Where to start? I realize this is long, but I feel like its necessary. I wanted to get it out of my mind and onto paper.

Im having second thoughts about everything relating to my relationship. I have been with her for 5 and a half years. We started dating when we were 15 and are now 21 and have been living together for the past year.

We generally get along. We fight at times, but what couple doesn't? We love each other very much, but there are still questions.

When we were younger we ALWAYS wanted to spend time together. Of course, that probably has something to do with teenagers discovering sex for the first time as we were both virgins. Eventually that novelty wore off. We don't have sex even close to the amount we did when we were in high school. This is obviously an issue. I don't like the fact that she rarely wants to do anything sexually, and if she does, it is the same old, same old. Even this is becoming rare though.

I feel like she has no dreams, goals or plans for the future. Her only plan is to marry me and have kids. She seems to have zero idea of what she is going to be doing for a living. I will be graduating from college next spring and looking for a job within my field. She currently is working for less than minimum wage and has shown no sign or concern for finding a decent job, in my opinion. It drives me insane that she does not seem to care about having a decent job.

She is extremely close to her family, which is perfectly fine with me. I like that she is close with them. The only problem with that is she splits her time between her family and me, but makes hardly any time for friends. Before we started dating, she had friends that she would always hang with. Now she never really hangs out with friends unless Im there too. This kind of goes back to the not really having any future plans or dreams other than, -I want to get married-. She only cares about being with me, and she has no concern about hanging out with anyone else.

I hate that she has to question me or give me crap every time I want to hang out with friends. It is like she expects me to be with her 24/7. I rarely can have a guys night without getting an earful.

While I do not feel like we have huge fights very often at all, it seems that she is constantly annoyed with me at one thing or another. It is extremely frustrating to say the least. I realize I am not perfect, but do I really need to hear about every little thing that I do wrong? Some of the stuff she gets annoyed about is out of my control to begin with. Frustrating.

I do love her. We have obviously talked about marriage and the future after dating for five years. I do not know if that is what I want the way things have been going lately though.

I feel like we never really have any riveting conversations. It seems that we have different values and interests, which prevents us from talking about anything in any kind of depth compared to the earlier stages of our relationship.

She is terrible at communicating issues to me. She expects me to be a mind reader, and obviously, I am not. I am probably the same way, as I am typing this all out. Some of this has been discussed, but certainly not everything.

A couple things that she has issues with that she needs to work on: she tends to let people walk on her. This would include employers, her mother, sisters, and probably me if I am honest. I wish she would have more confidence in everything. She never speaks her mind or stands up for herself. Whenever she has a bad day, she never says that she stood up for herself to the person causing issues. She just keeps her mouth shut, comes home and cries, or takes her anger out on me.

Some of the best things about her is she is extremely kind to everyone. She would do anything to help me if I were in need of help. She is extremely loyal. She would never cheat on me, and I would never cheat on her.

I would trust her with my life. She would always be there for me, which is just one reason why I love her.

We have a lot of good times together. We sometimes have bad times as well.

I think part of me is afraid of losing her. This is for a couple different reasons. I love her, as I've already stated. I am also afraid of change. I have not been with anyone else in 5 years, and those were just high school crushes. The thought of starting over is scary. I do not want either of us to feel like we have wasted five of the best years of our lives together.

We recently signed a year-long lease extension, so we are supposed to live together through July of next year. Splitting up and dividing every thing and figuring out all of that would be a painful process. I do not want to have to go through a painful breakup. I would rather work things out and stay together, but there are a lot of issues that cannot be ignored.

I feel like if we broke up, she would never want to hang out with me again. She is my best friend, so that would be hard. I would definitely want to remain friends. I just do not know if she would let that be an option.

I just don't know whether we should try to talk things out or part ways. We've tried talking issues out in the past, but as she's pointed out, things tend to change for awhile and then they always seem to revert back to the way they originally were, so I really just don't know.

Your girl is preparing to be a mother, wife, and housekeeper. A critical part of building a home, for a family. She may not contribute financially, but for sure she will give you full support, and love as this seems to be important to her despite her lack of skills or outward ambitions. These are your goals, not hers, and there is nothing wrong with this approach, or concept. Her priorities is to build a home, not establish a career. Accept that part of your best friend, and deal with your own expectations because this is certainly a preview of life with her.

I think all couple go through the process of weigh the good and bad of our partners as we are making a decision about our own future, and its really simple here, If you want a rocket scientist, or a business woman for a wife, she ain't it. But a loyal, honest mother of kids, and partner for life, now that from what you have written, she will be great at.

What's unclear, is can you live with her as is and work together the way you are. A risk you either decide to take or not. So recognize this is more about the decision you make, and less about what she has shown you so far.

My advice is to know yourself, and what you want for your own future, and the risks and actions you take to get there, where you want to be. While its very natural to be afraid of such HUGE, life changing decisions, we make them all the time, and can only be honest with YOURSELF, about what you can handle, and what you can't.

Reading your misgivings about taking the next step, I was amused that those were the very same objections I had so many years ago. I can be quite honest with you when I say my total commitment was based on knowing the good of my then girlfriend, and now wife of 35 years far outweighed the bad, and the risk was more than worth it no matter what. The secret of that longevity is frankly even when we disagree, we are still very willing to keep working at it, and have no doubt, I still catch hell when I want to do things she doesn't go along with.

The question is, are you willing to take the time and efforts it takes to keep working together by accepting the BAD, along with the good. So be honest with yourself now, so you can be honest with her.

Like you say, we all have our flaws we have to ask our mates to put up with, and trust me, that will never change, no matter how we feel about them.

For sure she won't change from who she is, unless that's really what she wants. So my advice, is keep talking and working together, and if you can't then that's a whole different conversation. Keep it real, and keep it HONEST.

You have a helluva decision to make.

It appears that you met young and fell in love young and also made long term goals early on. The problem now is that you grew up together but you are progressing and she is not. You have goals and dreams and she is happy with a lifestyle of marriage and kids. She sounds very immature and seems to have no interests except you and that is why you have no deep conversation. I had a similar issue as I met my ex husband at age 18 who was my first real boyfriend and sexual partner. I went to college and he held jobs on and off continually and acted like a teenager the entire time we were married inclusive of his developing a drug and alcohol addiction. I waited years to see change and did not want to break it off for similar fears but when I divorced him at 32 I realized I should have done so much earlier. It is going to be painful but would you rather stay in an unfullfilling relationship,get married, and then resent her for holding you back? It sounds as if there is more negative than positive. Either you address it all with her and see if she changes which people rarely do or you recognize that you are maturing quicker than she is and make the break. It will be difficult and no one likes change but you will regret it in the long run and you doubtfully will be friends early in thr break up but maybe later on down the lline. Best of luck and my heart goes out to you both.

This is really sad. If you still love the girl, fight for it, sit her down and talk honestly and talk out Everything. Decide together or each by themselves and decide the future for yourselves individually and the future of this relationship. Where there is still hope don't let small things make you unhappy.

If it comes down to splitting up, people tend to grow away instead of growing with each other, it's normal but you are still very young and you can still date lots of people.

Whatever may be- Speak from the heart, keep the head in mind as well, and speak realistically.


Best of Luck to the Both of You