Hi
My son is 16years old and as fell in love with this no good girl that drinks and smoke's
Her life was not very good as a kid I do not think but ever since she been going out with my son then he as started becoming more like her staying out not comeing home when I ask of him to do so
He as always had the best life I can for him and he is a puipl at school but not now that she in all his life all he see's is her
I have tried talking to her and helping her as I only want my son to be happy
I just do not no what to do
Can anyone think s of any think
Thanks
Jo

That's a tough spot. At this age of our children, its only a short time before they can do whatever they please, and if you fight them now, you may regret it later, as they may walk out of your life out of resentment.

I think a good idea, would be to support them (even if you do not aprove) and try to be a good influence on this girl, invite her over to YOUR house often instead of them going out to her place or other places, show her what a good loving family can be like. Don't judge her for her choices, but show her how happy life can be withOUT those types of choices.

Does that help? Good luck!

Not easy about girl, easy about not following the rules, if he does not come home on time, he gets grounded and does not go back out for a bit

Let him and her both know that whether you continue to permit them to be together depends entirely on the following -
- He's going to school daily, doing his work and getting acceptable grades;
- He's honoring the rules of the house including meeting curfew, not drinking and not smoking;
- she's in school, not drinking and not smoking;

Let them both know, he is a minor and if she's a bad influence on him or he's makes bad choices on his own while dating her, you are not going to permit him to see her. Let her know you understand her circumstances are difficult and are there to help her if she wants your support and assistance, whether someone to talk to, or help with finishing high school or whatever - do her a good turn if she'll take your help.

Then follow through.

Be careful not to judge her as the cause of your son flexing his independence muscles.

It is more likely than not, he is not unfamiliar with alcohol, and other people who also drink and smoke and are sexually active within his peer group. 16 year olds don't generally share a great deal with mom as to these activities, but if your son and his girlfriend are together, chances are they have more in common than you think.

He is going to go through a lot of girlfriends before he is mature enough to settle down. Try not to think of this as a 'forever' sort of thing with this girl, she is more likely than not, only one of many to come.

It is not an easy transition to allow choices, particularly with girlfriends (and friends) that you may not approve of. But it is all a part of growing up. But the more experience he has now, will hopefully allow for more experience to judge potential partners down the road.

Let him make his own choices, if only to avoid confrontations that will only have him dig in his heels and backfire. Allow him a little rope to make mistakes, and rest assured that you have raised him to have enough self discipline and confidence in himself that he can make good choices. He will make mistakes, and choose girlfriends that you don't approve of, and the best thing you can do is keep your opinions to yourself.

As a teen myself from a very bad home, who drank and smoked and was seen as a bad influence on boyfriends from their families- I went on to two college degrees, and a marriage that has lasted 35 years. None of the 'good girls' have accomplished what I have, and none of their marriages lasted.