I hope someone can help me because I've just ended my gay relationship for the 6th time and I really need some help before I get sucked into this again as myself esteem is at rock bottom. I met this guy a year ago, we hit if off perfectly and after a short time we decided to take things seriously. I knew he had just come out of a long term relationship of 10 years and I was happy for him to remain friends with his ex as I have with one of my ex partners. Three months later I get a phone call from his ex saying that they are still in a relationship and they are still having sex. I knew they had been on holiday together but that was arranged before I met him. When I confronted him he of course denied it and said the only sexual encounter he had had was when is ex tried it on with him but he didn't respond. It also turned out that they had been going to his holiday home on the coast regularly without me knowing. (he still denies this)

I suppose I fell in love with him and gave him the benefit of the doubt of course his ex was jealous and was trying to spilt us up. He was always disparaging his ex so I had no reason to disbelieve him.

Around this time I started to notice his incredible meanness and ability to lie about the most ridiculous things. Firstly his age was apparently 46, it turned out to be 52. He had all kinds of accounts set up with different dates of birth. He was driving around in a top of the range porsch but never had any money. At the beginning I brought him little gifts like you do with a new relationship. He to this day has not given me a single thing (not that this is important) but he always had plenty of money to buy himself whatever he wanted. I also found out that he had had a lot of cosmetic procedures and was obsessed with looking young but again I put this down to the fickle gay scene. He then wanted to borrow my clothes which I didn't mind at first but he was always forgetting to return them when we met up again.

I want to stress within these periods we had some great times together.

We then went on our first holiday, again he turned up with no money and I had to lend him some. The place we went to had some beautiful 5 star hotels of course he had stayed in all of them but again this was not true as he didn't even know what they looked like inside etc.

On my birthday we went away and on the day of my birthday he deposited a cheque from his dad for £75000. Did I get even a card, oh yes but he brought it on the day and even asked me for a pen and again no present.

After all this I finished with him as I couldn't believe how mean he was. The next day I got a bunch of flowers and a big sorry.
Unfortunately he was also writing out a card to his ex begging for him to give him another chance on the very next day.

Of course I gave him another chance because he was begging me to and saying all the right things.

I didn't know about this card until I was presented with it by a friend of his exes when I next went to his holiday home. That night I nearly got arrested and we finished again.

I won't bore you with all the make up or break ups. Only last week I helped him sort out a new sofa set him up with a computer start to clear his terrible credit file, you name it . Ive also managed to get him off 10 years of antidepressants.

He has this total inability to not let people down, he has sold his house nearly three times, changed his mind at the last minute. Then he wants to rent it and lets loads more people down. His work ethic is terrible , he only works part time and even then only goes if they put him on a shift where he can make more money. He works for an airline by the way.

Iv'e also found out that he had a breakdown and was off work for three years when his mother died. In fact she is the only person he has a good word to say about, he doesn't have a single friend.

I have finally finished this relationship but I feel emotionally drained and quite depressed. My ex took me to see a show and I realised how generous and kind someone can really be. ( we are just friends now & that's another story) I told him that I no longer have the energy to be his lover/PA &carer all rolled into but why did he do this to me and why did I let him abuse my kind nature.

I feel at such a lose end all of a sudden but I can't let him back in my life I know as all my friends and family hate him but I do still love him.
I was not with him for any superficial reasons as I have my own business, home etc, I suppose I thought I had met my equal partner/soulmate.

Xxx

I think you would benefit from No Contact. That means you do not accept or instigate any form of communication with him. Don't look at any Facebook pages, Twitter, blogs, or allow friends to give you updates on how he is doing. If you meet somewhere, be polite but don't encourage any type of discussion. Make certain you don't have any mutual business left and disappear from his life.

Get in touch with friends and family who you may have lost contact with over the course of the relationship. Enlist their help in keeping you from giving in to the temptation to get in touch with him. Have fun reestablishing healthy relationships with them and yourself.

Go out and get involved in things you enjoy and help you feel good about yourself. If you need to feel needed, volunteer. You might, if you haven't already, find that mentoring young people who are trying to figure out who they are is a good way to put your 'care-taking' instincts to good use. I know there are a lot of mixed up young people (and some older) who need someone to listen and guide them.

Even though you own your own business, etc. you might look into continuing education or community classes where you can get out and meet people who have the same interests you do. Picking up a new hobby can get your mind working in new directions so that you don't think about the old paths quite so much. Making new friends and having new experiences help the old ones fade a bit quicker and help ease the pain of letting go.

Give yourself time to heal and unpack the baggage from this relationship before you even think about another relationship. Think more in terms of finding your own footing instead of someone else.

Take care of yourself and good luck.

Thank you for you kind words, I know your right and I will try to take your advice. I feel such a fool. I really feel I have wasted a year of my life on someone who was so shallow. I hope I can learn to trust again. Xx

Hi DUDE I am 36 6/3 185 :) mexican fool... well when I was 31 I met this gorgiouse boy taylor... lets call him that,, big penis ,fun, funny and liked me (victim)and the same story as you I work for myself wgoodlooking low self esteme... he never bought me a thing I paid for breakfast lunch and dinner.. I would lent him 600$ for a ring he needed it was the last one in his size mind you... I never got paid back we would fight about something and he would tell me it was a gift... he was mean always putting me down for the first 2 yrs I slept on the ground and gave him my bed.. long story short I also helped mine get off pills... everyone had left him for dead and I told him my love is unconditional... it was unconditional I have high blood preasure no friends I don't know who I am when I leave the house in the mornings and the day I kicked him out he said he was never invested in me... I spend over 80,000 on us more him I also would get yelled at if I bought something for myself called irrisponsable butt if it was for him it was OK... I lost (MYSELF)... find yourself YOGA I hope helps me .

Oh and it was 5 years of my life thinking I was helping or could change HIM... turns out I was the problem... try and figure that out please..

What these kinds of people emanate is the very essence of negativity itself. Just their mere presence is harmful. I've know gay psychopaths and for me it has been a journey of learning to get them out of my head and heal from the past. Keeping them in your head creates those unhealthy emanations within you and harms your spiritual progress and happiness. No contact and getting them out of your memories are suggested.
You mentioned how the only person he had anything good to say about was his mother. I've noticed a similar situation with most of the psychos I've known. They usually have this extreme immaturity... the emotional development of a four year old, and they still want the constant narcissistic attention from Mommy.
This guy never gave a crap about you. You were just an objective.
There's a quote: "The truth is often so painful that people prefer instead a diet of illusions." It really hurts to know that you were suckered into being an objective so often the victim is often hypnotized into believing anything but the hard truth... that they are around someone who really has no more use and compassion for them than Adolf Hitler did for the Jews.
And if you establish any more contact with them all it does is keep you mired in illusion and abuse. The truth will set you free. Know that you are really around someone inhuman, and the truth of that will want you to experience love, happiness and peace, none of which can be found in the presence of someone whose only goal is to use and destroy you.