I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after I turn 18 to my fiancé who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When I tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can I do to reassure them that this is definitely the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and that I am not being immature or hasty about it??

17 is a young age but ignore wat others fink of u getting married. It shouldn't matter to u wat others fink cos its ur life and ur in control of it.
Others may seem jealous of u getting married to ur boyfriend.
Jus concentrate on ur serious relationship and be happy. :)

Hello I'm 20 years old and planning to get married to my 19 year old girl friend in a couple of months also. We have been having the same type of ordeal. I guess that today people don't think that we are able to realize what love is because that we are young. They think that its just a little phase that we are going through. A lot of adults don't believe that we know how hard marriage is but we do we see it all the time. What you need to do is show that you too are going to make it work no matter what. Action is better than talk and after people see what you are doing to make each other happy they will begin to help you instead of bringing you down its true that marriage is hard but if take care of your business everything will be all right.

I wish you the Best!!
If you need anymore advise feel free

I think people just feel like you have your whole life ahead of you... im 20 and I personally cannot imagine myself marrying right now. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we're pretty committed but we don't have plans of marrying until we're both settled.

However... in your case.. I hope everything works out. My question is what is the rush? I have no doubt that you're in love. All I'm saying is I know where other people are coming from... with the high rate of divorce and single parenthood.

But, I do know of cases where young marriages survive. My own parents are a testiment to that being married at 19 (mom) and 21 (dad). 20 years and 4 daughters later.. they're still very much in love.

Anyway, I wish you best of luck. Take care and congratulations

Hello,

I have been reading your debate about the pros and cons of marrying young with great interest.

My name is Nicola and I am working on a Channel 4 documentary about this very topic.

I would love to talk to anyone who married as a teenager or who is planning on getting married young- to talk about how it is all going.

Please feel free to get in contact with me even if its just to find out a bit more information.

Nicola Hurst
[email protected]
020 7317 2230 - ext 250

I'm engaged and I'm 23 years old, and I still have people telling me I'm too young to get married! :P
My advice is to do what your heart tells you. ;D
A friend's relative was married when she was 16, and they have been happily married for 50 years, and counting!

Good Luck!

I'm 16 and I'm getting married on my birthday. I've been with my boyfriend for 3yrs. People are very understanding where I am and my family support me in evrything I do.

As long as you know you are making the right decision for YOU not anyone else ( NOT EVEN YOUR FIANCE).. then go for it. You don't need to live your life for other people.. you need to live it for yourself, hun. You are the only who knows what is right for you. So if people say, oh.. your too young.. tell them they can think that, but all that you want is there support and them backing you. You don't really care about their opinion.

Follow your heart!
Good luck :D

First of all you can't reassure anyone of anything. Personally I could never get married so young but that's not what matters.
You should not try to assure anyone because all that matters that you want

I don't Think there is anything wrong with getting married young as long as you are in love and so is the person. I just turned 17 in may and I am getting married in August. :)

I know this is over a year old, so I'd just like to make a general comment. I really don't think 17 year olds should get married. There may be a small, very small, handful that are ready for the heavy responsibility that is marriage at 17, but they are not the majority. I think most people need time to be young and dumb and find out who they really are for the most part before they marry. Most 17 year olds haven't had that chance. But that's just my opinion.

If you are in love why does it matter? Age isn't nothing but a #!

if you are in love why does it matter? age aint nothing but a #!

Believe me, love is not all you need to have a good, healthy, functioning marriage. It also takes a lot of maturity and responsibility, something the vast majority of people in their teens don't have.

