So.. I've been recovering from some relationship drama (if you can call them relationships) for about 2 years now and I just can't understand why it's so hard for me to get over things. I used to be chill, I wouldn't get angry at people, I could instantly let things go. Basically I met this girl in college and she was awesome, like me. We fell asleep cuddling one night and I think she wanted to have sex but I was just so excited to finally have an attractive girl come on to me (the first one. EVER) that I kept going on about how I want to be with her.. so yeah I came off WAY to strong and scared her off, like a jackass. That's all we did was fall asleep together and I was instantly in love. Sad? Maybe.

I've noticed I get deeply attached to girls with the simplest acknowledgements of interest and contact, maybe something to do with my mom or whatever, who knows. Anyway I was so deeply depressed about not just going with it and doing her that I didn't know what to do (I've also thought about the whole "If that's all she wanted then maybe she wasn't the right girl for you" stuff but it seems like it could have been one of those amazing passionate scenes like in the movies with us or something).

I love playing guitar and so did she. We'd play songs together and there differently was a connection, we could both sync perfectly with eathother. Since things didn't work out I feel as though she stole my guitar playing passion with her, which it's unrational to think that way and I'm obviously aware of this, but yeah. We barely ever talked after our whole thing.

So almost exactly a year later I hooked up with another girl, and was super invading and awkward to her but she put up with me for a about two months before she broke it off. That's not to say she didn't do anything wrong. I was already deeply attached to her because of Facebook (I know, I'm weird) and then randomly my friend added her, ****ed her, and introduced her to me in person. Messed up huh? He knew I liked her, he saw her talking to me and added her. So I sort of think I knew what happened with them in the back of my mind, but didn't want to believe it. So yeah she acted like a whore when we were dating (I know that's a horrible thing to say about someone, but just damn.. ) she danced topless at parties, sent pics to god knows how many guys, and did probably a lot of other things I'm not aware of. I felt pathetic, I stayed with her even after I got her to tell me about what she did with my friend.

That whole sistuation with her and my friend was very psychologically damaging to me, I couldn't think about sex at all without the thought of them going at it crossing my mind. I considered every girl a whore and was angry at women for awhile, which I realized isn't right at all.. one girl who makes me angry shouldn't be a spokeswoman for every girl.

Every time I'd think about getting with a girl I'd imagine she'd get stolen from me, by my old friend. So, once again, Anyway, I'm sitting here typing away and it's been almost a year since the second girl, two years since the first one and I still feel huge emotions to both. I feel deeply saddened and regretful to the first and deeply used and angry at the second.

They hit me all the time, both of them. Except when I get to my normal state and think "Dude, who cares anymore? You don't need them, you're you and you're awesome!" But they come back and won't leave me alone, in my mind. It's very confusing, being so remorseful over two different girls when I didn't really have a real relationship with either. It's also very confusing when I know I can get over it and will at some point, but I just can't.. can't or won't. Maybe I've become dependent on relationships, maybe I'm just being a baby wanting to feel pain. I don't know, but it's pissing me off.

Please help? (oh and I've told the second girl that I just couldn't be friends, and told me friend who did her that I can't either. The girl basically said "ok, I'll never talk to you again." and my friend tried to get me to keep being friends, but I just can't. It's too weird for me to hang with him knowing he did that.. but I do miss being friends with both sometimes, mostly him.)

I still play guitar, but I just don't feel the same power from it like I used to, which makes me unhappy. Guitar is the only thing I was good at, and still am, but I just don't feel the same when I play as much as I used too. Bah! I hate this crap.

Its regrettable to lose friends over this, but in the end it's a good decision, as you are not the same as the people you are associating with. That you still dwell on past events with these folks only indicates I think that you have not replaced old thoughts feelings and regrets with new ones, or something has triggered those feelings in you again, probably a little of both.

I will go out on a limb here and say the old friend is still around. And you have not balanced the loss with something new and exciting that you are happy with.

Its easy to dwell, and be stuck on past events when you have not found better things to do for yourself. Less guitar, and find other things you like that renews the spirit, and feeds the soul. I bet playing the guitar only reminds you of the girl your friend screwed, so its hard to find the same pleasure in it that you once enjoyed. It think this will pass when you find something else to enjoy for a while.

Try it, never know what you may learn about yourself, and that guitar isn't the only thing you are good at. Make new success for yourself through new people, places, and things.

I think your problem is low self esteem, you expect to be let down or disappointed in what ever you do or who ever you meet,then when you are, you say to hell with it going even lower not bothering at all with any thing or anybody, remaining in the past.

You've met a couple of girls and immediately become clingy, almost like a possession,instead of being more chilled about the relationship,you should enjoy each encounter for what it is,see how it developes naturally, whether sex is involved or not.

When your next relationship begins (it will )start off as friends... have coffee and a chat,go see a film,walk in the park take a picnic, listen to some music, watch TV, simply just hang out together when you both have time... no pressure,see how things go,it's not just about getting the person into bed,that's just part of a relationship,you have to work at something if it is to last.

Perhaps you should give yourself a new look... go look in the mirror,what don't you like about yourself,can you change it?hair, clothes,do you need to loose weight or maybe go to the gym build those muscles anything that would give you a different opinion about yourself... think about it,build up yourself image,let the girl think she's lucky to have you, not the other way around.

Stop wallowing in self pity... do something about it... NOW