I was married to my ex husband for nearly eight years. Our marriage dissolved. We have two children. I have primary custody, he has visitation. However, he does not visit his children. He does not pay child support. I moved out of State after three years of no contact by him and because of an extremely unique job opportunity that would provide for the welfare of both children almost triple what I was making in the other state and entitled me to work less hours. A great benefit to all this, My family is with me. When I lived in the other State with the father, I had no family. Well, his family--but that went away with the divorce.

I decided to move out of the father's State due to no contact with him. When I mean no contact--I did not know where he lived nor knew a phone number or address of his. I had to go through his mother to get to him. We moved after 3 years of no contact with the biological father. We have not seen or heard from him for five nearly six years now.

In November 2010, my oldest daughter disclosed that she had been sexually molested by her father, starting at the age of 8 even after our divorce until he stopped exercising his visitation. She is now 15, and is in therapy due to her post traumatic episode. This was bought on when she was asked to a junior dance by a guy at school, the event is chaperoned, I am one of the parents supervising the event. Evidently, her date wanted to kiss her, she consented, and she had a flashback of her father abusing her and started screaming and kicking her date.

This was how I found out she was abused. We filed a report. We did not hear from the authorities in the State/County my ex lived in. For awhile. Finally, I called the supervisor of that county and the report was found true by investigators. He was notified and he appealed this case. It is currently pending.

I wanted to know, will I lose my children because of this issue? We are worried because I moved out of State, he will reverse the issue and try to hold me in contempt. Can he? He knew we moved out of the county we lived in because I sent him a registered letter. Three years later or so, we finally moved out of the State after no contact from him.

I know that this may not be the right place to put this. But, I honestly want answers from your community. What rights does my ex still have? Since these allegations will I lose custody of my children.

We divorced and he still lives in Arkansas.

I doubt if you will lose custody, but you made a mistake in not getting approval of the court to move. You should have filed for a modification of the visitation order. Given the circumstances it would have been granted.

But that's water under the bridge. There is nothing you can do about it now but to document the fact that you informed him of the move and he made no objection. I also think a court is likely to look at any attempt to hold you in contempt as just a smoke screen to cover the criminal prosecution.

Good luck to you and keep us posted.

Finally, I called the supervisor of that county and the report was found true by investigators. He was notified and he appealed this case. It is currently pending.


What exactly does this mean? Do you mean he was arrested and tried for the accusation and found guilty? Unless there has been a conviction there is nothing to appeal. If there is a conviction against him then you should go to court for a modification and have his rights removed. This offence can make that happen after a conviction.

Thank you both for responding. To answer @ScottGem--I was worried that he was going to try to say I left the State without his knowledge. I have proof that we notified him and he did not respond to the certified letter. @Califdadof3 - The DHS or CPS investigators found the report by my daughter to be true. He was notified that they believed that an incident did occur and they give him the opportunity to appeal; or prove he did not sexually abuse her. There is not a trial as of yet. We are waiting on the prosecution to do their thing. After disclosure, my daughter had to go through some intensive examinations. I was worried that he was going to swoop in, and say to us "hey, you left the State--so I'm going to get you for that." But we can prove every circumstance that he was notified. However, I admit, that I did not know to notify the courts because the divorce/custody papers state that we had to inform him of our move. We did via certified letter. He never responded.

First, when posting a follow-up question or info, please use the Answer options at the bottom of the page rather than the Comments.

What exactly does the custody papers say about moving. If it is specifically mentioned, then you may not have had to go back to court.

I would push the prosecutors office on prosecuting him. This is generally not an isolated thing. If he did this once, he's likely to do it again. It's also probably why he stopped contact.

Thank you. The papers and my lawyer at the time informed me that if I wanted to move out of State, don't do it unless I informed him of the move. The 2005 divorce papers stated the same. I could not leave the State or county unless he was notified of where I was going with the kids. I informed him, twice. He never responded to either certified statement. After three years of completely no contact nor child support--I was offered a job where my family lived. I had no family support, so I had to move. It was an extreme necessity.

