We have known each other since I was 17 (now 25) and he has been in the military for 16 years. (He's 33) We have been together as a couple now for almost a year. I do everything around the house plus maintain my children, business, and him. He is not intrested in having sex or showing me ANY attention. I feel so hurt and have no idea how to deal with the situation. During his last tour to Iraq he came back completely different and as soon as he got home is when we started dating. I know for a while the war thing was an issue but its almost like he's heartless. If we go out on the weekends he forgets everything "bottled up" and makes me feel like a million dollars... What's wrong with this picture is that's the only time I feel he cares. When he's drinking?

Is he getting help to deal with his trauma?

If not , I suggest he does,as I don't think it's something the two of you should attempt sorting out together.

You may have known him a long time, but you have been together for a year, when he just came back from a stressful terrible place for a young guy. He needs a lot more time to make that transition from danger zone warrior, to ordinary person. Even with the proper help through this, it may be years before his adjustments are complete, and effective, with a lot of bumps along the way.

It unrealistic to think he can just turn off the last 16 years and be "normal". Adjust your expectations, and give him time, and space to get better acclimated, as you keep getting to know each other. Lots more to learn here I think on both sides.

Hopefully he's just not used to being back in the "Real World" And dossent know how to act I feal as if there are something's that need to be worked out or talked about though maybey you need to work comuncation skills,