Hi everyone.

I'm Justin. I have a situation. I have recently (about 3 months ago), met the best girl I could ever ask for. We're together and I feel she could be the love of my life. I haven't cheated at her, but I've had sexual desires every day. But the problem lies here. She's a virgin. I love having sex. She's willing to give me sex, but that's impossible being that we're 3 hours apart. I have no car at the moment, and I start college next month. I really REALLY don't want to hurt her at ALL, but I know the temptations of having sex in college may be too much to bare, especially with the people I hang out with. She's too far away to get it when I want it, and being on campus will be more convenient for me to get sex from somebody, even though I want nothing more from them. She's planning on attending the same college as me next year, (I wouldn't be here if she was coming with me this year), but that doesn't help me for this year. What should I do?

Think with the big head, not the little one.

If you can't resist temptation, then you fall for anything.

Imagine being a lying cheater, and explaining it to her.

Don't even try making excuses for bad behavior.

Be honest and dump her, and tell her you have no control over where your pecker wants to explore.

Your choice.

If you have such little self respect and self control to just sleep around with any temptation you find.

Of course you can be true and not have sex, it sounds like you are far to obsessed with sex.

You are in a tough position and I'm glad you are at least giving it some thought. It all boils down to this: Who/What do you love more? Her or sex? If you choose her you MUST be faithful and avoid temptation. It will be hard but if she is worth it then the payoff will be wonderful.

If you think you can't do that then do yourselves favor and leave before you do something you WILL regret. Its not fair to her if you become a lying cheat, especially if she loves you. You will emotionally damage her and sometimes people never fully recover from that. But if you leave before your little head gets you in trouble she will probably recover a little better.

She's a virgin. I love having sex. She's willing to give me sex, but that's impossible being that we're 3 hours apart. ... I really REALLY don't want to hurt her at ALL, but I know the temptations of having sex in college may be too much to bare, especially with the people I hang out with. She's too far away to get it when I want it, and being on campus will be more convenient for me to get sex from somebody, even though I want nothing more from them. She's planning on attending the same college as me next year, (I wouldn't be here if she was coming with me this year), but that doesn't help me for this year. What should I do??


Let's see, where to start?

She's a virgin, she's willing to "give" you sex and you're "willing" to take her virginity even though you doubt you can be faithful to her.

I see a lot about when YOU want sex, when someone will allow you to "get" sex from them when you "want" it.

That's just for starters.

I'd stay away from virgins because this girl is going to be emotionally hurt. I'd also grow up and stop thinking about sex as a solo adventure and start thinking about your partner's needs and wants.

I'd also invest in a big box of condoms.

Is it OK that she has come to understand me, and this problem, and has allowed us to be in an open relationship ONLY this year, as long as I tell her everything, and don't fall for another girl? Again, we're going to be together next year, If God allows us to live that long.

She is willing to stay in a relationship with a man who is risking getting another woman pregnant AND catching an STD because he has a "problem" involving keeping his pants on?

And she wants you to tell her everything?

And you reference God in this scenario?

I think you and your girlfriend may very well deserve each other. I can't imagine either one of you finding anyone else on these terms.

I'm getting a bad vybe from you Judy.

Let's see, where to start?

She's a virgin, she's willing to "give" you sex and you're "willing" to take her virginity even though you doubt you can be faithful to her.

I see a lot about when YOU want sex, when someone will allow you to "get" sex from them when you "want" it.

That's just for starters.

I'd stay away from virgins because this girl is going to be emotionally hurt. I'd also grow up and stop thinking about sex as a solo adventure and start thinking about your partner's needs and wants.

I'd also invest in a big box of condoms.

Um, I don't question that I can stay faithful if she was HERE. I can stay faithful, that's not the problem. The distance is the problem. Just thought you should understand that.

The distance isn't the problem, you are the problem. We thought that you should know and understand that.

I mean you are responsible for your own actions aren't you? Or are you saying that the distance is your excuse for bad behavior??

I'm getting a bad vybe from you Judy.


No, you're getting an honest answer, one apparently you can't understand and/or live with.

Or don't pregnancy and STDs exist in your part of the World?

Your girlfriend should also pray (as long as you brought up religion) that she never gets pregnant, sick or disabled - no question you'll leave dust in your wake.

