My girlfriend of two years is planing to take a break from me after our two week vacation is over. We both love each other a lot. We have been through so much. One day I hopefully want to marry this girl, and have kids with her. She says she wants the break for some alone time, and to clear her mind. I am afraid that I'm going to lose her. She claims that I don't treat her the way she should be treated. I want her to give me one final chance to show her that I'm ready to grow up, and love her the right way. I love her so much she is the only person I have by my side, and I don't want to see her walk away. I need a second chance, what should I say, or do?



Edited/T

Sadly,there's not a lot you can do-if she wants a break that's what you're going to have to agree to.

It seems to me that her feelings have changed and I guess there is not a lot you can do about it.

There's no way you can force someone to give you a 'final chance'-they're going to have to want that themselves.

Amicon, I do agree with the break and I will give it to her, but I want to know even after I agree with the break is all hope lost ?

Nobody can tell you that.

I can only say that,statistically, most breaks become break ups.

What are the rules for the break?

No contact?

Amicon, during the break there will be contact

My experience - "I need time alone" is the preface to "It's over." It is difficult to tell someone you want to break up. Sometimes a gradual break up is easier on "them."

And you can't make her be with you if that isn't what she wants.

Judykaytee, well the way she is making it seem lis that she isn't too sure about a complete break up so I don't know really know what to do

Amicon, during the break we will call and text and still see each other from time to time but not as much as before the break

Judykaytee, well the way she is making it seem lis that she isn't too sure about a complete break up so idk really know what to do


Leave her alone - give her the time she's asked for. I think if you push you're going to lose her OR she'll "come back," only to leave again.

It sucks no doubt about it. But you have to give her the space she is asking for. You mentioned that she said you do not treat her the way she should be treated. During the break think about that think about how you did treat her and what you can do to improve that.

I don't want to get your hopes up but when my wife and I were dating she broke up with me early in the relationship and I did all the stupid things called her all the time text her all the time. Don't do that stuff as much as you are going to want to do not do it. If she contacts you then talk to her. Right now space is the key.

Go out have fun with your friends live life it is the best thing you can do.

This post will not make you happy

I don't know your age, but when you get dumped for whatever reason and hang out to stay around until she changes her mind, then she loses respect for you, and starts looking for someone else to spend time with. Not only does she lose respect, but you lose your dignity, and self respect for yourself, because you waste time being her loyal pet, to please and entertain her.

When you get dumped, disappear from her life, and don't be available to her, and start doing your own thing, without her because at least seeing you happy with yourself will at least earn respect, and she may even miss you.

Even if she doesn't at least you have something else to do besides trying to keep her by sticking your nose up her butt, and treated as an option when she has nothing better to do. Let her go on her break/vacation, and don't be there when she gets back. What is this grade school?

Sorry for being harsh, but you seem so willing to keep her in your life you will stoop to any foolishness she puts you through.

Talaniman, she says wants to keep in contact with me, I will give her the space she needs. I love her and everything I'm just hoping it doesn't end so sour

Of course she wants to keep in touch, you are no longer a priority, you are now an option. Sour ain't the word for what happens next. You have options yourself, but you can't see them because she is in the way.

Talaniman, so what should I do when she decides to see me? Should I try to get her back slow but surely or do I just act as a friend for the time being?

Talaniman, so what should I do when she decides to see me? Should I try to get her back slow but surely or do I just act as a friend for the time being?


Depends on how badly you want to get hurt.

You aren't listening - you can't "win" anyone back. She's not the prize in a contest. You can't make someone love you.

Do you act as a friend? No, you don't act like something you are not.

Can you see her on a friendship only level?

Judykaytee, most likely it will be on a friendship level and if it decides to go further so be. If not I'll continue to live my life.

Live your life, and enjoy it. Whether she wants you back or not. I have always been to busy with other things to spend a lot of time trying to get some one back who had dumped me.

