I have been with my boyfriend from three years, we broke up a few small times but made it through. The sex was amazing in the beginning... all the time and spontanious... over the last year he doesn't even kiss me. I feel like when he is kissing me its fake. He can go a week to two to three weeks with no sex or foreplay. I am not an overly horny person but I am still sexually into him.

He watches porn, and gets angry when I bring it up. I may bring it up a lot because I think about it a lot like when I'm at work late. I wonder if he is masturbating to porn. It is ruining our relationship... I have brought up how it makes me feel horrible he would make the choice to look at random girls naked doing whatever than to watch me masturbate or dress up.

When I ask him what he likes sexually he says it is a weird question and conversation and never answers. I am not a bad looking girl, and have many people tell me my positive attributes but my own boyfriend is not sexually satisfying me.

And even when I bring it up he will for the night or twice that week if I am lucky then go back to nothing... he admits to looking at porn but lies about how much and when, if we had a normal sex life it wouldn't matter as much. I guess I need to know is it weird we are in our late 20s and he doesn't even make out with me, lies about jerking off and watching porn and gets angry when I ask... HELP... what is going on... I asked him to give up porn (which I hate because it is controlling but it consumes me when I'm at work and I know he is home all I think about is him watching it and it ruins me). He said he can't say he will stop watching porn.

I feel cheated and he would rather look at random girls touching themselves and their p****s (sorry language) then look at me, and my own... I feel insulted and not good enough... esp when I bring it to his attention, and he gets angry, I asked what he likes sexually so I could work on it, and his response was it was weird to talk to me about that because we just argued about sex... HELP

The way porn makes you feel is something only you can deal with, because he doesn't have a problem with it you do. You worry about it, dwell on it when you are away, and make it the problem, and miss the real problems in other areas of the relationship. You are not alone, because many females do, because its an easy target, when you are not getting the attention you want from a partner.

Take away the porn and personal feelings about porn, and you could get to the real root of the problem, 3 years have failed to get you both to a point of knowing how to communicate, or relate. How can you be intimate without communicating and sharing? You can't.

Let me ask you what else is going on besides the lack of good sex, and what has been going on in the last year, besides the lack of intimacy, that makes you so unhappy. Have there been some big changes in job, lifestyle, family issues, or new kids, in the last year. Examine yourself, and your own fears, and expectations, and see how they influence your own thinking, and attitude. You have to do this first, before you can lay fault on your guy or his habits, or perceived habits.

No sex=porn, is not a viable equation, and the whole porn issue may be distracting you from an even greater issue you have to address in other areas of your life, and relationship.

How old are you both, and are there kids between you?

In my opinion you may feel insulted by his hobby of choice, but if you ever experienced really being cheated on you may look at this situation of him watching porn as mediocre. Him masturbating to porn and releasing his fluids in another woman is a different.Obviously you bring it up does nothing but angers him, and he probably actually watches more as would a rebellious teen being told not to do something by his or her parents.I know you've asked him what he prefers sexually but he refuses to answer, some men have a tendency not to disclosed what they really like perhaps he's scared to tell you,you may think what he is asking is a little to risqué.So since you do know that he likes to watch porn here is an idea,it may cost you a few dollars but buy a wig and some nice lingerie and heels pick up one of those video camera monitors that they sell that records and allows you to see what's going on in the other room hook it up, make sure the have the video feed linked to the rooms he be in you can connect the feed to the television, now you are all dressed up lingerie and heels,and perhaps a few toys strawberries etc, you put on your show in front of the camera and he gets to watch right from his favorite TV,eventually you make yourself from the cam room to where he is located what better fantasy is there to have the girl on TV appear to him flesh and body ready and willing to do all the naughty things live and color.If that doesn't arouse him I'm not sure what will.
Blessings in love and light

I'm afraid I can't offer you any sound advice but wanted to let you know you're not alone in how you feel. Have a read of my situation and you'll realise it's not unfounded how you feel but it's all about getting a perspective on it and bringing it into your relationship in a positive way. It just seems to me some guys are too shy to talk about it - whether it's because they feel ashamed I don't know. Good luck to you girl.


