Me and my girlfriend have been having a lot of sex lately because she always wants to. But when we have sex, before I even get inside her or half way inside her she says it hurts and we have to stop, but she keeps wanting to try it all the time but its hurting her. Is there something wrong with her. I'm worried about her ? And we can't have sex ? What should I do. 22/02/1986

Me and my girlfriend keep trying to have sex but every time we try to have sex we have to stop before I even get completely inside her or half way because it hurts too much and last time we had sex she was crying it was too painful and she is pretty tight but we use lube and everything... I don't know what to do this is affecting our relationship. I want to talk to her about it becacuse I'm worried or for her to go to the doctor but she won't talk about it or won't go to the doctor. What can I do.. I'm worried about her ?

Is this the same girlfriend from your previous question: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/girlfriend-never-wants-have-sex-566554.html ?

How old is she and has she been to a gynecologist? If it is the same woman then this has been going on for about six months.

It could be a number of things that all come down to getting a check up and making certain that she is physically healthy. I recommend not having sex again until after she has seen her doctor and has a clean bill of health.

Does she want sex or is that what she thinks she has to do to keep your interest? Put aside your 'needs' and insist that she get a check up.

She needs to see a doctor. Encourage her to do so, that's what you do.

Yeah same girl. She is 22 and yeah I don't know what to do...
She doesn't want to talk about it or go anywhere and its really affecting our relationship

Last time she cried because she actually wanted to have sex but it hurts so that's why she never ever or in the past wanted to have sex before, nuffin against me, just hurts her, don't know why, I don't even get half way inside her and we have to stop. I have been buying lube and special stuff off eBay and the internet and experimenting to try and make it better and easier for her but nuffin works... I'm really crying out for help for her and yes I do care and I'm not just thinking of myself otherwise we would have broken up ages ago and I would have just slept around with some other girls. So don't think of me low or just a sex freak cause that's not me and your just assuming and judging if that's the case and that's not directed to you. That's directed to anyone that has something to say... but yeah thanks for you help. Just looking for response and answers cause I don't know what's next..,. Where to go or what to do??

How old are you both?

She most likely is not emotionally ready yet, but should see her doctor for examination to be sure there is no other issues

d3f3cted, I believe you do care, now. At the two month mark when your mind went to playing around is a very different point in time.

Stop trying over-the-counter products that aren't working primarily because you don't know what is wrong. She needs to find out why she is in pain. (I would bet that sex isn't the only time but may be when she feels it the most.) Only she knows when it occurs and what it feels like. Only she can get checked out.

Stress to her that this is a serious matter. Fear is only going to make it worse. Fear of what might be wrong and fear of being dumped. You can help with the fear of what your reaction could be. Are you willing to be her support through what may be a very bad time?

If she is scared of what the doctors will find, are you willing to tell her you will be by her side even if she can't have sex for weeks or months? It could be something easily taken care of IF she finds out now but may be getting worse with each month she puts off getting checked out.

Encourage her to make an appointment. If she wants, would you be willing to go with her to her appointments?

You say you care about her. This is how nature makes you prove it.

I have a personal question that you may or may not know, and she may or may not want to share.

But has she ever been raped or molested? Espeically if it happened in childhood? This can cause a lot of physical AND psychosomatic problems for a woman.

*threads merged*

Thanks cat... and yeah I will try get her to go to a doctor and its not that she isn't ready because she said to me the other night its not me its her and she cried because she wants to make physically love to me and she can't because it hurts... and I know its not all about sex but **** sex makes us connect and feels so good well at this stage just for me and not her and I wouldn't be much of a partner if I didn't care about how she felt and she has to enjoy sex too. This is why I am on here, if I had all the answers I would need the internet would I. but yeah what do you honestly recommend. Cause I have no idea. I been talking to people off eBay that have like expertise in this stuff and sending me tablets and products but yeah I don't know. She says she really loves me and wants to be with me forever and stuff but I don't know anymore. I do love her. And I do care. But I don't know where this is going... I'm confused and upset. Depressed. She says she doesn't want sex to go for too long because after 5-10minutes it hurts but in the past most girls I been with want sex for hours and yeah I enjoyed that. But 5-10mins of love a week or something like that if that... its ahhhhhhhhhh
I don't know... what does everyone reckon. AND I DO ACTUALLY CARE! I have to stress that... geeezzz
Thanks cat :)

thanks cat... and yeah i will try get her to go to a doctor and its not that she aint ready because she said to me the other night its not me its her and she cried because she wants to make physically love to me and she can't because it hurts... and i kno its not all about sex but **** sex makes us connect and feels so good well at this stage just for me and not her and i wouldnt be much of a partner if i didnt care bout how she felt and she has to enjoy sex too. this is why i am on here, if i had all the answers i would need the internet would i. but yeah wat do you honestly recommend. cause i have no idea. i been talking to people off ebay that have like expertise in this stuff and sending me tablets and products but yeah i dunno. she says she really loves me and wants to be with me forever and stuff but i dunno anymore. i do love her. and i do care. but i dunno where this is going... im confused and upset. depressed. she says she doesnt want sex to go for too long because after 5-10minutes it hurts but in the past most girls i been with want sex for hours and yeah i enjoyed that. but 5-10mins of love a week or something like that if that... its ahhhhhhhhhhi dunno... what does everyone reckon. AND I DO ACTUALLY CARE! i have to stress that... geeezzz
thanks cat :)

Sex doesn't 'make' you do anything. Sex cannot make a connection if one doesn't already exist. It should be an extension of the closeness you already feel not the cause of it.

What 'expertise' do the people on Ebay have in what is wrong with your girlfriend when she doesn't know what is wrong? The people on Ebay are selling you stuff. They don't know what is wrong any more than you do. They can't diagnose her problems any more than we can. They should be telling her to see a doctor instead of telling you to try this pill or that cream.

I am a bit confused as to when and how she is feeling pain. One post you make it sound like penetration is painful another makes it sound like repetition of movement/duration. Either way, if she is in tears from pain, she needs to be checked out. I cannot stress this point enough because some of the things that could be wrong have ties to hormones and can get worse with each menstrual cycle.

She isn't one of your past girlfriends/conquests. You need to stop comparing her needs to theirs. Many women do not like penetration that lasts for long periods especially if that is where all the attention is. Sometimes, it can make us feel more like sex aids than partners. It is something to discuss with your girlfriend.

If your girlfriend has a medical condition, you may not get even those five to six minutes a week for a long time.

You keep saying how much you care about her, but then go back to lamenting the lack of sex and how depressed, confused, etc. you are. I think you need to be honest with yourself about how you feel and what you need. Don't try to convince us.