Hello first I'm sorry for my language English isn't my tongue language .
My problem is I feel that I want to get spanked from my boyfriend till I cry and I like to feel completely under his control .I wand it as a discipline not for fun and I can't even tell him that. Sometimes I made him get mad at me and angry to make him punish me but he didn't and it cause many problem between us because he doesn't know I do it all argument to make him punish me and spank till I cry. And we going to get marry soon and I think I need it badly to could enjoy Life with him . Why I feel that way ?

PS: I have never got any punishment while childhood never . I haven't got spanked before as a punishment and I haven't got any anther punishment too .

So why I feel I need it from my man?
Am I normal to feel that way?
Why do I feel I need to get punished even I haven't tried it before even in childhood?
I'm afraid because I feel maybe I'm Masochism it scary me because how could I tell him please answer my question I need your help allot

Many different people enjoy sex and sexual acts in many different ways. A lot of people enjoy Sadomasochism, a form of physical role-playing. There is nothing wrong with having different wants and needs in the bedroom, expressing yourself in a healthy sexual manner with your partner is nothing to be ashamed of. Talk to your spouse, if you think he won't take it so well, start by introducing it slowly, small spanks, some erotic hand cuffs or blind folds. Take it one step at a time. Don’t forget to ask him what turns him on, what types of things he is into. A great way to be able to express yourself and what you like is by talking about your partners fantasies.

I am going to ask that your thread be moved to the adult sexuality forum, because I don’t think this is a mental well being issue so much as it is a sexual understanding question.

No I don't like it for sexual relationship . I need it for discipline not for sex at all .

I am going to let you know that I am a masochist. It is not a negative thing unless you let it cause problems in your relationship such as arguing for no reason. It does not mean there is anything wrong with you if you are.

First thing is to be honest with your boyfriend about why you are picking fights with him. Talk to him and see if he may have noticed anything in your behavior or background that might explain this need. If you keep picking fights and they are getting worse because you are trying to get a certain reaction from him, he may decide the relationship isn't worth the drama. If you explain, he may have the same needs you do but is not expressing them because he doesn't want to upset you.

Second, there may be a sexual aspect to your need. It may be that instead of orgasm you are wanting to release the build up of tension through crying. Both orgasm and crying release endorphins. Both together can be a very intense release of emotions for some people. When you masturbate, do you (have you) thought about spanking as foreplay? Have you tried spanking yourself to see what it feels like?

Some people do enjoy being controlled and disciplined for non-sexual reasons. It is giving up responsibility for making their own choices and making someone else responsible for fulfilling their needs. It is saying, 'I am yours, take care of me so I don't have to take care of myself.' It is a need for security and knowing where you fit in the relationship.

As a child, you knew you were secure because your parents took care of you and, though they may not have spanked you, they probably had other means of making certain you obeyed their rules. As a child you weren't the one in control of what you wanted.

As an adult, you have to make your own choices and it can be frightening. It is often tempting to let someone else take control.

It could be a reaction to how your boyfriend handles his emotions. Does he bottle up his feelings leaving you to wonder where you stand with him? Does he let you know when he is upset with something you have said or done? Does he distance himself when he is upset and leave you wanting a reaction from him even if it is a spanking to put things 'right'?

When did you notice this urge? While you were dating or after you agreed to marry him? If it was while dating, did it get stronger after the engagement? How do you view marriage and your role in it?

First I want to to thank you from deep of my heart really about your time which you spent to reply to my problem. Thank you really . And I'll tell you the answers to your questions

I don't masturbate sometimes I feel I need it when I think about spanking but I know it's not good thing to do that's why I try to not do that but yes I'm thinking about it when I imaging spanking

Have you tried spanking yourself to see what it feels like?
- yes I did once but I felt nothing because I need someone to put me under his control when I did it to myself I thought I'm crazy and it doesn't like me I need someone to do it to me

Does he let you know when he is upset with something you have said or done?
Yes he told me how mad he is or upset over and over I made him v angry so he being so mad and telling me how he felt against my mistake

Does he distance himself when he is upset and leave you wanting a reaction from him ?
Yes he just leave me alone to think about it and sometimes he became so sad and mad at me so he stopped talking to me and I'm telling him I hate you when you stopped talking punish me even but don't became silent like this but he telling me how could I ? You are adult but you deserve it and I don't know how to do it . Look no one could believe I'm the one who saying punish me so he takes it as I'm kidding or just want him to talking to me and I don't mean it .

