Hello! This is my first question and I'd like all the opinions I can get.

I'm 22 and my girlfriend for 3 years & 4 months is 17 (18 in October). We've dated all through her high school career while I was dealing with college. As the years passed by, we had many incredible moments and we fell in love after the first year. I even gave her a promise ring after her graduation; that's how serious we are!

Now here's the present scenario. She was accepted to SUNY Purchase (an hour away from me in New York City) and in July, she went up there for a freshman orientation for 5 days with no way to contact me. Apparently, that changed her a bit. Later that month, she asked for there to be a break between us once she starts classes. Of course, I didn't take it well because she never told me why she wanted it. After our compromise, she admitted that she wants to figure things out for herself and figure out why I believe she does deserve me in her life. Not to mention, you DO learn a lot about yourself after your first year in college (I know I did!).

I'm in my senior year in college, I start my internship next week and looking at my classes and the people that are surrounding me already, clearly I'd have to take more advantage of my free time. I mostly hang out by myself because most of my friends are either never available or they bore me to tears. Honestly, I've been used to it for 2 years already. I know it's not the best way to distract myself, but I love depending on myself only and be proud of it.

She's been up there for 2 weeks now. She has many friends already, good classes from what she tells me and even went to some house parties. And she officially calls me a "best friend" and even though I'm used to it a bit, I know that I'm going to have more lonely moments than she will. I won't expect the phone calls and texts she gave me when she went up there the first week still needing me as her boyfriend. She had a moment in her dorm when she stared at the ring and a card which showed my support of her needing the break and support of us both maturing and she cried over the phone that night. She texted me after that call that she feels that she lied about wanting it and she wants me to call her out on it if she takes too long to properly talk to me about anything. That morning when I surprised her by showing up to help with her luggage and I gave her the card, after reading it she texted me that I can have her back after she finds herself.

The question is: How long do I wait to have my best friend back as my girlfriend as well?

Give her what she ask for, and take this as an opportunity to let her miss you, and have some fun yourself. Do you good to find other things to do, and people to see besides her.

Let her find herself, and no telling how long that will take.

Both of you are young, she is under 18 and possibly expanding her views.

Old saying: (really not verbatium) 'If you love something let it go. If it returns great, if not, it was never yours anyway.'

You get the point.

Stringer

Stringer,

I see exactly what you're saying. I've also heard that 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder' many times. That's one of the sayings we kept reminding each of since the middle of August. I can say that that's the main reason I'm okay with this. I'd never want to go against my girlfriend's wishes, and if she feels that life on campus her first time will help her figure something out, I'm all for it. I've been thinking about her, but I've been living well!

talaniman,

You and I are on the same page. She called me yesterday morning saying how much fun she's been having with her girls, how her classes have been, and that she's accepting fully where our relationship is. Oddly enough, after that call I didn't mope or dwell. I spent my day not missing her and I had fun. Most of the week before was the same way, since my classes have started. Speaking of that, I hang out with some of my friends from my college but the problem is that most of them still deal with strict households. That's why it's EXTREMELY rare for me to hang with others after 11 or 12 at night. And if I do, they're friends outside of school. Anyway, I've confirmed in my mind to not contact her at all until she does so. I'll be able to keep myself busy with school and work starting and for once, I'll start dragging my friends places so I can have some company!

Thanks for the advice, guys!

Aaron

Hey guys. Just as a slight update, I thought the whole "no contact" thing was working... until yesterday morning when she texted me that she put as her relationship status as "It's complicated." She did this without letting me know, and it's clear that these new "friends" of hers are making too much of an impression on the she feels she needs to live. It angered me so much that she has become that selfish... or just confused. I'm calling her tonight and I'm making sure that she tells everything that has happened for the past 3 weeks. As far as I'm concerned, this will make or break our relationship and our friendship. I'm hoping for the best, but I'm not holding my breath.

Aaron

Slow down and think before you act, as first off you should ignore the text, and ignore her. She dumped you, and YOU should maintain NC and go about your business. Why? Because breaking NC causes confusions of feelings and thoughts. What you actually believed her when she said she would be yours after she parties, and explores?? That's your fault, but when you let 'em go do there thing, it no longer matters what the post on social networks, or text to you. You ignore whatever they do and do your thing, and absolutely never react to what they do.

That's true NC, not what you are doing by the way. Do it right, or pay the consequences. You won't make decisions based on FACTS, but feelings she manipulates for her own agenda.

For your own good, see a break as a break up, because they are the same thing. Don't empower her with any reaction at all, NONE!

Talaniman,

I actually am going about with my business even better now. I did call her on Thursday and we had the talk. In a nutshell, there was no yelling or bad blood; we spoke everything out, mostly why to her it's "complicated." She told me that she was uncomfortable with our status still being "in a relationship" and that she didn't tell me at first because it was an impulsive action. Then of course I asked her if someone really has been making an impression on her. And yes, there is somebody but you wouldn't believe who it is. It's one of her roommates who is a bisexual and she's been pursuing my girlfriend since they met at orientation...
While that was INDEED an "OMGWTF" moment, I understand now why she told that there was no easy way to tell the guy you've been with for 3 years and 5 months that you want time to possibly experiment with a girl who's been chasing you (to the point where she's jealous of me). Here's the reason why I didn't overreact nor judge: she's had one experience like that in her freshman year in high school, a few months before we started dating. Oddly enough, I still told her my true feelings towards our situation and her own doings. Sure, I would've appreciated it if she TRIED to tell me this before she left, but at least now I know and I have to say, I'm happy. I'm relieved that I now know where we stand (we're pretty much "temporary ex'es" now) and I know that you may think I'm an idiot for saying this, but I still believe her when she said that she'd return to me in a few months. Why?. Because her roommate doesn't have a penis, and she'd be an idiot to throw away a 3 year/ 5 month relationship over a girl who simply wants to flirt.
And to end this vent, there's one more reason why I think this is a phase: she reacted to my words "I no longer need you; I want you. I refuse to let you erase me from your life in any aspect." She gasped and paused for 10 seconds and said "Thank you." When we got off the phone, she posted thank you on Facebook. On Friday AND Saturday, she called and texted me. Some of my friends believe that this is her missing me in a way thanks to our talk and/ or is trying to make sure that our "best friendship" can easily lead back to a reboot of our relationship. Honestly, I think even she believes that this is a phase, but I'll let her live and learn. I can longer stress over the scenario now that I have my answers. I'm going to continue to remain level- headed and continue to live my life. We'll simply see where this goes in a few months time!

Aaron