My boyfriend and I have known each other for six years and just decided to date back in October. When we first got together I moved in because we were deeply in love and he was asking about my ring size (for a proposal). He was so understanding, caring, sweet, loving, and affectionate. When we made love we meant it, he'd even tell me he loves me while doing so and then hold me until I fell asleep after. But it seemed like after the first 3 or 4 months he started to change...

He started wanting to go to parties all night even though he knew they made me uncomfortable. Since we can afford only one car when ever he is at work I'm stuck at the house all the time and when he is here he just wants to play his video games with his friends, drinking occasionally. I have to make him kiss me unless he wants something more, otherwise it's just a peck then back to video games. And if I need something from the store it's "we don't have the gas" but if him or his friends want to go get alcohol then magically we have the gas... He very rarely spends any time with me and when he does I practically have to beg. When I try to explain to him what I want and need from him he won't listen unless I start a huge argument. When I do that he cries and tells me he's sorry and says he'll change, asking me if I'm going to leave him.

But because I truly love him with all of my heart I just can't bring myself to leave him... So of course I break down and tell him no. And now when we have sex he goes until he's done and then gets up and goes to the living room to play video games, leaving me alone in the room and honestly feeling kind of used... I know he loves me with all of his heart and would never cheat on me, I mean he waited for me for 3 years even after he proposed twice and I told him no. But we've been together for ten months and he hasn't even asked me again yet...

I cried to my best friend a few days ago telling him how depressed and lonely I am. I hate where we live because it really is horrible... Honestly I feel like he's not going to change and if he does then I think he will change back in the future... I don't know what to do anymore... I love him so much it hurts but loving him is starting to hurt...

Sorry but after the first couple of months the real him showed up.
Anyone can be on their best behaviour in a very new relationship;it's when reality kicks in that you get to know the real person.
You've known him six years but never,as a friend noticed his video gaming and drinking habits?
Well now you have,firsthand and Im sorry but if I were you a I would put myself first and leave him.

I get you love the guy with all your heart. Its to bad you don't love yourself enough to stop allowing him to take you for granted, and use your love to make himself happy, but not YOU.

Why should he change because he has what he wants when he wants it? Ready to go yet, and find your own happiness?

I hate to admit it, but I used to be that guy. I partied all the time, absorbed myself into videogames, worked a minimum wage job with little responsibility. Essentially, I never wanted to grow up. My failed relationships reflected that quite clearly.

The fact is, I had to want to change on my own, not because of some girl, not because of money or family pressure or anything else. I woke up one morning, realized I wasn't satisfied with myself, and instead of making a bunch of excuses I started working out more, putting in applications everywhere I could, and even finished a few projects and certifications that I had started but given up on.

You can wait around if you want, but you can't change him. He has to want it for himself, and it sounds like he's pretty satisfied with where he is in his life right now.

~ Tee