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View Full Version : My ex husband took my children and won't give them back-Missouri


smlfrye
Sep 7, 2011, 09:17 PM
I am a divorced single mother with 6 children. My ex husband took 3 of my children for a visit and then wouldn't give them back. My children and I lost our home back in March of this year do to hazardous reasons and have been looking for a home ever since. Because I have such a large family it is hard to find a home that is the right size and in the right price range in the city where we are, so I started looking in other cities. When my ex got wind that we might be relocating he kept my children and then had me served with papers for an emergency hearing to get custody of them. The police wouldn't help me get them even though I had my court papers saying I have custody of them. He has now managed to get temp custody of my children and stopped my child support. What are my legal rights on getting my children back and what are my legal rights on relocating with my children? (other than getting a lawyer) I am now on my second lawyer and I still don't have my children back!

odinn7
Sep 7, 2011, 09:22 PM
I can't really help you with the legal part of this and I'm sorry for that... hopefully someone that can help will be along soon.

The reason I am replying here is to suggest that you edit your question and remove your picture. You have a nice looking family there and I just hate the idea of posting pictures of children on the internet where anyone can see them... lots of weirdos out there these days.

Good luck and I hope you get your situation taken care of soon.

J_9
Sep 7, 2011, 09:44 PM
Moderator's Note: Photo removed for privacy and safety of children involved.

cdad
Sep 8, 2011, 02:07 AM
Since it went through the courts then its not likely that you can take it back to the courts so soon unless there is a huge change in circumstance. Where have you been living since March?

smlfrye
Sep 8, 2011, 07:44 AM
I have been staying in a hotel for about 2 months and with family off and on during the summer while still looking for a house. I don't feel that I should be punished for not being able to find a home. The houses here where I live cost so much more than other areas around here. My ex is very abusive, controlling, manipulating and compulsive liar. This isn't the first time he has done this. It took me two years to get divorced from him. He called an emergency hearing during my divorce to take my children away then too. He didn't win then but I had my mother and father for support and my mother helped me with the cost. However I just suddenly lost my mother to liver cancer and my father to cancer (and my home) all within 6 months.
At the time when we went through the divorce he had the lawyer put in our papers that the children will attend the schools here. (controlling where I live) At the time I agreed to it not knowing I wouldn't be able to afford to live here. He never let me work outside the home so I have always been a stay at home mom. Oh and I also have a protection order on him right now for plowing my face into the car door when I tried to pick my children up. He convinced my daughter that we fell into the car and that is what she told the police and what she now believes. The judge has now ordered a guardian ad litem for my daughter to see what she testifies. I guess then he will decided if I need a full order of protection then.

Fr_Chuck
Sep 8, 2011, 07:46 PM
I really don't mean this like it sounds, they are not just YOUR children, they are also his children and he has legal rights.

He is using them, he has taken them out of a situation he though was not proper. He filed in court and got a emergency order and a hearing ( where where you at the hearing ?) He has gotten a court order for temp custody, so he has legal right to those children. Your old order has been over turned and is no longer the valid order.

The police can not do anything, since he did everything legal and proper. Just like we would advice if he was here asking.

You need to show up at any future hearing and show that the children's better interest will be to be with you. He will try and prove they are better if they are with him.

smlfrye
Sep 8, 2011, 10:50 PM
Right, they ARE our children. And I have NEVER tried to keep them from him. However... I am the one that has raised them mostly their whole life while he was at work, hunting any animal that would move, golfing, fishing, playing sports, cheating on me and whatever else he could come up with. I was his slave! The man has physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually abused me. He is also a compulsive liar, manipulator and control freak.
I have reported things to doctors and police in the past and current. The police refuse to take police reports or press charges against him even when I have proof and the doctors just document it.
He started going up to the police station weeks before he took my children reporting to them a bunch of lies (I abandoned my children and was trying to relocate them. Pretty sure that doesn't make since) and I only found that out when I called about the police not letting me file charges against him for grabbing my arm and plowing my face into a car door.
As for taking them out of a situation that was not proper... he sure didn't mind it until he lost his job in July and then asked me to put a stop on the child support that he hardly ever paid. Now that I think about it... this isn't just about me trying to move away, its also about money and always has been. The man has always tried to get out of paying his child support... thats why he tried to take them away from me in our divorce. I had to get an order of protection on him then and when the judge assigned him to pay child support when we went to court for the order, my ex then called an emergency hearing a couple months after that to try and take my children away from me then. At the end when we were finalizing our papers for divorce, he asked my lawyer... if I was to take them one more day a week would I pay less in child support. (great dad huh)
As for the recent emergency hearing... I was told by my old lawyers secretary at the time this took place that it was being continued. Our hearing was on a Friday at 1:30 and I called her office at 10 am to make sure it was being continued so I wouldn't miss it. When I called at 10 am, they had already went to the court house and filed papers and my lawyer agreed to them without even discussing ANY of it with me. She just signed my rights away!
Now I have to file a complaint with the bar about that lawyer and her actions. (Like I don't have enough going on)
As for the police... I had went to the station several days before and I was told that if he won't let me speak to my children or give them back that it is considered parental kidnapping. I had an order signed by the judge stating that I have custody of them from our divorce. The last day I tried to get my children back and he attacked me, happened on Aug. 14th 2011 and he didn't get temp custody of them till the 19th of Aug.
I know all of this doesn't make me sound like a good person but let me tell you something... I am a very sweet loving person that got messed up with THE WRONG guy. (more than once)People live what they learn and I didn't realize that I was even in an abusive relationship until I started getting counseling a year and a half before our divorce. I was told at that time, the abuse didn't start with my husband, it started with my father and its all I knew. My father was very abusive.
Sorry, I know that was a lot but I am going through a really tough time right now and it's a very touchy subject for me. I just want help and some justice.

