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View Full Version : My boyfriend needs space... what does that mean?


summersky102
Jun 9, 2011, 02:52 PM
Hi everyone, so I have been dating this guy for 2 years and 6 months. We have a long distance relationship so we see each other ever 3 months. We had a visit for two weeks and finally got back home on Monday night. That same night he called me and said he needs space. I asked what was wrong, he said he needs time to work on himself, to find himself again. To think about our relationship, and enjoy being single. He said he wants to go out and be himself without any responsibilities. I could hear in his voice that it was hard for him, he started to cry. I asked him if he was planning on dating anyone during this "space" or "break" time. He said he doesn't plan on it, he doesn't have anyone in mind. That this "space" is to get to know himself again. I asked him if he had cold feet about our relationship. He said, yes he had never been with anyone for this long, and he feels that it might be moving too fast. He said that deep down he knows he wants to be with me, that it is really hard for him to be doing this. But he has to do it to better our relationship to deal with his issues. He says he wants to take the summer and that he will make his decision when our fall semester starts (we are both in college). Should I wait this long for him? Should I worry? Please, I need some advice I have never been through this before.

I seriously, don't know how to feel, I feel very sad since I had never been with anyone for that long.
Has anyone been through the same?
Has it worked out at the end?

At this point it is very hard for me not to text him or call him. I don't want to push him away, but I am not sure how to handle this.

Jwr5885
Jun 9, 2011, 09:50 PM
Honestly it could go either way I think you should not contact him and give him his space. There's no guarantee that you guys will get back and it'll hurt like hell going through NC. You have to stay strong and show him that you have your own life in a way that might draw him back. I go be the philosophy that hope for the best but expect the worst so I would live your life but now the ball is in his court. So the only thing you can do is live life for you and try to be happy and if it doesn't work out then it's not meant to be and you'll find someone better even though now it's not what you want but you never know what tomorrow brings.

amicon
Jun 9, 2011, 11:14 PM
I'm sorry but this is a coward's way of easing out of the

Relationship-whilst keeping you on the backburner so he

Has a backup plan if the whole concept of''finding himself and

Being carefree's'' not all that great after all.

Don't fall for that BS-give him all the space in the world-forever.

You deserve a man,not an immature whimp.

Tblotouch
Jun 10, 2011, 06:51 AM
I agree with Amicon. When a guy says he needs space its either he wants to explore being with someone else or he is just tired of your relationship. Either way he is not coming back!

I wish
Jun 10, 2011, 08:09 AM
If you want to get back together:

Then let him know how you feel, probably best by email, and leave the ball on his side of the court. If he comes back to you after he's done soul searching, then great! Just make sure you clear the air together, because you don't want to be doing this break all over again.

Unfortunately, it's easy for us to tell you to let it go. Because it seems like he's given up on the relationship. If he didn't want to lose you, he would find a way to get out of his funk with you by his side.

Healthy relationships involves leaning on each other for strength and not see the other person as a burden. Unfortunately, by saying that he's tied down and wants to see what's out there means that he feels that you're a burden to him.

We have no idea whether he'll ever come back to you, but it's not easy for you to forget him overnight.

I think the best way to approach this is to focus on your own life. Let him sort out his mess and we'll see if he comes back. But focus on your own life as if you are going to move on. There's no reason for you to put your life on hold for something that may never happen.

summersky102
Jun 10, 2011, 09:22 AM
Thank you for the help, I did send him an email. And I will focus on my life, something I probably have been neglecting for the past 2 years.

summersky102
Jun 10, 2011, 09:23 AM
I do want a man and not an immature whimp. Thank you for the help, and I don't want to be anyone's burden. I have been nothing but good to him. And I don't deserve to be treated this way, and it is BS from his part. So thank you!

amicon
Jun 10, 2011, 09:30 AM
You're welcome-enjoy focusing on your life!

talaniman
Jun 11, 2011, 09:39 AM
I bet the time and distance is more the case here, and he isn't up for it any longer. Give him all the space he needs and enjoy yourself. Above all don't hold back your life waiting on him.

summersky102
Jun 15, 2011, 09:56 PM
I talked to him, straight no bs
And you were right.
Thank you