When did you notice this urge? While you were dating or after you agreed to marry him? If it was while dating, did it get stronger after the engagement? How do you view marriage and your role in it?

I notice it while dating yes and I agree to marry him since I know him but we still didn't engaged we going to soon and we going to marry after it .

And I imagine my role in marriage to be good wife obedient and treat my man right as he going to treat me good too and let him be the king of household

Merrr, a quick word about marriage, you may be okay with him being king, but remember you are the queen not a servant. There is a big difference between the two in how you view yourself. A queen is equal to the king and a dignity and power of her own. A servant is just there to serve and can be replaced.

You are an adult and should be treated like one. He should not punish you. If he needs to walk away to calm down when there is a disagreement, then he should. After you are both calm, you should be able to discuss the issue and find a way to compromise or fix it as a couple. Communicating and working together are part of the foundation for a successful marriage.

I think there is more of a sexual component to your desire/need than you have been allowing yourself to recognize. It is okay to be turned on by the thought of being spanked or controlled. It doesn't mean you want to be beaten or abused. Many people are into what is considered light bondage and discipline. As I said before, I am. A big part of the turn on for me is the trust that I have for my husband. I know he won't do anything I am uncomfortable with and will keep me safe.

Masturbation can be a great way to know what turns you on. Fantasy is a wonderful place to try new things that you might never want to think about doing in reality. It can help release the tension you seem to be trying to goad your boyfriend into helping you let go. It is safer to masturbate than make someone mad enough to hit you. I will caution you to be very careful about finding erotica dealing with the subject because it can get into harder subjects than I think you are interested in.

Once again, I think you need to talk to your boyfriend about why you pick fights. Trying to manipulate him into spanking you could end up in a very bad way. You seem to trust him and that he won't hurt you, but if he loses his temper, he could go a lot farther than you want. It could cause a great deal of damage to your trust and relationship.

IF you and he decide together to try spanking or anything else, set boundaries and a 'safe' word. A 'safe' word is something you use to let him know you have had enough or things are going too far. Choose a word you can remember and isn't one you might say when you don't mean to. If you or he says the safe word, the play stops immediately.

Be honest with each other about what you like and what you don't. Accept each other's boundaries. If he isn't into spanking, then leave it as fantasy for you. However, no more trying to manipulate his emotions to get a need met. Be careful and take care.

Have to spread the rep Cat, but I am so glad you answered this, I wanted to but could have never have worded it as nicely as you have done.

I will agree, what you are ( from what is appears) is more of a common desire than people wish to discuss publicly.

Men or women may have desires to be "controlled" at least for some periods. In many cases it may lead to a sexual result, but in others, some like merely the feel of being controlled.

This does not have to be as noted in the entire relationship but can be during role playing.

All types of role playing is good and healthy for relationships if both parties can agree and have fun with it.

So you need to sit down and discuss it with him what you may wish to do and try.

I thought we weren't supposed to answer until we knew the poster's age?

This thread was answered before it was moved from another category, Fadedmaster.

That is a good point, though--we do need to know the OP's age.

I'm in 20 yo I see it's too hard to discuss with my boyfriend about it because I'm very shy person and in the same time I think it's bad to think like that without him . I have to let him know that but I can't tell I don't know how to tell and we going to engaged soon I want to tell him now if I'm sico so I need dr with him if I'm not so he going to prush it that's why I feel I have to tell him all about me and I know him for yearrrrs .
Thanks for everyone who has spent his/her time to just reply to my question thank you from deep of my heart :)
My question I put it into sicology problem but they move it here

First, you are not a sicco, and you don't have a problem, you just have some desires that are not the same as everyone, All people have some desire,

Next you have no business getting engaged if you can not sit down and talk to him about this first. If you can not discuss any and eerything with him, every detail about anything, then no you are not ready to get married yet

Merrr, as I said before, there is nothing wrong with you. You aren't alone.

