Well, I'll try to make this story about the girl short. When I was in college, I never really dated because a girlfriend freshmen year broke my heart. So, began my journey into hooking up with girls who I had no emotional connections with but I did it to satisfy my physical temptations. All if not most of these girls developed an emotional connection to me, which I used to keep them available to satisfy my physical temptations. I tried to justify my actions by telling them that I don't want a relationship with them. I wanted it to be strictly sexual.

After a few years, I got really sick of myself for doing this because I've tried to be a good guy in life in general but I have this sick and nasty history of hurting girls. I wanted a girl who I could be in a relationship but I didn't want to get hurt again. I was scared. I would never pursue any of the girls who I had feelings for with because I didn't want to get hurt.

It was near the end of my college career that I met a girl and I took a chance. We ended up dating. For once, I thought I did it. I found someone who I could be nice to but I found out that she had her own problems. Many times she made me question my trust for her. After a few weeks, it didn't work out as I wanted something more honest. NC wasn't working for the first month but now we have not contacted each other for almost two months. At first, I was doing good. I was out and about... She still lingered as we still talked to one another for a little bit, which I regret. However, even though I knew I was good emotionally, I still thought about her: the good times and the bad times when I was alone or randomly throughout the day.

Now, since I have been home because I am going to leave the country soon, I have been thinking about her more and more. I don't understand why? Why has it been so long? I only dated her for a few weeks. Most of the time, it was bad. I'm glad it did go sour as I realized how it felt to be used, played, etc. She didn't change the fact that I want someone that I can be who I always wanted to be: a good man. If anything, she made me want that someone even more. It's just that I can't right now: I'm leaving the country soon. I don't want to hook up anymore. I don't want to go to bars or clubs to flirt anymore because I don't want to be tempted. I want someone but I can't have one right now but still I need to get the girl that I dated out of my mind.

Is it because I'm lonely? Was it because she was the one that I hoped could something more after all this time? It is just strange because it was only for a few weeks. My breakup with my girlfriend was hard but this one seems to be difficult in a different way. She did not treat me well. I understand that I'm much better without her than with her but I miss those phone calls or constant attention from someone. To know that someone liked you back even if it was in the beginning. It felt nice after so long. I deleted everything that would remind me of her. I'm ready move on but I just seem to fall back to step one very often. I really hope she doesn't read this as this would probably feed her ego. But in which case, you're a female dog (I can't write the word).

Your post would be so much easier to read, broken up in paragraphs, friedchicken; I am only stating this because it would be easier to answer you, everything being easier to read.
Tick

I'd have to say it's because you're lonely. I had someone also who treated me poorly and when it ended, I thought I was OK but I couldn't get her out of my mind. You just need to give it time and when you do think of her, think of the things that you didn't like about her. You'll be OK. Eventually you'll find someone who makes you look at things differently and you'll forget her completely.

Leaving the country?
You want to hold on to a connection?
Sounds like she had potential and you got rid of her to feel independent.
Too bad there isn't any time to re test the relationship. If your going to come back soon. Tell her that you will look her up. Time changes most things. I think you want a relationship and that you are afraid of leaving.
Stay in touch as a friend and see how things work out. Don't ask for a commitment, just as friends. Don't commit until you are back and see her again and spend some more time.
Good luck

Sounds like she had potential and you got rid of her to feel independent.

If you re-read what he wrote, he mentions how it was going bad. She gave him reasons to not trust her and he felt like she was playing and using him. If that is really the way he felt things were going, I can see no potential there at all. It doesn't sound even remotely like he got rid of her to feel independent.

To the OP... I think your best bet is to forget her and move on. No contact with her at all. If you keep in touch with her, you will never allow yourself to get over this.

I think its normal to be haunted by thoughts of a failed relationship that you invested in because you had some hopes it would work.

Exes will always haunt us from time to time, but its nothing to be alarmed about, and with any thought you want to erase, just change what you are doing, and change your immediate focus. After a while, it will become a habit.

It wasn't the short time you were together, it was the quality of emotional investment, expectations, and of course you miss the good parts.

You will find better for yourself, once you learn to be a friend, and have some fun, without the expectations, or be in such a hurry to have someone special.