justhelp
Jun 12, 2011, 04:41 PM
Hi there: I can't believe I'm posting to a blog but right now I am so depressed that I don't know what to do or where to turn. I'm sitting here in a library, I'm gay, I'm almost 50, no college, I have $2 to my name and most of all I can't find a job.
For the last three years, I have become more and more lost. I had a job for 16yrs and was laid off. Everyday I wake up, search for work, send my resume, applied at several temp agencies and to date, have never.. I MEAN NEVER.. have gotten a single response from any application I apply for. I'm losing my friends because I'm a loser, I only eat when I have too, basically I will be on the streets by the end of this month. I have talents, I want work but I don't know where to go or who to turn too for help. I've gone to workshops, churches, basically all that ****.
I bought a rope today and have it ready to hang myself. I feel so detached from society, my beliefs, my dreams and inner love for myself, that waking up again is only a burden. I done all the help groups, antidepressants... you name it, I've done it. If I check in for help, I'll have to someday pay for it. Please don't tell me I'm selfish. When there is no one left in your life, how can I be selfish. I pray everday, believe in god and most of all, have lived a full life, experience all the things I have ever wanted to do or see, so I'm ready to go.
I live in Los Angeles, if someone can help... PLEASE HELP ME.
For the last three years, I have become more and more lost. I had a job for 16yrs and was laid off. Everyday I wake up, search for work, send my resume, applied at several temp agencies and to date, have never.. I MEAN NEVER.. have gotten a single response from any application I apply for. I'm losing my friends because I'm a loser, I only eat when I have too, basically I will be on the streets by the end of this month. I have talents, I want work but I don't know where to go or who to turn too for help. I've gone to workshops, churches, basically all that ****.
I bought a rope today and have it ready to hang myself. I feel so detached from society, my beliefs, my dreams and inner love for myself, that waking up again is only a burden. I done all the help groups, antidepressants... you name it, I've done it. If I check in for help, I'll have to someday pay for it. Please don't tell me I'm selfish. When there is no one left in your life, how can I be selfish. I pray everday, believe in god and most of all, have lived a full life, experience all the things I have ever wanted to do or see, so I'm ready to go.
I live in Los Angeles, if someone can help... PLEASE HELP ME.