Um, Yea, That's Why I don't Just Lay Around With Every and Anybody. You're so one-streamed minded. Yes, I admit I have a sex problem, but I have NEVER cheated on ANYONE. So please tell me that I'm wrong again. Go ahead. I came here for some good advice, not for someone to judge or bash me. You can call it the honest truth, but apparently you have no consideration of anyone's feelings, you just Speak! Your probably way older than me so I'm going to respect you as an elder, but I won't allow anyone to run over me just because I have a problem.

How am I the problem? I have a problem, yes. Have I cheated before, no. Do I know what to expect with college and the temptations? No. That's the issue! Yea, I thought you should know that. And please tell me what's my bad behavior? Having sex? Yea OK, but just because I like sex doesn't mean it's with EVERYBODY! Man you people have issues of your own I see.

[I][SAJ FELLS] Um, Yea, That's Why I don't Just Lay Around With Every and Anybody. You're so one-streamed minded. Yes, I admit I have a sex problem, but I have NEVER cheated on ANYONE. So please tell me that I'm wrong again. Go ahead. I came here for some good advice, not for someone to judge or bash me. You can call it the honest truth, but apparently you have no consideration of anyone's feelings, you just Speak! Your probably way older than me so I'm going to respect you as an elder, but I won't allow anyone to run over me just because I have a problem.


From what I'm reading you do lay around with anybody and everybody - or at least that's your plan. So you DO use at least forms of birth control and are regularly tested for STDs?

As far as age is concerned - don't respect me as your elder. Respect me because I can actually spell.

For example, it's vibe.

She is willing to stay in a relationship with a man who is risking getting another woman pregnant AND catching an STD because he has a "problem" involving keeping his pants on?

Woooahhh, Please don't go there talking about you can spell. Ha!

This little editor thing has a spell check, besides your grammar isn't correct as it seems is it?

Catching "an" STD? Do you mean "a" STD? Yea. I'll past, you just lost all my respect.

Seems to me you people think when someone says they likes to have sex, that means its automatically with 30 people. Haha, gosh you are funny. I know me better than anyone, and yes I've been checked, and yes I know about EVERY person I've had sex with. P.S. All Virgins. So please don't even make yourself look intelligent by arguing with someone for or five times younger than you. Talk what you know and not what YOU assume.

I actually seen this as good advice, then you started bashing me. Not cool.

If you have a sex "problem", then perhaps get some help. Don't bring this girl down with you.

I'm not judging you for sex addiction problem. Just own up to it, be honest wirh your girlfriend.

If you are here to get advice, then you will have to understand, that it will come with honesty. It may not be what you want to hear, but it's our advice.

How am I the problem?
Because its your choices, and decisions that are important, and that you are responsible for. Not situations, and circumstances.


I have a problem, yes. Have I cheated before, no.
That's great, so why consider it now? Think of better options.


Do I know what to expect with college and the temptations? No. That's the issue!
But you have an idea, so don't play innocent, you know good and well you will have many options and opportunities to explore your freedoms with many different kinds of people, and there ways. You know for a fact that there will be temptations of all kinds, not just with virgins.


Yea, I thought you should know that. And please tell me what's my bad behavior? Having sex?
We all like sex dude, in that you are no different, you just have to set the boundaries for your own behavior, and not be tempted to follow someone else's boundaries for your OWN behavior. You are the only one who will pay the price for giving into any temptation, without thought for your own responsibility.


Yea OK, but just because I like sex doesn't mean it's with EVERYBODY!
It seems just with virgins, who are by definition, inexperienced in sex. Wonder why that is??


Man you people have issues of your own I see.
We all have issues, everyone of us who walks the earth as humans, So What??


I actually seen this as good advice, then you started bashing me. Not cool.

I haven't bashed you at all. You seem to be defensive, but I understand that as advice, and opinion, is not always presented as we like it. May I respectfully submit that lashing back may distract you from simple truths to be aware of? That is also something you will be expecting of yourself, cool, calm, self control, and discipline, so as to resist temptation, and decisions and actions based on feelings and not facts.

One of the challenges of youthful inexperience, and fears because of that inexperience. Stay humble and you learn your lessons with a lot less pain, and consequence of bad choices. You say you know yourself? Good, then stay true to yourself. That's how you resist those temptations, and won't have to make excuses for any bad behavior.