If they wanted you as much as you wanted them, you would be together and working to resolve your issues to the benefit of you both, so you could be enjoying staying together.

You have been dumped, so love and romance with you is no longer a priority for her.

There's only one thing to do.

Man-up, accept things & move on.

Put all of your efforts into yourself.

You can't wait in limbo forever, why start now?

And lost hope? Well, that's up to you. Hanging on to false hope will only drive you mad & paralyze you.

Face facts, go NC & enjoy...

You Can't Love What You Can't Have. Sting said that. And who can doubt Sting, the quintessential poet?

Fear is the enemy of the living. Sober up when you ponder kindly on your loving 2 yr. old relationship. 40-60 % of married couples end up in divorce on average 10 yrs. Or less. Guess what? Pretty much all of those couples felt they could not live without that other special person and they wanted to be with them forever.

The lesson in this? Don't take yourself too seriously. Try someone else for size and come back to this forum in 2 years.

Help me please, me and my ex of two years broke up about 4 weeks ago. Her reasons for breaking up were that I was too attached, I suffocated her too much, she says she needs "me" time. Also that I didn't treat her the way she needed to be treated. I asked her if she loves me, and she says yes, and I asked her if she is still in love with me she also says yes. So I asked her to give me a chance to prove myself and she responded by saying that she doesn't know if this relationship is what she needs right now, and that she isn't too sure about giving me another chance at the moment.

Since then, I've been on No Contact, but she texts me about once a week. I saw her about a few days ago. We talked for about half an hour, not too long, just catching up on things. I had to go but during my time with her we were both smiling, and laughing, and looked very happy when I left she gave me a kiss.

I didn't talk to her about getting back together that day, its seems to me as if she is confused about being with me. I really love her a lot, and I want to be with her what should I do ?


Threads have been merged and edited/T

So basically she has been stringing you along for the past four weeks, and you come when she has time for you right?? That's hardly the way to correctly do the NC things you know. You are so desperate to keep her, you will take whatever she gives you. She knows you are hooked, and please don't think that's attractive, or by being there whenever she wants you is going to help your case any.

She isn't confused at all, she knows for a fact she doesn't want to see you everyday, and that you are only a text away. I am just wondering how long it will be before you get treated like a part time option??

Get some confidence, and protect your dignity, and self respect. Tell her to piss off, and stop torturing you. At least act like a man, and not her puppy. Sorry to be harsh, but why get dumped and stick around to get dumped on?? Answer me that!!

Read my signature,v-v

Find your dignity and tell her to get lost!
Don't be the backup plan-do NC proper and disappear from her life.

@ Talaniman I've only seen her one time since the break-up and that one time it was for about 30 minutes and to pick up the last bit of my things from her house. Since then I haven't seen her. I don't text or call her at all she is usually the one to conatct me via text and even then I keep our text conversation really short and not too much detail. So I want to know I am doing anyhting right or wrong?

That's good to hear, and I was wondering as you basically posted the same thing after a few weeks of the break up, hence my "straight" answer, which may have been a bit harsh, I know, and I know the struggle with your own feelings also. I know its tough. I think seeing her for a short time also brought those old intense feelings back to the surface. That's understandable, and now that you have gotten your things, IGNORE her texts. They can also keep your feelings stirred up, and give false hope that she has changed her mind, or cares.

Hope you are staying plenty busy, with family, friends, and activities you enjoy, as over time that helps, as you begin to see other options and opportunities when you are ready.

Maybe not so much now, but in another month, OR TWO. Have you read the stickies (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/)? They have many good suggestions and insights from others who have gone through what you are now, and probably will again. Over all though, you are doing the right things for yourself, and just need more time.

@Talaniman I am keeping busy by hanging out with friends and working out. I've lost a good amount of weight which I am really proud of.I am trying to set-up a date with one of my former high school classmates. I knew that she liked me in High school and I liked her too but I never got around to talking to her because my now ex-gf was in the way and had me caught up with her. Also she used to be one of her friends but they aren't friends anymore. Is it too early to set up any dates and especially with one of her former friends ?

