My Boyfriend (23) and I (21) have been dating for almost a year and then broke up for 2months and were trying again. The 2months break up was caused by him and my mother not getting along (my mom thought he was immature and couldn't financially support me, he used to work as a barman) and this caused us to see each other less (we both lived with our parents, his dad didn't like us being in his room so we didn't get much alone time).

We decided to try again cause he got a new job and his own place so no more parents to bother us, but last night I asked him what were we, were we a couple, or friends with benefits, and he said he doesn't know. I freaked out cause we were having sex, and spending time together, and talked about moving in together, and he said we can have a proper relationship now and all that stuff, BUT then he doesn't know what we are?

I asked him why does he let me go through this thinking that were together when he feels differently and he said he doesn't know. He doesn't want to be in a relationship right now, and that he sees my mother in me. When I left to go home he amused me saying he is really sorry. Today I smsed him saying: I'm letting go, he can think about what he wants, if he wants me he must come get me, not me going after him, and if he doesn't want me its OK.

I was planning to go on with my life, not sit an sulk about him, but I still love him, and it bothers me that were breaking up, or whatever again cause of my mom... I really really love him, even though he has put me through so much sadness, and tears. I still want to be with him, our first relationship was so amazing and I really want that again, and I think that's what's making me still want him, cause I knew what we had, and how good we were together.

Should I let him go completely, or try again, and if we try again, how do I get that spark back and the image of my mom away?

You can ask him what he meant by saying that he sees your mother in you, but I think that was a comment designed to make you get defensive and back off instead of an opening to discuss on-going problems. I would say let him go. He doesn't know what he wants right now and I think he is looking for an excuse to distance himself from you.

I don't think this has anything to do with your mother. Frankly, I think he is feeling his freedom from parental rules and is wanting to explore and broaden his horizons. I don't think a committed relationship is what he wants at this point. Dating and casual sex without the relationship strings seem to be the stage he is at.

Are you sure you know what you want? Are you in love with him or are you used to having him in your life?

So we are currently not anything of each other cause he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now but he loves me... he sees my mother in me and the issue with my mother caused our first break up. I do love him, I truly love him but what should I do? I have sofar told him that I'm letting go, he can think about what he wants and if he wants me he can just let me know. Sofar nothing has happened (I sent him that message 2 days ago). I really try not smsing him, giving him his space but this hurts me a lot. I don't know if I should wait and see what happens or really get over him this time... and cause he sees my mother in me, the person that he loathes, then our relationship will never work... then how do I move on when I am still in love?

Stick to your guns, and let him go. Things between you have changed drastically, and there is no going back to what you had, and probably no changing his mind.

Hello's

Let me start from the beginning...

Me and My X have been dating since May 2010 and have broken up loads of times over silly stuff but we'd sort them out cause we really loved and wanted each other... Back then, we both lived with our parents and unfortunately, our parents also caused troubles in our relationship which we tried sorting out, (his dad is very stricted and didn't allow us to ever be alone, my mom didn't approve of him cause he worked in a bar and she felt he couldn't financially support me and that he was very inmature). By the way I am 21 and he is 23.

So after almost a year he called it quits, he couldn't handle the pressure from my mom, he said he always felt useless to my mom and he hated being at my house so we didn't see each other a lot and cause stress as well. He tried moving on and I couldn't, I always smsed him asking to try again cause I felt what we had could move past these problems, like get our own place. After 2 months we were back on again, but it was totally different... our 1st time round, we really loved each other, we wanted to be with each other, we basically lived for each other but this time, it felt it was all me... he also wanted to try again but it didn't feel that way to me so we ended it again...

Not even 2 weeks later we tried again, he got a new job, his own place so that we can see each other more (his words) and I was so happy I just ran back to him... Things went fine for like 2 weeks and then I started asking questions: Are we together? Why don't we spend time with our friends? Can we change our FB statuses to in a relationship?

He didn't know what he wanted, he didn't want to be in a relationship right now and that I reminded him of my mom (in what way I don't know), so I ended it.

I sent him a message saying that Im done, Im givving him time to think, if he wants me in his life he can let me know, if not then its fine, but this time I'm not running after him..

2 days after that he tried phoning me(I was out partying) and he smsed me saying he wanted me, he wanted to try again. I asked what about me reminding him of my mom, he said he only said that cause I was mean with him and he didn't know what else to say. He said he will advertise it to the whole world that we are together because he truly loves me, so we tried again.

