My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me last night out of the blue. About a month ago we came very close to breaking up, and had one long night where we talked everything out. He claimed that he wanted to someday marry me, and that he has felt that way for a long time. He said he wanted to start fresh, and forget all the crap that has happened in the last few months. He claimed that he wanted to work out our problems, and wasn't going to give up and leave like he has done several times in the past. He always comes back, and I always take him back.

I know I shouldn't but I love him so much, and when we are together it is great. I don't know what to expect this time, as every time it happens I think to myself 'this is it'. I don't know if he will come back, or if I will even hear from him, as he has no phone anymore to even arrange to get our things back from each other etc.

If anyone has any advice or insight on this I would really appreciate it. I am devastated, and don't know what to do. Its is like my entire future just got whipped away.



Edited/T

You two have a pattern established. He leaves and comes back. Why does he leave? Do you not resolve whtever issues you have had before you take him back?

If he wants to get in touch with you he will find away.

Breaking up hurts there's no getting around that, problem is he seems to be the one leaving all the time, its only been a month since the last talk and now here you are again, hurt, confused and wondering what the hell just happened!

You have to ask yourself 'am I willing to continue being hurt?'

Don't you deserve more then this? Don't you want more?

Time to put a halt to his gallop, this is your emotional health on the line, your mental health and your physical health, you have a future and it can be a happy one, but not with this guy, if the last 4 years is a prelude to the next 4 is that what you want?

The courtship is the indictor to the marriage, he keeps leaving, what do you think is going to happen if you did get married, stop listening to what he is saying and start paying attention to his actions.

This time do something different for a different result, when he calls, don't be there, have a third party pick up your stuff and disappear from his life.

This was hardly out of the blue since he has done this thousands of times before. You have to break that pattern, so pack up his stuff and get it to him, and disappear from his life and get one without him.

Its you taking him back every time that allows him to treat you this way. Bet he ain't crying, and worried about his future the way you are. Yes he will be back with more false words, when he knows you miss him, and are weak.

You can't change him, but you can make changes to yourself to get your dignity, and self respect back.

My boyfriend has just signed his first professional contract as a hockey player, for the last four years he has played one hour away from his (and my) hometown. Naturally he is busy and is on the road a lot but we've made it work for those four years however about once a year or so he would get very distant and end things with me only to be back and each time the time in between him leaving and coming back has gotten shorter, starting at 9 months and the last one was a couple weeks. However when he found out this coming season he will be living about 9 hours away things have gone downhill fast. At first when he found out he immediately began to question the relationship and if we should even bother staying together for the summer when at the end he is just going to be leaving, we broke up, but he was back within a week or so, things were good but somehow after that petty fights became more and more frequent and drove us apart again, of course he came back and he claimed that he realised he can't keep doing that to me and he claimed that he knew we were going to be together for a long time and that in the end he knew he wanted to be with me. However the fights continued and neither one of us really knew why as it has never been like that in all the years we've spent, I know deep down its got to do with him leaving and the insecurities that come with all the recent breakups. Anyway cutting to the chase he dumped me again two days ago completely 180ing from a few weeks ago, he claims this is the end of the line (but I've heard that times before as well)
I know people say to end the cycle and maybe I should and maybe he will who knows, but I'd like some insight from people if they think he really is through or if he'll be back again because I know he loves me but this move has changed our dynamic a lot. Thanks

He's done with the relationship and is moving on to a new stage in his life.

Accept that it's over and start the healing process so you can move on.