Of course its to early to replace the hole in your soul, especially with a former friend. But its never to early just to have fun, without getting carried away and trying to change a failed relationship with another that may fail also. Friends, and fun, is what you need, not hope of a romance, or thinking you are ready to jump into another relationship. Make some new female friends. The more the better. FRIENDS, not partners.

Do you even know how to have fun with females, without falling hopelessly in love with the first one who smiles at you?

Of course I do know how to have fun with females I am a Libra after all. My intent isn't on dating her or anything because I know that most rebound relationships end as fast as they start. I just want to start hanging out, talking, becoming good friends who knows where it will lead.

You got that right, you never know where life leads you.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all! Fat, short, skinny, or tall! 18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy.

Break means break.

Not in-between.

Look at it this way. If she wanted to be with you, she wouldn't need a break. She would have wanted to work it out at all costs. Stick with you.
That isn't the case.

You need to start living your life w/o her.

Not worrying about what may or probably won't happen. Go NC. Be carefree.

NC doesn't mean that you don't care. Just that you don't need any more heartbreak or BS. Getting strung along at her whims.
Builds character. Do it.

@VanHeart yeah that's pretty much obvious if you "love" someone with all your heart you stick it out but I guess that doesn't apply in this situation lol. Sooner or later she'll come running back to me because I wasn't such a bad BF but if she doesn't oh well I'll be okay. Love hurts people but is doesn't kill anyone.

Exactly.

Don't wait around for her to love you.

May never happen.

I love optimism & love stories, but...

"sooner or later she'll come running back"

Nice one. I like that. I would follow that line up w/ a chuckle...

What you should do is:
GIVE HER THE SPACE.

If you don't I can GUARANTEE you that she will break up with you. Like she says, she just needs some time to herself and wants to think things through, and there is big chance this might be a break up. However, if you want ANY chance of getting back with her, you are going to have to stop smothering her and leave her alone for a while, she will come back to you. If you get drunk and drunk dial her or anything of the sort, your part of the game is gone. Play safely and do as she says, if she is telling you that she is not being treated the way she should, ONLY and I repeat, ONLY after she has called you back from this break, can you ask her what is it that she thinks you should change so that you know the way she wants to be treated properly.

Screw that, just go NC. Don't be her pal.
And don't jump into another relationship full time.

Just have fun & enjoy.
Be selective.

Update: I haven't seen my ex in a month but she has kept in contact with me. All the times we spoke is because she reached out to me not vice versa. So I talked with her the other day about regular things, just catching up and she decides to mention that she has went on dates without me even asking her. She even told me that one of the guys she went on a date with kissed at the end of the night she says it was "accidental" I didn't show any kind of emotion is basically made it seem like I was okay with it. A couple days later I found out that she might be getting into a relationship with the same guy that kissed her and she also works at her job and its only been about a month since we broke up, but in the message I read the guy that she might potentially date hasn't asked her out or anything and it seemed like he isn't committed at the moment or doesn't want to be in a relationship but only time will tell. I also went on a few dates myself and when I Told my ex she got jealous I could hear it in her voice she . Then she started comparing her dates to me saying that I did things that they didn't do (in a good way). She's called me a couple of times saying that she misses me and still thinks about me everyday but I don't feed into it. I've been really good without contacting her, and now that this new rebound relationship might happen soon should I just forget about her and move on or would I still have a chance ?

Your best bet is to forget her. You are just setting yourself up for all kinds of trouble and pain if you keep hanging on to hopes that you two will be together again. Even if it did happen, you would end up in the same situation you are now. Think about this... she wanted a break, some "alone time" to "clear her head"... what did she do? She cleared her head by going out with other people? That's pretty stupid, isn't it?