Hi,
The reason people are shocked at getting married as teenagers is simple; It is a fact that in America, 1 out of every 2 marriages end in divorce!!
In bi-racial marriages, the divorce rate is much higher.
The "old" days of young persons getting married as teenagers, and living the rest of their life with their spouse are gone. Why? Divorce is too easy now. If you don't make the marriage work, then it's easy to end it.
Think about what you are saying.
Wait until another couple of years. Will you feel the same way then? Still want to marry the same person?
Wait awhile.
Best of luck,
fredg

First of all you are to young both of you are you should finish school and the same with your mate after he is able to earn an income to support a family then think about getting married,don't get married until then other wise you will end up in a terrable relationship,with kids and then what will you do how will you support your kids

I do agree that 17 is too young to get married... take it from me I have been engaged twice before I hit 19 and didn't work either time.. never been married... you should give it some time and see what happens... as the two of you mature and graduate school things about you will change and you want to be sure that those changes are going to work out for the both of you... marriage is a big commitment and its forever... wait a while you are young and you have the rest of your lives to be together

0r maybe even consider a long engagement.. make sure its right before you do it hun... even if you're engaged your still committed..

Hi,
The reason people are shocked is simple; they know you are too young.
There is nothing you can do to prove it otherwise.
You will probably get married, and at 18, will probably be divorced before you are 23. If you are lucky, there will be no children at this stage in your life.
Best of luck, though.
fredg

So, I presume if you are young and reading this, you are contemplating marriage. I married my high school sweetheart at the age of 20, he was 21. We dated for 5 1/2 years and got married while I was in the middle of my junior year in college. We have been married for 13 years and I love him more than life. But wait until you say, told you so! Love is not enough! Following your heart is not the answer because your feelings will fail you! There will be days when you are not feeling in love. But then again, love is not just a feeling. You have to invest in your marriage and plan for the most difficult so you get the best. Don't make a decision based on romantic notions. Be wise. This is the rest of your life. There is a reason people say I got married too young. I have never met anyone who has ever regreted waiting. If it's meant to be, it will be meant to be a year, 2 years... from now.

I dated plenty of guys, lived a rough life, and have experienced plenty. I'm currently 18 but will be turning 19 in September. My boyfriend who is currently 21 proposed to me when I was 17. I was shocked and didn't give him a yes or no for months because I thought I'm too young, what would my family think, what is he thinking... Then I came to terms with all my thoughts. I love this guy, but we should have a long engagement first, and find that we really can work through thick and thin. We've been engaged for almost 2 years now and have been dating for almost 3 years... We're living together and granted we do have our rough times we make it through and we are getting married June 3, 2006. I do believe there is truth to getting married to young, but only you know what you really feel. I knew this was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with because when I picture the future I can't picture it without him, he's my lover and my best friend. We can work through anything together... And yes, if it's true love why get married at a young age... because it gives you that extra step, that extra feeling, that extra happiness... If someone asks me aren't you too young I tell them in your eyes maybe but in my eyes I don't see an age I just see spending the rest of my life with my soul mate the only person I will ever love with my full heart... My advice: don't marry young unless there is no a single doubt in your mind, unless you not only can be a lover to your partner but also a best friend, unless you can work through anything together, don't worry what others say because they aren't you they would never understand because people always have some comment to make whether you are 16 or 76... they always have something to say it's human... It's important to have that feeling of "just knowing." Marriage is hard work, some days you'll think you just can't do it and others you'll think life couldn't get any better. It's not just love you need to consider it's everything involved in life.

Believe me, love is not all you need to have a good, healthy, functioning marriage. It also takes a lot of maturity and responsibilty, something the vast majority of people in their teens don't have.
What about those teens who are mature, who know what responsibility is and how to give it?

I am currently engaged to be married. I will be 17 when I get Married. The date had been set for December 17, 2006. I personally know that it takes work to make a marriage last my mother went through 3 before she found one that would last. I also know that without at least some love there is no point in getting married. Because without love yeah you may never fight or argue but what kind of life would that be to know that you had to go home to someone that you didn't really want to be married to everyday. My mom was married to a friend of hers for almost 10 years believe me you and your family both know it when you are unhappy. Sooooo... Even though love is not enough to completely make a marriage work it is what lays the foundation for the marriage to work. The only way that I can think to put it in words that makes complete sense is to compare it to a house. It doesn't matter if you have the best builders in the world if you don't lay a foundation, the house will not stand for long. It may last for a few years, however, it will not last forever.