See, after the divorce, his family and he no longer spoke with us nor contacted us. Not even the children. He filed for primary custody, but his own lawyer stated to him that there was completely no chance. He did this so he would not have to pay child support. He told me that if he got the kids, I would owe him child support. So, when this did not work--he harassed us consistently, until I told him not to pay (he is ordered to pay child support--he is nearly six years behind in payment). All this, I have documented 100%. I am an excellent record keeper--I also have a trespass citation on him and his family, an order of protection (all this in the year 2004-2006). We had to move to another county because he would stalk my house and car--my job. Never once inquired about the kids. In hindsight--I think he did this to see if my daughter said anything about him--so I think it was a tactic of his to keep us "occupied." He even alleged that I abused him. Which was immediately dismissed. I can recall once when we argued, he told me "he was on eggshells" around me. Like, I did not know where that was coming from. I asked what he meant by this... he just said, "I don't know--I'm just waiting for you to go off." Now I know what that meant. It was as if he was trying to tell me what he had done. Like he was waiting for the shoe to fall.

I digress. But since all this happened, I keep obsessing over how could I missed this, missed what happened to my little girl. It had been nearly 5 years we never spoke his name when my daughter disclosed the abuse. Now, he haunts our home again. We are paranoid that he would show up again--it had been troubling for everyone. The CPS/DHS informed me that he isn't given any information on our whereabouts. But I know he knows it was us who has this investigation initiated. I think it is just so unfortunate, that even now, after all this time, he has this tremendous power over our home.

I contacted the investigators and they told me it has to go to the prosecutor now, since he appealed the CPS/DHS findings. I don't know what he has to do to come after us for this. Which is why I was worried about our moving away. I don't have a lawyer now, as all my energy is focused on getting help for my daughter to overcome what happen to her... I just want her to be okay. For us to be normal again.

First, let me say to you to not beat yourself up over missing the abuse. Pedophiles, especially incestuous ones, are very good at hiding things. Without any reason to suspect it, it could have been very hard to see. I would suggest that you get counseling for yourself to deal with these feelings.

Second, in my opinion, since the custody order specifically dealt with the issue of moving and gave specific instructions on how to deal with the issue, then I think you are OK there. I can't see you getting cited for contempt since you followed the instructions in the court order. Which means he can't use your moving against you. The only gotcha there is that you informed him you were moving but did not provide him the new address. But I don't think that's an issue since I assume you left a forwarding address with the Post Office. You didn't make any attempt to hide your whereabouts, but since he made no attempt to contact, there was never a time where you needed to inform him. At least that's the position I would take.

Finally, your daughter will probably have to go back to testify if he is prosecuted. But the court should keep your whereabouts secret given the circumstances. Make sure you make the prosecutor aware of the previous stalking and attempts at intimidation.

Good Luck to you and please keep us posted along the way.

I have an update to this case. We just received a subponea stating that there will be a teleconference with my ex regarding his disputing the child maltreatment against him. The news of this sent my daughter into shock, thereby, making me worried about this again. To answer your previous statement, yes, we left a change of address with the post office and with the last apartment manager where we resided. So, it was not like we were hiding at all. The stalking issues and intimidation are all documented. I kept brilliant records of his behavior at the time. Because no one believed me about this. From his perspective, since it was his home town, his friends--I am an outsider--they will believe everything he would tell them, even if I told the truth. It did not matter. Which is why we could not live in the same town he lived in.

Now, thinking back, he basically ran us out of the town. I don't know anymore. I just want this to be all over. My daughter needs to heal.

Who is the subpoena from? What case is it about? This sounds unusual to me.

I can understand a prosecutor asking for such a conference to discuss the prosecution. But I don't understand a conference with your ex. Who is responsible for this? We need to understand what is behind this to help.

The subpoena is from the department of human services. The hearing was requested by my ex and he is "contesting the determination of child maltreatment made against him. The hearing is being conducted by the Office of Appeals and hearings and will take place via tele-conference. As a result I (the investigator) can call witnesses for the State Police via telephone"

He is requesting that I contact him upon receipt of the letter and subpoena so that he may discuss the case. I called the number and it went directly to the office I initially contacted regarding the disclosure by my daughter. I was told that he has a "right" to request a hearing, with my daughter as a witness. So, I don't know what will happen.

The subpoena states:

"The State of AR to the Sheriff or other authorized official--you are commanded to summon (daughter) to attend a proceeding before the AR dept of Health and Human Services, to be held on 7-5-2011 in the am" The code I have that it is regarding AR Code Ann 12-12-512.

So I imagine he is fighting to remove his name from the registry? On another side note, I received a mysterious phone call stating in reference to my last contact with a certain company--and they needed to "verify" my information with them. I asked who they were, they gave me a name and a company. I said, well, if you need to verify my info, send it to my email address on your files. Then the person on the other end said that before they can do this, they need to verify my home address. I stated why would I give personal information to a vague phone call? They stated to update their records. I informed them to just send it to my email address on file and hung up my phone. Then the next day, we got the subponea. I think it strange that we received this at near the same time of the phone call.