Really hoping that I can get some sound and grounded advice as I am really upset and want to try and get some perspective on my emotions before I approach my boyfriend. I'll give you a bit of history first so that it provides background on how I'm currently feeling and hopefully you can advise me on the best way forward.

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We are a mixed race and mixed faith couple. I am from the UK and he is asian and a muslim. We met in the UK and lived together there for some time. As always sex / making love was great at first and very satisfying for us both. After he moved in with me I started to have issues with our sex life. Little foreplay - if any, and he kept on masterbating when I was lying next to him and really in need of affection and love making and even sex. This really made me feel pushed away. He wouldn't include me in it but always tries to do it so I don't notice. Which of course I do. I have tried talking to him about this and said involve me and basically didn't get a reaction. Although I have over time manged to put this to the side and continue with our relationship it keeps on rearing its head. I have never experienced this before and have been very sexually active over the years (we are both in our 30's) and had some amazing sexual relationships. I have always been involved in satisfying my men and never been made to feel like an outsider. I consider myself to be an open minded individual and have had some partners with quite extreme fetishes which I have involved in our sex life to make it interesting and dynamic and make sure we are both satisfied.

We had to spend over a year apart while he returned to Asia and managed to maintain our relationship although very tough for us both. We have never really discussed in detail if we had relationships with other people during this time as I believe we are human and sometimes it's better not to know and just get on with being together. During this time I found out he had lots of porn videos saved and that he'd been watching them while I was working away. This was quite upsetting as on a number of occasions while we were together in the Uk I'd asked him about sexual fetishes and he said nothing, and even tried to talk about sex with him and he wouldn't come back with anything.

I then moved out to Asia to come and live with him giving up my job and life in the UK. It's been tough on us both, me no friends and job for a while and him having to carry some of the financial load (reversal of him living with me in the UK) and feeling that I'm really depending on him for my only real companionship.

Since moving here our sex life hasn't been too great. I rarely feel satisfied in bed with him. He's never really spent time getting to know my body and it feels like a purely physical act and no emotion to it and no real lust for me. I know this is the case for men and women - men are physical about sex and women are far more emotive. Don't get me wrong I like a good old **** but I also love making love. This is having quite an effect on me emotionally and how I react to him in our relationship. Coupled with him masterbating lots while I am next to him - makes me feel totally turned off and unloved, unsexy and unattractive. As it is he never compliments me or makes me feel sexy by his actions or words. I have really deliberated on discussing this with him and really taken lots of time to think about it so it is not purely an emotional reaction. I have talked with him calmly letting him know how I feel and I have had nothing back. He listens but doesn't really comment and nothing changes. I've even suggested using sex toys but he didn't react to this either.

The really upsetting part for me now is that after being here for months and living together I have found out that he is watching porn not just when I'm away but also when I am around. I can't say he's an addict as he's not spending ridiculous amounts of time on it like 5/6 hours a day but he's certainly using it regularly sometimes once or twice a day. He also spends far more time watching it than we do having sex / making love. It certainly isn't beneficial to our sex life. The content also includes teenagers and gangbangs (makes me feel sick because of the meaning of word often in relation to rape. I kinow the use of it in porn is not the same).

I really don't know what to do now. I feel like I don't know him. Personally I'm not into porn, my opinion is why bother with it when you could be doing it! I find it pretty sad really. I understand younger men being inquisitive etc but why if you've got someone who is really willing and enjoys experimenting. I feel like we have no basis to our relationship now and with all the other issues we have being in a mixed race and faith relationship my trust for him is almost non existent now. I don't know where to turn to, what to think or do. It feels like all my worries of him not finding me sexy are right. Help me please.