Hi
I wanted to get an opinion from others as to when and if you bring up your relationship status with the person you're dating. I just got out of a six month relationship with a guy that I thought considered me his girlfriend. I don't remember how we got on the topic but he sure as hell dropped a bomb on me. Effectively it turned into "I'm not sure I"m ready to say it's just us. I don't know that I can give you a commitment" blah blah blah.

I'm a bright girl and can usually read people well. He acted so loving, caring and sweet toward me. This totally took me off guard. We talked every day and spent at least 3 nights a week together. The relationship started slowly and we took a good, healthy pace. Anyhow, we never discussed our status before and I thought being we are in our 30's the days of casual dating were over. I suppose that's ignorant of me to think everyone is seeking a serious relationship but he talked about wanting marriage and a family.

Going forward I don't want to make the same mistake of carrying on with a commitment phobe. I realize it varies with each couple but do most of you guys bring this topic up within the first couple months of dating? When do you think it's appropriate? Is it typically the guy or girl that raises the question? I've never had to in past relationships as they naturally progressed to something serious. I kicked this guy to the curb but I'm still hurting and feeling rejected. I don't want to go through this again.

The guy does sound like he was commitment shy, or a man you got into a relationship through the back door route; not recommended :o) IMO 6 months is adequate time to avoid fruitless relations if you know what you are looking for in a relationship.

I agree for most 30 something's, casual dating is, or at least should be a thing of the past. But then you have to consider if you have met someone who has recenlty come out of a long relationship, would you expect them to be really emotionally available to be thinking about starting a potentially new long term relationship so soon? I know it depends on the individual, but that for me is red flag...

Every situation is different. Every couple is different. Every person is different.

I wouldn't use him as the norm for every new guy that you go on a date with. At the end of the day, we're all looking for a connection with a special someone. What we can do is give the other person a chance to show us who they really are and then we can decide how we feel about them.

I Wish is right. Don't use him as the norm. Everyone is different. If you guys were spending that much time together and for 6 months, I would have just imagined you two to be exclusive without even having the talk. I actually haven't been in the situation where the talk was necessary though. Everything just happened on it's own and there was no question. Maybe I was just lucky.

Doesn't matter the time or the person, or how good things are progressing, never assume anything without discussing it.