband drinks everyday. Most my complaining is cause of things that are said, or fact of, or anything revolving around my husband drinking. I feel he is an alcoholic, he knows he is not. I have a short fuse when he drinks because he turns into someone I don't like. I quit drinking before I turned 21 due to alcohol poisoning and can smell if someone took only one drink. I instantly get mad when I smell it on him.
Infidelity and physical and mental abuse have occurred while he is drinking. Due to the infidelity and multiple close catches I don't like him 'going out' all night or at all, yes I am paranoid he will drink and not be able to control his behaviors sexually. I am paranoid all the time about this. I just feel at over 30 yrs old this should be a thing of the past as where I'm a few yrs from 30 and don't understand how he doesn't feel the same way. I know, not every ones the same.
Yes he has a job. And has only missed a small amout of days due to him drinking (like 1 or 2 this yr), I do hand that credit to him cause if he comes home at 3a and has to be at work at 6a he will go with little vebal shove from me. Why does he drink? Ask him and he tells me its because of me, its my fault he drinks. I tell him that's unaccountable because I do not physically pour alcohol down his throat. He hides his drinking that he does at home from me and denies it most all of the time.
I have no life. I work and come home to try to spend time with my son and husband. The most I go out by myself is my weekly trips to walmart to do shopping for the house. We use to do it together but he doesn't really want to go with me anywhere any more and won't let me go with him anywhere. We do take weekly Saturday trips to the city for some shopping and family visiting together. Honestly its not the most joyfulest trips and if we look happy in front of the family its usually an act.
He tells me I'm so selfish. I tell him he is the one that is selfish. I have a hard time putting the past behind me because I believe that things are proven through actions. I tell him I have never cheated on him, he doesn't believe me. I get accused almost everyday, I guess he doesn't believe me that I actually go to work and work. I have offered to bring print out of all my clock in and outs home but he does not want to see them. I don't call him names other than selfish and an ***hole, I get call b*****a*s and fat and nasty and what ever you can possibly think. Honestly id call him other things cause its away to release anger however if he has been drinking he can't control his anger and can get physical.
I helped him once for a possible situation with his PO and after all was done he ended up getting a UTI (I forewarned him of this, and him smoking was of course my fault I was told)... anyways after his meeting he got really drunk and I just got home from work and had our son and long story short I ended up with 3 broken ribs, 2 black eyes and several really bad knots on my head + other minor scraps. After all had settled down the next day I was told that he reacted cause he thought that I had given him a STD by cheating on him. I even took him to the doctor, $100 later it was diagnosed as a UTI. Only person I told that my husband had done that to me was my boss because I have that kind of relationship with her. Anyone else heard a lie. There's many situations like that however I guess I complain so much because I can't understand why he does so many evil things to me when I have always been by his side, thro the infidelity, thro jail, thro prison. I don't keep bringing those things up because I want to rub it in his face its because I want to be acknowledged that I am supportive and don't feel I deserve the neglect and want the attention a wife needs from a husband.
He does have good days however I think we have had maybe 1 or 2 in the last 2 n half weeks. I just want to feel cared about. I don't want drinking to be more important than me or our son. I have done research on alcoholism and A-ALAN groups but I keep a lot of our problems private because I don't want others including family to know about our problems, I want them to see that everything is great. We both play that game in front of family. Our fights do get public sometimes when has drunk and screams things out side about me. I usually yell back but in hurt from what he wants to scream about me.
I don't want to give up on our family but I feel like I can hardly call that that anymore. I tell him I love him or text it during the day... On good days I get it back or at tymes he even says it first. I just can't stand the auto response of 'no you don't' 70% of the time. I know material things aren't the answer but I always get the fav things he likes to eat, or surprise him with something small that I found, just various things here and there. He ruins my birthday, I try to make his the best I can. However due to financial reasons I was little down on the things I couldn't do for him this birthday couple weeks ago. I get joy out of finding him a shirt or something here or there. I get a sense of joy knowing that I manage all fines, bills, everything for him so he doesn't have to worry about anything but to show up for appts. I stress anyway so I might as well take as much stress out of his life as I can. No point of two people stressn over the same thing. I do amit I keep the family in running order and on pursposly take on most responsibilities that we have, has a little to do with my OCD. I know I control a lot but those are issues I'm slowly working on as well.
One thing that bothers me is when a person doesn't feel man and woman have equal rights. Its just kind of a new issue that's been brought up. Man: work and pay bills... woman: take care of the house and child.
But, I also work full time and pay bills. We both clean. I may a little more then him in the child's area but only because it just has to be perfect when it comes to our son.
I guess my point in writing this is to get outside insight. Maybe he will at least listen since its not coming from me. Or maybe its me that needs to see things from someone else perspective cause I don't agree with what he says about me. This for me is another effort of trying to make or marriage happy again, I hate being told I'm hated, it hurts and I just don't know what to do anymore.
