I have been married for 2 years to my husband. I love him (and his family) very much but when it comes to his mom... well, even before we got married she would make smart remarks and pop off things that were just uncalled for. I would just let it go because I know how much my husband thinks of his mom and didn't want to get him upset. I just had our 2nd child in March and I don't know if it's my hormones still raging or what it is but I've had ENOUGH of her attitude! She is single - and has been ever since me and my husband started dating so my husband feels like he has to include her in everything! Sorry but I don't like spending Memorial Day at the pool with my husband, friends, AND mother in law! She's good to my kids and that's another reason why I have put up with her but just recently I caught her making fun of MY mother- not good! I confronted her about it and she started telling me exactly what she thought of me and being very immature trying to make her to be the victim. My husband talks to his mother everyday which is too much I think. I have 2 sons so I know the love a mother has for her sons but this has got to stop! I tried talking to my husband about her and we almost divorced over this! I haven't spoken to my mother in law in about 3 weeks and I know it upsets my husband but I'm just tired of her!!

It's just your hormones raging now. You knew the situation before you got married and that didn't bother you then. Be happy that they have a good relationship. Where are your folks? Don't you have a good relationship with your mom and dad also?

Just be grateful she does not live with your family.

It sounds like this was the way it was before you got married? So why did you think it would change, if anything, it would be better while dating only to get worst.

So you tell mother what her boundries are in your home or with you,

It sounds to me like your husband has to cut the old apron strings.

He's a married man with children, and his mother has overstepped her welcome, and you and your husband have allowed it.

I don't think it matters what she was like before you married him; after you married him, she should be respectful of boundaries.

Your husband has to learn that he's a big boy now with a family of his own, and it is a little less necessary for him to call his mommy everyday. He should also realize that it is NOT okay for his mother to feel free to make fun of your mother, or to make comments and quips about you. If she is being disrepectful toward you, or your family, he needs to put on his big boy pants and tell her to mind her manners, or go home.

You are not the cause of her behaviour, she is. Your husband should put you and his children first when it gets down to his mother causing problems. Particularly as you said, to the point of thinking divorce.

As to hormones, perhaps it's not your hormones, perhaps its hers? Could she be menopausal and more annoying than usual?

To me, it sounds like both of you are probably part of the problem which means both of you are part of the solution as is your husband.

How long did you date before you married?

Have you ever tried to be friends with your mother-in-law or have you always seen her as an adversary and rival for husband's attention? How do you react to her? Do you try to have as little contact with her as you can? Could part of her over-stepping non-existent boundaries (and those of good behavior with regards to your mother) be a reaction to your attitude toward her?

Does she have friends and interests/hobbies other than her son? How did she become single? There are so many resources available to help her become more involved in her life than she is her son's. She also needs to be given clear-cut boundaries to adhere to that take into account her being herself. She should not be expected to completely change her personality to please you. She can be expected to tone it down and be more careful of how she acts and what she says.

Your husband needs to stop feeling responsible for his mother's happiness. He needs to back off a bit and let her find her footing as a single woman. He needs to encourage her to live for herself. He can start by explaining the boundaries you both set together to her and giving her information on things she might enjoy doing for herself.

You can help by being understanding and patient. Don't expect changes overnight. Do expect setbacks. Welcome her when she is behaving within the boundaries. Allow your husband to politely remind her of the boundaries when she isn't.

My husband and I dated for 2 years before we got married. I had known him for 12 years before we started dating because he is best friends with my cousin. My mother in law got divorced in 2001. So, for a while it was just her, my husband and his twin brother living together. My MIL and I got along at one time... but it was one month before our wedding when she started with the attitude. My husband gets sooo defensive when I try to talk to him about her, like he just doesn't want to get involved, but I want my MIL to know her place and I think it will take my husband telling her... which he probably never will. She acts the same way with her other son but her and my sister in law are really good friends. My MIL is a pretty woman- who could easily get a date or go out with friends. I am extremely close to my mother- my father died in 2002- but there is a big difference between a mother and daughter relationship and a mother and son relationship. She has gotten away with saying absurd things in the past - but since I am calling her out now- she's being a total pain and causing problems with everyone! Why should I bite my tongue if she isn't going to? I just think our personalities clash- and there may not be a way to fix that.

If she doesn't confront you directly, or publicly, leave it go. We have a rule in my house, I don't get between her and her family, she doesn't get between me and mine. Works great, except for the occasional personal clashes, and will die if you let them (Until next time), so you can make this as big a deal as you want, or you can move beyond them after you have said your peace.

My point is no one gets along all the time, not even family. But you are still family.


but there is a big difference between a mother and daughter relationship and a mother and son relationship.

I don't believe that, and would like that explained.

Have you ever tried having a non confrontational talk with her? A polite clearing of the air? It is worth a try, but it is something you must want to do. Want to clear the air and make things work.
If you are too angry to do that, it is not going to work.