This has been driving me nuts and I really appreciate any advice anyone could give me...

Just to set things straight (haha), I'm gay and in my early 30s. We hired a new guy a few months ago and at first we never spoke to each other, although it was one of those situations where we would look at each other upon entering a room. One day he approached me about my position, simply asking if I do the graphic design.

Since then he approached me a couple more times asking me questions that seem like excuses to talk to me. So I asked for his email address to get the ball rolling so to speak, which he gave.

Since then we started to talk more and more and found out he paints, something we have in common. I noticed he smoked as well so I asked him if he'd like to take his smoke breaks with me which he agreed to. It's become a regular thing for us to hang out every Friday for a bit after work, smoke cigarettes and talk a bit.

We've hung out on occasion but it's always cut short because of his busy life (girlfriend and child, don't judge yet I will explain further down)

I added him on Facebook and although he's rarely on, we chat sometimes. One conversation came out of the blue where he seemed friendlier than ever and very caring. We started to chat and then suddenly I just see "I have to see you" appear... moments pass and then he quickly types "because I want you to help me set up a website" it seemed it was his way to brush it all off but I could be reading into things. His wife and him share a Facebook account so it seems like he's always trying to find the right time to send messages and he has to be selective about what he types, she is very possesive and doesn't like it when he talks to me.

When he sees me he smiles very happily and warmly usually clasps my hands and taps them. There have been a couple of weeks where I couldn't really reach out to him and when we finally met again he said I'm so glad to see you, I thought you were dead or something, or really happy to see you. He's mentioned to me that he talks about me all the time to his wife, and I definitely get flirty vibes.

Now I don't want to intervene in his current relationship AT ALL, even though he says he has many troubles with his wife and sometimes feels as if he made a mistake having the child and getting married. I really do appreciate his friendship and don't want to ruin it. But I have fallen for him and I can't continue to pretend. I've tried to gauge if he's gay, he's not effeminate at all but definitely likes activities that many gay guys seem to be into, singing, theater, art. I know that's a stereotype but it's all I've got.

So the big questions are:

Am I reading signals wrong or does it sound like he is interested in me?

Should I just come out and let him know that I have feelings for him and that I want to remain friends? Maybe take some time away to get over it?

I feel that I could be misinterpreting some signals mainly because he's Cuban and male friendships are culturally different there, and sometimes his English can be wonky...

I really don't want to lose him he's very talented and unique and people like that are hard to find..

Thank you so much, I know that was very verbose...

Since you are getting these "signals" then you need to back away from a married co worker, and keep it in the friend zone, and not be led down a road that can end up badly for you both. Doesn't matter you are gay, and think he is on the down low, but he is married, and you should respect that no matter what. Doesn't matter about the problems with his wife, now does it?

All this other drama, and intrigue is utterly unnecessary. Stay within the boundaries of good behavior, and keep it professional.

Well you're right, although your tone is condescending you make valid points. Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else.

"Am I reading signals wrong or does it sound like he is interested in me?"

Does it matter?? He is married and with a child, respect the relationship and respect him by respecting the relationship. Regardless of whether he is gay or not, or is having a great time either loving or hating his wife is none of your business and should be left alone to sort itself out without your biased input.

"Should I just come out and let him know that I have feelings for him and that I want to remain friends? Maybe take some time away to get over it?"

No, let him live his life and you live yours, this is NOT a match. He is taken and you need to respect that as I have said before. Getting over it is your issue for developing feelings for someone who is already with someone else. Why put stress on someone when what you have done is your fault and only yours?

Good Luck,
Javi

Well I agree with what you're saying, truth be told I would never go through with it and destroy what he has. I would honestly feel terrible, it's just been a tough situation for me and I needed to share my grief and get advice from others since things can get a bit crazy when you internalize everything. While typing it all out I realized how harmful it could really be.

And just for the record I didn't know he was married with children when my silly little crush began, I didn't realize it until much later.

I'm more than happy to be friends sometimes you just need a wake up call I suppose, this whole line of action is very atypical of me, but sometimes strong emotions take over and all logic goes out the window.

So what if he was condesending, anyone should know ( being gay is not an excuse to sleep with married people) And you don't want to be the other man or catch him on a rebound.

Most likely he sees you are a male friend who is there to listen to his troubles and have a beer with and go out and look at girls with. To get over wife issues.

But if straight or gay or lesibian or bi, it is never right to see someone that has a lover.
Then add the fact you work together, so if you have an affair and things go back, guess what happens, work suffers and normally one or both of you are out of a job

Yeah, read my previous post. Thanks for the answers, I feel much better already, I prize the friendship entirely too much to do something so terrible. Sometimes you need the help of others to see through the emotional cloudiness. I am only human and hope to learn from my mistake.

That's why I came here, and it has helped me. Thank you again for helping me to avoid what could have become something terrible.

I'm ready to simply remain friends and move on.