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My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months now. Before him I hadn't had a relationship in a good couple of years. I'd been hurt too many times and I guess you could say I didn't want to take a risk. Instead I focused on my school work and decided the risks could come again later.

Then I met Shawn. : / I'm 19, he's about 26. He was an all around good guy that caught my attention. I met him through one of my ex's and I guess we clicked. Anyway, Shawn got my number and started texting me after our first meeting. He'd message me daily and I have to admit - though I was scared - it was nice.

I went to his place a couple of times the following week and we'd just sit and talk on his couch for hours. Watch some movies, snuggle-up and he'd make me dinner. It felt great to be noticed by someone, to be comforted and desired.

Finally he asked me if I'd date him and I guess you could say I panicked a little bit. I agreed to it, but told him we should take it slow.

He was good about it, a real gentlemen. My dad and I aren't close so Shawn would always offer me a place to stay for the night and a ride to work if I needed it. He never tried to take advantage. Things went well like that for the first two months.

Then I noticed his drinking problem. I guess you could say he's a bit of an alcoholic. He likes to party, he's not a mean drunk, but he drinks until he's not himself just about every night. He never gets hangovers so he gets to work fine, but still :/ I'm not a huge drinker, so at first that caught me off guard. Luckily I'm social though- so when he took to drinking and ignoring me I was able to find people to keep me company.

All was good - even though it bothered me a little - until he took me to a BBQ the one night. I'd never really met his friends so when I got there it was a little over-whelming. A huge house with a good 30 people - give or take a few. I got a quick introduction (and forgot names almost instantly afterwards) then Shawn disappeared off to smoke, drink and talk with his friends.

Again, I'm social- I can deal. So I went around and made small-talk, getting to know everyone. An hour in- still no word from Shawn. Everyone there was a fair bit older than me. All ranging from 25-35 years. I felt out of place and really could have used some confidence.

But of course he had his beer and that clearly wasn't happening.

I got over it- we got back to his place, did our thing and crashed then I went to work the next morning. It was like nothing happened and hey- who am I to complain?

But it didn't stop there. Now he has gone from texting me daily, to me not hearing from him for a week. He used to want to spend all his time with me- now he could seem to care less.

I've started trying to do anything to get his attention- which sucks because I never though I'd have to be one of those girls. But his friends call me and text me a lot, I go out with them. They're all really nice guys and it just makes me wonder how his two best friends can make time to talk to me and he can't?

I text his and ask if he has dropped off the face of the earth and all I get back a day later is a, "hey babe- sorry I haven't talked to you much lately. things have been crazy at work."

I get work can be busy, but how hard is it to take 5 seconds to sent me a quick, "hey- I miss you" or a, "Night". I do it frequently and rarely get an answer back now : /

I'm confused, hurt and don't know what I can do to fix it. I just want him to want me again. I want him to take a moment in the day and appreciate what he has. Because I may not be the best girlfriend in the world, but I work hard to make him happy, to get along with his family and friends. To do little things like bring his his favourite cookies or something when I drop by.

Please, whoever took the time to actually read this rant- if you could help me, I'd be extremely grateful. I just feel so lost.

-C

RED FLAGS!

Walk away-the guy's an alcoholic and now he's ignoring you-ignore him right back and realise that by walking away you're dodging a bullet.

He's got other things on his mind-like drinking ,smoking and whatever else is more important to him than interacting with a girlfriend-sorry,but save yourself future heartbreak and move on.

The guy he was when you first met was the 'putting the best side out' guy, the guy you see now IS the real guy.

Only 4 months in and already the relationship is chipping away at yourself esteem and confidence,what's it going to be like in another few months, what will you be like? Needy? Desperate for any crumbs of attention he may throw your way?

Its still early in the relationship, cut your losses and walk away, this guy although can be nice and charming is just not worth the hassel...

And a word of warning, his friends texting you is not a good thing, there older then you and may not have the best intentions towards you, be very careful there.