If you feel in your heart, that you are doing the right thing, then go for it! I'm 13, and believe or not, I know what I'm talking about. If in your heart, you feel that you are doing there right thing, then go for it. :D It is up to to conrol your life, not anyone else's decision. FOLLOW YOUR HEAART AND IT WILL LEAD YOU TO YOUR DESTINY!
Kirsten

I think that most teenagers are too young to get married, but there are some, especially those who have been on their own for a while, or those who were forced to mature early in life that are able to make adult decisions. I guess I am supposed to be biased because I am 18 and getting married in the next year, but I also feel like I am at a point where I can make my own decisions responsibly. I have been on my own since 16, and living with my boyfriend for 3 monthes. Our relationship is very healthy, and very functional, especially for people our age (he is 23) There is no right age to get married, because age is just a number, its your maturity that counts. Talk to a counselor before hand and make sure it's a good decision. Long engagements are a good idea, but not necessary with everyone.

For people very young and in love, don't substitute the adult phase for the preparation phase. You need to be an individual alone, before you can be an individual in a partnership. Grow and experience by yourself, before making the decision to get married. Finish your education and launch you career, be pepared spiritually. My 18 yr old son is getting married on Oct 7 without mine or my husband's blessing. His girlfiend/fiance's parents are supporting the marriage. It's a very sad time for our family. After twenty eight years of marriage and five children I can tell you that romantic love doesn't make a life or marriage. You need maurity, commitment and optimum compatibility.
Please think seriously about one of the most important decisions in life.

I am engaged to be married and I too am judged by how young I am. I agree that I am young, and I agree that probably the majority of people my age, are not mature enough to handle marriage. I do however want to point out that as the average age of people getting married has risen so has the divorce rate. So who is to say that age is a good indication of whether one is mature enough to be married?

It takes commitment, love, maturity, and planning. I would not even think about getting married if my fiancé and I did not have over $30,000 savings and a plan to follow to be able to survive.

The bottom line is no one is qualified to judge whether someone should be married. It is a case by case situation.

I think that's young but if you both love each other and you know deep down in your heart this is the man you are going to be with for the rest of your life then go for it . I got married at 18 and now i am 21 years old and and my marriage is going great. Don't let no one or anything choose for you... go with your heart ! Good luck! ;)

I do not think that there is anything wrong with getting married young. Personally, the reason I got married was because I got pregnant when I was fifteen and I decided to raise my child with her father. I believe that my child should not suffer because of my mistake. I must confess that our relationship was not that good before we got married, but that since than our relationship has become so strong. I truly love him. I know this is a little different with the topic, but I just felt like sharing.

I agree with Lydia, there is nothing wrong with getting married young! I got married as soon as I finished high school, first I thought that I won’t be able to have a higher education, but that is not the case. Being married helped me even more, because my husband is always there for me; it makes me want to try even more. I can't stand people who say "what about your education?". You can still pursue your dreams.. even if you are married young!

I used to hate it when people would tell me that I will never be able to a doctor, because I got married young. As soon as I got married, for a while I did not go to school and then after that I went to school right away. My husband did not have a problem with me finishing school. Now, I am 29 and I am a doctor. I am very happy with my marriage. So, I agree with you Ana!

Why are you in such a hurry to get married? If you are yet 20 years old, you have about 60 more years to live your life. More significantly, you have another 10 - 20 years of dating life ahead of you. You will meet a better person for your would be spouse when you are much more mature, more financially secured, etc.. You will also have a lot more fun than getting stuck with someone you met when both of you are teenagers. If you don't believe me, try living together for a few years and see if it feels right to be stuck with your partner for another 40 years.

Who says that to be happy you have to be the best you can be? Discovering who you are with the one that you love is very satifying. The trend that you have to financially and emotionally and educationally (etc etc) sound before you get married is a big load of crap. It's each person. If you feel you need those things before you can be a good spouse, then wait. But some people are ready before then as well.