Basically, she was done with you when she told you that she needed time. Now she just contacts you either because she feels guilty and is trying to get past that guilt by being "nice" to you or she wants to string you along in case the other things don't work for her. Either way, it's BS and you don't need it.

I once had a girl tell me she needed time... not space but time. Ok, no problem. I asked her, how much time are we talking about? She blew up on me and told me that if I couldn't respect that she needed time and I was going to push her for an answer, then she has to end it right now... I left her no choice but to end it so I didn't have to go through any pain. That's how much she cared for me. Do you see what I'm saying in there? She wanted it to be over (I know she met someone else) but felt guilty about it so she needed time. Me asking her was a way for her to turn the whole thing on me, that it was my fault we were done. Then, because she was so wonderful, she still cared for me and wanted to spare me the pain... well, that was her way of making it all nice in her head and completely brushing away any guilt. This was an extreme situation as she was somewhat nutty anyway but I think you get what I'm saying, right?

Good luck to you.

Update: I haven't seen my ex in a month but she has kept in contact with me. All the times we spoke is because she reached out to me not vice versa.

Just because she is the one calling you, doesn't mean you have to be available. The way No Contact goes you can be very brief, polite, but to busy for her emotional BS. Trying to play this friendly is torture isn't it? So stop doing it.

Start all over with NC, do it right, stay out of her business, keep her out of yours, and no more excuses about she has contacted you, because in fact you allowed it, and has got you thinking in confusion yet again.

Stop it, put an end to her having access to you.

I totally understand your point of view. Honestly I'm not hoping that we get back together but you never know. And most of our convo's are short. Why did she seem so jealous and angry when I told her that I also went on dates when I didn't get not one bit mad when she told me about her dates and the kiss?

Why did she seem jealous? It's a game. She got jealous because she is supposed to be having a good time, not you. Get it?

Yeah I get it A close mutual friend of ours told me that she got jealous and angry because she was expecting me to be grieving over her for a while and keep chasing her, but I haven't its only been a month but I have severely matured and lost massive weight even dropped down two pants sizes.

See? She doesn't really care about you. If she did, she wouldn't be playing this game. I mean, think about it, if she did care, would it annoy her that you weren't spending your life grieving over her breaking up with you? That's kind of twisted, isn't it?

So, continue to feel better about yourself and move on. You'll be OK... you really will.

Yeah she is kind of twisted in the mind and as much as I love her and miss her I don't think it will work out in the long run if she continues with that kind of mindset, she has a lot of maturing and growing up to do which is sad to say because she actually seemed really smart to me at one point LOL, I'm trying my best to move on, having fun, doing things, being flirty with other females. I try my best not to think about her because when I do it puts me down. But when I'm not thinking about her I'm having so much fun and my mind is so much Clearer at first I didn't want this break up but now I think I'm actually happy it happened.

Keep that mindset going.

Now you know, the more contact, the more drama.

Update
Hey my ex came over to my house to pick up a package I hadn't seen her in over a month. When she saw me she kept saying how much I changed and how good I looked and kept touching me and kissing me but I didn't let it get to me. At the beginning of the break she wanted us to go out and date other people and then one day when we have had a little experience we could get back together. At first I was really against this and she knew it but yesterday I told her that I agreed with her decision, I then gave her a speech on how we both needed to test the waters and have some time and space apart. She was really surprised and said that she was hurt by my decision because I was always against her but she is going to respect it to the fullest. Even though I would really  love to be with her but not at the moment I think we both (mostly her) have some maturing to do. Now I kind of feel guilty did I make a mistake ?

I think you handled it well. Congratulations.

You are healing and dealing with your emotions. Don't let her mess that up by making you feel responsible for her. She has to do her own healing which includes working through any surprises life throws at her.

Continue taking care of yourself and good luck.