Thanks for the advice- I see what you mean, but it's all such a mess. I guess I just need to figure out a way to talk to him tonight (if he doesn't cancel again) and break it off as smoothly as possible. He really is a decent guy, but he's an absent boyfriend : /
But really- this comment helped a lot my friends just kept telling me to, "Do what your heart tells you to do". HA! Great help there xD

I've got a friend who I'm really close with- we used to talk about everything and now... not so much. He's a great guy- cheerful, hardworking, understanding... but lately everything is strained.

We can sit on the couch and I just don't know what to say to him anymore. It's not like we've been spending more time apart, but maybe we've run out of things to talk about? I just feel awkward.

This sounds so lame, but if anyone has some topics I could keep him going on for a while, it'd be greatly appreciated. I really care for him and this is just getting ridiculous.

yes, I see what you mean. But heck dodging bullets is nerve-wrecking. Sometimes I feel that if I could actually open up and talk to him, tell him that I'm upset or something things could be worked out. But I just can't make him unhappy : / I always fake a smile and hope it'll work out. But as that saying goes, "actions speak louder than words". I'll keep what you said in mind and if we can't talk/work it out when I see him tonight, I guess it'll be time to break it all off.
Thanks for your opinion ^^

If you want topics to keep talking to him, talk about things of his interest.
One more idea is to, tell him about a problem (can be yours or someone else's problem) and ask for his suggestion.

Take care of yourself and remember you deserve better.

Ask him why this is happening,maybe the friendship has run its course?

Same guy??

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The one and only. My response was too long so I just started a new post, only I'm not quite sure how to find it and link it to you until people comment/post answers on it. >_< I'm still trying to figure out how to use this site.

Oh- figured it out xD - I can be such a blonde sometimes :p


Yes, actually- I was interested to see if "friend" would give me some different answers. He and I had a bit of a talk tonight- he came by my place after work. He was tired, he'd been training his employees all day and some of 'em were givin' him a rough time. Anyway, I asked him where he'd been all week and why I hadn't heard from him and he claims he "lost" his phone. Now I don't want to go pointing fingers and say he's full of... well, you know- But quite honestly, that's his only connection to work and I can't see him misplacing that. Not to mention that he wouldn't go that long without messaging his friends because he has no internet connection - due to a recent move into a new apartment.

Yet I was proud of myself tonight, finally asking him at least one of the billion questions running around through my head. We went upstairs and he kind of just collapses on the bed, worn-out and grumbly. I tried to create small-talk, but he's just not co-operating. He worked at a game store (EB Games) for a while and I figured that maybe if I learn to play some games at least I'll have something else to talk with him about other than metal music and work. But no luck. I feel that if I could get him to talk to me like he did when we first started dating that I could get through to him.

I know things seem really bad right now - maybe because they are - but I just don't want to throw away 4 and a half months of effort I've put into trying to make him happy and get this to work. I was constantly cancelling plans with friends to make time for him too, trying to keep the balance. And I know that it has put a bit of a strain on some of our relationships, but I feel that he's worth it. He can make me so incredibly happy and then the next second frustrate me completely.

And each day I feel like I'm sinking lower to make this work. I'll go shopping and buy some daring outfit and see if he notices, lingerie, cook for him, massage- nothing. I'm just a little confused as to what more he wants. And for all the guts I have with the rest of the world- I lose it all when it comes to him. And I think that's what drew me to him to begin with. I liked the fact that he made me feel different. That I was caught off-guard constantly and was starting to realize that I'm not always as tough as I think. And sometimes it's nice to be looked after. But ego blows are getting worse. : / If I were some hideous person, maybe these efforts would be a little more pointless. But I'm not, I work hard to stay in shape, I dress well and carry myself with confidence. So what in the name-of-all-things-holy can I do to fix this sinking ship?

Last I heard you were going to break up with him?

I'm confused now...