Don't worry about anyone else... my future in-laws got married when they were 17 and 19 yrs old... and they are about to celebrate 25 years... dont let anyone tell you that you can't do it... cause you can... it takes a lot of work but it can definitely be done... I wish you a very happy marriage and I hope that one day people come and apologize to you and your husband because they judged you to quickly...

You see it is stereotypical that a lot of people that get maried young, don't stay married. It has been proven over and over. I mean if this is what you want to do, by all means go for it. Just make sure that you are both ready, because this is a big step in life. Amother thing is that people change when they get married it can either be for the better or for the worst, but note that when you take your vows you must mean it in order to deal with these changes. Good Luck! :)

I do not think that there is anything wrong with getting married young as long as you are financially independent (yourself, not you and your partner) and secure with yourself as an individual.

Sadlyit is young and most liekly you don't know what you want or what you are really getting into.

But that aside, marriage at any age is a growing process. You both will change a lot, in the next 10 years, and again in the next 10.

There will be job changes, money issues, perhaps babies.
All this will change your relationshiops time and time again, over and over.

There has to be a commitment to always work things out. Once a relationship starts to be selfish it will end no matter what the ages.

I am a 17 years getting married next year around my birthday, people look at me like I'm too young to get married Truth is there is no right age to get married, because age is just a number, It’s your maturity that counts. People say that I'm crazy cause my life is going to be "over" when I get married.

I'm doing a term paper on young marriages and how I disagree with how people think young people are just way too young I'm interviewing people and if any one is kind enough to answer some questions please do so... if you're married please reply


Please state how many years you've been married _________

Please state how old both of you were when you engaged in a marriage ___________


Please state how long did it take for both of you to start thinking about marriage ____________


Question #1 : What would you say was the toughest obstacle both of you had to over come?





Question #2 : Would you say that marrying at a young age inflicted any problems with your marriage?




Question #3 : What advice would you give to a young couple considering marriage? Would you recommend it?





Question #4 : Do you believe that some people are close minded when it comes to marriage? Why?





Question #5 : Do you believe it would've been better if you waited until you were older to marry? & Why?




Question #6 : What do you think is the most popular cause for young married couple's like yourselves to divorce?




Question #7 : Are you fed up with what some people say & think of young marriages? & Why?



Question #8 : What do you think of marriage? Would you say it's crazy to marry at a young age?

The reason why young people have trouble realizing they are too young to get married is because they don't have enough life experience yet to know the mistake they are probably making! So, when you're 16, 17, 18, 19... you think you know, but you don't. Your age and development stage makes you believe that you are ready, but when in reality, you're going to be faced with a lot of problems that you will need a high level of maturity and life experience to deal with and overcome. About four years ago I was a 17-year-old who thought I could be married (I wanted to be married SO BAD!), but looking back I think... Was I really that crazy and selfish! I still have so much to learn out about myself before I can fully commit to being part of a marriage. If you're just now getting out of high school and think you're ready for marriage... rethink it! You will change tremendously in those first few years after you get out of school. Whether you go on to college, go on to work, do both... you will be surprised at how much you change (and your mate!). Slow it down, you've got a lot of life ahead of you. Learn about who you are, what you want... know your opinions on everything and have a plan of how you want the rest of your life to be. If you get married young, it MAY work, but I certainly wouldn't recommend it.

Hi!

I'm a 19 year old Norwegian girl. I have been with my Brazilian boyfriend for two years.
We met through some friends and started talking online in 2003.. And in January in 2004 he came here to Norway to visit me, and we became a couple. Then we were apart for 6 months before he moved here to be an exchange student to be with me in August 2004. But we had some problems us his exchange-parents didn't let s see each other so much. They didn't want him to be so committed... well... in June 2005 the exchange program ended and we went together to Brazil and spent three months living together. We came home in October. Now we are living together here in Norway and we are talking about getting married soon. Do you goys think is too early? My family thinks its to early, and some of my friends too... but how much should I listen to that? I love him more than anything and he loves me too.. And if we get married now, it will make things much easier for us to be together, because of our different nationalities.. He wants to live here in Norway and is working a lot to get a visa, but if we got married we could juist be together.. Its very hard.. Do you think we are ready?
Sorry about the long question and the english mistakes.. :P

