Astsadi
Jul 17, 2011, 07:50 PM
What do you do with a needy boyfriend?
My boyfriend and I are almost completely gender role reversed -- I am ruled by logic, I am more standoffish with emotion and emotional displays, and I am more likely to question things that don't make sense (like love, although I've mostly made my peace with it's particular brand of insanity!). Generally, I fit more into a male stereotype than a female one. On the other hand, my boyfriend is far more feminine in his thinking and reaction -- raised in a very loving family, he places heavy emphasis on emotions and feeling than logic, and generally reacts in more feminine ways than masculine.
(This is only where me and our relationship are concerned, apart from that he's a perfectly normal guy! Which is completely illogical and bothers me possibly even more than the behavior itself!)
Now, I do love him, but I do have trouble understanding him when he's needy. He constantly needs reassurance that I love him, that I'm happy with him, and -- when I'm away -- that I miss him. He writes me emails constantly telling me how much he misses me, and to be perfectly frank, it's getting on my absolute last nerve. His neediness is beginning to look pathetic, and it's irritating me. I can barely talk to him anymore because I'm nervous about what he's going to come out with next that I'm going to have to reassure him on. Which becomes doubly awkward when he asks me to reassure him that I love him, but he's bugging me so much I'm not sure if I'm lying or not when I assure him I do.
Does anyone have any advice on how I can bring this up to him without sounding awful? I don't want to dump him over this, but I just don't know how to say it without hurting him.
My boyfriend and I are almost completely gender role reversed -- I am ruled by logic, I am more standoffish with emotion and emotional displays, and I am more likely to question things that don't make sense (like love, although I've mostly made my peace with it's particular brand of insanity!). Generally, I fit more into a male stereotype than a female one. On the other hand, my boyfriend is far more feminine in his thinking and reaction -- raised in a very loving family, he places heavy emphasis on emotions and feeling than logic, and generally reacts in more feminine ways than masculine.
(This is only where me and our relationship are concerned, apart from that he's a perfectly normal guy! Which is completely illogical and bothers me possibly even more than the behavior itself!)
Now, I do love him, but I do have trouble understanding him when he's needy. He constantly needs reassurance that I love him, that I'm happy with him, and -- when I'm away -- that I miss him. He writes me emails constantly telling me how much he misses me, and to be perfectly frank, it's getting on my absolute last nerve. His neediness is beginning to look pathetic, and it's irritating me. I can barely talk to him anymore because I'm nervous about what he's going to come out with next that I'm going to have to reassure him on. Which becomes doubly awkward when he asks me to reassure him that I love him, but he's bugging me so much I'm not sure if I'm lying or not when I assure him I do.
Does anyone have any advice on how I can bring this up to him without sounding awful? I don't want to dump him over this, but I just don't know how to say it without hurting him.