SO me and my husband have been together for 11 years,married 8years.we have 2 beauitful children. Everything was great the first 8 years together. Then I found out he was watching porn, and all the affection towards me started to slow down. Then after I had our last baby, 2 years ago, all the affection has stopped. Porn came back into play, and to me that is a line a cheating. I have talked to him about it and we have talked, and he has stoppped, but the love and affection never came back. I keep trying to talk to him about the affection, but he just keeps throwing it back in my face, saying its my fault I'm always in a bad mood. I am seriously just getting frustrated. I don't know what to do anymore, I just want our love and affection back.

You talk to him and talk to him and talk to him. If you can't communicate there HAVE to be other areas in your relationship that are problematical.

If he won't talk to you tell him you want to speak to a marriage counsellor - alone OR together.

There have been many discussions on line about watching porn - if you use the search feature you will find them.

Dear lady,

Time and time again we have heard on this forum stories of porn destroying the relationship between a husband and wife.

I do not know why guys do that. It makes absolutely no sense to me. Why pick an illusion over something so real and tangible as you.

It is a horror. I would say the best thing to do would be to talk with him, but I seriously doubt that would help.

I'm more in line with a metaphorical whack on the head with a 2X4 to get his attention and then find out why he thinks illusion is so much better than a willing partner!

Talk to him further and if it gets that bad go away for a couple of days and say you just need to clear your head when you get back ask him again and if there is still no cooperation together tell him either he needs to stop or he is going to loose you but that is only in extreme cases if he still carries on against your wishes I think its for the best that you go your separate ways but that is in the most extreme cases good luck

So me and my husband have been married 8 yrs and have 2 children. The past year has been a hard one. We have had our problems, and enough other problems with family! He has been very distant from me, mostly all affection has stopped, and the bedroom is just old. When we make love, it doesn't feel like love anymore. It more of just something we do before bed. I don't feel like we are connecting at all anymore. I have talked to him time and time again, and he promises to try, but after about day 2 ,it all goes back to the same old ****. Sorry for the language! Just very frustrated!

The fast answer is counselling. The next answer is talking to each other - he can't be any happier than you are.

OR try to resolve your "other problems," including those with family.

Well I have ask a few questions and you all have been so helpful. Ty.
But here's a new one. My husband and me be together 10 yrs now. 2 children 8 & 3! We have been struggling with our relationship for 2 years now. No affection what so ever. We have been talking and doing things the other likes but damn, I just feel like I keep getting thrown under a bus. I keep asking for the affection. I need it more than ever right now, and for some reason he can't do it! He's been doing better, but the bedroom is pretty much non affection. Are sex life hasn't stopped, just super dull. I feel like a toy most of the time. No type of passion or anything. More like a chore.
So since we have been talking and trying to work on things I figured this valentine day would be a perfect test of some sort. I went and had my hair done, something completely different, went and got a nice cute little outfit ( if u can call it that) and dinner. So last night, off to bed we go and not a single word about the thin string I have on, no passion, no romance of any! Yea we did it, but it was just another let's get it over session. No eye contact, no kissing, no four play, nothing! Just put in and get the job done.
Now this is going on 2 almost 3 years of feeling this way.
I don't know what else I can do to get his attention anymore.
I don't even think he's in to me anymore.
I feel like when we are doing it, he has to close his eyes so tight so he can fanatsize about other just to get the job done!
I'm running out of patience!
I just don't know anymore!

Has this issue been SPECIFICALLY talked about with him? You need to let him know exactly what you are feeling. Be blunt about it with him, you deserve to know what is going on inside his head. Whether the issue is counseling or other steps, the first thing to find out is what he is thinking about the relationship.

Try talking a out having a night of sex without intercourse, plenty of touching, kissing, licking without actual intercourse, spend equal times on each other and even if non of you orgasm trust me you will feel very close and intimate... ENJOY.

@sid, that's what I'm talking about!!

Well don't talk about it any more, follow through with it, no intercourse sex, if you've already talked about it then won't be a shock when you actually carry through with it.

I have asked that your threads be merged. Until then:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marriage/why-husband-has-stopped-being-affectionate-towards-me-585961.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marriage/dying-husbands-affection-dont-understand-whats-wrong-628664.html

I think you need to look into marriage counseling. I think having a neutral third party teach you how to communicate with each other would be the best idea at this point. Right now there is a lot of talking and appears to be very little understanding.