Thanks, Marthe

I wrote a thread asking what others thought about getting married young. I am 17. I was suppose to get married on September 9th 2006, a few days after my 18th birthday. I am not getting married until 2008. My boyfriend and I decided that we might be rushing into things a little early. WE have decided to still move in. The love is there along with the commitment we want to make sure that what we are doing is right. I have no problem marrying young :) . I think after some long talks, late nights, and A lot of tears that maybe we should take another look. ALways look from every persepctive, don't blind yrself to all aspects of life. Be POSITIVE that you know what you are doing. To all those who know in there heart and gut that there are ready, I wish you all the best in the world. Reality and God should keep your feet on the ground. ;)

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it??? Dear, how long have you been together so far? Why not move in together and concentrate on your education, and help each other nurture your outlook for the future. People only look shocked because they read the statistics of young marriages where neither one had the chance to really get to know themselves, let alone each other. There are daily things that might eventually get on your nerves and unless you can stand each other 24 hours a day, and work things out if not too rosey one day, then what do you do? If there is confidence, trust and tolerance for little 'quirks' then you might be mature enough for a lifetime relationship, but there is no guarantee- at any age. No matter what your choice, I wish you all the luck and happiness. Also, there is no way you can change other people's minds, so don't worry about that part - you don't need to prove things to them, just to yourselves - so make sure you are ready for anything and everything that comes up together.

Keep us posted.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_1_28.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)

Hi!

I'm a 19 year old Norwegian girl. I have been with my Brazilian boyfriend for two years.
We met through some friends and started talking online in 2003.. And in january in 2004 he came here to Norway to visit me, and we became a couple. Then we were apart for 6 months before he moved here to be an exchange student to be with me in august 2004. But we had some problems us his exchange-parents didnt let s see eachother so much. They didnt want him to be so committed... well... in june 2005 the exchange program ended and we went together to Brazil and spent three months living together. We came home in october. Now we are living together here in Norway and we are talking about getting married soon. Do you goys think is too early? My family thinks its to early, and some of my friends too... but how much should I listen to that? I love him more than anything and he loves me too.. And if we get married now, it will make things much easier for us to be together, because of our different nationalities.. He wants to live here in Norway and is working a lot to get a visa, but if we got married we could juist be together.. Its very hard.. Do you think we are ready?
Sorry about the long question and the english mistakes.. :P

Thanks, MartheThe reason your parents might be concerned is that statistics show that many young men marry just to get out of their countries, but this does not mean your boyfriend it that type of person. As long as you two have love and trust and a solid plan for the future, good education and job prospects, do what your heart tells you as long as it's within your county's laws. After all, you are not marrying his family or he your family - but again, don't rush things for a visa - this way you'll never be positively certain of the motives unless you really trust him. No matter what your choice, I wish you all the best.
Marriage is a serious choice to make in life, and only you can make it.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_2_105.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)The only guarantees in life are taxes and death, the rest of the journey is up to us.