It is a touchy subject for some people, but if you approach it as an explanation for why you start fights or do things to make him mad, it should be a little bit easier.

Thank you all really for your helpful answers and I'll see I have talking with him about it I hope if I could to do something emmbarrrassing like that :(

Merrr, I don't know if it helps, but I am here for you.

Good luck and remember you are not alone.

You really do need to discuss this with him before you get married, or engaged, to explain your behavior, and more importantly, so he can understand you and make the right adjustments for you, if he is willing.

Tradition and custom be damned between a couple if they cannot at least talk about their hopes, dreams, desires, fantasies, and feelings.

Keeping this to yourself would be a mistake. Marriage IS about sharing, caring, and trust, and honesty. If you keep an important part of yourself secret, how can he care? Share your secret with him. If he is to understand and deal with you, you must tell him, or what's the point in getting married in the first place?

At least talking to him will let your King, know how to treat his Queen.

Ty cat and talaniman and all you really right about what have just you said I know I have to talk to him it must happent between us because we going to get marrie and engaged but you know its just hard for me to telling that I'm afraid if he understand the situation is just I want to to be punished but I just want to let him understand I'm a queen too as you said I don't know what should I say exactly . U know when I talking with him always I say words doesn't mean what I want to to tell and I'm so afraid if that happen when I discuss with him that issue

Would it be an idea to sit down with him and discuss what each of you expect the marriage to be like? Start now trying to find common ground for such subjects as day-to-day living, how to raise children, etc.

If you feel like you are getting overly emotional about a subject or having trouble finding words to say what you mean, let him know you need to get control and change to a different subject for a few minutes. Both of you should feel comfortable asking for clarification if you aren't certain what the other person means. This is part of learning to communicate and working together as partners.

As you learn to communicate about other subjects, sex and its many aspects will be easier to discuss. If you are still uncertain about how to broach the subject, you can write him a letter explaining how you feel including that you are very nervous about talking and his reaction. Another way might be to watch a movie you know has an adult spanking an adult (McLintock! with John Wayne is one) or has one person dominating the other person and mention that you wonder how it would feel.

You might consider showing him this thread if you think it might help you explain your needs to him.

If you are marrying him, you should feel comfortable learning how to communicate with him about a lot of subjects. Sex (and sexual acts) are only one.

Remember that you are already a Queen. Hold your head up high and use your dignity to help you remain in control of your emotions.

I'll be honest if he doesn't want to discuss expectations or has a negative reaction to you stating your needs, it will be better to know now when it is easier to change your mind. You haven't said why you want to marry him, but I hope you will be very happy in your choice.

I'm still here and I am with you in spirit if you want me to be. Good luck.

Thank you v much cat and I'll try to do that soon I just don't have a courage but your way to give me an example about what should I do I see its perfect I'll see and do it and I can't let him watch spanking movies because we don't have that kind of movie here in my country where I live and if I found one on the internet it going to be sexuell and maybe he going to thought I'm watching porn not just spanking so I can't show him clips over internet or movies . I have found a subject called " why spanking is good for woman " I thought to send it to him and talking with him saying ohh see that crazy idea or something and trying to get his opinion about it is that good idea instead of show him a movie??

I am glad you are looking for ways to share. You already sound much happier.

Do you mind telling me which country you are in? It might help me find some other resources for you.

I had sent u message cat telling u about it all and please tell me is that good idea or not to show him aticel about it to see his opinion about spank or something instead of movies

Is part of your fear due to your culture, religion, ot traditional values??

Yes, I think it is a good idea. You seem comfortable with the idea and that is what matters.

If you have found a way to share or explain your needs, then go for it.