Even though I said I wanted to test the waters also, I don't think I will because my feelings for her are still very strong and I think they will be for a while and I want to lose weight, get a job, car, and get my life in order. Also I don't want to break any women's heart. Am I making the right decision ?

Yes, you are!

I think you are making an excellent decision. :)

Hey everybody, My Ex might be a little stupid or blind. She is trying to date some guy (rebound) at her job that she met. They both like each other, but from what I read is that he hasn't committed to her (they aren't in a relationship yet) and doesn't have a Girlfriend either.I also read that he ignores her all the time and is constantly doing it to her. So she sent him a vicious and angry text message saying why did he ignore her at work and all her text messages. Could this be a good or bad sign for me ? Thank your for your responses

Bad because you are still worried about your ex and her drama.

Why are you playing detective?

Very Bad, because you want this female so bad, you are willing to be a second chose, her option for being her emotional tampon, until she finds better, and that my friend is the best example of FALSE hope, and skewed thinking based on your DESPERATION, that without a doubt is the most quick way to MORE misery and pain that you can handle.

That you even are still looking into her business is a EXTREMELY bad sign, which I sincerely hope you can correct for yourself.

You know what I think you are right guys I think I'm going to try to let it go as best as I can. Every time we speak or text she is saying I Love you and sending me pics of us when we were together. I think that is what has made this break up so hard for me that I'm even acting desperate.I guess I'm going to have to live with the quote "If you love someone, Set them free... If they come back, thier yours, If they don't, they never were yours".

Live with this quote: Every day,in every way, I'm getting better and better.

Build yourself a life that makes you happy.

Learn to love yourself.

Take care.

I think you are starting to see that the more you are in touch with her, the more it hurts.

Once you remove her (I know its hard) things will get better.

"I think that is what has made this break up so hard for me that I'm even acting desperate"

Never be desperate when it comes to girls. Especially exs.

I like that quote too. What makes it really significant is the set them free part, not the if they come back.

Never wait for an ex to come back. That's just silly.

Me and my ex talked about a week ago just catching up on things.Every time she see's me she is always complimenting me on how good I look .I don't know how it came about but she started saying how she really didn't like the old me but is really liking the new person that I've become and that she is seeing some good changes, I told her what has changed and that I'm changing for myself, I didn't ask her out or get excited or anything I kept it very cool.  she also keeps mentioning to me about how she has been so bored since us breaking up and hasn't really been enjoying herself and that she "misses" me (which doesn't make me feel any kind of way) . A mutal friend of our said that she wants me to go to her birthday party which is coming up soon but she doesn't want to ask me or  isn't sure if she should invite me. She doesn't know that I know this. What is going on here ?

She said it herself: She is bored. She is looking for someone to play with and she thinks you are available to be her toy. It seems she hasn't found another one, yet.

Don't allow her to confuse you. Don't allow friends to confuse you. Know that moving on is in your best interests and keep up the hard work. You have come a long way and it shows. Why go backward?

Take care of yourself and good luck.

Confusion at her words is a clear indication you were not ready for a conversation with her. That's what always comes from talking to one that's dumped you. Sure she is bored, and needs attention, and tweaking your interests may bring her some, hence the rather lavish compliments which you were supposed to return.

That doesn't mean she wants you back, it means she wants attention.

Ignore her, and stay away from her, and examine your own reactions, and how you are thinking of her yet again, before you were ready. The whole conversation was geared to piqué your curiosity, and draw you back into her sphere of influence.

Don't fall for it, just resist the urge to have further contact.

What about the party thing ? Why would she even be thinking about inviting me when there are going to be plenty of other people their ? Just being curious why would she come straight out and tell me that she hasn't been enjoying herself after the break up because I know I've been enjoying Myself and having fun . Also is it weird that I Actually kind of like the idea that she isn't having fun even though I really shouldn't care ?

Not weird. Very human.

Why would she tell you what she did? Sounds like she was trying to put you on a guilt trip. Like I told another friend a few days ago, guilt trips have lousy scenery and no customer service. I'd decline the ticket and keep having fun.