You see it is stereotypical that a lot of people that get maried young, don't stay married. It has been proven over and over. I mean if this is what you want to do, by all means go for it. Just make sure that you are both ready, because this is a big step in life. Amother thing is that people change when they get married it can either be for the better or for the worst, but note that when you take your vows you must mean it in order to deal with these changes. Good Luck! :) This is also very well put, people will have many opinions about what others should do, but in the final outcome we are only the bystanders.
Here are a few questions:
When he's working longer, what will you do with your time? Or will you be the one working longer and will this affect his ego?
Will he help in the kitchen, take out trash, sweep the floor?
Does he like the same type of pets that you do?
Does he want children one day, and the next, when he sees one cry too much, change his mind?
Do you have the same hobbies or does he think some of the ones you have are ridiculous?
After a job, does he go out regularly with others and expect you to stay at home?
Does he like your friends or just tolerate them?
Do you like the same entertainment?
Does he like your cooking, or does he put salt and pepper on before trying the food?
Do you joke and giggle and just plain play around for the fun of it, or is life already so serious?
Are you sure you've tested and talked about each other's sexual fantasies, or do you plan to save that until you said the final word and hope things will work out someday?
When you finally say 'I do" , are there things that you already want to change for what you think he should be more sensible about?
Does he give you signs of appreciation and hugs out of the blue, or is there a 'romantic ritual' already on a weekly basis?
Are you absolutely certain that you both have had enough experience to not even once think of wondering off to other arms when things get too boring or too stressful at home, therefore having enough confidence to be able to talk about everything, any time?
When either of you are sick, do you take care of each other?

THIS APPLIES TO BOTH MEN AND WOMEN, ALTHOUGH I PUT IT IN THE FEMALE SENSE... But they are food for thought.

I could go on with pages and pages of questions, but this is the real life and as I said in a previous post, there is no guarantee for anything. Also, no couple in the world is 100% perfect, content, or constantly happy - you just have to be able to accept and handle things that will come your way, together.

This is by all means not a declaration to stop young people from getting married - just a few things to help on the way in case these issues were not on your minds yet, and that yes, things could change from one day to the next - we all have to learn to handle it.

Good luck and best wishes to all of you who take that very important step in your lives - no matter how old you are!

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)A secret:
P.S. I've been married before, am 55 this month, have a boyfriend of 4 or more years now, and truthfully I don't think I'm ready for marriage.

I'm engaged and will be married later this month. I am 26 and my fiancé is 31. I am extremely glad I waited this long! I had 2 other serious boyfriends before my fiancé, the first one from age 16-21, and the second from age 21-23. I wanted to marry both of them, too... at the time, that is! But as I matured, I found that the guys I was with matured differently than I did, and wanted different things out of life. When I was 16 and 17 it was fun to have so many differences and to just "be together", what we were doing for jobs or careers didn't matter to us, nor did finances in general, or kids, or where we'd live, or what religion we belonged to... but when you get older, things like that start to really matter. At least to me they are becoming a lot more important. I really loved both those other guys... truly! But neither of them would have made good fathers. One has been unemployed for over 3 years. The other is living in Japan, and I want to stay in Canada. I've discovered that as I've gotten older, love and romance are not the only things I think about. Practical things matter a lot more.

If you wait until you're older, you will have a better chance of knowing who you are, and therefore knowing what you want in a partner, and out of life. It's more fun to NOT be married in your teens and early 20s, you are free to do what you want and pursue your own interests. As much as I love my fiancé, I don't have that freedom anymore. Just the other night we were discussing how he might have to take his medical speciality at another university, which would mean a major move for both of us. So if he decides he needs to go there, I will need to leave my life here (which I love), to go with him, or else I guess call off the wedding or get a divorce... and I am pregnant with his baby!

I'm not saying that just because you're young you can't be practical and work out your differences with your partner. People have married young and been very successful at it. But of the 3 girlfriends I have who married young, NONE of them say they would do it again. They all love their husbands and kids, but they all wish they had waited until they were older.

If it's true love between you and your partner, then you should be able to wait to get married as well. That's what my first boyfriend and I decided. We were together for 5 years, but then ended up splitting. What if I'd married him? I might have kids by him now, and would definitely be divorced from him. He's unemployed so I wouldn't be getting any child support. And I probably wouldn't have had the opportunity to go to university, or at least not the time to devote to it.

Bottom line, do what you want, of course! But like I said I am super glad I waited... and I'm even a bit nervous about my upcoming marriage now! :eek:

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_3_3v.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN) I just noticed that this thread was posted May 2004, but after reading all the other posts, I had to put my two-cent's worth in as this is still a very ALIVE subject and the opinions on this issue are getting better. So, what do you think folks, should we keep this alive or start a new one? I think this is one message that will get out to everyone and will benefit a lot.