I hope it turns out the way you want and wish you good luck.

i had sent u message cat telling u about it all and please tell me is that good idea or not to show him aticel about it to see his opinion about spank or somthing instead of movies


Please note that it is the intention of the site to keep all information public. PM information to one expert or another privately is against the site rules as it can tend to change what is being asked or said,

Because of the PM, I am going to state that she does have personal reasons for not giving her location on the board which is what the message was contained. They are related to culture. Other than that no other information was in the PM that hasn't been stated here.

talaniman my fear not because my religion or something but my boyfriend he is v religious yes and that's why I told cat1864 I can't show him a movie and I don't have a movie too because he going to thought it's sexual movie not more and see it's strange for me to see that kind of movies. Sorry for not telling all my details but it's just as cat said I have a personal reason for that and my location or anything doesn't has an effect on my fear of telling my boyfriend all I want to okay so I see it doesn't matter here and all your answers is useful for me thank you allll really and please don't be sad because I'm not telling much about myself good luck cat too and special thanks for u :)

I have told him finally I feel like that I want a punishment and rules instead of fighting all the time he surprised and ask me to give him an ideas of course I couldn't tell him that I like spanking but I told him I make a search and found that idea without reveal to him it's my fav > he call those people who done it names and he see they are crazy and refuse that idea compeletly ohhhhhhhh then I couldn't tell him I want it because I know that he hate it and we keep fighting and then he stop tlakin to me and neglacting instead of punish as I told him what should I do I fed up reallly and I can't make him do that just because I like that's why I didn't told him I like it ohhh please answer me :( I'm dying

Merr, if you can't be yourself, and you can't express your needs and wants in a healthy manner, maybe this man is not for you. I understand it has something to do with your culture, but maybe it's time to find a new man who can please you emotionally and physically. Your needs will not go away.

I can't leave him I didn't tell him even I like it I just give him a suggest he is normal me not because I ask for something weird no one like to get punished like me so am I soupose to leave him for my weird desires :( I love him for 7 years he is my man I can't leave him because of that but I can't live like that also that's what mae\ke me feel so bad :(

You say he is a religious man, but is he rigid? Close minded? I cannot fathom a marriage where both partners feel free to express themselves, and don't have the ability to discuss anything.

How else can you build a bond, and resolve issues together when one or the other cannot express themselves freely?

I just have believed as a partner to be open minded and at least try to explore and experiment with my partner, and when the subtle suggestions don't work, then a more direct approach is needed.

Until you work up to that direct approach, even if it causes some unease, embarrassment, or conflict, you will never make progress in the important area of knowing how you both feel, or how serious you feel about it.

The hope is that even though he thinks others crazy, and has some good ideas what he may be against, he must also know that his partner sees things differently, and adjustment must be considered.

You may never get a freaky deaky spanking machine out of this, no matter how bad you want one, but I think if you work patiently through honest communications, in time, he may become sympathetic to your needs and happiness, which after all is what healthy marriages are about.

The bonds between married couples is its own religion, and culture, if you think of it that way, private to you both, exclusive to you both. So you both have to set the rules so you both are happy. Or else, what's the point?

You are compeltly right but I don't want him to do that just because I like it I want him to believe in that too and I explore that he doesn't like it :( so we would never do that that's why I can't tell him I like it he is not rigd at all he is very good man to me loving caring gentle open minded too but he doesn't want to hurt me as any gentlman I'm the one is sicko and ask for weird stuff :(

You are not sick, and you are not weird. Stop thinking that. Exploring sexuality, likes and dislikes is a natural human thing! If you can't share your deepest desires with the one you love, than who can you share them with. Maybe try asking him about some of his fantasies?

If you are sick, so is the whole freaking world. Look, don't be frustrated, many of us have partners that don't go along with everything we want, but we reach solutions, and compromise by talking and finding alternatives.

I think finding out about his fantasies is a great approach to learning, which is essential to growing.