Everything was going fine, we didn't fight, we spent a lot of time together until last week... We didn't have any sex, or kissing or just plain touching each other, I always had to go and get a movie or food but he never went with, his excuse was he was tired after a hard days work... I slept over on Saturday night and everything is like I explained above, we feel asleep and later that night he wanted sex, Im like its fine and we started having sex and then after a while he can't anymore, he says his sorry and goes to the kitchen, I said its OK and got back into sleep mode, then I thought, we haven't had sex I a long time and I am Lus right now, let me try get him lus again, so I go to the kitchen and tell him I want sex and I want to get him Lus, he just says no, he can't and carry's on making tea... I was super angry but left it.. that Sunday mornin, I woke up in a massive mood and we eventually started fighting, everything was brought up, nothing really hurted, but then he says: Why does a relationship have to be about sex only? And Im like, not just sex but its important in a relationship other wise were just friends... he later told me he isn't sexually attracted to me, I never make the first move and that he needs some excitement. (this really hurt) I told him because off our previous Retries, I have stopped making the first move cause he has pushed me away. He said he understands that and then changed the subject. I decided I wanted a break, he just kept saying sorry for everything and that he didn't try more. I went home and later that night he smsed me saying he wants me to mve on...

So now the Question, do I move on? Is anything left saving? I know he sounds like the biggest *** ever but I love him, after everything he has put me through, I can still say I love him...

I think what keeps me wanting him is the hope of our 1st relationship, were we wanted each other and loved each other and had the best sex life ever...

He is the most amazing person I know, usually I wouldn't go through all this trouble, I would walk away and end everything we had, but with him, its like I really fell in love...
His sense of Humor, his amazing Smile, the way he comforts me or just tries making me smile, the way he gets excited about the smallest little things, the way he encourages me, the way he supports me in everything I do, doesn't matter how meaningless it really is. His imagination, his dreams are really out of this world and the way he believes things will get better, makes me believe it to.

I have no idea if he would try again, or what he feels, or still wants me. Every time we broke up, he would say I want you to move on cause I want you to be happy and he knows he causes my tears, but he still loves me, if it's the same love like in the beginning I don't know...

We haven't spoken or smsed each other since Sunday ( I know, its only been 2 days) but being with out him, or not getting sms's, mails, phone calls from him breaks and hurts me more and then everything that was said during the fight, the fight I wish was handled differently...

My parents have excepeted that I want him, my mom still has her issues but she has put them aside cause he causes my tears but mainly my happiness... His mother and I have a very good relationship, but his dad is still the same, guess he doesn't approve of me, I don't really know...

Last night I went to him, to say sorry for the fight Sunday morning, I really wish it was handled differently, but he just said he doesn't want to try anymore, he wants me to move on and that he doesent love me anymore... That broke me all over again, I told him exactly how I felt, that I still loved him and I know that Im not the easiest person to be with and I wanted another try but he said after our 1st break up he hasn't felt the same about me and that he thought trying again might get his feelings back but it hasn't and that he is sorry for doing this to me when I could have been over him by now...

I have no idea what to do now, I don't know if he really means it, I don't know what he feels, I am completely lost...

So anybody, please, help me with advice or anything, I know I should do what my hearts wants and do what's best for me but its gotten so complicated and Im scared I push him further away if there is a possibility that we could fix things and I am also scared it just happens again...

"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

I can feel a real convoluted mix of emotion coming from you.

I can also feel the resentment building inside you.

You want so much for this to work out, yet you are so frustrated by it. It's like you are trying to reach something, and you can't accept that it will always be slightly out of reach.

You guys are just not on the same page. Maybe this guy will always make you happy, but he'll also always make you angry and frustrated.

How much fixing are you willing to do? Imagine three years into this relationship.. Is it worth it? Really??

Almost a year isn't it. Normally, a whole year is a period where you both should have reached a level of understanding and started reading between lines, at least on stuff like Facebook status.
Jumping to the answer, one thing that you could do is, give him his time to think and let him decide. You have told him last night whatever that you have in your mind, how much he means to you. Give him a reminder of the same. And tell him that you will wait for a while until you hear his final decision. There is not point in going behind him after that. If he wants to move on, let him go. Some pair naturally become compatible, while for the others it needs a lot of compromise and understanding. The rest break up and move on.

Take him at his word, and move on. Yeah break ups suck, every time, but you can heal if you accept it, and move on yourself. I can't predict the future, but you tried, and it just didn't work. Sorry for your loss.

