Hi there, I really need help, I was getting with a guy for the last 15 years, but we never gave it a proper go in a relationhsip as he was already in a relathionship with another girl, they broke up a few times but always went back to her. I've really tried my best for him, have always been there for him when she wasn't but its her he chooses every time no matter how hard I try. She controls him, he isn't allowed to go out with his friends, not allowed to look at other girls never mind even talk to them, this is what hurts the most that we could have such a great relationship but he chooses that instead. I can't seem to move on with my life he has been such a great support to me but lately its arguing all the time about what other people are doing to us. He just dosen't meet me half way he turns around things I say to him. He has said for me to move on with my life that he is getting on with his, then he rings me or texts me. He is depressed and I think that's part of the reason I'm afraid to let go of him in case he would do anything to hurt himself. I live beside where he works which I guess dosen't help the situation either but its good location for my business. I just feel like ending it all and I feel down and emotional especially now since he said for me to move on. Any help or advice is very much appreciated.

He has been lying, and using you for 15 years, and you should have got rid of him 14 years ago.

It won't be an easy road, after a lifetime of giving to a person who doesn't deserve it, but to finally move on is exactly what you need to do.

Start by reading the stickies HERE (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/), and seeing that freedom to be happy finally is a good thing, and you no longer have to be stuck in misery.

Tal is right, it has been far too long to be 'monkey in the middle' with this man, and his girlfriend.

16 years is a very long time to wait for him, and he has, by his own actions, gone back to his girlfriend over and over.

Anything of substance, i.e. when he was on the outs with her, he was with you, was only to his benefit. He had you to help him through the rough spots in his life, and then just ended up back with her anyway.

I hope you are starting to realize that to wait this long, and settle so low, has cost you a lot of years, where you could have had your own relationship with a man who was not otherwise in a relationship with someone else at the same time.

Please start thinking about taking control of your own life, and leaving this relationship for good.

Thank you both for being honest and for taking your time to share your advice with me. I know it will be hard the saddest part is I really thought no matter what we would always be good friends with each other but he dosen't even offer that to me. I can only wish him well and hope that he will find happiness in himself. I need to focus on me now and get my life on track I know it will be very hard at the start but in time I will get there.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the best thing to do.
Many thanks again for your advice xoxo

It gets better, rest assured, as you put him behind you and heal enough to be ready to rebuild, and regroup, and make better choices for yourself.And no doubt, you will.

Much Luck.

This is your life now-focus on how to rebuild a strong happy you.

In a while you will be amazed at how good you will feel.

Take good care of yourself and the best of luck.

And a cyber hug!

Many Thanks to you all for your help and advice, much appreciated. I'm trying my best to keep myself busy and to catch up on parts of my life that I put on hold for too long now I realise. Thank you all so very much you are so kind and supportive. Keep up the good work. Everybody needs a friend :-) xoxoxoxo

Keep going,you'll be fine!
Hugs!