Ok, this makes more sense. Apparently Arkansas has an appeal process to the determination that was made based on their investigation. I would get an attorney and make the call from the attorney's office. But this conference will be held under an officials control. So I don't think the ex can attack your daughter. The attorney can hit the Hold button any time to cut him off.

Our judicial process does allow the accused to be able to "confront" their accuser so there is no way to stop it, but it appears it is been handled with sensitivity.

The lawyer can prep your daughter (and maybe have her therapists on hand as well) so she is protected.

Let us know what happens. Tell your daughter she is a victim here and it will help her recover to confront her victimizer and make sure he gets what he deserves.

I looked closer at the subponea. The date of the hearing on the subponea is for June 5, 2011 @9.30 am. The Chief Counsel signed the subponea June 21, 2011. The investigative individual stated that the subponea or hearing will be on July 5, 2011 and there is no date nor time on the letter sent by the investigator. The dates are wrong throughout the correspondence. If this is to be the case; then my daughter "missed" her subponea date. We received the communications June 25, 2011. What can I do about this? I could not contact my attorney because it was on Friday, late in the afternoon and the offices were closed.

I think the subponea is invalid.

Contact your attorney, but its probably just a typo.

We appeared in my daughter's attorney office. I was not in the room, but my daughter's therapist was there for the teleconference and after about an hour, the attorney for my ex-husband "had no further questions" and revoked his prior objections (video hearing and/or travel to the state to give hearing.) My daughter stated the attorney was asking questions based on false information and asked leading questions, attempting to make her speak in error. The state attorney was very good. He objected to several false claims my ex-husband's attorney had said, causing him to withdraw several of his questions and false statements. My attorney will follow-up with the judge, stating that it's a good sign; the attorney withdrawing his questions, and his ending the questions, before even finishing the prior question. Her therapist stated, "he just gave up." My daughter was extremely upset, I head her screaming a couple of times--but her therapist was there helped her a lot. Now, it is a matter of waiting for the final decision. But if there was any further indication--the original verdict will stand. Also, my ex must have lied to his attorney about child support because the attorney told my daughter that he was paying child support and why would he do something like this to her. My daughter asked me later, if I knew anything about it. I then informed my daughter's attorney why would my ex's attorney ask her about child support? I told my daughter's attorney that he hadn't anything for child support. So, I don't know what that meant. However, I will let you know what happens now. I think we have to wait for the final paperwork.

I want to thank you for helping me. You have given sound advice and everything occurred according to your statements. Thank you. I will keep you posted.

Thank you for keeping us posted. Tell your daughter that she has earned our utmost respect for going through this ordeal. I believe this will help her on the road to recovery.

I wanted to share with you all my recent update regarding my daughters case.

We have just been notified officially that "based on the preponderance of the evidence, indicates that this allegation should be determined true and that the offenders name should be put in the Child Maltreatment Central Registry as an offender on a true report."

Great news for my daughter and for our family. Now she can continue on in her healing process. When she read the letter, she just dropped to the floor and cried. She is so happy that the Judge, and everyone involved listened and believed what happened to her. I thank God and pray everyday she will be well. Everyday I worry and cry for her pain and suffering. I wish this never happened to her! I wish I could take all the hurt he caused away.

Oh, and another thing, we received a child support payment check! Out of the blue! For what!? To make amends for what he done!! This just angers me so much!! Why now? Why? Is this because he feels guilty? We did not ask for his money!! Could the judge have anything to do with this?!

Again, thank you for your help, you have no idea how much this means for my daughter to know there are still good people in the world. She wants to "thank you" as well for being truthful and honest in your responses.

We have just been notified officially that "based on the preponderance of the evidence, indicates that this allegation should be determined true and that the offenders name should be put in the Child Maltreatment Central Registry as an offender on a true report."


I have just one word to say: YAY!!


Oh, and another thing, we received a child support payment check! Out of the blue! For what!??? To make amends for what he done!!!! This just angers me so much!!! Why now?! Why? Is this because he feels guilty? We did not ask for his money!!!! Could the judge have anything to do with this?!!!


I doubt if this was totally voluntary. So I wouldn't let this anger you. Take it as what you are due.