My ex and I have been broke up for 2months and I think it?s completely over this time, I really don?t want it to be over. Let me just give you a quick recap of our relationship.

We started dating in May 2010, we both worked in a bar back then, I was 20 and him 22, we both lived with our parents, my mom didn't?t approve of him cause he worked in a bar and she felt he couldn?t support me. We still went on with our relationship but it started taking its toll, I left the bar and got a normal job, he wasn?t as lucky as me, this made him depro and knowing what my mom thought of him made things worse, we occasionally had break ups because of these reasons and he would always say he wants me to be happy with someone my mom accepts. I stayed with him because he made me happy.

Just before a year together we broke up again, same reason as above, he said he can?t take it anymore, it?s too much stress on him. 2months later we tried again cause he got a normal job, got his own place and we were going to try again, but this were completely different, between us things didn't?t feel the same any more, we weren?t in love like the 1st time, it felt to me like he didn't?t really care if we were an item, or not as much as I cared. So that retry ended.

2 weeks later we got back together, but this were still not right cause this didn't?t last a week and we ended it, basically he said he didn't?t know if he wanted a relationship now. So I told him he can decide what he wants and just let me know.

A day later he phoned saying he wants me and he?ll tell the world and my parents that he wants me, that I am his and he?s here to stay, which of course made me super happy and how could I stay away? So we tried for a 3rd time, the 1st week was amazing, like our very 1st relationship, but into the 2nd week, it felt it was all me again. We had a big fight and I left. He smsed me later the day saying he wants me to move on. This was 2 months ago and I am still hoping for a retry but doing things differently, giving him his space, not hoping for our 1st relationship and just enjoying the time I have with him, but he doesn't?t want a relationship. He smsed me once asking if I want to come over (to have sex) and I said yes, (I haven?t had sex since our last split) but later the day he smsed saying cancel tonight, it?s a bad move. I unfortunately didn't?t leave it there and know now I made everything worse and regret it deeply, he got mad and mean with me and said I must leave him alone, we haven?t spoken since the break up and when he smsed to come over.

So what now? I have been going on with my life, not sitting at home sulking but going out isn't?t the same without him, I get sad and lonely when I see other couples, I don?t want someone else, I was really ,really happy with him and I love him with everything we have been through, I still choose him. Could there be a 4th time?

All threads have been merged

Stay on your healing path as a few months is not enough.

Threads have been merged together.



My ex and I have been out for almost 3 months now

I wanted us to try again, so I made the mistake to keep contacting him and making everything worse, he would get mad and mean and tell me to leave him alone, which I eventually did about a month ago.

But last night he sent me 2 please call me's, which I only saw this morning and phoned him immediately, but he didn't answer.

Now I have been thinking about this the whole day, and I can't get it out my mind, why did he send me the please call me's? The last things he said to me were really mean and that made me stop contacting him. So why would he send me please call me's and then not answer when I phoned?

I can't speak for him, but is it wise to let a guy that dumps you, and treated you so mean, cause you this much stress? He kicked you from his life before so why didn't you just ignore him?

Maybe he wanted a booty call and then didn't need it after all.
This guy has treated you like crap, said he does not love you and told you to move on. That is exactly what you need to do.
There is too much drama here. It's time to let the curtain fall. The show is over.

My ex and I broke up 4 months ago. It's a really complicated story but I guess we just couldn't work things out. Thing is, I am still deeply in love with him but I hide it cause of this complicated story, but every now and then I miss him so much I just cry. 1st I thought I'm just feeling this way cause he dumped me but I started realizing that the things I miss about him, no one else could give me or replace. I have kept myself busy with friends and family but I still feel alone and I find myself always thinking of him, even when I have good days or something really cool has happened to me, he is the first person I think of telling and when it's a bad day, I wish he was holding me...

He does not know how I feel, or he did right after we broke up, I was always contacting him and asking for retries but I just pushed him away and when I finally realized what I was doing it was already to late. I have stopped contacting him and we haven't spoken in over 3 months and have only seen each other twice but like at a party and we just ignore each other, like we are complete strangers and it kills me inside.

I have recently found out that he still has contact with both my sisters like twice a month or something, I have no idea what they talk about, I really want to know but am afraid to ask, or rather afraid to hear how he has been.

I have stopped talking about him with my family and friends, I feel once I start I can not stop and I think it starts getting irritating to them, that's why I hide how I feel.