Two years old?? Holy! :eek:

I didn't realize this thread was THAT old, my bad... but yeah it's an excellent thread I say let's keep it!

All you have to do to make them stop bugging you is to show them that you and your boyfriend have good jobs and have all the money needed to have a place to live, that does not include one set of the in-laws. Show them that you have plenty of money for the insurance on your car or cars, the liability insurance to cover you in case someone is hurt in a wreck. Show them that you have plenty of health insurance to take care of you both in case of a sickness or accident. Oh and in case of pregnancy show them that you have they money needed to get good pre-natail care before the baby is born and then good care for the baby or babies after they are born. Oh and this should be without government help if possible so that the people bugging you will be impressed that you have things so will under control.

All you have to do to make them stop bugging you is to show them that you and your boyfriend have good jobs and have all the money needed to have a place to live, that does not include one set of the in-laws. Show them that you have plenty of money for the insurance on your car or cars, the liability insurance to cover you incase someone is hurt in a wreck. Show them that you have plenty of health insurance to take care of you both incase of a sickness or accident. Oh and in case of pregnancy show them that you have they money needed to get good pre-natail care before the baby is born and then good care for the baby or babies after they are born. Oh and this should be without government help if possible so that the people bugging you will be impressed that you have things so will under control.These are all good points for the couple involved with each other, but it still is up to them and they should not care about what others think - it's is nobody else's business. The 'shocked' or any other nosey people are not the ones that have to live with them and should look in the mirror first before passing judgement.

As long as a couple are aware of all the trials and tribulations ahead of them, have considered and made plans appropriately together, it's their choice to make and live with.

Call them all back in about 20 years and say I told you so.

The odds though are against you. First I believe somewhere about 1/2 of all marriages today end up in divorce and those of younger couples even worst.

Both of you will change a lot over the next 10 years and what is great now may be stupid then. So the trick is commentment over instant happiness, putting the other person first most of the time and for the guy understanding you are never right.

I wish you luck and one word, never walk out mad, no matter what the problem it can be worked out if both sides talk it out,

I don't no what this web sites for... anyway I know a lot about life. If anyone needs questions about life ask me. I like cats video games and girrrrllllsss.
My icon is cool.

Life is what you make it. Whether you meet the truth is your decision...

i dont no wat this web sites for.... anyways i know alot about life. if anyone needs questions about life ask me. i like cats video games and girrrrllllsss.
my icon is kool.Since your only two posts are here, Welcome to the forum. Read the stuff under 'HOME' and find out what this site is about, then the 'INDEX" and find the differenct categories and go from there. Can't say I like your icon, as we have not seen it yet.
If you know a lot about life, how about some advice here on the real subject after reading the rest of the posts. Hope you enjoy this forum as much as the rest of us do.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_22_20.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)Also glad you like cats too!

I'm 25 I've been married for over a year. Marriage is great but it is hard work. I have a friend who got married at nineteen and she is still very happily married. Wher the same age. I just want you to rember marriage is for ever many people are getting married thinking they can get divorced if things don't work out. I would suggest you get counseling first I did it helps later you won't alway's agree at times but as you learn to love one another it get's better and better. I got counseling from my pastor before hand. Don't get counsel from divorced people or people with married problems. Rember marriage is between you and your spouse and God No one else.

Im not going to tell anyone that getting married at a young age is wrong, bcause everyone is different, but based on only my expirence and my opinion, I would wait. I got married at twenty years old Im now twenty-seven. And I married the very first person I had a relationship with. I love my husband but do I wish now that I had more of an opportunity to be independent and on my own before I made such a commitment? Yes sometimes I do. I do feel that I missed out on a lot of things that most late teens and early tewnty yearolds get to have.
For instance not having to anser to anyone but yourself, to come and go as you please, to make decisions for myself without having to take in account for another person and how they feel.