I know. Some people probably take that reputation thing to the head, and think that they can just say all and everything. And if your read the comments, there where A lot of assumptions. Tell me facts, not assumptions.

Woooahhh, Please don't go there talking about you can spell. Ha!

This little editor thing has a spell check, besides your grammar isn't correct as it seems is it?

Catching "an" STD? Do you mean "a" STD? Yea. I'll past, you just lost all my respect.

Seems to me you people think when someone says they likes to have sex, that means its automatically with 30 people. Haha, gosh you are funny. I know me better than anyone, and yes I've been checked, and yes I know about EVERY person I've had sex with. P.S. All Virgins. So please don't even make your self look intelligent by arguing with someone for or five times younger than you. Talk what you know and not what YOU assume.


I will have you know that Judy is a well respected member of this site. I will also have you know that we take the time to help others by giving them advice. So insulting members is not going to get you anywhere.

FYI it IS "an" not "a". So before insulting someone, perhaps you should know your stuff.

Also, I changed my mind... I think you should dump your girlfriend, because she CAN do better than you.

Bravo. Yea I'm the one who insulted somebody. You must didn't see what she said to me? That was a jab.

That's my point. I came here for advice, not to be judge. I know we have issues. I do. That's why I came here, hoping to find somebody in or have been in my same position, but all I get is a spelling check. Why

And to answer your sarcastic
Question or whatever, having sex with virgins make you less vulnerable too diseases.

So you can sift through all the advice and take what you need and have the rest for later, just in case. Its mostly your presentation that riles others up, especially experienced females who take offense at your rather cavalier attitude toward virgins and sex.

They just want you to think and present yourself as a more caring understanding fellow. Something to consider when in public, as you can only be judged by how you present yourself.

You may not agree, nor mean harm, but give it some thought before you dismiss it off hand because you THINK its unfair, or wrong.

Going the extra mile to use spell check, also helps your presentation. Just my OPINION.

They just want you to think and present yourself as a more caring understanding fellow. Something to consider when in public, as you can only be judged by how you present yourself.

I really am a caring fellow. Always have been. Always been told I'm sweet when I don't try to be. It's just me. But I caught offense with this.

I said:


Is it OK that she has come to understand me, and this problem, and has allowed us to be in an open relationship ONLY this year, as long as I tell her everything, and don't fall for another girl? Again, we're going to be together next year, If God allows us to live that long.

And what I felt was a bit offensive.


She is willing to stay in a relationship with a man who is risking getting another woman pregnant AND catching an STD because he has a "problem" involving keeping his pants on?

And she wants you to tell her everything?

And you reference God in this scenario?

I think you and your girlfriend may very well deserve each other. I can't imagine either one of you finding anyone else on these terms.

I was being understanding and really just taking all the advice until she posted this. Will somebody please explain this to me, because maybe I took it wrong.

Its very simple, most females hate cheating (guys are exactly the same), and they love honesty. When you tweek the emotions of anyone, they react with their own feelings and opinions, and yes sometimes its very harsh to your ears, but those are the times you step back and actually see what's being said and why, and get facts, and not just feelings.

We all have feelings, strong ones that have been experienced through hurt, and pain, as would your experience with your female, should you behave badly.

Of course I have the advantage of knowing the posters here, and know how pasionately they can be in their efforts to help guide you through your own thinking.

If an unknown female can be so strong in their opinions, imagine your own, when you have to confess to making a mistake and giving into the temptations of which you speak about. You think they are tough on you, you have seen nothing until you really piss off, and anger the one you are with.

That's all they want you to see, woman ain't taking no crap for any reason. They were direct, and nice considering the gravity of your question.

The message was DON'T SCREW WITH A FEMALES HEART! If you do, there is hell to pay!

Woooahhh, Please don't go there talking about you can spell. Ha!

This little editor thing has a spell check, besides your grammar isn't correct as it seems is it?

Catching "an" STD? Do you mean "a" STD? Yea. I'll past, you just lost all my respect.

Seems to me you people think when someone says they likes to have sex, that means its automatically with 30 people. Haha, gosh you are funny. I know me better than anyone, and yes I've been checked, and yes I know about EVERY person I've had sex with. P.S. All Virgins. So please don't even make your self look intelligent by arguing with someone for or five times younger than you. Talk what you know and not what YOU assume.


Sorry - but it's AN STD OR a Sexually Transmitted Disease. Did I get your respect back?