ScottGem
Sep 9, 2011, 03:40 AM
There is a lot about emotion in your posts. And what you have to understand is the law is not about emotion.

So lets look at some of the legal issues here.

1) As soon as he filed for an emergency hearing he tied the hands of the police. If there is pending litigation it becomes a civil matter and the police can't do anything.
2) Parental kidnapping occurs when a non custodial parent takes the children and hides them from the custodial parent. That does not appear to be the case here.
3) The fact that you are homeless is more than enough to allow him temporary custody. I wouldn't even try to get the children back until your home situation is settled.
4) The fact that there is a stipulation about where the children go to school and, I'm assuming, court ordered visitation means that you cannot move (at least with the children) without court approval.
5) If there are provable instances of domestic violence, then the police should act. That's the only part of your story that doesn't make sense.

What happened at the hearing? He got TEMP custody! So did the court issue any conditions on the return of custody to you?

Fr_Chuck
Sep 9, 2011, 05:07 AM
Also, unless he has ran away to another state the local police will not act until you would have went to family court and got a contempt order for him not returning the kids.

It would be far to easy for a parent to just have the kids for a visit, and the other parent run to the police and say he won't give them back. So normally unless the "not giving them back" has been taken first to family court the police do not act. So you needed to have went to family court first and filed, but he went first and there is NOTHING that anyone can do, now except to fight this out in court.

smlfrye
Sep 9, 2011, 06:20 AM
I just lost my parents and (house that was making us sick)my children are the biggest part of my life so yes lots of emotion there.
They went to the court house Friday morning, I'm assuming to continue it and I'm guessing his lawyer had a paper typed up stating that both parties agreed to him having temp custody with me having visitation on Tues and Thurs after school and one day on the weekend from 9am to 9pm. No over nights. Why in the world would I ever agree to turning over my rights and only seeing my children 3 days a week when I had them all the time? No where in the papers does it say that I will get my children back even if I get a place to live. However... I have never stopped looking for a place to live. He himself has been looking for a place to live in the same schools where my children go for over a year and still hasn't found anything. They also stopped my child support. That is one of the reasons my children and I haven't been able to get a place to live, because we haven't had the money because of his non child support payments. Even if we wouldn't have lost our home do to it being hazardous we would have ended up losing it because he didn't make a payment in Feb, March, April and then I got child support enforcement to get a payment sent in May and then got one more in July before it stopped. Now that the child support has been stopped he knows I can't get a place to live. Once again... controlling my life. I know that you should never depend on child support but we have to. I have twins that were born 2 months early and one of them was born with holes in her heart and a disability. One spent 2 months in the hospital and the other 3 months and then she went home with oxygen and so many other machines hooked to her until she had open heart surgery at 8 months. They were both getting different types of therapy 3-4 times a week not allowing me to work. The twins father abandoned us and I have been raising them on my own too.
The police wouldn't do anything before I was even served with the papers though. As for the police not helping me... please help me figure that one out because I don't know what to do anymore.
I have days where I just want to give up but after everything I have been through but just when I think I can't do it anymore I feel this push. I have been hitting anyone and everyone up for answers including the children's schools, the twins therapist along with the social worker I got involved, placing adds on craigslist for help and on and on. I will get my children back and I won't stop till I do. That is the biggest part I am working on right now however at the same time I am also working on the abuse side. If I can't get someone to see all the abuse patterns and investigate it and bring it to an end... this will keep repeating over and over. I can't keep living everyday of my life in fear.
I did go pick up the police report from the day they wouldn't let me press charges on him for putting my face in the door and it said that he told them I had only seen my children a few times during the summer I believe when I had them almost the whole time. It also states that he never touched me and he was trying to get my daughter. It also states that she said we fell into the car. How do the police think we just fell. I don't just go around falling so hard it leaves marks on my face and bruising marks on my arm from him grabbing me.

ScottGem
Sep 9, 2011, 08:39 AM
They went to the court house Friday morning, I'm assuming to continue it and I'm guessing his lawyer had a paper typed up stating that both parties agreed to him having temp custody with me having visitation on Tues and Thurs after school and one day on the weekend from 9am to 9pm. No over nights.

You are "assuming". Didn't you attend the hearing? If not, why not? If they went to the hearing and presented an agreement that you didn't sign off on, then you go back to court and ask that the agreement be repudiated because you never agreed to it.

You need to start keeping a journal. If you have any statements that he lied about and you can prove they were lies, record it.