I'm still in love with my ex. We have a 2 year old daughter together. We broke up when I was pregnant. After months and years its been made clear that the reason we fell apart was because my ex was scared and running from being a father. He has apologized and made that much clear to me...

His way of escaping was through another girl. A teenager in high school. At the time of our breakup, I was 22, he was 20, and the girl was 17. All of us being ridiculously young obviously. But at the time there was no problems with our relationship, my ex and I were living together, thinking of marriage and both excited to become parents. It wasn't until after he left and I had been nursing heartbreak that I learned he had primarily ran out of that fear of responsibility.

The 17 year old girlfriend was a piece of work, and I tried to understand and take the high road. But her attitude pushed his running into a safe zone. Since she forbade him from seeing me or being in the same room with me, communicating with me without her, and did not care if he saw our daughter-- my relationship with my ex quickly spiraled into negativity. I moved to another state to have help with my newborn since he was unable to be any kind of support. Half a year later, he asked me to come back, wanting to be in our child's life.. I believe he and his girlfriend were about to break up at this point.

When I came back, she pulled a fake pregnancy and they stayed together. He continued to be in communication with me asking to be a part of our daughter's life, but at the compromise of doing whatver his girlfriend says, goes. He consistently says he cares about me, and I have openly admitted I still love him but I do not agree with his lifestyle or the mistakes he made in the past.

It has been extremely painful to live through their relationship-- as we have mutual friends and I must hear about how she manipulates him. She is always trying to get money out of him or cheating on him with his friends. She has even hit him on occasions during their brief breakups. Most of my friends consider this his karma, but to me it is just hurtful-- because I did at least love him enough to want him to have someone who cared about him, and his relationship with our daughter.

Now his girlfriend has pushed to get married the last few months since mine and my ex's communication has gotten better. Every time I am in the vicinity she still must be there, bring up their affair and their upcoming wedding. I have done my best to do what is right for my child, and my ex has been clear about trying to stand up to his girlfriend about me, but ultimately loses. (He is very weak in relationships, and has an extreme co-dependancy issue-- he seeks out to be controlled I think). The wedding is now set for next month, and even though my ex and I have heart-to-hearts about the changes about to take place, and he says he is thinking about how he has not been in our daughter's life at all since he met this girl--- the marriage has had me facing my own emotional crisis.

I am fine most days. I raise my daughter and do what I need to do for my own life. But as their wedding comes closer I find myself breaking a little more. Each day I wake up still missing him as much as I always did, but now it feels like losing him all over again. Is there anything I can do to help get me through this? I don't know what to do. And I don't know where my ex's and my communication will go from here.

You are having issues and need counseling, feeling like this after two years is not healthy. Next you and the ex don't need to have any heart to heart, sorry there is nothing for either to say, he is getting married you are a ex. When is the last time you went on a date with someone?

Have you filed for child support ?
Do you have custody paperwork for the child.

You need to move to where you have family and other support and stop all contact with him except when you have to about the child and his support payment

Um... I go on dates all the time. That's not an issue.

As I said, most days I am just fine. This is just a recent re-emergence of feelings that have cropped up. I am already IN counseling. And I have been for a very long time for other issues, so therapy is not an answer I haven't already looked into. Nor do I think my random feelings necessitate it. I am happy and functioning. Just aware of how I feel towards my ex.

And yes, we took care of all that a very long time ago... I receive child support (he is happy to provide it) and have primary physical custody. I live on my own. My family is not particularly close-knit. My father is emotionally abusive so I do not have many ties with him, and I have already lived with my mother in another state-- I ultimately don't feel I should have to run from my hometown and where I am happy because of him... I have tried that before and I don't believe it to be healthy for me.

Sorry if I was unclear. My ex and I do not communicate on a daily basis. We barely communicate at all, but when we do for legal, or financial reasons... we may or may not have a conversation regarding his relationship with our daughter, and because we used to be best friends, we try to be civil and kind when we talk. Thus I call it a heart-to-heart.

And as I said in my post-- this is NOT about "I'm an ex and he's getting married". Clearly that's obvious. This is about his relationship with our child and MY feelings toward HIM that I am trying to WORK THROUGH. DATING does not solve this or automatically get you over your family falling apart, or watching someone you care about make mistakes.

Feeling pretty helpless aren't you? But for now you have to take solace in the fact you are doing what you can to WORK Through this difficult time in your life. That's a good thing, as from where you sit, you know you can't make him a great dad, or be in your daughters life like you want him to be. Heck, you can't stop him from making mistakes either. You can't stop the feelings you have. YEP, pretty helpless right now.

You can only control what you do about this situation, and it seems you are doing the right things and everything you can, so accept it will take some time to rebuild, and heal, when those feelings of being helpless pop up from time to time. Tell yourself that its okay to care for others even when they don't seem to care for themselves and it will be hard sometimes, but the feelings can be dealt with.

Those are your feelings and there is nothing wrong with having them, just do good things for yourself, and your daughter, as you work through them.

Be good to yourself.