She didn't tell you about the party. The friend did. The friend may not have the facts straight (or is misrepresenting them) or may have been trying to help the two of you correct what she/he may be seeing as a mistake. May have been an attempt to get you confused and not looking quite so happy. Doesn't matter. I'd be planning to have a good time far away from where ever her party is and not give it a second thought.

See how easy that ploy worked?

What about the party thing ? Why would she even be thinking about inviting me when there are going to be plenty of other people their
It is a feeler, that she planted in the mind of one of YOUR friends because she knew she could indirectly, through a third party, get you to thinking. And it worked, you are curious, and confused.

just being curious why would she come straight out and tell me that she hasn't been enjoying herself after the break up because I know I've been enjoying Myself and having fun .
For whatever reason, that's what she wants you to think, to get pity, sympathy, and attention, or

Also is it weird that I Actually kind of like the idea that she isn't having fun even though I really shouldn't care ?

That's what she wants you to feel, like you are having a better time of all this. What better way to hide the truth of the matter than distracting you and being curious about gobble-De- goop, that means nothing at all.

Got any more questions concerning her young brain? Females are sharp, and subtle in their ways, and are easy practice for the inexperienced. Keep down this path, and anything that happens is YOUR fault, not hers, and she is free from guilt, because she dumped you.

How else can a physically inferior, conquer a physically superior, except through their slow thinking inexperienced brains?

Ronald, I agree with Tal. However, I wouldn't say it is a female thing because I have seen males play the same games. It seems to be more the 'I dumped you so you shouldn't be having fun without me' mentality. How wrong is that concept?

That way of thinking always makes me want to do something I enjoy just because it feels good to be free to do so.

Cats quite correct, as there are many males who prey on the fear and insecurities of the inexperienced female.

Lots of people who think they can get over on someone else to satisfy themselves. Avoid them all. Then you can enjoy doing your own thing.

Yeah I kind of noticed that to, its like she is expecting me to be miserable forever and lonely and begging her to come back but I haven't done any of those things, no matter what says via text or phone call. I just try my best to keep my emotions intact and act like everything thing is okay

If you keep ignoring her and her games, I think someday fairly soon you will realize it isn't an act. You really are happy and life is great.

Hey update: my Ex Last night sent me some X-Rated pics and called me in the middle of the night. She was begging for me to come over her house and have sex with her, and even though I really wanted to I didn't, and it felt a little good denying her. Any Feedback?

I thought you were going NC?

Ignore her. Better yet, block her.

Way to go, avoiding more BS, now ignore the texts.

You did good.
Keep it up.

My ex tried to bait me too, & it wasn't fun. Only gave me anxiety.
I ended up blocking her from all communication.

Hope you are seeing that she is using all she has to get a response.

You see, now that she has lost the power over you, she is desperate.

Not to get you back, mind you, just to know that she can manipulate.

Remove the problem & drama once & for all (her), & concentrate on everything else.

She's yesterday's news.

Hey update guy I talked to my ex girlfriend for while about a week ago and in the middle of the conversation she blurts Out "I miss You" and I haven't heard her say that for a while what is going thorough her head? Also she personally invited me to her birthday party why is that and should I attend it?

She was just being friendly, and cordial, and was figuring you were over it and ready to be JUST friends. ARE YOU? If you are not, then send a card and don't go if you can't handle JUST FRIENDS.

If she can't hug and kiss another without your heart breaking stay home. If this will tear your world apart and reduce you to a self pitying pile of pooh, stay home.

@talaniman I'm definitely taking your advice!! Because to make matters worse my birthday is one day after hers and I'm using to spending our birthday as a couple. But which we obviously aren't anymore which is going to make me feel really awkward.

Happy Birthday.

@vanheart thank you for the birthday wish

I hope you enjoy your first birthday as the real you.