I don't want to date someone else, to try and find someone to fill this feeling cause what he has left in my heart has changed my world completely.

I don't really know what my question should be, still in love with my ex but guessing its time to get over him? Miss my ex and want him back but he ignores me? Ex has contact with my sisters and its killing me inside? I don't want to get over him cause I love what we had and the person he was and who I was with him, but cause I don't know anything about him now, I think I need to let go, but am struggling to get to that point were my heart and mind actually agrees.

I feel like if he gets someone, even if its like only a fling, then I could let go and I'm waiting for that to happen cause that's the only way for me to know for sure that he has moved on,(I am seriously mind @#$*ing myself), guess that's the title...

Threads merged again.

You both still need time and as long as you still know he is around, I guess you will have those stirred up feelings still. He does. But give it more time and keep pushing through it.

Break ups suck so much!

My ex and I have been out for little over 4months and we have seen each other 3 times since at parties. He has contact with my sisters but ignores me completely. I still have feelings for him and secretly wish we could be together again

Last night I went out with my sisters and friends and my ex was there and he greeted everyone but ignored me again. If we go dance and he happens to dance in the same group as me he moves away

Then while we all were dancing he started making out with this other chick on the dancefloor where every one could see, and I couldn't handle it and just walk away.

This happened last night and I can't sleep, I keep seeing them make out and it hurts me so much..

You move in the same social circles I take it.

If this is the case,I don't think you should have to give up your social life in order to avoid seeing him acting the clown.

Sorry,but he sounds like a waste of space...

Hold your head up high and ignore him in future.

If only it was that simply by just ignoring him

In the year we dated we had been through a lot of stuff (more stress than any of my other relationships, mainly stress because of parents influence) but we still felt we belong together and I still feel that way.

I feel the reason we broke up wasn't really our choice but because of the parents influence we ended it, and we were seriously a beautiful couple, especially when it was just us, we were so relaxed and in love and just beautiful and cause I still remember this, I am struggeling to let go off him

I am keeping my head up, I'm not ending my social life cause of him but every time I see him, I fall in love over again and he just ignores me or for the first time, made out with some one else and then I get hurt.

Guess he is ready to move on, I know what we had is hard to get back (we tried, same problems every time) and I'm not.

For your own good you need to do something different to avoid him and stop torturing yourself with those old feelings of hurt, and regret.

guess he is ready to move on, i know what we had is hard to get back (we tried, same problems every time) and im not.

Here's the thing, you can't get back what you had. You aren't the same people and it isn't the same relationship.

When you see him, you are probably falling in love again with a memories and 'might-have-beens' not him and the person he is now. Give yourself every chance you can to meet someone who will love you for who you are today. Try not to live in the past.

Ysbeertjie, take a look at the entire thread. You can see the past you, the efforts you have made, who tried to contact who and who left who in the dark. Is there a 4th time? I don't know, this could go on for 5th, 6th time too, but small chance that it won't end like the same old story. A relationship needs trust, commitment and understanding. Your trust is already shattered, there wasn't any commitment.
If your best friend was in your situation, what would you tell her? I bet you would tell her to 'move on,' and mean it. Like everyone here who put care in their answers, give yourself a chance. "I will not think about the past" should be your FB status now.

Ok, we have been out for almost 5 months, I still have feelings for him and the way he goes on, I think his over me.

He ignores me if we happen to find each other at a party or any place but still has contact with my sisters.

He made out with some chick at the last party I saw him at and it hurt like hell!

I might see him this weekend at the parties planned, but I'm scared I get hurt again, I don't want to sit at home cause I am going on with my life but seeing him with other girls hurt me so much.

Please any advice about what to do this weekend

Ysbeertjie,

Welcome to this beautiful site, first!

Ok, we have been out for almost 5 months, I still have feelings for him and the way he goes on, I think his over me.

Nice, it is not uncommon, and it is human nautre.


He ignores me if we happen to find each other at a party or any place but still has contact with my sisters.

Try to attract his attention by changing your hairstyle. Do you have long hair? Try a fresh, fascinating and dashing haircut? Can you? This will definitely tempt him towards you.


He made out with some chick at the last party I saw him at and it hurt like hell!

I can't get what do you mean by making out with some chick... does it mean, he is towards some other girlie? If yeah, wear some nice haircut, attractive and scanty outfit revealing your inner and interiors. Shave your arms and show it to him by wearing sleeveless... it tempts the boys.


