Ok so my ex dumped me almost two months ago. Within a few weeks she was dating someone and then after a month dumping me she is in a new relationship. From the time since we broke up contact has been off and on. Sometimes I would go with days/ week not contacting her but it was very mutual contact on both parts. My ex called me this past week to tell me she is confused and is not over me and is still in love with me and needs me in her life forever in any form, and obviously for right now it has to be only as a friend. I told her that she dumped me and has to deal with the consequences and she chose to not be in my life.

I said to her if she truly loved me she would want to be with me. She told me she likes her new relationship though and is in love with him but also me. I told her I feel sorry for her that she got into this situation and that I feel sorry that this new guy doesn't know how she truly is feeling right now. I told her she needs to figure out what she wants and know that its either him or that she will lose me forever and I will never be in her life. She said she wants both and I told her it won't work that way and I am not going to be there for her.

She suggested that for closure that she does not contact me for a month and after then she wants to meet up and see how we are around each other and if we could be friends. I told her no. I said you keep running away from your true feelings. After 2 months being broken up you still miss me and think about me alot- being in a new relationship she shouldn't feel that way about me and obviously she says she is happy with her new relationship- but she really isn't. She is realizing that she maybe moved on too fast and instead of talking through our relationship and saving it she ran from her feelings. I told her what would a month not contacting me do for you- say if you still have those feelings for me a month from now it would be pointless. She said if she still has those feelings a month from now she will ultimately realize that they are true and that she needs to be with me.

Since we were in contact for about 3 days in a row she thinks that because we were talking so much she is missing me and sometimes thinks and wishes that we were still together. I don't know if she is bluffing or what not but clearly this girl doesn't know what she is doing in life. She really misses me and wants to be there for me and misses doing a lot of things from our old relationship. She is sexually satisfied now but told me the new sex with her boyfriend isn't the same and she misses our intimate moments as well. I feel she is regretting her decision but doesn't know what to do because she is definitely in the honeymoon stages of her rebound and her new guy is definitely more into this relationship than she is- he is obsessed with her and just so in love- only after a months time.

It is good though she keeps comparing the new guy and me- so obviously I am on her mind. She told me that she is going to tell her boyfriend that she misses me a lot and right now has confused thoughts and wants to see what he says. She said he wouldn't break up with her cause he is so in love with her and also he just got out of a 3 year relationship. She mentioned to him before that she missed me and wants to be close to me and he said its natural to want to be with your ex and miss them because of the previous bond and time you shared with them... But I don't know. Perhaps her not contacting me for a month is best for her- to figure out what she wants. I suggested to her to go on a break and be alone for some time to figure out what she truly wants- but said it wouldn't be fair to her new boyfriend. I was mad and said it isn't fair to me!


Bottom line everyone is this- I have moved on but still I will always love her and if she comes back to me she does. Some of you would question why I would want to be back together with a girl who is so indecisive- but that's besides the point. The reason I wrote all this is to ask if anyone else has experienced this as well and what advice would you have? Also if there are any females out there- what is going on in her mind?

What's unfair, is allowing her to drag you into her confusion, and not telling her to leave you alone, and be happy with the life she has chosen.

That unfair for all 3 of you, YOU, her, and the new guy. Don't rescue this damsel in distress, run like hell from her. Hers are the actions of a lying, selfish, backstabbing cheater. NO DOUBT! (Isn't she cheating on him, by talking to YOU? Hmm! Ya think she was cheating on YOU with what she was saying to him? I DO!!).

You should want nothing to do with her, even if she leaves this new fellow, and wants you back. I would be offended myself by this female, why aren't you??

Well bottom line is I don't want her to get what she wants- she wants me in her life forever- but I won't be and don't want to be if this BF is still here- is it wrong for her to want to sleep with me still? She hinted at it and would I be purely evil to hang out with her and she expects us to get intimate but then I put my guard up and say I am not touching you in any way until you leave your BF? I know this would drive her absolutely crazy and would be a big tease to her cause she can't get what she wants- how do you feel about this - I mean hell I have nothing to lose

I am disappointed you would choose to play games with this female, rather than seek a better path for yourself, away from her, and her ways.

That's what I think about this.

You see - I faced the facts and lost all hope with getting back to her- but when she called me and told me how she felt I was shocked- never would I have expected it. You are right playing games might not be the best answer here- she wanted to not contact me for a month- will see if she keeps her word cause right now I have no intentions of contacting her...

Stick with your choice of no contact and don't pick up if she calls.

Ever!

Drama and gameplaying is never attractive.

I have not been in your situation, but, one of my close buddy was in such a mess. The girl dumped him, because she lost the interest (some mistakes from the boy as well). She went with a new guy in the next two months. But later, she started getting in touch with my friend. Meanwhile, all these two months this boy was wasting himself, drunk and beard and stuff. And when this girl came back (she was still in a relationship with the guy#2) he took her happily.
Guess what, it was again short lived after all. She said, "when I was with him, I thought things with you were much better. But now, I really dont know what to do. You deserve a better girl", and he got dumped again!! (It happened in a restaurant, in my presence!)
As far as now, you have handled the situation pretty well I should say.
Best thing to do, for the both of you, stop contacts. Being nice to her at this point will kindle her feelings, and its not fair on the other boy. Do not show your kindness now, when she is weak, but firmly put a full stop. She will be all right, and so you will be.

