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View Full Version : Why isn't my husband interested in me after my pregnancy?


gree
Jul 21, 2011, 04:06 PM
I feel that my husband is not interested on me because he never use to come near me or hug me he just give a kiss and goes fast for job may flying kiss. After my pregnancy he is like that. When ever I ask why he says that let 90 days get over because you are had done Cesarean, after 90 days when I asked he is saying let 6 months get over then only your body stitch will heal. When I asked now he is saying let your LMP starts or otherwise it will be risk, and I will get another baby he is saying.

Why he can't use condoms he is saying that it will not give satisfaction. He is saying that because of job he is mad. Some times he says that no problem of job nothing to do. He is never spending time by talking to me. He is to buy things and all what I like. He use to take me out some times. Before he takes me along with him every where and always, but now when he drinks I use to scold him once he slapped me on face. Before it was OK he drinks in limit but now he is not like that.

His mother had told me that not to allow to drink that's why I use to tell him now on words even I hate he drinking. He told sorry next morning to me and promised me that he will not drink promise. Like that so any times he had gave me promises but he has not done it, he broke his promise so that now I don't believe him in any cases. Then he told occasionally he will drink. Why he is not interested on me after pregnancy. Its because always I am scolding him every time he will do what I doesn't like.

Before we use to watch films together but now when he start to watch with out calling me. Why that so from this all what I want to understand. What I will do? If I say it to my family they says its my mistake. They think I am so stubborn and straight forward girl so I don't have feelings they think. Please help me out.


gree

joypulv
Jul 22, 2011, 12:11 AM
This happens to many men. They see you as a mother now, and it gets all mixed up in their mind with their mother or any mother. They think about the baby filling your body and squeezing out of your vagina, and the appeal of sex is lost to them.
It may also be a matter of time, desire has faded, unhappiness at work, financial worries about raising a child, and the total dependence of a child on two parents, one of whom has to provide. Mostly worries!
If you want sex asking for it isn't going to help. He needs admiration in his role as breadwinner and father. I realize that with his drinking this isn't easy, and your marriage may be going downhill, but sometimes putting on a positive attitude about him and the marriage may be the key to turning it around.

Cat1864
Jul 22, 2011, 06:19 AM
Gree, how old is your baby? Does he help with the baby or spend any time with your child? Have you tried sitting down with him and talking not demanding (as it may seem to him) or scolding about the issues-sex, his drinking, etc.

Stop scolding him about what he does wrong. Start communicating with him. You are not his mother. You are supposed to be his wife and partner. You are equals in this and both people should be treated as such.

Find a time when there are no distractions and he is more open to discussing the problems with you. A discussion means that you both talk and you both listen to what the other person has to say. Try to keep emotions under control and if they seem to be getting out of hand, take a break to calm down. If you can't do it on your own, perhaps a counselor or someone you both trust could mediate for you.

Be honest if you are worried about his drinking and calmly explain why. Talk to him about other means of birth control (first talk to your doctor to find out what forms are best for you) if he is concerned about another pregnancy. Listen when he says that he is stressed with work (even if later he says it isn't a factor, he may be trying to keep from worrying you. Pay attention and ask for clarification if things seem 'not right'.) It may be that he does have an issue with separating you being his lover from being a mother (it isn't going to help, if you are acting like his mother.)

Another factor is where does the child sleep? Is he concerned about the child waking up or hearing?

I am troubled by his slapping you, even once. However, it sounds like both of you are at the breaking point and need to back up before it gets worse. I think you have forgotten how to have fun and relax.

How much time do the two of you have together to relax? How much of that time are you asking for sex or scolding him? Work together to find time to relax and enjoy each other's presence. Play games, laugh together, watch clouds, have fun with no other thoughts than having fun. Work as a couple to let the stress and frustration dissipate.

Being more comfortable and less tense with each other will make the environment your child is growing up in healthier, too.

gree
Jul 22, 2011, 07:30 AM
Hai
My baby is now going to be 6 months.our marriage was on April 11th 2010.I don't know why he is behaving like this to me yesterday also he drunked a lot and I shouted.he was unconsious yesterday.and he thinks that room as toilet and pass urine its 2nd time and he vomits too on the bed thinking that its toilet.today he never talked to me never came to me.