Last Wednesday my girlfriend, of three years, suddenly told me she realized she has fallen out of love with me, our relationship felt more like a friendship to her. And that she needed to take the weekend to do some sole searching. I was completely blindsided by this, because she was always very sweet and loving towards me up until she walked out the door. I tried reaching out to her, calling, texting and even pouring my soul out to her via email. Sunday I had received an email from her where she had completely broke things off with me. I am so hurt and so confused right now. We had 3 wonderful years together and she couldn't even face me to end things. She couldn't find it in her to talk things over with me, to try to work things out.

I find it difficult that we are over just like that. But where she won't talk to me I am left to come to conclusions all by myself. I've been racking my brain ever since she left, what could have spurred this event? Was it me? Is it her? Was it another external stress? What? I need to know. Is there anything I can do?

There are other reasons I am having a difficult time accepting our relationship is over. First, my girlfriend just lost a dear friend. Is it possible she is pushing the pain and confusion she is feeling from her friends sudden death on me? We all react differently to trauma/death. Sometimes people that go through trauma blame those closest to them? She told me over and over in her email "life was short" she deserved to be happy. In addition to the death of her friend, there is the possibility of someone else. Before leaving she did admit she had met someone else and that there is a mutual attraction there. I am not certain of how far she has taken her interest in this other person. I do not know if it is just a crush, like, love or lust. So many variables! So many unanswered questions! I do know this person is in the picture, making future plans.

I love this woman so much, she is the love of my life and although I am deeply hurt she seemingly threw me out like a day old bagel, I would take her back in a heart beat. I know she loves me, I saw it in her eyes, I felt it in her touch. But why can't she see she loves me? Why is she making snap judgements? What is clouding her judgement? Why doesn't she want to at the very least try to work things out?

We are meeting later today to talk. I would like us to work out whatever this is together before walking away forever. Whether it is separate for a spell but continuing to communicate with one another. Or maybe suggest therapy to help us work through this bump and help her deal with the lose of her friend. I have asked her if she was 100% certain she was no longer in love with me. To which I did not get a reply. Do I have a right to ask such things of her?

It is clear to me now my girlfriend has relationship and commitment issues. She suddenly left her husband and immediately jumped into our relationship. She did the same thing to him as she is doing to me. Told him it was over and did not try to work things out. She is also estranged from her family. She has had a falling out with both her parents. I have tried to get her to talk with her family to no avail.

How much do I fight? I believe in us. I think it is silly to just walk away from one another after 3 great years. We have so much invested in one another. How do I make her see that, want that? Sure we may end up going our separate ways but at least we tried. There will be no regret because we did all that we could. How do I make her see this?

I just can't stay mad at her for crushing me in the manner she did. I am concerned for her, her future. I worry she is going to find herself very alone if she continues to run from conflict. As this is a pattern with her. How do I get her to realize this? She has no one, I was her best friend...

I know we can work this out if she would just only try...

Am I kidding myself? Do I suggest repair? Or do I just walk away and let her make this mistake?

You walk away-whatever her problems are they are no longer yours.

She may have all sorts of issues but the facts remain, rather than working through her problems with you-she left.

I suggest no further contact.

I would try as hard as you can to move on. She sounds like she had been feeling unhappy for awhile and didn't express those feelings to you. When her friend died she realized that life was too short to be semi-happy. You don't want to be with someone who isn't completely in it for you either.

This might her life pattern. She left her husband and immediately jumped in a relationship with you. Then she tells you she is attracted to someone else and the attraction is mutual between the two of them. She has commitment issues that you are aware of. I been how much more facts do you need before you realize maybe she isn't the one for you. Now couple counseling only works if the two people involves wants it in order to improve/work on their relationship to make it stronger. And I understand she lost her friend and that should take a toll on someone and every one does grieve differently and sometimes a person death can be an eye opener for some.

Now, the two of you are meeting up later and maybe this may help you and/or be your closure. Just don't gets your hopes up and don't turn it into a "why you should be with me session". Go there with a an open mind and be objective and know that begging doesn't work. When a person mind is made up there is nothing you can do about it. And sometimes what we think is good for us aren't.

Thanks so much all! I am not the person that easily gives up, I have to at least try. I don't want to live my life with regrets. Tonight's meeting is about learning/understanding where she is coming from. In turn, I hope she shows me the same respect and is able to listen to my feelings and concerns with an equally open and objective mind. Deep down I know our relationship is over, I just need to know why she couldn't be open and honest with me. I need the closure.

I know this is a closure meeting and happy to hear your not expecting anything more than that.

Your closure will come by moving on & treating yourself well.

Most of us never feel "closure" from our exs.

"Deep down I know our relationship is over"

There's a start to your closure. Good!

Just go NC & don't worry about digging for more reasons, or to hash the past out.

You are already dumped.

Done & done. No more reason to talk to her.

Funny you chose the word of "blindsided"; our stories are similar in fabric, yours' is just cut differently.

Liz is right. Things like this are tough man, real tough. But hopefully someday you will see this as a blessing in disguise. Right now, I can say that you don't want to be with someone that inconsiderate; nobody deserves such treatment. A reasonable person would address their concerns prior to complete unhappiness and disconnect, not subsequently. Her history spells out her "flightiness". Dated a gal just like that 3-4 months ago; she dropped me like a bad habit with no closure. It sucked, but I slowly began to realize she was just as inconsiderate as your ex. People like that don't see how their actions devastate or affect others, because they aren't concerned with anything but their own well being. 3 years is a long time man, this will be a trying time I can promise. My first love in college was a 3 year fearless driving rain, but I'm better for it.

I wish you the best, hang in there bud. Just know 99% percent of people have felt feeling very similar to yours right now; point being it happens, and it sucks. But it does happen, deserved or not, to anyone at anytime. Life is a beach, we're just playing in the sand.

Hopefully they talked, and he got his closure, so he can accept reality, and let go of the past, and move to making a happy future for himself.