I've been dating this girl long distance for about 8 months now and over this time we have gotten to know each other really well. I would normally never think about a long distance relationship but I felt so close to her and she admitted she felt the same about me so we kept going. We have talked to each other for hours every single day and we had gotten to the point where we were planning for the future where we could move and actually be together. I know how much she means to me and I always believed I meant a lot to her as well.

The problem comes from her life. She was/is married. She has been married for several years now but it isn't working between them. It got to the point where she admitted it to me and yes that sucked to hear but she fully explained the situation. Basically she had been with him for some time but it wasn't working and she saw no real future for them. She had been planning to get divorced but she hadn't started it until I came along. Now she found me and she was happy with me so the divorce started several months ago. This is where it started to get difficult because he still cared for her but she didn't care for him in that way. He started to fight the divorce and then fight with her which over time has confused her. She now feels bad for what she is doing to him. He doesn't want her back though or at least he say's he doesn't want her back so she is trying to leave me in order to make him come back which I don't think he will.

What do I do? I want to be with her and I care for her a great deal and as strange as it sounds I believe she still cares for me. She is the sort of person who can't bear to upset anyone so I just fear she is doing this to make him feel better even if she doesn't want to be with him. She just can't see that she is ruining what we have by trying to go back to him when he doesn't want her anyway. What can I do to keep her? I know the distance between us doesn't help and I know if I continue to let her pull away from me to go back to him then we will never survive to the point where we had arranged to be together. I am still wanting to fight for this but I don't know how to make her see she needs to fight as well. I have said I would even fly over to her so we can try and work this out but she fights over that as well. She still tells me she loves me but she says I shouldn't come over because she doesn't even know what she wants and it would be complicated further because her husband is at her place most days.

I'm not the outgoing type of guy and I don't let that many people get this close to me so I just feel that if I lose her I can't replace her. I don't go out and meet new people and do all those "normal" things so when she came along and accepted me for who I am I knew I had the perfect person. I can't stand losing her.

You leave her alone to sort out her business-which you should never have got involved in in the first place-as she was married.

Time to move on and let her take care of her life while you take care of yours.

How did you meet? Have you ever met in person?

I don't like saying this, but I think you have been played. She is married and apparently cheating on her husband. I am not certain I believe her story or that she is the person you think she is.

She isn't a girl who doesn't know what she is doing. She is a woman who has (at best) made poor choices in how to handle her life. She should have been in the process of divorcing her husband a long time before she met you if she was unhappy in her marriage.

I suggest breaking off all contact with her. It is not admitting defeat, it is paying attention to the big red warning signs flashing out danger in Morse code. Just a few of the red flags: She keeps one person around until she finds another one. She lets the person she is with think everything is okay until she is ready to move on to the next. She cheats on the person she is with. She drags others into her mess. If she will cheat on her husband, there is no reason for her not to cheat on you. Is this really the person you want to be with?

Let yourself heal and move on. Find someone closer to home who isn't in a relationship.

She appears to still be hooked on her husband. If she really wanted to leave him, she would be gone by now. You should give her more credit than that. She would not stay with him out of pity. She would stay with him because she still has feelings for him. Remember, there's a reason that they got married. She must have fallen in love to do so. So even though they have a ton of problems, there is still love.

As for you. It's easy for everyone to tell you to give up on her and move on. But if you really do love her, you should definitely consider flying over to see her. Right now, you're all talk and no action. You tell her that you want to go see her, but she hesitates. I don't think that she would say... yes yes, please come find me and save me!

If you really love her and want to fight for her, then you need to go find her. Surprise her if you have to. The reason it is easy for others to tell you to give up on her is because even though you do go find her, there's no guarantee that she will take you. There's also a high probability that she has been playing you.

Then question you really need to answer is, would you regret not trying your best to let her know how you really feel about her so that she can make an informed decision?

I'm so sorry that you have been played by this woman. You are not defeated, you can take control of this situation by walking away and not talking to her. She lies, she cheats emotionally, and cheats physically. She's been getting away with it so why would she stop? The distance between you also greatly diminishes the chances of something working between the two of you.

And I have to address the fact that you are still messing with a technically married woman. You have to back off that really quick. You can do better than this train wreck situation. You just have to make the choice to do better.

This is simple, STAY OUT OF MARRIED PEOPLES BUSINESS. Even worse is she was all for a divorce, now she isn't. For whatever reason, she is staying put, and keeping you on a string. Romance is great, but reality is much greater.


I'm not the outgoing type of guy and I don't let that many people get this close to me so I just feel that if I lose her I can't replace her. I don't go out and meet new people and do all those "normal" things so when she came along and accepted me for who I am I knew I had the perfect person. I can't stand losing her.

I think you would have fallen for anyone who gave you some attention, but should get a life of your own, that makes you happy, and leave hers alone. Plain, and simple.