THE problem is I don't want him to do that just for me I want he to believe in that too and he doesn't if I tod him I like it sure he going to do it but I don't like it I want him to do that because he like it also :(

I haven't read this whole thread, so maybe someone else suggested this: Start small, role-play. Do gentle and perhaps romantic role-plays at first -- secretary seducing her boss or a flight attendant seducing a pilot. Then you could dress up as a schoolgirl and he as a headmaster. You could be sent to the headmaster's office because you were naughty. Maybe a scenario like that would help him become more used to what you want with gentle spanking, and how you are thinking and feeling.

Merrr, what did you tell him about what you found? Did you explain that you are interested in 'punishment' as a part of sex? Could he be envisioning a child/parent type of scenario instead of what you really want?

It sounds like he may want an equal partner. To him, you may be asking to be treated as less than an equal in every day life. It is to his credit that he sees you as more than a possession. I hope you ultimately see yourself as more, too.

You seem caught up on 'punishment'. Spanking doesn't have to be 'punishment'. It can be all about sensation just like caresses, tickling, pinching, scratching, kissing, licking, nipping, etc. Since I don't think you quite know what you want or at least how far you want it to go, why don't you ask him about exploring 'other' sensations such as 'pats' instead 'spanks'?

I know what I want cat I feel I want it for punishment and maybe for funn and sex that's why I see I'm weird because no one like it for punishment I can't tell him " i like it " I just give him a suggestion I told him when he asked me if I have any ideas for punishment and rules I told him once I have seen someone over website says that he spanked his woman then he say those people are very crazy so I didn't contniuie about what I want because I see he refuse it

I have told him yestrday about my needs and we got a very very big big fight and he has cursing me allot for that :( say bad names to me also . I just told him the following " sometimes I feel I need you to be strict and bad guy with me hahhaha then I told him when I have read those people who talking about spanking discipline I think I like it and I want to try one then I couldn't imagine I have said that they I said but when I imagine it with you I feel its going to hurt so I don't want it hahhaha then I laugh he thought I'm kidding and he was so nice when I told him I'm not kidding he getting mad and say names and see that I'm crazy he tried to understand my needs while he say its bad and you have to forgot bad need like that so I stop answer all his question and that's what getting him mad at me and after that I told him its just crazy thought I'm not like that to make him calm down but I'm still need it badddddddddddddddddddly crrrrrrrrrrry I have crying since yestrday since we have got a fight and he stop talking with me because he is really angry he thought I don't tell him all and how I need him bad guy with me but I meant strict I couldn't tell him in details sure and when I told about spanking I said I think its going to hurt to not let him ask me HOW U LIKE IT :( HELP PLEASE I have fed up with that and I asked for it finally

Give him some time to calm down. Remember this is a shock to him.

While you are letting him calm down, think about his reaction and whether you can spend the rest of your life possibly denying your needs if he can't or won't understand them. Does this have any affect on how you feel about him?

Yes I began to deny it already I act as I don't need it and I told him I didn't mean what I have said to make him calm down but inside my heart I felt so so badly I need it I couldn't expect he wouldn't understand crrrrrrrrrrrrrrry I thought sure he going to like it

Sorry, but its obvious you will need more than one conversation about sex between you before he rethinks his own rather strict ideas about sex. He was probably raised that way, so it may take longer than you think.

This is where you think more in building understanding through communications. It's a huge challenge to get in some ones mind. Especially if he was raised that sex was dirty or evil, or even worse was taught nothing.

You better recognize these things and not be distracted by your needs. Obviously you cannot openly, and calmly discuss anything, and that's the real problem to solve.

He doesn't see sex is evil or bad he is open mind really but he just see its strange to ask him to be strict and try a spanking

I dated a man who wanted to be spanked. I tried spanking him. It did nothing for me and, in fact, I didn't enjoy it at all. He kept asking and asking and asking - I got sick of hearing it and broke off the relationship.

My point? This was something he "needed" - which OP has stated - and not what I "wanted." In the long run one of us had to give. You can't force someone to do what makes that person uncomfortable.

