In 2006 I was 17, I became pregnant by a man that physically abused and emotionally abused me all while I was caring his child. I ended up getting a restraining order and moving. But 4 years later the restraining order is expired and I have moved out of state and the father of my son is trying to get in touch with me. I have kept tabs on him. I knew when he was in jail, why he was in jail and what good and bad stuff he has done since I left. Hes been shot, and into drugs and gangs. Now he has a fiancé that already has a child and they are pregnant with his child now. Im worried that if he finds me he will take me to court for custody of my son. I love my son more than anything in this world. I have done everything I can to keep him healthy happy and SAFE. Does the father have any rights? Could he just take my son away from me. What should I do?

If you are hiding his child from him you may be guilty of parental kidnapping.

You should have gone to court to try and get full custody.

Of course he has rights since you didn't mention the courts taking any rights away. And since you have moved out of state and are hiding the child you could become guilty of parental kidnapping. You need to straighten out this mess you have made and go to court to settle any custody issues.

We went to court in 06 for the restraining order. He plead guilty to domestic violence with use of a weapon. He made a statement that I was pregnant with his baby, the judge told him to take me to family court which he never did. I needed health insurance and the state made me take him to court for child support and he didn't show up for that either. I ended up having my son and not putting him on the birth cert. I also gave my son my last name. Thank you all for your advice though. It means a lot. Im just really scared and needed some bias opinions

The restraining order was to keep him from you, esp if the child not born yet. And has nothing to do with custody or his rights to see the child.

You have made some serious errors that can also hurt you in court, but his actions, if you can prove them with evidence that is acceptable in court, will hurt him.

If he has been looking for the child, and you have been hiding him, that will look poorly on you in court, if he has been in jail, is using drugs, and is in a gang ( all of which will have to be proved) hurts him.

But you need to get custody of the child, though the courts

You were 17! You did the best you knew how. I don't see a court charging you for leaving, he never showd up for the support hearing, and I don't see them giving the father custody. Visitation at most; maybe supervised at best. You are articulate and sound intelligent and able to talk to a social worker about this.

You were 17! You did the best you knew how. I don't see a court charging you for leaving, he never showd up for the support hearing, and I don't see them giving the father custody. Visitation at most; maybe supervised at best. You are articulate and sound intelligent and able to talk to a social worker about this.

From the way the OP states it they didn't leave the state right away. And if hiding the child (parental kidnapping) the courts WILL use all the charges they can find.

The court CAN charge her, but she has a strong case based on his history, even more recent history since she left the state, so whether they WILL or not is unknown.

I saw my role as one of toning down the first several responses, which were all slanted toward the notion of parental kidnapping. This is law that has many determining factors before rulings are made, and I don't want to drive a still young mother even further away out of fear.

I did not move right away, my son had his 3rd birthday there. This will be the first year out of state. My father's corporate office wanted to open another branch in the state I am in now and wanted him to manage it. I had no other family in the other state so I decided I would go with my parents. I do the best that I can, and it is not my fault that my sons father was in jail 80% of the last 4 years. Was I suppose to stay and hope that he would change? If he wanted to find me it was very easy for him to do so in the last 3 years of my sons life. It is not my fault that he didn't show up for court. And when he didn't I decided that child support wasn't worth it. So no, I do not get any money from him, or help. I have raised my son in a safe environment. When he is sick I am the one who rocks him all night and then goes to work for 9 hours the next day and then comes home exhausted. But I still do it and I love every minute I get with my son. Because I know that the day his father had me up against the door with a knife, that could have been the day that I lost my son. I never tell my son anything bad about his father. When he decides that he wants to know what happened I am going to tell him, that his parents loved him but sometimes things just don't work out. And I will let him form his own opinion about his father. But right now, I have to keep him safe, healthy and happy. And I thank all of you again for your opinions. I will be finding an attorney or advocate to talk to so that if anything does happen I will be ready.

First, I see no problem with your moving out of state. That's not the issue. Since there was no custody/visitation order there was nothing to compel you to stay. The issue is hiding from the father. Despite all that has happened he is still the father and, until a court takes his rights away, he has the rights of a father.

Since he didn't show up for the support hearing was support ordered? Doesn't matter whether you ever collected, but it is important if the order was issued.

My advice is to file for sole legal and physical custody, you might even request that his rights be terminated as being shown to be a danger to you and your child. You may not get it, but ask for it. You can ask the court to keep your address confidential because of your fears. But you can't consciously hide from him.

... You can ask the court to keep your address confidential because of your fears. But you can't consciously hide from him.

How does that work? It seems that keeping address confidential and hiding are basically the same thing. I guess if she gave him a means of contacting her, without giving their physical location, that would count as not hiding?

My address is confidential. When I went to court the judge told me to get a post office box so when they mailed him records my address would not be on there so that is exactly what I did. The support order was dropped. My father was with me and he said that the judge said since he did not show up that his rights would be terminated, but I was so scared and nervous and to busy looking behind me every time the doors opened and shut that I do not remember them saying that. And on top of that I have not heard anything from them since. And I am not hiding from him, if he wanted to get in touch with me, it would be just as easy for him to find me as it would be for any of you to find a friend you haven't seen in 10 years. I have a full time job and they use my social. I file for taxes and I haven't changed my name and we are in the phone book for heavens sake. Just because I'm not personally calling him up and giving him all my information does not mean I am hiding out.

My address is confidential. When I went to court the judge told me to get a post office box so when they mailed him records my address would not be on there so that is exactly what I did. The support order was dropped. My father was with me and he said that the judge said since he did not show up that his rights would be terminated, but I was so scared and nervous and to busy looking behind me every time the doors opened and shut that I do not remember them saying that. And on top of that I have not heard anything from them since. And I am not hiding from him, if he wanted to get in touch with me, it would be just as easy for him to find me as it would be for any of you to find a friend you haven't seen in 10 years. I have a full time job and they use my social. I file for taxes and I haven't changed my name and we are in the phone book for heavens sake. Just because I'm not personally calling him up and giving him all my information does not mean I am hiding out.

First, in your initial post you said; "the father of my son is trying to get in touch with me.". This coupled with other things you said, gave the impression that you are specifically hiding from him since you know he's trying to get in touch but have avoided it. If I misunderstood that I apologize.

Yes, using a PO Box is a good idea.

You should go back to the court and try to get a transcript of the court hearing. It is possible his rights might have been terminated, though that's a long shot. You missed a bet by not following up on that at the time.

The court CAN charge her, but she has a strong case based on his history, even more recent history since she left the state, so whether they WILL or not is unknown.

I saw my role as one of toning down the first several responses, which were all slanted toward the notion of parental kidnapping. This is law that has many determining factors before rulings are made, and I don't want to drive a still young mother even further away out of fear.


What you have to understand is that there are 2 ways to do things. The right way and the wrong way. The ramifications of doing it the wrong way can be devastating.

In this case a custody hearing should have taken place before leaving the state. That way the courts would have been aware of what was going on at the time of the move. Another thing is that the courts would have a legal trail to follow. As it stands now the OP has been getting bad advice along the way and has the impression that they are on the right track. Getting a P.O. Box doesn't protect you from anything unless you start breaking laws from the get go. What the OP needs is to get protected. And letting the restraining order run out rather then trying to renew it has put the OP at great risk of not only physical harm but also for a change in custody. Now without the order of protection to hide behind any efforts to hide can be deemed as going against the OP in a custody hearing. Its not a good position to be in. Toning it down can only affirm that the OP is on the correct track and that needs to change.