Bk201- yeah I couldn't handle being dumped again- I just never met someone in my life that is so indecisive- like she knows she loves me but yet now loves someone else and she told me she wants to see where it goes- so I am like a back burner to her. I even told her that I am not your back burner- and she said " Of course you arent if I am in love with you..." - If she was in love with me she would be with me period. She wants me in her life forever and when I told her no she was going absolutely crazy like a 5 year old. But then she said that whole month off No contact thing to see how her feelings are for me... I mean yeah I would love to get back with this girl- but say if I do go back I don't know if I can trust her- when in the beginning she dumped me cause she couldn't trust me- the tables have turned and she is the one now acting desperate to contact me and be my friend...

Well, being a friend with your X is not a bad idea, but not in your situation. My first X, now we are very good friends. But it took years (3) for us to catch up again and be friends until we both were sure that we have moved on with life.
She definitely is confused, even if you become friends with her now, it will only complicate things, don't you think? So, what are you planning to do?

You have a choice to remove all this drama, confusion, and BS from your life, by removing yourself from this situation. Then you can focus on more productive thinking than her behavior, and words, which is her problem, not yours. It really is that simple, yet takes some work on your part.

You can't fix this for yourself without walking away entirely, and getting your own actions, words, and thoughts in a better place.

She wants her cake and eat it too! You are the cake. Disappear, and let her be confused, childish, selfish without you.

That's the bottom line.

Well I don't want to screw up and lose the progress I made these last few days- like I said her telling me how she feels about me blew me away and I never expected it. I currently am holding the power now because I am acting calm and not desperate. She has to realize she can't get what she wants- having her feet in both worlds. I notice that when things remind her of the past she gets in a very good mood and gets all emotional - like say if I mention an inside joke or something about or past relationship her mood quickly changes to being love struck, etc. She asked me to send her a pic of us that she forgot about sometime this week- so maybe the more that reminds her of the past the better if will help? Cause her new boyfriend there really isn't any history or past there- sure they were friends but he was in a 3 year relationship so its was nothing more than friends.

She is talking to her boyfriend tonight and asking about his future goals and stuff- she said it will help her get a good sense of what he wants in life. She also is going to tell him that she has been thinking a lot about me and misses me. - Her BF is going to tell her that it is normal for her to be thinking about me cause of the past history... but really is it normal? That is my big question! Like it is almost 2 months that we been separated and she still constantly has thoughts...

I am not going to wait this month of NC out but after I send her that email I simply will not contact her anymore and if she comes back to me she does. I know she wants to sleep with me and I would only do so if she is breaking up with her BF and I would want that written down on a paper and signed! Lol

talaniman- I did remove myself but she called me out of the blue and yeah now I am back in it... Like I said I am going no contact and removing myself but say out of all of this she does realize she made a mistake and wants to come back...

It doesn't matter not one rats patoot what she does. Who can predict how she will feel? All that matters is YOU staying away from her BS!!That does mean not allowing yourself to be sucked back into her confusion. Or over thinking what she has done, or will do because its obvious she will stick where she is and you will stay dumped.

No one here is a psychic, or mind reader, but as you have seen we all have experienced this same situation, and know very well that trying to figure out the mind of a confused person is a complete waste of time and emotional energy and will only distract you from the #1 issue at hand, your healing, and restore clear thinking, and positive actions for yourself. But I also realize your need to vent those confused emotions, which is better done through fun activities, and friends.

Ignore her, let her hear from spies (her friends), that you are having a great life without her. That's the sweetest revenge. A GREAT LIFE.

you said we can't be psychics so how do you that " because its obvious she will stick where she is and you will stay dumped" - how are you so sure?

I agree with you trying to figure out the mind of a confused person is a lost cause and well I can also agree that is will cause a dramatic affect of my life. I am going to ignore her- but say if she shows up to my door and says I broke up with my BF and I want you... like say if I ever am put in that situation do I just slam the door shut?

I made it clear to everyone in this post I am not giving her the best of both words and she needs to deal with that and realize she can't have me in her life forever and also still have her current BF- she has to chose and decide and by me not talking to her for x amount of time- sure it could benefit me or it could also bring her closer to her current BF and forget about me. I am doing the NC not just to win her back- but for me to start moving on- which I was prior to her phone call last week.

"she wants me in her life forever"

Grow some nuts. Stop letting her run things.

She wants him, you, and whatevers next.

She is playing everyone.

"I know this would drive her absolutely crazy and would be a big tease to her cause she can't get what she wants- how do you feel about this - I mean hell i have nothing to lose"

Now you are playing games.

Go NC. Forever. & don't allow yourself to be manipulated.
It takes 2 to be manipulated, BTW. Remove yourself from the equation.

Never talk or respond to her. That will start solving your problem.

I agree with you trying to figure out the mind of a confused person is a lost cause and well I can also agree that is will cause a dramatic affect of my life. I am going to ignore her- but say if she shows up to my door and says I broke up with my BF and I want you... like say if I ever am put in that situation do I just slam the door shut?

No you don't slam the door in her face! You respectfully decline her offer, and close the door and be done with it. After what she has put you through, why would you consider getting back with her?

Doesn't that "what if" sound crazy to you? It does to me, since you can do better can't you? "What if" you walk away, and meet a super star that wasn't confused about being with you forever, without checking someone else out first?

Which "what if" sounds better to you? The moral of the story is make your own "what ifs" and not depend on HER 'what ifs"! Then you keep your dignity, and self respect, and get a better female to boot.

So what was the final outcome of this relationship ? Did she come back ? Did she get rid of the rebound guy ?