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View Full Version : She needs Space... But I'm worried.


MG55
Jul 17, 2011, 01:31 PM
So I have known this girl for about 5 years now, and we always had this connection or feelings for each other I guess you could say, and finally 2 months ago we started to actually take it to another level. We finally started talking and dating. And it has been amazing. We would see each other everyday, and I mean every single day, which I understand isn't the best idea but she really wanted to. And within the past few days it has gone downhill completely. We are both in love with each other. I mean I am crazy about this girl and she means everything to me. And she tells me she loves me a lot. But last Thursday she tells me she feels like we are moving to fast and wants to slow things down and I'm like all right that's fine. A day later she tells me she needs time and space alone and she is lost, confused, and doesn't know what she wants at all. And of course I'm hurt and really upset but I respect that and I'm giving her space. But then a day later she seems really upset and finally she breaks up with me. But the thing is, she tells me that she loves me and cares about me a lot, and she hopes we can be together when she feels better. She tells me there isn't anyone else and that she's never been with a guy so caring and that has been sweet to her. And of course I'm very sad and yet I want to give her space and time because I want to be with her, more than anything. So we don't talk for a day, and then yesterday she texts me saying, she misses me and hope all is well and I say I miss you too and I love you and she replies "i love you too.." with those damn periods which I doubt mean anything. But now I'm completely confused, because two of my friends have both told me that it isn't over between us and she probably really just needs time. And I want to believe that too. I mean yes she needs time and she broke up with me, but everything else points to her still in love with me and everything. I mean my friend made a good point saying " she texted you first so obviously she wants you around" and that's true, and I am an over thinker and I worry quite a bit but I just want reassurance.. and I know there isn't a definite answer anyone can give me, I just want some insight. I mean even her best friend tells me she really does love and me and cares about me. She told me that, and she doesn't want me out of her and life and that we couldn't just be friends, which I'm okay with because I love her. But at the same time, I'm worried in a week or two or whenever she feels better she could just totally reject me and this sucks, because all of these things point to it working out. But I have no idea. I just need some opinions PLEASE!

Gin_Ichimaru
Jul 17, 2011, 02:20 PM
This isn't your choice I'm afraid, if she wants time off, she doesn't need your permission, I don't really understand what you're asking anyway. Opinion on what?

If you will get back together? If all you say is true then she's probably hiding something otherwise you would be together still.

Perhaps it's beyond your control? Family problems? Someone else she's not telling you about?

I guess it could be a range of things.

Overall, if all is true and even the best friend of hers is reasurring you, it's often a very good sign.

Hope this helped.

Gin.

MG55
Jul 17, 2011, 02:25 PM
Thank you. I guess what I'm asking is, whether is sounds like there is a chance for us to be together or not. She has told me before she is scared and this is new for her, because she has never been treated so well by a guy before and isn't use to someone being there for her. She tells me she is use to being or at least feeling alone. Her best friend was her aunt and she passed away four years ago and had a hard time getting over it, and this caused her to have trust issues and makes her worried that people, including myself are just going to walk out of her life. I don't think she is hiding anything, I truly think she is scared and isn't use to this. And even my friends weren't sure why she even broke up with me, and it seems weird, but I'm letting her do her thing. And I guess I just need reassurance, which of course can't be guaranteed, but by everything I've posted, I feel like she wouldn't just leave me you know? What do you think.

Gin_Ichimaru
Jul 17, 2011, 02:30 PM
I think, from the information I have, she is just needing to find her feet and how to cope with all the kindness you're giving her.

She sounds like she's really attached to you, she's new to this and after he aunt passing away she's maybe testing you to see if you won't just walk out of her life by having this break.

I'm sure you'll pass and I'm also sure she will need time when you two get back together to get used to this and settle into the idea that you won't leave her. She maybe feels that she won't be able to take it if another person so dear to her leaves.

That's all I can really say, it sounds to me like she loves you a lot and doesn't want to leave you.

I hope this helped and tell me if it has.

Gin.

MG55
Jul 17, 2011, 02:38 PM
Thank you very much and it has. I mean of course anything can happen. I've just been sad lately and I know I shouldn't sit around, just I really care about this girl and I mean, I want it to work out. A lot of these things point to her coming back, but its scary knowing she just may not want to.. but at the same time I feel like she wouldn't want to just leave, you know? And I don't know, I don't want to end and her saying "i can't do this right now" or something like that. Because honestly everything was great, we always had a good time together and her family likes me. So I really hope you are right about it being she just needs to see if I will leave or not. I mean I know I need to just keep going with my life, but honestly I can't help but think about her, and I know I shouldn't text her unless she text or call unless she does first, I just don't want her to forget about me or for her to think I'm not thinking about her, but I guess if she wanted the space then I should just wait for her to talk to me correct? Also, on Tuesday she leaves for seattle for 4 days, should I even text her saying "have a safe and fun trip" or just not talk to her at all? I mean I will doo anything for this girl and I don't want to mess it up. And one main thing she keeps telling me is that I haven't done anything wrong at all, except been great. She tells me its all her and she only broke up with me so she doesn't put me through what she is going through and she doesn't want to hurt me, if that makes sense to you? But you honestly feel she will come back?

Gin_Ichimaru
Jul 17, 2011, 02:47 PM
Yes, I believe so.

No girl in the right mind would pass up a caring sweet boy who's great to them. I would send that text also, to remind her that even after she broke up with you, you can man up and still be sweet and nice to her. Maybe she's dealing with something right now and doesn't want to ruin the relationship between you two. Makes sense don't it?

