Hey hey :)

I've just started going out with this girl. Last night we went over to a friends house and had some dinner with a few people. Later on in the night I found myself getting super freaking jealous of her talking to this guy we both met there. She's sort of away from the party having a real one on one with this guy... Logically in my head I know they are only talking, but I'm getting really jealous for some reason. Then when I'm in that state of mind I'm jealous of everyone.. I think I may have sort of problem about being possessive too... Then I'm really off with her because of how I feel (low and really not confident :(... )

Back a few years ago I had a partner who I had a kid with and everything went really sour.. We both started sleeping with other people and having group sex with people. I didn't really want to do it, but I did it to make her happy because I was scared of losing her (messed up right?) I think this has had some pretty bad effects on my self-confidence..

I don't know how I feel about this girl I'm with now. She tells me she loves me, but when I try and talk to her about this sort of stuff and my feelings she just complete shuns it and makes me feel like I'm a bad person or some sort of idiot... Am I being an idiot? Be brutally honest with me..

Why the hell am I so feeling possessive and jealous? How can I fix this??

I used to be care-free and happy. When the hell did I start feeling like this, and why? Part of me wants to tell myself that I'm a good person, I don't need anyone, why get involved with this. Part of me really wants this, but I'm so worried it's always going to end up like this with me, getting stupidly jealous over the smallest things and driving people away..

Arghhh!

I don't really have an answer to a lot of this, no doubt another member will pitch in with their perspective on things but I will say your not an idiot!

I think your past is catching up with you and it is obviously having an effect on the present relationship. I think your more paranoid than jealous and it needs to be addressed. Maybe by talking to a professional?

Are you sure you even want this relationship? It sounds like your on the fence about being in a relationship with this girl.

That's it! You know where to go. If you want to be carefree and happy, you need to start acting so. First of all, trust your girlfriend with all your heart. It should be like, she is a free bird in both of your territory. Don't hide crucial matters to your girlfriend, but don't pour about your low confident feelings to her too. There should always be a mystery element about you left for your girlfriend. Again, do not hide crucial things. Get over the past please, its not going to help anymore if you have learnt from it already. To your girlfriend, you are more than what you think

I think if you love her, and you can see yourself with her, like married. Then you should trust her to not be unfaithful, and if you just cannot trust her, you probably aren't THAT attatched anyway,

Seems to me that your priorities in life are changing. You clearly want to be in a healthy and secure relationship.

However, your confidence is very low right now. Furthermore, she hasn't been very understanding by shunning you. Unfortunately, this relationship can deteriorate quickly if you start feeling resented by her and she continues to be annoyed by you.

Unfortunately, without her support, you're on your own to try to regain your self-esteem and confidence.

If you can't draw strength from her to help you regain your confidence, but instead, she's bringing you down even further, then you're better off being single.

Rebuilding your confidence takes time and it's best to do it one step at the time. Here's the first few steps for you:

1) Admitting that you have a problem = CHECK!

2) Figure out a way to tackle the problem. What would help you rebuild your confidence. Brainstorm some ideas.

3) Identify factors that is dragging you down or preventing you from regaining your confidence, such as dating when you're not ready to date.

4) Excute the ideas.

Don't suffer in confusion, just as you came here for answers, see a professional for face to face help to deal with a problem you have no clue of how to deal with.

That's my expert advice for your deep seated, long standing issues.

OK, well just to let you folks know, I've spoken to my girlfriend since about my problems with my jealousy; she assures me 100% that she would never do anything to hurt me, and that I really have nothing to worry about! She loves me and is crazy about me, apparently. So all I can really do is have faith right? If she cheats on me then she does, and am I really to blame? Obviously there are hundreds of factors included in relationships. All I want is for her to be happy with herself and with her life; if at some point she isn't and it's because of me, then I'd want her to go her own way, openly and honestly, and do whatever she can to be happy. I need to re-gain my confidence and remember all I can do is my best and be true and honest to myself!

This relationship may not be super serious for me at the moment, but I really do like this girl, she really is an awesome person, and I feel lucky to have her, and to be honest am having trouble understanding what she really likes about me, but again I guess that's issues with my confidence? Maybe I spend too much time thinking and questioning and not enough time simply enjoying and being..!

Life's too short to worry all the time right! And the fact that people do question themselves and worry about who they are, to me, only shows that they are decent people, and actually care about making good, right?

Thanks for your time, all of you :) I'm very grateful for all your advice :)

Best wishes to you all.