big_hearted
Jul 22, 2011, 12:51 PM
I'll start at the beginning...
I met my boyfriend, Josh, through my brother, and he went to elementry and middle school with my older sister. We are both from the same area. We met about 4 months ago. At the time I wasn't even looking for a relationship. We were just friends in the same circle and got very close. My brother, him, and I took weekend trips together as friends but feelings started to grow between me and Josh. I knew that Josh had been getting out of a somewhat messy relationship--she had a one year old son to another man who had not been being a father to his child. Josh had stepped up when her parents kicked her out and her and her son moved in with him. When things didn't work out, she moved back in with her parents. Once the air had cleared me and Josh started a casual but exclusive relationship. We had been together for about a month when he told me that his ex was pregnant and it was probably his. Now, she is 5 months pregnant with no place to live in a month, can't hold down a job, and spent her last check on a new cell phone that she did not need. She is only 20 years old. Josh is 24 and I am 22. We are very much in love and I feel like he is the one that I am going to be with--please don't assume that I am just infatuated, young, and dumb, give me at least a little credit here.
I cannot comprehend how someone can bring a child into this world and keep it when they cannot even support themselves. I do understand the incredible emotional bond between parents and their children although I am not a mother myself. She is already struggling with her first child and here comes the second. My main concern is for the children. They deserve a stable place to live (her and her son have moved at least 4 times and he is only one year old), food, toys, love, stimulation, etc. However, I don't feel that it is my place to make suggestions but I do feel very strongly about these kids getting a fair shake at life. I want to push them to put the kids up for adoption strictly for their sake but I know it is not my decision to be made. Giving up a child is an incredibly self-less thing and very hard to do. However, in this situation I can't help but feel that it would be better for the kids. Open adoption, I feel, is a good alternative to completely giving your child away. I feel very strongly about children having everything they deserve and stable environments, etc. They deserve a fair shake.
So, my question is, should I suck up my beliefs and stay out of it since they aren't my kids? I could always walk away from the situation but I would almost feel negligent. I have considered leaving him, but couldn't bring myself to do it. Our love is strong and I feel like it's the kind of love everyone is searching for, and I can't just up and walk away from it. I've thought to wait it out and see if she gets herself together. My boyfriend is working toward being able to support his child but is he going to have to support her too? Is that fair? Am I going to end up supporting and raising this family?
I met my boyfriend, Josh, through my brother, and he went to elementry and middle school with my older sister. We are both from the same area. We met about 4 months ago. At the time I wasn't even looking for a relationship. We were just friends in the same circle and got very close. My brother, him, and I took weekend trips together as friends but feelings started to grow between me and Josh. I knew that Josh had been getting out of a somewhat messy relationship--she had a one year old son to another man who had not been being a father to his child. Josh had stepped up when her parents kicked her out and her and her son moved in with him. When things didn't work out, she moved back in with her parents. Once the air had cleared me and Josh started a casual but exclusive relationship. We had been together for about a month when he told me that his ex was pregnant and it was probably his. Now, she is 5 months pregnant with no place to live in a month, can't hold down a job, and spent her last check on a new cell phone that she did not need. She is only 20 years old. Josh is 24 and I am 22. We are very much in love and I feel like he is the one that I am going to be with--please don't assume that I am just infatuated, young, and dumb, give me at least a little credit here.
I cannot comprehend how someone can bring a child into this world and keep it when they cannot even support themselves. I do understand the incredible emotional bond between parents and their children although I am not a mother myself. She is already struggling with her first child and here comes the second. My main concern is for the children. They deserve a stable place to live (her and her son have moved at least 4 times and he is only one year old), food, toys, love, stimulation, etc. However, I don't feel that it is my place to make suggestions but I do feel very strongly about these kids getting a fair shake at life. I want to push them to put the kids up for adoption strictly for their sake but I know it is not my decision to be made. Giving up a child is an incredibly self-less thing and very hard to do. However, in this situation I can't help but feel that it would be better for the kids. Open adoption, I feel, is a good alternative to completely giving your child away. I feel very strongly about children having everything they deserve and stable environments, etc. They deserve a fair shake.
So, my question is, should I suck up my beliefs and stay out of it since they aren't my kids? I could always walk away from the situation but I would almost feel negligent. I have considered leaving him, but couldn't bring myself to do it. Our love is strong and I feel like it's the kind of love everyone is searching for, and I can't just up and walk away from it. I've thought to wait it out and see if she gets herself together. My boyfriend is working toward being able to support his child but is he going to have to support her too? Is that fair? Am I going to end up supporting and raising this family?