TJDVan
Jul 18, 2011, 11:13 AM
Hi everyone,
I am writing this as a new member who just has to type something and ask for some guidance because I am at my lowest ebb. About two and a half years ago I came out of a six-year relationship because I met the girl of my dreams. She is perfect. She is funny, she is caring, she is a really good person. And I love her in a way that I genuinely never thought possible. She is my whole world. Since we have been together, I have stopped caring about anything else because I really feel like nothing could ever matter when I'm with her. We were within seconds of getting married because we loved so much.
After about 9 months of being together (we lived together after 2 months) we started to have problems. Not with our relationship, but with our living situation. I was studying for a Masters degree abroad and she was on a one-year work visa. It expired but she stayed with me for love, meaning she could not work for six months. Her confidence went to pot, she had terrible anxiety issues and became a shadow of her former self. But we fought every single day (and it was a fight because she was really not well) and we seemed to make it through. We returned home (to the U.K.) as soon as I was qualified and things picked up instantly. We then made plan after plan after plan (living and working in the U.K. travelling through S. East Asia, living in Europe and learning a language, returning back to Canada to pursue residency. We kept changing our minds because every option was something of a compromise for one of us, but we couldn't contemplate being apart because the love was so strong.
We eventually decided to return to Canada, where we had met. We got our visas after another 9 months of waiting around and finally got here in April. For the first time in well over a year we both had money (we were working and earning good money) and could do things we wanted. We had a beautiful new apartment. We had a future that could develop into anything. But she wasn't happy. She didn't try to make a life here. She just descended into monotony and spent all her time on Facebook, wishing she was somewhere else. It broke my heart when she told me she didn't know who she was anymore, and that she was leaving me. I am ashamed to admit that I made it very hard for her. I was an absolute wreck for five weeks, during which time she told me she still loved me and she still wanted it to work. She just didn't think it could. I put her on a plane six weeks ago and trudged home not caring if I was hit by a bus. I went to the gym straight away to be around people. I came back a few hours later to find her suitcase back in my room and her crying tears of joy. She kissed me like she hadn't in months, and told me it was going to be all right. She actually got off the plane once she was on it to return to our live and our love.
Six weeks on, she went away with a friend for a weekend of fun and had an amazing time. We had been doing so much better, and things were getting better by the day in the build-up to her going. I was excited for her, knowing the break would do her good. She phoned me everyday to talk and tell me what a great time she was having, and that she couldn't wait to take me there. Then, on her return, she was acting strangely again and looked very sad. I let her be, but a few hours later she burst into tears, told me she didn't love me anymore and that we are breaking up forever. I am totally dumbfounded. It is literally days since she told me how happy she was. How pleased that we had fought for this. How much we have to look forward to. And our physical relationship has been better too.
I just don't understand. I know that she didn't cheat on me or anything like that. I know she just snapped, but I don't know how or why, and I don't know how to cope. Should I just let her go and try to get on with my own life, or should I fight for her again? I have honestly never known pain like this. I believe with all of my heart that we have a future together (and that I could never love anyone in the same way again). I don't know what to do. I love her so, so much. I don't understand how I could love her this much and have her fall out of love with me. I need some good advice...
I am writing this as a new member who just has to type something and ask for some guidance because I am at my lowest ebb. About two and a half years ago I came out of a six-year relationship because I met the girl of my dreams. She is perfect. She is funny, she is caring, she is a really good person. And I love her in a way that I genuinely never thought possible. She is my whole world. Since we have been together, I have stopped caring about anything else because I really feel like nothing could ever matter when I'm with her. We were within seconds of getting married because we loved so much.
After about 9 months of being together (we lived together after 2 months) we started to have problems. Not with our relationship, but with our living situation. I was studying for a Masters degree abroad and she was on a one-year work visa. It expired but she stayed with me for love, meaning she could not work for six months. Her confidence went to pot, she had terrible anxiety issues and became a shadow of her former self. But we fought every single day (and it was a fight because she was really not well) and we seemed to make it through. We returned home (to the U.K.) as soon as I was qualified and things picked up instantly. We then made plan after plan after plan (living and working in the U.K. travelling through S. East Asia, living in Europe and learning a language, returning back to Canada to pursue residency. We kept changing our minds because every option was something of a compromise for one of us, but we couldn't contemplate being apart because the love was so strong.
We eventually decided to return to Canada, where we had met. We got our visas after another 9 months of waiting around and finally got here in April. For the first time in well over a year we both had money (we were working and earning good money) and could do things we wanted. We had a beautiful new apartment. We had a future that could develop into anything. But she wasn't happy. She didn't try to make a life here. She just descended into monotony and spent all her time on Facebook, wishing she was somewhere else. It broke my heart when she told me she didn't know who she was anymore, and that she was leaving me. I am ashamed to admit that I made it very hard for her. I was an absolute wreck for five weeks, during which time she told me she still loved me and she still wanted it to work. She just didn't think it could. I put her on a plane six weeks ago and trudged home not caring if I was hit by a bus. I went to the gym straight away to be around people. I came back a few hours later to find her suitcase back in my room and her crying tears of joy. She kissed me like she hadn't in months, and told me it was going to be all right. She actually got off the plane once she was on it to return to our live and our love.
Six weeks on, she went away with a friend for a weekend of fun and had an amazing time. We had been doing so much better, and things were getting better by the day in the build-up to her going. I was excited for her, knowing the break would do her good. She phoned me everyday to talk and tell me what a great time she was having, and that she couldn't wait to take me there. Then, on her return, she was acting strangely again and looked very sad. I let her be, but a few hours later she burst into tears, told me she didn't love me anymore and that we are breaking up forever. I am totally dumbfounded. It is literally days since she told me how happy she was. How pleased that we had fought for this. How much we have to look forward to. And our physical relationship has been better too.
I just don't understand. I know that she didn't cheat on me or anything like that. I know she just snapped, but I don't know how or why, and I don't know how to cope. Should I just let her go and try to get on with my own life, or should I fight for her again? I have honestly never known pain like this. I believe with all of my heart that we have a future together (and that I could never love anyone in the same way again). I don't know what to do. I love her so, so much. I don't understand how I could love her this much and have her fall out of love with me. I need some good advice...