I have a girlfriend for 4 years now, but our relationship is kind of off. I don't know what to do anymore. Let me tell you the very long story. I started courting her (just for the reason of having a girlfriend is cool) in high school, but as time passes by, I started to love her. She is my first girl, and she is the first and only one I courted up to date, I courted her for 8 months and finally she agreed to be my girlfriend.

The downside is that our relationship is hidden to her family, especially her dad, because their so strict and does not want her to have a boyfriend until 18. I was 13 at that date and she was 12. Then we started the normal immature young couple, fighting on small things, such as jealousy, trust etc, but still we came through it. One huge problem also is that every vacation, where we can't see each other, she decides to break up with me or leave me, because she always says she needs to find her true self, and she does not want to continue lying to her dad (Her mom and dad are divorced, she lives with her dad).

And I understand that, but she always says that she really loves me and stuff like that. What I felt for her was serious, yes its first love, but really I'm so serious about this girl, and even though I was a child at that time I knew in myself that what I felt was true love. So she left me, and she started to hangout with boys and kind of flirt with other boys again, which hurt me, me on the other side done nothing, just killed time and anger on the gym always.

When school time came, we started to talk again, until we get back together again. And back to that immature relationship again, but in a whole new different level where there was more trust, and something like that, what I'm trying to say is that we somehow matured through the breakup. But again, what's sad is that she still hides it from her parents. Let me explain it to you, I'm in an Asian country, our culture is like, you should go court the girl you want in their house and also with the fact that you should like court their parents too, to like you, I was ready to do that, but she does not want me to, and that is what griefs me.

SO we continued on, and then we broke up again after school ended, back to square one, but this time she had another boyfriend, which she had sex with,(first time) which really hurt, as in really hurt me a lot. I was like in a dead world at that time, Me on the other hand could not forget her, and I am very sad, its just due to the fact, that I love her so much and my world revolved around her.

I'm really talented, and smart, athletic and hard working, but I left it, everything for her. I did not focus on anything even my dreams, just her. I'm not saying that I failed school, I still did a good job, because I was already planning for our future. But yeah that came, but still somehow, when school was up again, she broke up with that guy, realizing that the guy was a jerk, and she realized how different I was, so she asked me if we could comeback together again, well guess what?

I agreed and accepted it, I was like it was Ok to hurt as long as I'm with her, and make her happy, then I'm also happy. (Sorry for my bad English I'm just in a hurry typing) then it goes on and on, until we graduated, but her love was diminishing through time, she is starting to lie on me, and does not show any appreciation with me, she does not go out with me, anything, until I have to leave the country because, me and my parents are moving to Japan, but will come back eventually after studying and working there. We plan to come back home on vacation such as summer and Christmas for like a month always.

I left her but still I loved her, she also said that she would be waiting for me, we really love each other, despite our immaturity, but still she is in college now, and does not care about me and she just seems to care about her life now and really its just sad. Please give me a very good advice on this. I want to forget her, but I really love her, I could not stand the chance even thinking of being without her, but she on the other hand is now flirting with boys again, and living her life, while I study via online course, and works part time here in Japan, with no friends, everything, and my family is the type of family that doesn't care and doesn't show affection or love, so please help me.

Btw I'm now 18, our long distance relationship is one sided, and she does not care, she messages me like once a week with the same crap, while I message her everyday, I still can't get over her, so please help me

You need to get busy and tell yourself that when it's over-it's over.

At 18 you are still young and you will find love agisn.

Sorry guy but the fun of youth is over, and you both are growing into the reality of adult hood, and responsibility for your own happiness. She sees, and probably has always seen you as a friend, and that may never change, but like her, you have to realize that your lives are separate, and apart, and build a life without her, not with her.

I admit, that won't be easy, its not easy for anyone, but you do have to change a few habits, like stop all the texting, and take some time, and a lot of it without her, so you can stop being reminded of the good feelings you had, and UN-ATTACH your life, and happiness from her.

Actually, this has been over for a very long time, and only because you have always been willing to keep her in your life was this made into such an unhealthy one sided thing. When she first dumped you to find her true self, that's when you should have been seeking your own true self, and now its time for you to take that journey for yourself, and stop this one sided long distance relationship.

Only then can you heal, and grow beyond this, but you have to be willing to leave her alone, and tell her to leave you alone. When she asks why? Tell her after all this time longing for her, you have lost your true self, and need to find it again. If you do not, then your heart will suffer until you do.

That's what men must do sometimes, things that they don't want to do, but must for their own good, and the good of their dignity, and self respect. This is not an easy thing by any means, and it will take time, and hard work on your part, but if you stick to it, I guarantee, things will get much better for you.

Im sorry for asking again, but how can I forget her? I know its hard, but its harder for me in my situation because of the reason that I don't have a family to rely on, furthermore I don't have any friends here in Japan yet due to language difficulty, but Im kind of finding my way on learning their language. So really how could a young man like me who revolved his life around a girl who does not love me anymore that kind of fakes her feelings for me right now only because she pity me because I have no one in my life but her. Please help me.

You move on, get busy with other things.

The fact that your whole life revolved around another person isn't healthy. This relationship sounds unhealthy from every angle.

Be glad that you're no longer tied down to her.

I know it hurts, and that you're upset, but this is for the best. Find yourself, find strength in being you. Never allow yourself to revolved your entire happiness around someone else.

What does it mean when she texts me this same crap everyweek?
"Hi baby, how are you? Do not worry Im a good baby here, I love you, and I miss you take care always."

She texts me the same every week even though I always text her many questions like how is she doing, and stuff, its just that she does not communicate with me effectively anymore. That's why because of the advice I got from this site, I decided to move on, But Im just curious. What does it mean if she do this?

It means she hates texting, and copies and pastes her texts because she doesn't want to take the time to answer your questions. She's just not into the relationship anymore. She's not making the effort because she's done.

Do you hound her with questions every day? How often do you text her?

Personally, if my relationship involved multiple texts daily, I'd lose interest too. I'd rather talk to the person I'm in a relationship with. If distance prevents that, there's skype, phone calls, emails, etc. etc. Texting is in bad taste In my opinion.

Is this the same girl?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-could-forget-first-love-581545.html

How about this one?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-should-do-581451.html

Yes she is.

yes she is.

Well then, this relationship is already over. What she said and did in the past doesn't matter. She's done now, and it's time to move on.

Stop trying to analyze where it went wrong. Just accept that it's over and get on with your life.

No need to start new questions about the same girl, that's why your threads have been merged.

Ignore her, and stop texting her. Disappear, and do your own thing.

You know what? You guys are so mature and I thank you for your very good advice, Its just that its so hard, especially in my situation where I have no one else to rely on, no one else to lean on and to share my problem, a someone that would help me through my problem. Its very hard because I don't have a family and I don't have friends here in Japan because I just moved in, its just so sad and hard,

You will make new friends, focus on what you can do positive with what you have, not dwell on what you HAD.

Takes time and work to build a life that you enjoy, with friends, family, and activities, that make YOU happy. You have time, so do the work, because there are no quick fixes, or magic potents.