Well here it is, My ex has been hounding me a long time to find a job, I admit in the past, I was being lazy, but then she heard a rumor that I cheated on her, and there was a blowout over that. And now, she is saying she feels like we have been going backwards in the relationship, and she's not sure anymore about us. So I did the stupid thing and lost it, because I got very emotional, text her a bunch, and called her a bunch, she ignored me, and wrote a comment on Facebook saying "I love it when you fall in love wit someone and its false advertising, and it took me a year to find out, but at least I found out." and I really want her back, but she doesn't really believe me about the cheating rumor, and she says I'm selfish, and ****. She has flaws too, but I'm really thinking about hurting myself, I just don't want to be here anymore, and I just love her so much and want her back, and want her to talk to me again. What do I do?

Clean yourself up (haircut, shave, smile), wear nice clothes so you always look sharp, go job hunting (I will help you), look busy by washing and cleaning out your car, straighten up where you live, talk nice about everyone, don't whine or bring up old stuff, and become the real man you know you are.

Here's the thing, I'm on probation, I don't have a license or a car, I'm just someone who has constantly failed, and couldn't stay clean of drugs, and she did them too, and I know she is ready to quit, and I want to too, but I guess it took me to almost losing her to want to.

Okay. You know the situation where you live. You know yourself. Put your thinking cap on. What's next?

Are you doing community service? Are you off drugs?

I'm here for you, but you've got to help me wade through this, since I don't know you.

I'm not doing community service, its not probation really, I didn't get charged till I finish this pre trial intervantion, which is like probation. We've both been off the drugs for 3 days now. The drugs really turn me into another person, and her too. But primarily me, it makes me a whinny, I hate everyone including myself attitude. When I'm clean, I'm confident, well arrogant, but not to where people hate me for it, its kind of what she fell in love with. She lives wit her folks, as I live wit mine, and we lived together before but at each others parents house because of the rutt we were in because of the drugs and laziness, and now she is working, and I'm not, and she said I was a drag, constantly depressed, and I guess I was bringing her down.

Are you getting some kind of help to stay off the drugs? What kind of drugs?

I have been to detox centers, n rehab a couple times for pain pills

Are you confident you can kick the drugs?

Do you have a counselor?

I know I can, I had a sponsor that I keep in contact with. I'm one of those people that can do anything I put my mind to

Good for you, Nick! I'm glad to hear that! I will help you any way I can.

So what's next? Can you job hunt now, or do you have to wait for this probation to be over?

What kind of a job would you want? Are you near civilization, a town or city?

I can job hunt, I was hoping to find any job, store clerk, warehouse stocker, something I can get 8 to 12 bucks an hour. I live in cape coral Florida

I can job hunt, I was hoping to find any job, store clerk, warehouse stocker, something i can get 8 to 12 bucks an hour. i live in cape coral florida
How old are you?

Do you need my help for anything with the job hunt, or it just checking ads and making calls and doing the hard work of looking?

I'm 24 yrs old, I can look, I can't get motivated because of all the stress, and stuff from this relationship

Start the work of job hunting and the stress will take care of itself. I'm here and will give you a push if you need it or give you ideas of where to look. Other members of this site will chime in too.

If you don't have a car, how do you get around? Or isn't that a problem where you live?


It's 1 a.m. here, and I'm going to bed. Please check back Tuesday evening and let me know how things are going. I hope you start job hunting. We want to make everyone, especially your girl, proud of you! If she sees you doing so well, she will want the same for herself.

You need a job more than you need a girl friend, and maybe some job training to help you get qualified. Females expect a guy to be able to take care of himself, and any 24 year old needs to be able to take care of himself.

She may be tired of waiting for you to show some motivation for yourself, and get something for yourself besides wasting time with just getting high, and in trouble.

Vocational training may give you some direction, but you have to loose the lazy, and put some action into your life. Find a job counselor in your area, or a community college that works with local companies.

You do have a GED or diploma don't you? If not get one. The court gave you a second chance, take advantage of it, and maybe she will too.

Thank you guys, I really appreciate the support, I went to like ten places today to look for a job, got some good leads, and I got to get going and get back to school, and yes I have a diploma, but I bailed on college, I'm so far behind on my student loans I hope I can get back in to college

thank you guys, i really appreciate the support, I went to like ten places today to look for a job, got some good leads, and i gotta get goin n get back to school, and yes i have a diploma, but i bailed on college, im so far behind on my student loans i jus hope i can get back in to college
I am so very proud of you, Nick! I hope one of those leads pans out. Meanwhile, keep looking and finding leads tomorrow. No rest for the wicked, remember?

Didn't I heard you shout last night, "'I'm one of those people who can do anything I put my mind to"? I'm on your team and also cheerleading for you. Keep up the good work!

(What are you doing -- or what will you do -- about getting back into college?)

Well, one step at a time I got to get an income, work on the finances, and figure it out to get back to school

well, one step at a time i gotta get an income, work on the finances, and figure it out to get back to school
And I'll be here hoping for updates and cheering you on.

Thank you so much, and I feel a lot better about my ex girl, because today she blew my phone up with hurtful text messages, and I killed her wit kindness and told her I have to move on and move forward, and to please stop and ill always love her

thank you so much, and i feel a lot better about my ex girl, because today she blew my phone up with hurtful txt messages, and i jus killed her wit kindness and told her i have to move on and move forward, n to please stop n ill always luv her
Again, I'm so proud of you! You made lemonade out of lemons. Please stay in touch!

Your education, and training is the key to your future and many colleges have programs that will allow you to REFINANCE your loans, making you current, and therefore eligible to return to college and get grants, and all that's required is talking to them, to get your options. A good step to take while waiting on that job to appear, and don't be intimidated by the process. Check it out. At least see if there is a path forward in regard to getting qualified, as there may be opportunities for employment, or a training program with some of the sponsors that recruit from the school you are in.

Great job with the girlfriend, it shows you are getting your priorities in order, and you will go far if you don't quit on yourself.

Thank you guys so much, its been so helpful, I'm guna get my life together, and do what I got to do