I might see him this weekend at the parties planned, but I'm scared I get hurt again, I don't want to sit at home cause I am going on with my life but seeing him with other girls hurt me so much.

Please any advice about what to do this weekend

The same advice to wear garments which conceal less and reveal more. Have a flowing haircut, with hair hanging around your visage, in a tempting manner.

Darling, what you need to remember, is that he's an EX for a reason. How long have you been broken up? What steps have you been taking to get over HIM? Going out is a great thing to do to help, but it's unfortunate you keep bumping into him!

X Dani

His feelings towards you are not the same as yours towards him. He's doing what makes him happy, and that's precisely what you need to do... make yourself happy. Seeing him make out with another girl shows that he's not sensitive towards your feelings and knows it will bother you because he knows you're there and he knows you're looking at him. That doesn't show much respect for you. You can't respect someone unless they earn your respect. Can you still respect this guy? I think not.

He's not worth your time at all. Look at other people and soon you'll find someone worth your time, your effort and your respect.

This pain is temporary. You'll get over it, I promise. :)

Good luck.

Ignore him, or find another party, hangout whatever. You have heard this before and have to see by now that any contact, no matter how small or distant, just keeps hope alive, and you miserable.

My ex and I have been out 7 months now. We have bumped into each other like 4 times since our break up and each time he would just ignore me and at first I felt hurt but later I just let it go and ignored him too. 2 days ago I was at a party and the theme was pimps and whores and everyone was dressed up. We all started playing strip poker and in the middle of the game my ex showed up, first I felt really bad for firstly being dressed like a whore and then playing a game where I had to strip, then I felt like why should I feel bad, he decided to break up. So I just continued playing.

Anyway, he started drinking a lot, probably trying to get with everyone else's vibes, we still ignored each other. Later after the strip poker game I got a lot of attention from the other guys there (yes, I lost), but didn't really care (I'll explain later), and every time I'd sit with a friend, or start a new game with friends, my ex would come sit with us. But then just sit there, he never played with, he never said anything. When the party was over he greeted every one (except me) and left. I told my sister about the night and everything that happened, and she thinks he might have wanted to talk to me but couldn't.

I felt bad cause when we were together, I was his pride and now I was sitting there half naked. But I thought he left me so I don't need to feel guilty. When I got attention from the other guys, I didn't care cause I still have feelings for him but I also know there won't be a reunion between us, and cause I'm not interested in any one because of the feelings for him. I actually just wondered why he would act this way? I mean I'm used to him not even looking in my direction and walking away, even if we were in a group, he'd walk away as soon as I joined but suddenly he's sitting a person away from me. I don't know it was the alcohol, making him not care either.

I think you are confised after 7 months also.Ask yourself first what you want and then go for it.If you want him in your life then speak with him,If it's not possible because of his attitude or whatever reason.Then leave ehim and live your life.Now also you are thinking about him.This way you will not move on in your life because now also you feel hurt if he is ignoring you.If you don't care then why you are hurt.Stop making foll to yourself and your heart.From my point of view,you take your time to decide and whatever you decides,just stick to that.Life is full of love and I am sure you will get soon.All the best :-)

Why are you tripping over the behavior of an ex? You are making this such a big deal that your curiosity is confusing you.

I mean is it you are wanting his attention still? I think its because the contact has you still with old feelings, and you have not healed sufficiently to let go enough. That's what your reactions tell me, you need more time with more NO CONTACT.

We have been out for 7months, he left me, in these 7months we have seen each other 4 times like at a party, we completely ignore each other

On my b-day I was surprised to even get a sms from him.

I was at a house party and we were playing strip poker and like in the middle of the game, my ex showed up, neither of us knew the other would be there, I carryed on plaing and he started drinking, a lot!

2 weeks after that night, some friends still tell me he couldn't handle that night, seeing me half naked and guys all around me, that's why he started drinking a lot and he was mad.


Should I feel guilty? I mean we've been out so long, thought he'd have moved on or something cause he wanted to break up, I feel bad knowing that I made him mad. I still have some feelings for him, but I also know there won't be any retries for us, the break up wasn't pretty, it took me a while to just realize that he wasn't coming back.

Could he still feel for me?

You might have some feelings for each other for years to come, but a relationship is out. By now you should be seeing that your feelings, or his for that matter, won't make this any better. Nor will your constant obsession with his feelings. Let it go, tell your friends you no longer want to hear about him, and stop wondering about him, and his feelings every time old feelings get all stirred up!