I mean, if you were together and she was constantly depressed, upset and you had no idea why, you only wished to help her but she wouldn't let you. After a while, no matter how much you love her, you will get annoyed with it and wonder why you waste your time.

BUT! She has chose to take a break, even if this upsets her more, it's to preserve your good relationship and feelings. She is going through more pain for you, for your relationship. This is no fact but my opinion so I could be wrong, sure, but you know?

I really do hope you get her back mate.

Best of luck, hope this one helps too! :D Post some feedback again lol.

Gin.

MG55
Jul 17, 2011, 02:57 PM
I can't thank you enough, really. This has helped a lot and I understand it is just an opinion, but at the same time I feel like you could be right. I mean, I don't think if she loves me and cares about, would just completely end everything. Her friend told me before to just end it to give her time, but I didn't so she finally did, but I don't know, I feel somewhat good about this but at the same time I'm scared, just completely scared. I dotn want to to just lose her and have it be over. I mean we have a history and we both agreed how amazing it was for it to finally turn into something. And I really feel like it was hard for her to do it too, but you always get that feeling that she could be doing just fine and I feel terrible and I don't know. I hate not knowing what's going on, you know? And all I can do is just wait, just do you know why she would just want to end it? Of course you don't know her, but more of an opinion. I mean what reasons would she not want to be with me, because I dotn think she would lie about saying she loves, cares, and misses me. I just, and I don't think she oould ever just be friends with me. I don't know.. this is really difficult.

Gin_Ichimaru
Jul 17, 2011, 03:05 PM
Look mate, it's OK, every single person gets scared, a lot of them are like you in this situation, I've personnally found myself in your shoes once or twice. It's good you're scared, it shows that this girl means something to you.

As for reasons she could end it with you, well, it could be that this has been one big well planned out scene to in a sense 'let you down' easier. I very much doubt this.

She could lose interest in you, maybe she finds you clingy? Too protective? Not her type? etc.

The fear of losing you and her getting hurt could grow too large and she might even give some distance between the two of you just because of that.

I really don't know this one if I'm honest. The reason I don't is mainly because I really do believe she won't leave you, I really think you two are going to stick. Like I said, she just needs time.

Hope this one helps too :D

Feedback mate, Happy to answer more.

Gin.

MG55
Jul 17, 2011, 03:23 PM
Thanks again man haha I know I sound like a broken record, it just helps to hear more, and if you are willing to answer more I have another thing to ask. Her friend told me that she just didn't want a relationship right now because she was scared and everything was going on. Now if that's true, I worry that maybe she won't want me back, but maybe she doesn't want a relationship right now because she feels scared and lost and confused, if that makes sense. I mean, maybe I was a little clingy, but it wasn't terrible, she even told me she gets attached, but yet she always loses people, and I really don't want to leave. And I told her before I'm always here for her. And I'm worried some other person or something will talk to her and get her to not need me, but when were together, it's the greatest and I just can't lose her man. I mean she told me before "i dont know what i want, i just dont know, i dont know, i dont know. i do know that i love you and want you" and then later when I said I love you and she said "i love you too.." I can't tell, and don't laugh but her adding the.. is like she isn't sure or something. I just don't know what it is. And it hurts, a lot.

Gin_Ichimaru
Jul 17, 2011, 03:46 PM
I understand, even the tinyest of things such as those periods can cause huge worry.
Maybe it's a misunderstanding and she included them on how she felt at the current moment, she may have been depressed still.

Perhaps she's not used to being in a relationship at all and it may take longer than you think. This could all be entirely different for her, she could struggle to keep up with it all. After all being in a relationship, comes responsibility.

She seems like she is struggling with something big, if you know, could you tell me? It would help a lot, to understand what she's coping with. The reason I say something big is because you mention her being depressed and upset, confused a lot. This can't be purely on the fact that she's not used to a relationship like yours.

If you have any other info, I might be able to help some more.

Hope this helps just as well.

Gin. :)

MG55
Jul 17, 2011, 03:55 PM
Honestly, I think the biggest thing for her is, she is scared to trust someone and can't open up very easily. She tells me she has never been with such a caring guy who loves her for her and that she just got scared because has never been so comfortable with someone like me, and she says it just hit her out of nowhere, she just got scared and she is afraid that I would just walk out. That's what it is. I mean nothing else was going on to be honest. And we were seeing each other like everyday so I don't know if she just needs to take some time to see how she is feeling about all this. And I feel good about what you have said and some of my friends, but yet I'm still very worried. I mean its hard to not talk to her and I don't know what she is thinking. I hope she is thinking about me and everything. I don't want her to forget about me. I mean I guess I could be beating myself up over it, but its like I have no idea what is going on and I'm scared she will get comfortable without me being around and just end things. But the things she has told me before, I also feel like it would be hard for her to just end it. I don't know. I hate feeling like this. And I just want her to text me or call me. Just telling me she misses me again or something. She's never acted depressed or anything unless we talk about her aunt, and she wasn't really scared or confused until it just hit her one day. And I don't know if that means something..

Gin_Ichimaru
Jul 17, 2011, 04:30 PM
I think all you can do is give her the time she needs to get used to it all, sort her head. She's probably too attached to you, meaning she's scared to lose you, you probably mean too much to her.

I hope everything turns out well, I'm sure it will.

Don't worry yourself too much, have some fun, don't be scared all the time. I know it's hard, but being in doubt all the time isn't good for you. You know?

Hope I've helped. Need anything else, just say.

Gin.

MG55
Jul 17, 2011, 10:41 PM
Well everything seemed better until I got some messages from her friend and just I don't know now. Saying certain things, that she claims are just her opinion and bascially saying she doesn't even want a boyfriend or something... I don't know.