hi there

I have been together with my girlfriend for 3 years now we have been inseparable doing things together all the time and sharing so many things with one another, we are like soul mates I love her so so much and I miss her so much when I am not with her and I cannot imagine my life without her.

About a month ago I made a horrible stupid drunken mistake and let myself and her down and betrayed her by sleeping with another woman.I don't know why it just happened on the spur of the momment.

I tried to tell her that this had happened but now in hindsight I did not and wish I had. I thought I could go on lying without her finding out. About 2 weeks after this happened, a random person on the internet wrote to her and told her her that I had been cheating. I told her it was some one trying to mess with her and us and it was not true. However the situation got worse and worse and more messages came. The other girl who I had made the mistake was also getting these messages and they were being sent to her boyfriend. My whole world started caving in I did not know who this person was yet I did not want to tell the truth. Finally I told her what had happened and it was horrible because I HAD lied to her saying that whoever this person was a sick person trying to ruin out relationship.

I have told her the whole truth now but I think she is never going to be able to forget it, and rightly so.

We live together and I don't know what to do? We have made so much effort with the house and we were finally feeling like it is a proper home. I don't have many Places to go, as most people I know have left town. I have to be around because of my job, but its going to be so hard to see one another every day and not be able to be emotionally close. I know space is the only cure for this but It is extremely hard as neither of us have alternate places we can go. I have thought about booking two weeks off and going away is this GOOD IDEA?

I know that I want to be with her forever and I want to fight for her but I don't know the best way to start doing this, she is the love of my life.

How do I get her to trust me again?

Its tough when such a huge mistake snowballs into a devastating consequence, and all you can do is go through the storm your actions have caused that destroyed what could have been a happy home.

All you can do is the things that show her over time, that you have learned from your mistakes and are doing better. Now I doubt you get instant results from this, it may take years, but you better get busy now, and put your best foot forward while you can, and don't get angry, and frustrated just because she doesn't just forgive, and forget. She may NOT. But if you are to make amends for the past, your words and actions had better match. Treat her extra nice, and do some praying, and realize there are no guarantees that things will ever go back to the way it was, so basically, you have to start all over again to rebuild the trust.

For a while, don't go anywhere that she can't go to. Be especially mindful to always keep your word, and no excuses. I hope this was not a known acquaintance she has to see from time to time, and it's a bit puzzling how anyone could have know if this was a discreet one night stand, unless this other woman has issues and was blabbing things around to friends, but since the cat is out of the bag, and you have been exposed to be not only a cheater, but a liar also, and a drunk, deal with it by being better and hope it works.

There are no magic strategies to regaining trust, because you first have to be trust worthy, and once its broken, and lost, it's a long hard road to getting it back. Bite the bullet, and be humble, until she gets over the hurt, and humiliation you have caused. And I suggest you never drink again.

It may work, and then again, it may not.

Cheating is a very hard thing to get past. When anyone has a emotional bond with someone and feels that bond was betrayed there faith tends to disappear. Time is the best cure for these types of situations. She is going to push you away because she is hurting this is normal. You must allow her time and space to cope with your actions.

From what you have said it is clear that you do love her. If I were you I would stay away from alcohol for a while or anything that could lead to bad judgement.

I say yes to the time off and away from each other. This will be good for both of you. Take your time, talk to each other, and really listen to how she is feeling. Communication is the key to getting past all troubles in relationships. You say that you love her. Never ever forget to tell her.

Best of wishes hope this helps.

Wow-sorry to say but you really messed up big time. A 3 year relationship ruined by a one night stand? That is really sad because if you were drunk enough to be able to have sex with a different girl you were drunk enough to know what you did and it did not just happen. There is a red flag there that something is missing in your relationship if you are cheating. Do you really want to be with her or is it just a comfortable situation? Women is general have a very hard time forgiving a man who cheats on them and now she will probably become very jealous and assume you will do it again which if you tried to hide it, sorry to say, you probably will. That was immature and this gal deserves better. If she forgives you, I'd suggest you get some couples counseling to figure out why it happened but trust is going to take a LONG time now.