Exactly that's why I haven't told him about it to not embarrass him because I think he is not into it for sorry :(

If he is not and you need spanking then you need to move on.

In the long run you are going to be VERY unhappy.

I love him so much and I know him for years love him for years I can't leave him just because of that reason but I need it badly too :(

i love him so much and i know him for years love him for years i can't leave him just because of that reason but i need it badly too :(


Then decide which you need the most - someone else and spanking and him and not spanking.

I think it's all been said.

Yes I know that's was all said but I were just looking for a way to convice him with that because I weren't know he doesn't into that lifestyle now I knew that so I'll be silent never try

I don't know if is it normal to feel that way but all here telling me yes its normal so I'm trying to see myself normal not asking for something strange

Its not that YOU are strange at all, nor is he, its just you are into something he is not. Just as he is into something YOU are not. That for him being of the free spirit to explore other aspects of sexuality with you.

Both of you are normal, and as a couple have to make it work for you both.

yes i know thats was all said but i were just looking for a way to convice him with that because i werent know he doesn't into that lifestyle now i knew that so i'll be silent never try

i dont know if is it normal to feel that way but all here telling me yes its normal so i'm trying to see myself normal not asking for something strange


Normal covers all sorts of things - what is normal and acceptable to you is obviously NOT normal and acceptable to him.

Some people like anal. Other people don't. There's no normal and not normal. There's "what can I live with? Or without?"

What difference does it make if you want something strange and he doesn't? You don't agree, period. I don't see the concern over whether what you want and expect is normal.

Yes you right guys I do believe in that now we are both normal and I were thought I'm sicko thank you so much to feel me I'm okay

But what are you going to do? Stay in the relationship? Leave?

Sure I'll stay in my relationship he is my soul mate nowway I would leave him even if I asked for somehting he isn't into it he could do that if he know he going to do it because I like but I don't want make him do something just because I like so I were just need him to do that because he like it too so if he isn't into it I'll try to accept his personality as he is , because I love him and he adore me too

What exactly is a soulmate? I see that posted a lot.

I have no idea what you are saying here: "nowway i would leave him even if i asked for somehting he isn't into it he could do that if he know he gonna do it because i like but i dont want make him do something just because i like so i were just need him to do that because he like it ..."

I thought he was very upset, made you cry, you backed down from requesting the spanking - yet he adores you?

What?

I am also confused, not trying to be rude, but the English seems to be getting worse and worse... Not sure what the OP is trying to say here...

SORRY for my english what I'm trying to say here I'll stay with him because I love him so so much . And I don't want make him spank me because I like it only I were wished that to find he is like it also . And when I have knew he doesn't like it or accept that idea it hurts me and I cried just it but I'm still love him he is much important than my wish to get spanking

Well, you got to do what ever makes you happy. And if this is a compromise you are willing to make and you are still happy, then all the more power to you. Good luck!

I know he going to ask to marry me those day and I'm so worry to not appear to him my desire to get spanked , I told him already about it but it doesn't something known much in our country when I told him I think it's good punish to me he told me it's now our culture even sure you have know about it from local website of sicko people he thought I want to try it not I like it > it hurted me so much when he couldn't understand me and I'm so shy to open the same article with him again because he thought I'm sicko I think I could live without it but from time to time I feel I need it badly I'm so afraid to marry like that he think I have bad fetish and I just want to try it as forgin country because we don't use it

Beside its turn me on allot to get order or to be forced to do something . Our country suffer from domination men that's why good men try to be nice to women my boyfriend so nice to me so I can't ask him to be dominate because its weird all women here ask for nice boyfriend not dominate one he would never understand me about that because he haven't met someone weird like me

You asked this and it was answered months ago. I don't know if you enjoy the topic of conversation or expect that anyone's views have changed.

You HAVE your answer. You may not like it, but you have it.

After all this time you have not told him what you want in a way he can understand. That's not good and you just have to be honest and direct and see what becomes of it. Or spend your married life unfulfilled and frustrated.

Tell him you cannot marry him until he knows the truth of your nature.