When my boyfriend and I first met, we were crazy about each other. Once we both graduated college, we moved in together. Everything was wonderful, or so I thought. This past week he told me he couldn't be with me anymore, that he hadn't had feeling for me for a few weeks now. He said he had been struggling with whether he loved me or not. He broke down crying saying he was really depressed, that he had no emotions, no ability to feel anything. He said he felt crazy inside because he didn't how how he felt, but he knew he needed to get help-- and he wanted to do it alone.

At first I really, truly didn't understand it. With living together, I was completely shocked because I missed all signs of him being sad. I knew he wasn't wanting to be as intimate as we used to be and that he wasn't talking as much, but that's it. We're from Wisconsin, so when this past winter he said he felt sad, I thought it was a lack of Vitamin D. He started taking them and I noticed an improvement. I thought that mood had passed.

Now I'm wondering if it never went away, but only got worse over time. I know I nagged him all the time over the past few months, but it was because he stopped helping around the apartment. I work two jobs, so it was frustrating that he was tired all the time. I guess I should have put two and two together, but I didn't. Anyway, we've talked a few times since we broke up and he says he doesn't know what he wants. He doesn't know how he feels, but that I deserve someone who will make me happy, who will give me what I need.

I suppose I should back up a bit.. Part of how this all blew up was that I caught him sexting (dirty texting) other girls. I know this sounds bad, but I've read online that when someone is depressed, they obviously aren't getting any enjoyment from their lives, so they look elsewhere for some happiness. I don't blame him for what happened and I've already forgiven him for it, but he feels really guilty about it and says it meant nothing. Now before anyone judges him, I truly believe it meant nothing to him. I started seeing a therapist to try to help make sense of everything for myself and my therapist told me that guys who are depressed have a low libido (which explains the lack of sex).

He is meeting with a therapist on Wednesday for the first time. What really scares me is that he says he associates our relationship with this dark time in his life, so he doesn't know if he will ever be able to be with me again. I've also read online that people who are depressed do tend to feel the closest person in their lives are the ones to blame for their depression, even though that is often not the case. He also says he feels so terrible about what happened, so embarrassed, that he doesn't know if he could ever forgive himself. He says he knows what a good thing he has with me, but he can't do anything to stop this. His parents were devastated (along with my parents) because we had talked about marriage so many times.

My friend thinks it might be post-college depression... Like the big, bad world became too much for him with jumping right into a new job, having bills and loans, not having a lot of friends and living with me right away. I know I didn't help him with the depression (because I didn't know about it), but I really don't think I was the main cause of it. It breaks my heart to think that could be a possibility. The second time I saw him after the break up, it really scared me. His eyes were so empty, so hallow. He just looked so tired. I could tell he finally pulled down the mask he had been using for so long. I know he is in the right direction with wanting help for himself, but I keep wondering if he will ever be able to love me again. I don't understand how things could be so wonderful and him joke about baby names to end up like this.

I told him I was going to support him through this, that I don't want a relationship with him (at least until he is healthy if he wants one), that I just want to be his friend and help him get happy again. He told me he appreciates my support. At first he was hesitant, but he has been really good about talking to me still (if I initiate it). We have to talk right now as it is, because we still have the apartment (are trying to rerent it though) and have shared bills to pay. It's been really hard on me with losing my best friend and also having to move back in with my parents (neither of us can bare to be at the apartment anymore). No one seems to understand why I want to support him, why I still love him after him texting all those girls. That honestly means nothing to me in the long run. Yes, if we ever date again, we will have to work through the trust issues, but he means the world to me. I realize the risk I'm taking, having him not love me still, even after the medication (if his therapist prescribes it, that is). If we can get past this and have 60 more years of happiness together, then I'll do whatever it takes to show him I care.

We have so many things in common-- our goals, our morals and our daily interests (we even have the same major from college). He told me he used to think I was the sexiest girl he'd ever seen and that now he doesn't find me attractive (or anyone for that matter) and he said he doesn't know why. I know why he is pushing me away, I get it. I just don't understand why he didn't want me to stick around until he was on medication to see if those feelings could come about again. He says he feels so alone, but yet he is pushing me away? I have made a pact with myself to not make him feel guilty about the breakup, to not even talk about it. I don't understand why he wants to be alone if he feels so alone.

I guess I was just wondering if anyone has made it through something like this and ended up happy with their significant other. We were together for two years before this hit, and I find most other situations are different than mine in the fact that we were living together but not married. I truly love this man and want only the best for him. I'm strong enough to get through this, along with the help of my therapist, and to support him as much as needed. I just don't know how much support to give. It would be nice to hear if anyone has a similar experience and had made it through this.

I almost hesitate to give you advice because you both have therapists, and that's a good start. Other than some patience and being a good listener when he is ready, maybe you could study up and find out about what he is suffering from. Is he on meds yet?

I have been reading as much as I can about depression so I know what to and what not to say to him. I'm hoping to go to the library and pick up a few books as well. He hasn't met with his therapist yet, but they are able to prescribe him something if they feel it is necessary. He sees them for the first time this Wednesday.

I've noticed recently when I do let him know I'm here for him or offer to bring over a meal (anything I can do to make things easier for him since I know he is tired), he just responds with this response of 'thanks I appreciate it.' At first I really believed he did, but after hearing that response over the past week or so, it is really starting to feel.. I don't know... not fake, but automatic maybe? Like a tape recorder replaying itself. Do you really think he appreciates this? I can't honestly tell. I would hope he would tell me if I was doing too much.

The other thing I didn't mention that is actually really hurting me lately is that when we first broke up, he said he needed time alone to work on himself and to get better. I understand not having the stress of an emotional relationship, but why am I the only one he is pushing away?

Maybe because you aren't giving him what he asked for... space to get better. Give it to him.

I know I need to give him space.. but damn, how does any normal human go from seeing and talking to someone for two years straight to just no contact? I can't do that over night. He says he wants to tell me about his appointment on Wednesday and he wants to know what's going on in my life, but yet I'm not allowed to talk to him? That really confuses me. His job causes him so much stress, but he hasn't quit that. His loans cause him stress, but he still pays them.

Seems he told you what he wants, but you won't give it to him. Its hard I know, but what else is he supposed to do?

Now do your part, and back off, way off. Look you aren't the only one that has had to accept things for what they are. If you love him, then leave him alone. Then he won't have to push you away, and maybe he can handle his own business, and deal with his issues, and maybe, just maybe, he will miss you.

There is only one way to find out you know, and that's to give him space, and let him work this out for himself.

Read these (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/) and get some insights of how to go about the giving space thing.

The problem is.. we still pay bills together. We have rent due Thursday, so I have no choice but to make sure he puts money into the account (which means talking to him) because both of our names are on the contract. So, what am I supposed to do then?

You are supposed to handle your business, and get the bills paid. But leave the emotion stuff at home. Look I know this is a terrible situation to be in and you are linked until obligations are met. But like any divorced couples, you have to keep working together to untangle the financial mess. Trudge through it, or even think of ways to speed up the process, like an early pay off. Double payments if you can afford them. Just get your head into the business side of it and be free of it. Handle your business and get through it, or whatever you have to do to get your independence from each other financially.

Even though you are not married, this is a divorce, and that's the way you approach your business, and finances. Co mingling money, and joint obligations are part of the process so you need a plan to address them.