So your speciality is virgins - women who don't have other partners and, therefore, have no means by which to judge your performance. Probably a smart move on your part.

You are 5 or 6 times younger than me? I thought so - you're still in elementary school! No wonder you think the way you do.

So - I KNOW your grammar is faulty, I KNOW your specialty is virgins, I KNOW you aren't 5 or 6 times younger than me.

Oh, and if you think arguing age is going to embarrass me, it's not, so pick something else.

And as far as your question and what you have posted about yourself - I don't know you. I had no pre-conceived notions about you. The info I have is what you posted. You are passive/aggressive and come off like a real jerk.

If you have a high sex drive and only have sex with virgins there mustn't be a virgin within miles and miles of you.

And, yes, boys who pride themselves on how many virginities they can take DO make me sick to my stomach. I trust the virgins are all of legal age?

Again, I will repeat... if you feel as if you have a sex addiction problem, then get professional help.

I will also repeat... I am not judging you for having an addiction problem. These things happen. So. Fine. No shame, just get help for it. I applaud you for realizing that you DO have a problem.

Here is my advice to you, and you can either like it or not, or even insult me in another post if you will. I really think that you SHOULDN'T be in a relationship right now until this is rectified. Why take that chance of hurting someone that you care about?

I'm sure you do care for her, or else why are you here. When I first read your post, I had compassion. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. THEN I read other posts that you made, and your passive aggressive ways started to wear my patience thin. Tal is right, it's all in how you presented yourself.

Let me share something with you, from a woman to a man. Virginity is a sacred thing for most women. It is about us sharing ourselves with a man that we care about. Revealing ourselves. Giving ourselves.

So, when you make a rude comment about "having sex with virgins are less vulnerable to diseases", think about why I or anyone else should take you seriously.

It's one thing to admit to having a problem. It's quite another thing to do something about it.

Out of greenies - but well said.

And I can address what I meant when I answered the OP:

She is willing to stay in a relationship with a man who is risking getting another woman pregnant AND catching an STD because he has a "problem" involving keeping his pants on?

TRANSLATION: Your girlfriend is willing to stay in a relationship with you, a person who is risking getting another woman pregnant AND catching an STD because you have a "problem" involving keep your pants on.

And she wants you to tell her everything?

TRANSLATION: Your girlfriend wants to hear all the details of your sex life with other women.

And you reference God in this scenario?

TRANSLATION: Interesting that you think God has a place in all of this. I think you and your girlfriend may very well deserve each other. I can't imagine either one of you finding anyone else on these terms, those terms being you have sex with other women and tell her all the details, you risk her health, and you risk getting another woman pregnant (which in most circles is a death knell for another relationship). I see no "problems" on her part. I see your "problem" to be your confessed inability to keep your pants on.

Ok, you are right. All of you. No sarcasm. Thank you.

I didn't mean telling the details. I meant she wanted me to be honest to her about everything.

The thing about it is I haven't had sex since we started going out a few months ago. But the temptations kick in every day, and I just felt it was gone get worse at college. That's why I'm here.

Fair enough. And of course their legal. But the fact is, when I say I like sex, it really means that I like to have sexual relationships. I'll be faithful, I just want sex included. Virgins make me work hard to accomplish that, that's why I'm more attracted to them. Understand me better?

High school is over, and the stakes are higher now as an adult.

Better adjust your thinking a bit.

This girl that you are with now, what are your intentions with her? Long term, just sex, what?

When you first posted, you showed concern about temptations, an now you are focusing on virgins, and virginity. So what exactly is it that you want?

No, the reference to virgins was towards my sex life before my two latest relationships. And my intentions are very long time.

Ok, well said. Thank you.

This girl that you are with now, what are your intentions with her? Long term, just sex, what?

When you first posted, you showed concern about temptations, an now you are focussing on virgins, and virginity. So what exactly is it that you want?

Makes me wonder how many virgins he has actually deflowered, or why this is actually a big deal.

Why is it a big deal? I'm not even doing anything wrong, I just want advice.

And you reference God in this scenario?

As for the God reference, I'm basically saying, if God let me live that long. I don't expect to see a tomorrow, but if It comes I'm thankful for it.

We gave you advice.

It's now up to you whether you're going to use it.

And so it's time to close - well said, everything summed up by my colleague, Enigma.