So I had a fling with this girl about 7 months ago. The entire case is so childish and typical high-school stuff but somehow it still bothers me.

So to the point: She had had a major crush on me, but I quite couldn't see it at the time. I realized later that I also had feelings for her, so we went out a few times. Then for about 2 months it was contact on-off. I contacted her, then for a week I wouldn't hear from her and then she would contact me again. This went on for 2 months.

I then just straightforward asked her where we stand. She said she still liked me, but doesn't know what she wants, but she doesn't want me to be with anyone else either. She would have hoped that I had made a move on her before. So I just let it be for a week, and then asked her again. We talked, but I got the same response.

I then gave her time to think, and after 2 weeks I got tired of the get-around, and just gave her the take me or leave me. We got together, but she was acting weird the entire week, not herself. I broke it off, but regretted it later. We had important exams, and we were supposed to meet up after them.

I was very, very stressed and then something happened that I still don't understand: I lost all feelings for her. I felt nothing. I looked at her and felt no spark. It felt bad, because I knew I wanted to be with her and that I liked her, but I didn't feel anything. How can this happen? I waited for a week, but the spark wouldn't come back. So I just told her about it. I didn't want to break up with her, but I felt like I did't have any choice. It wouldn't be fair to her if I wasn't sure of my feelings. A few days went by and I was a mess. I got my normal feelings back, but just a few days before I had told her that I'm not sure if I like her anymore. I really tried getting her back, called her and asked her to meet me up, but we didn't get back together anymore.

So I think I'm kind of over it, but on the other hand I'm not, because I'm still thinking about it. I think it was good that I was honest with my feelings at the moment. But I still can't help but think that I killed it. I feel like the "I'm not sure if I like you anymore"-case prevented her from getting back together with me. I feel like I totally blew it by saying that. That is what I'm thinking mainly about. I can totally relate to how she might have felt. It's not cool to hear someone say they don't like you, but that is something you deal with. Then it becomes very unnatural if someone comes back, and says "hey, I really do like you actually". She probably was thinking how can he yo-yo with his feelings like that. You lose some really basic trust with that type of yo-yoing, right? Even though r-ships are **** sometimes, you can trust that the other person has feelings for you. But I feel like I lost that trust too, and that's why I can't properly move on.

It doesn't help anything to think about it, but my mind is going in circles. It's really childish, but I can't help it. **** happens. I'd like to move on from it all, but the whole thing in my head is preventing me from getting serious with someone else. I keep myself busy, but somehow I always end up thinking about this. How can I process this, so that I can totally move on from it. Those are the questions that are spinning in my head. Thank you in advance, cheers!

I have a feeling you quite don't understand what happened. She liked you but wasn't into you. Sounds more like those curious attractions, or distractions that happens a lot, where we should have just let it go, but pursued any way, with predictable results. It didn't work.

Nobody's fault really, you just didn't click. Just my opinion with the limited facts you presented, but an effective tool I have used is to focus elsewhere when you want to change your thoughts, either with an activity, or task, that requires most of your attention. Practice will make you better at it, so stay with it until its second nature, and you can let it go, and have fun with others, without high expectations of romance.

Sometimes when we have bad, or confusing experiences that leave a bad taste in our mouth, it poisons our perspective for other experiences. As you learn more about yourself, you will develop strategies to cope with those feelings on your own, and they will work for you.

Hello, thank you very much for your insight!

Another thing that I think is holding me back is the lack of closure. I have questions that have been left unanswered but I don't like to dig answers from her. What's the point really? I might not get any answers at all from her and she might be very hesitant.

She still iniciates contact with me every now and then and invited me to a few parties, which confuses me a bit. I don't want to pursue her anymore, as I was the one who pursued very actively. It just feels bad when someone has some kind of power over you, even though your rational mind is telling you to just let it go. What is wrong with me here?

Thank you!

Acceptance is closure. False hope that she wants what you want is what stops you from accepting that you are not compatible, and interact lousy together.

True that. How do I really force acceptance into me? Maybe by repeating "it's over" over and over again in my head?

Cheers!

Edit: repeating "forget it"

By doing your own thing without her in your life, then you can be happy with what you are doing, as you move beyond this episode in your life, and build your confidence, dignity, and self respect by not being stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you.

Yeah that's right, have been doing that of course!

It just seemed at one point that she really did want to give it a go, but then it just got so messed up that there wasn't any point, I guess?

If she had said " I'm not interested" of course I had been cool with that. But first she was stringing me along, then she seemed to want to give it a shot but then I mixed and messed things up and now I'm just wondering what the hell happened, as you said.

I feel like I'm feeding myself this thought that she is a bit stuck on me too, and the reason why she ain't with me is because I got really confused, I yo-yoed badly, she couldn't trust that I still digged her and in the end the whole thing just lost it's taste. Not very healthy considering it's been a while, but that's what is kind of happening with me here. She still keeps in touch, but that doesn't mean anything, really.

I'm sorry for these dumb questions that are spinning in my head, but I'm trying to figure myself out. Doing other stuff and going out helps a lot, but I revert back to the same questions over and over again at the end of the day. Frustrating! Do you possibly have any clue why? I'm a problem solver by nature, so maybe that has something to do with it haha.

Thank you!

Your problem is resolved. You are not together so what's to solve except yourself and your own feelings? That's a long hard process that takes some getting use to.

Did you read the stickies here (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/)that have some great ideas about things to do when you get dumped. It starts with leaving her alone and not being available to her, or eager to even talk to her. Its called NO CONTACT, and works great.

Dude, ofc you're right.

Thanks for taking some time to answer my question, appreciate it!