Well if anyone has read some of my previous questions you would see that since I have been married, nearly 3 years, I have not had the best relationship with my in laws. Now I am going through a divorce, but it is not because of my in laws although they were a great cause of the stress in my marriage.

I discovered that my husband was having an affair about a year and a half ago... he dignified that by saying that I was always being nasty to him. We did fight a lot because of my in laws and he never did anything to set boundaries with them... neither of us did.

Anyway I decided that I will try to forgive him for the betrayal and he said that he would try harder... unfortunately about three months ago I found out that he was seeing this woman again and on top of that he was doing illegal things on the side. I was shocked I felt that this man I married was a stranger... the man I fell in love with never existed. I was heartbroken and decided that enough was enough. He was the one to tell me that he cannot do this anymore and that we would be better as friends... friends? I was aparantly preventing him from making money with his illegal business. I moved out and filed for divorce. He pleaded with me that he promised to try harder and he begged for me to give him another chance. I found it in my heart to put the divorce proceedings on hold to see if we could work this out. He told me to move back home and I refused to move back to that negative and toxic environment with my in laws.

For the past 3 months that we have lived apart, I would say that he made an effort for 2 weeks and then started playing games with me and my emosions. He started telling lies about me stealing his money, etc. I was hurt and cut off communication with him when I had learned that his family was welcoming his mistress into the family. I was confused and thought that we were trying to work things out but he made a fool out of me. He portrayed me as a desperate woman who does not want to leave him alone. He let people listen to our private conversations. Divorce is an emotional thing and just because I am sad and cry does not mean that I am pleading for him to stay with me, but that is what he made me out to be... I am so confused and feel that my dignity had been stolen. And to top it all off I see on a social network that his family and mistress has been saying things about me not knowing how to let go when a relationship is over... of course they don't say my name but I know that they are talking about me. About a week ago I received papers from him and his lawyer saying that he was now wanting to continue with the divorce... I do not understand what has happened. If he wanted to be with this other woman why not just go and be with her? Why did he lie and say that he did not want a divorce and when we would talk he made me out to be the one who cannot let go that I am needy and desperate... how do I get my dignity back... I am so hurt... please help.

Being used and thrown away by someone you thought loved you is crushing. There are two things I will tell you that might help even a little, tiny bit.

#1: You are by no means alone. Lots and lots of us have been on the receiving end of such pain, especially those of us that trust too easily, even when the facts are staring us right in the face. But - you are not alone. I feel what you are going through and it's hell. Write letters to him about how you feel, but do not send them to him or let anyone read them, when you're ready - burn them and start a new chapter in your life. Let those ashes be the end of it.

#2: Dignity is not given or taken by anyone. Sure, people can try to do things to you that make you feel powerless and appear pitiful, but it is really something you allow yourself to have, from within. You deserve better than anyone who would throw you away like a piece of garbage. We all do.

That's the problem, we were taught to be good and nice, and you'll get it back. No. Unfortunately, people take advantage.

This will pass eventually, and you will be a stronger woman for it - I know it!

You can only give up your dignity, no one can take it from you... and you can have it back just by deciding its yours and nobody can have it.

Look at it from this perspective... YOU aren't putting up with it any more... and you aren't allowing yourself to be played like this... and you are better off divorced than you are to be subjected to this.

Three years is nothing... you haven't even gotten into your routines yet. If it was 30 it would be far more difficult.

Well, consider that its over... YOU are now taking control of your life back... yeah you have to go through the hurt... just like when any other relationship ends. No magic advice to eliminate that... But the knowledge YOU weren't the one that did it... and in the end he can't do it any more, will take the edge off the pain... until you are able to put this behind you. And in time you will. Less time than you might think.

When you do put it behind you, and you will... understand that not all guys are like that. Most in fact.

He's a 9th degree opportunist, just short of selling automatic weapons to both sides of a war. Many of us are first degree; we grab the best bargain at a yard sale or give a compliment to the toughest teacher. You are here asking WHY did he keep saying he wanted to save the marriage? It's hitting you right in the face. Someone who is making a living illegally is going to lie, lie, and lie. It's impossible to not do otherwise, and it permeates all parts of life. One activity feeds on the other, worrying about the cops, the IRS, competitors, buyers, sellers, WIVES, anyone. Be glad and be GONE. Be angry, not hurt, he's a louse. Do you want to go to jail when he does? Yes, we all get hurt when we are dumped one way or another. The variations are endless.

Well, consider that its over....YOU are now taking control of your life back.....yeah you have to go through the hurt....just like when any other relationship ends. No magic advice to eliminate that....But the knowledge YOU weren't the one that did it...and in the end he can't do it any more, will take the edge off the pain...until you are able to put this behind you. And in time you will. Less time than you might think.

When you do put it behind you, and you will....understand that not all guys are like that. Most in fact.

Well he did a good job of making me feel that it was all on me as to why the marriage did not work... like, I did not get along with his family and he cheated because I was too busy with school. He really made me believe that he tried so hard and that I screwed it up. I normally would know better, but I am just feeling down lately.:(

Well he did a good job of making me feel that it was all on me as to why the marriage did not work...like, I did not get along with his family and he cheated because I was too busy with school. He really made me believe that he tried so hard and that I screwed it up. I normally would know better, but I am just feeling down lately.:(
Lame excuses by him... all of them.

You need to see them as such.

When you do... you will see that taking charge of the situation and getting out of it once and for all, will let you see you actually have your dignity back after all.

He's a 9th degree opportunist, just short of selling automatic weapons to both sides of a war. Many of us are first degree; we grab the best bargain at a yard sale or give a compliment to the toughest teacher. You are here asking WHY did he keep saying he wanted to save the marriage? It's hitting you right in the face. Someone who is making a living illegally is going to lie, lie, and lie. It's impossible to not do otherwise, and it permeates all parts of life. One activity feeds on the other, worrying about the cops, the IRS, competitors, buyers, sellers, WIVES, anyone. Be glad and be GONE. Be angry, not hurt, he's a louse. Do you want to go to jail when he does? Yes, we all get hurt when we are dumped one way or another. The variations are endless.

I guess I just feel down and hurt about the fact that I am sitting here broken hearted while he has wasted no time moving on with the woman he was cheating on me with. His family knew about him cheating on me with her and has had no problem accepting her with open arms. Even after this he still denied being with her, but now it is quite clear that they are together and he just looks so happy with her. That is killing me inside.

Thanks Smoothy. I do believe this to be true and I am just waiting for that day to come around.

OMG... I need your help. I am just sitting here and my phone goes off with a text message from him. It was just a blank message, but maybe he sent it by mistake or he is trying to reach out to me hoping I will text back. I think I will now be able to regain some of my dignity back. If he texts me again what should I say or do... please help smoothy. I want him to feel as stupid as I did when he played with my emosions.

OMG...I need your help. I am just sitting here and my phone goes off with a text message from him. It was just a blank message, but maybe he sent it by mistake or he is trying to reach out to me hoping I will text back. I think I will now be able to regain some of my dignity back. If he texts me again what should I say or do....please help smoothy. I want him to feel as stupid as I did when he played with my emosions.

I would ignore him and not answer... don't let him control you or your emotions. The divorce is underway... let his lawyer call your lawyer.

Considering how crafty he's been, the blank text message could be an attempt to get you to reply, and that is more fuel for his divorce and claims to his family that you are trying to get him back. It's blank on PURPOSE. Stop being so trustingly literal. Look for ulterior motives.