Hello we live in Arkansas now but, my wife had a child with a man in Louisiana in 2006. He is not listed on the birth certificate but we do know who the father is. He hasn't been in the Child's life since he was 6 months old, he has never paid child support or anything like that and he hasn't tried to contact the child or my wife. Also we have not tried to contact him or tried to get child support, we do well enough not to concern ourselves with that, we don't want to open a can of worms that we can't contain. We have a happy family and we don't want to disrupt the Child's life since I'm the only dad he knows, I have been there for him since he was 15 months old. What are my options as far as adopting him? We really want to keep the Child's environment as stable as possible. And bringing the bio/dad into the picture would really upset things.

Sorry, but you will have to bring the bio dad into the picture in order to adopt your stepson. The bio dad has to sign over his rights to the child, to give you an opening. I would say, hire a family lawyer.

Tick

You will have to give him notice of the adoption petition. The pertinent portions of the Arkansas code (http://www.lexisnexis.com/hottopics/arcode/Default.asp)are as follows:


"9-9-212. Hearing on petition -- Requirements.

(a) (1) Before any hearing on a petition, the period in which the relinquishment may be withdrawn under § 9-9-220 or in which consent may be withdrawn under § 9-9-209, whichever is applicable, must have expired.

(2) No orders of adoption, interlocutory or final, may be entered prior to the period for withdrawal.

(3) After the filing of a petition to adopt a minor, the court shall fix a time and place for hearing the petition.

(4) At least twenty (20) days before the date of hearing, notice of the filing of the petition and of the time and place of hearing shall be given by the petitioner to:

(A) Any agency or person whose consent to the adoption is required by this subchapter but who has not consented;

(B) A person whose consent is dispensed with upon any ground mentioned in § 9-9-207(a)(1), (2), (6), (8), and (9); and

(C) Any putative father who has signed an acknowledgement of paternity or has registered with the state's Putative Father Registry.

..."

But it appears that you may very well not need his consent:

"9-9-207. Persons as to whom consent not required.

(a) Consent to adoption is not required of:

(1) a parent who has deserted a child without affording means of identification or who has abandoned a child;

(2) a parent of a child in the custody of another, if the parent for a period of at least one (1) year has failed significantly without justifiable cause (i) to communicate with the child or (ii) to provide for the care and support of the child as required by law or judicial decree;
(3) the father of a minor if the father's consent is not required by § 9-9-206(a)(2);

(4) ...
(b) Except as provided in §§ 9-9-212 and 9-9-224, notice of a hearing on a petition for adoption need not be given to a person whose consent is not required or to a person whose consent or relinquishment has been filed with the petition."


"9-9-206. Persons required to consent to adoption -- Consideration for relinquishing minor for adoption.

(a) Unless consent is not required under § 9-9-207, a petition to adopt a minor may be granted only if written consent to a particular adoption has been executed by:

(1) The mother of the minor;

(2) The father of the minor if the father was married to the mother at the time the minor was conceived or at any time thereafter, the minor is his child by adoption, he has physical custody of the minor at the time the petition is filed, he has a written order granting him legal custody of the minor at the time the petition for adoption is filed, a court has adjudicated him to be the legal father prior to the time the petition for adoption is filed, or he proves a significant custodial, personal, or financial relationship existed with the minor before the petition for adoption is filed;"

Since the father is not described in § 9-9-206(a)(2), Section 9-9-207 (3), quoted above, makes it clear that his consent is not required. He has to be given notice, however.

On a non-legal note---the child NEEDS to know that you are not his biological father, and the sooner the better.

If you LIE to him about his biological identity, he will lose trust in you and won't believe you for other issues.

Yes first as a adopted person, who has adopted a child and have counseled 100's of adopted kids, the child needs to know the truth, even if you adopt him, he needs to know.
It is better now than when he is 30 and finds out and may cut contact forever or at least for years because he feels betrayed

As for as the adoption, the bio father will need to be contacted and first asked to sign his rights away, if he does not, you can try to take them away, but that is much harder.

Child support, you are cheating the child out of his money, money that could be saved for college or a business investment in latter years. Also guess what, child support is one of the major factors that helps a bio dad decide to sign for the adoption, since when he signs he stops paying. So since he is not paying, what is his motivation to sign ?

I know a case, same situation, what the mother did she gave the biological father two options.
Option number one was for the biological father to pay child supporting.
Option number two was for the biological father to give up his rights.
If the biological father gives up his rights to the child he is not obligated to pay child support anyway, so the adopter has all the rights to that child.

You guys are saying to tell a 4 year old about a guy that he's never met? I was adopted, an found out about my biological father when I was 12 and I did feel a little weird, but I don't understand how a 4 yr old could ever comprehend this complex matter. And furthermore his biological father is on drugs, registered sex offender, in and out of jail, and constantly getting assault and domestic abuse charges. Please reply with some thoughts as to when and how to tell him. His mother an I just got married and we included him in the ceremony, by giving him a ring and saying some promise vows to him. I have never seen a child so excited before, and he firmly believes that because his mothers name changed, so did his. He tells everyone that he got married as well, and that his name changed to mine. Thanks for all the answers I have received so far. You guys are a big help.

Yes, do agree a four year old would not comprehend. You and his mom will know the right time to let him know about his bio dad.

Tick

Of course he's not going to understand the entire complexity of the whole thing.

Kids don't understand the complexity of sex, but still know where babies come from (mommy's tummy, when mommy and daddy love each other).

You don't tell him the whole story all at once. Rather, you don't completely avoid the topic of his biological father, and you let him know that you love him MORE because you CHOSE to be his daddy--it wasn't just that you chose his mommy, but you chose him too.

He should also know that there's another man out there who IS related to him by blood, but that man chose to not be a part of his life because he ALREADY has a wonderful daddy---YOU.

He doesn't need to know more than that right now.

But studies HAVE proven that adopted children that know they are adopted from the beginning do MUCH better with adjustment and social situations than adopted children that don't find out until they're "old enough to understand".