I complain a lot. My husband drinks everyday. Most my complaining is cause of things that are said, or fact of, or anything revolving around my husband drinking. I feel he is an alcoholic, he knows he is not. I have a short fuse when he drinks because he turns into someone I don't like. I quit drinking before I turned 21 due to alcohol poisoning and can smell if someone took only one drink. I instantly get mad when I smell it on him.
Infidelity and physical and mental abuse have occurred while he is drinking. Due to the infidelity and multiple close catches I don't like him 'going out' all night or at all, yes I am paranoid he will drink and not be able to control his behaviors sexually. I am paranoid all the time about this. I just feel at over 30 yrs old this should be a thing of the past as where I'm a few yrs from 30 and don't understand how he doesn't feel the same way. I know, not every ones the same.
Yes he has a job. And has only missed a small amout of days due to him drinking (like 1 or 2 this yr), I do hand that credit to him cause if he comes home at 3a and has to be at work at 6a he will go with little vebal shove from me. Why does he drink? Ask him and he tells me its because of me, its my fault he drinks. I tell him that's unaccountable because I do not physically pour alcohol down his throat. He hides his drinking that he does at home from me and denies it most all of the time.
I have no life. I work and come home to try to spend time with my son and husband. The most I go out by myself is my weekly trips to walmart to do shopping for the house. We use to do it together but he doesn't really want to go with me anywhere any more and won't let me go with him anywhere. We do take weekly Saturday trips to the city for some shopping and family visiting together. Honestly its not the most joyfulest trips and if we look happy in front of the family its usually an act.
He tells me I'm so selfish. I tell him he is the one that is selfish. I have a hard time putting the past behind me because I believe that things are proven through actions. I tell him I have never cheated on him, he doesn't believe me. I get accused almost everyday, I guess he doesn't believe me that I actually go to work and work. I have offered to bring print out of all my clock in and outs home but he does not want to see them. I don't call him names other than selfish and an ***hole, I get call b*****a*s and fat and nasty and what ever you can possibly think. Honestly id call him other things cause its away to release anger however if he has been drinking he can't control his anger and can get physical.
I helped him once for a possible situation with his PO and after all was done he ended up getting a UTI (I forewarned him of this, and him smoking was of course my fault I was told)... anyways after his meeting he got really drunk and I just got home from work and had our son and long story short I ended up with 3 broken ribs, 2 black eyes and several really bad knots on my head + other minor scraps. After all had settled down the next day I was told that he reacted cause he thought that I had given him a STD by cheating on him. I even took him to the doctor, $100 later it was diagnosed as a UTI. Only person I told that my husband had done that to me was my boss because I have that kind of relationship with her. Anyone else heard a lie. There's many situations like that however I guess I complain so much because I can't understand why he does so many evil things to me when I have always been by his side, thro the infidelity, thro jail, thro prison. I don't keep bringing those things up because I want to rub it in his face its because I want to be acknowledged that I am supportive and don't feel I deserve the neglect and want the attention a wife needs from a husband.
He does have good days however I think we have had maybe 1 or 2 in the last 2 n half weeks. I just want to feel cared about. I don't want drinking to be more important than me or our son. I have done research on alcoholism and A-ALAN groups but I keep a lot of our problems private because I don't want others including family to know about our problems, I want them to see that everything is great. We both play that game in front of family. Our fights do get public sometimes when has drunk and screams things out side about me. I usually yell back but in hurt from what he wants to scream about me.
I don't want to give up on our family but I feel like I can hardly call that that anymore. I tell him I love him or text it during the day... On good days I get it back or at tymes he even says it first. I just can't stand the auto response of 'no you don't' 70% of the time. I know material things aren't the answer but I always get the fav things he likes to eat, or surprise him with something small that I found, just various things here and there. He ruins my birthday, I try to make his the best I can. However due to financial reasons I was little down on the things I couldn't do for him this birthday couple weeks ago. I get joy out of finding him a shirt or something here or there. I get a sense of joy knowing that I manage all fines, bills, everything for him so he doesn't have to worry about anything but to show up for appts. I stress anyway so I might as well take as much stress out of his life as I can. No point of two people stressn over the same thing. I do amit I keep the family in running order and on pursposly take on most responsibilities that we have, has a little to do with my OCD. I know I control a lot but those are issues I'm slowly working on as well.
One thing that bothers me is when a person doesn't feel man and woman have equal rights. Its just kind of a new issue that's been brought up. Man: work and pay bills... woman: take care of the house and child.
But, I also work full time and pay bills. We both clean. I may a little more then him in the child's area but only because it just has to be perfect when it comes to our son.
I guess my point in writing this is to get outside insight. Maybe he will at least listen since its not coming from me. Or maybe its me that needs to see things from someone else perspective cause I don't agree with what he says about me. This for me is another effort of trying to make or marriage happy again, I hate being told I'm hated, it hurts and I just don't know what to do anymore.