When you get married it's a full time commitment and it's a decision not to be taken lightly. I have no doubt that you guys are in love but what is the hurry? You say your seventeen why not concentrate on school and any other goals that you may have. Im not saying to date around or anything but your young why make such a huge commitment at this point in time.

Im not telling you what to do and if you honestly feel in your heart that this is what you want, then no one can tell you what to do. As far as other people being "surprized" by this news, I don't think its surprise I think most peple want you to make the right decision, because this will have an effect on your life.

Im basing my answer on only my expirence, you do what you feel is right for you ultimately.

Im not going to tell anyone that getting married at a young age is wrong, bcause everyone is different, but based on only my expirence and my opinion, I would wait. I got married at twenty years old Im now twenty-seven. And I married the very first person I had a relationship with. I love my husband but do I wish now that I had more of an opportunity to be independant and on my own before I made such a commitment? yes sometimes I do. I do feel that I missed out on a lot of things that most late teens and early tewnty yearolds get to have.
For instance not having to anser to anyone but yourself, to come and go as you please, to make decisions for myself without having to take in account for another person and how they feel.

When you get married its a full time commitment and its a decision not to be taken lightly. I have no doubt that you guys are in love but what is the hurry? You say your seventeen why not concentrate on school and any other goals that you may have. Im not saying to date around or anything but your young why make such a huge commitment at this point in time.

Im not telling you what to do and if you honestly feel in your heart that this is what you want, then no one can tell you what to do. As far as other people being "surprized" by this news, I don't think its surprize I think most peple want you to make the right decision, because this will have an effect on your life.

Im basing my answer on only my expirence, you do what you feel is right for you ultimately.

For most people,personal growth and experience will get rid of any doubts and/or regrets when finally taking that important step and some are mature enough at a young age, and some aren't - even in their 50's - so it depends on how you feel about yourself and the security of the relationship. The couples involved should know what's best for them and have faith in each other, no matter what others think or say, as there is no such thing as 100% certainty in any phase of life.

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_6_206.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN) We all have the right to be happy, no matter for how long...

Hello, I got married when I was 16, it felt right to me however a lot of people turned there noses up I know I was very young however at the end of the day we are still together and happier then we have ever been. It was very hard at the beginning the hardest thing being changing my name at the banketc and telling people I felt like they wld judge me like many people did.
However 2 years on I have gained the confidence and don't care what people think about my age when I got married I feel that whether you are 16 or 50 you know who your soul mate is. Don't ever be put off by what people think do what you want!

I've read near enough all of these answers including the very negative ones :rolleyes: and they've helped me realise that my partner and i getting engaged would be the best thing to ever happen to either of us. I am 19 and a half and my partner is 21 and a half, we have been together 3 years. We have been through a hell of a lot for example me being homeless, my mother dieing (and i only had one parent anyway), me being made jobless, the prospect of having to adopt my sister when my mother died etc and yes they are all MY problems but James shared them with me and never ONCE left my side even throuh my darkest days of depression. He has been nothing but faithful and supportive and we have been living together for 8 months now and are buying our first home together (due to move in in 4 weeks). To cut a long story short, we know that we belong together and want to spend the rest of our days together however wrinkly, ugly and incontinent we become! I have been through a lot in my life, and James has had a pretty steady ride, his parents married when they were 16 and 3 children later they are still married and happy at the age of 50! IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW OLD YOU ARE IT DEPENDS ON THE COUPLE, HOW WELL YOU TRULY KNOW EACH OTHER, HOW MUCH LIFE EXPERIENCE YOU'VE HAD AND HOW YOU BOTH DEAL WITH STUFF WHEN THE GOING GETS REALLY REALLY TOUGH!!!:p

Getting Married at a young age is not a bad thing as long as you truly know your partner and you are willing to go through the good and the bad and no matter how bad it gets. you will fight to make your marriage last. I'm 21 years old and getting married Sept 9th of this year and I truely belive that my fiancee is my soul mate we've been through alot of tough times in the past 3yrs and even as our wedding is approaching quickly I just learned a family secret that has devstated me. For 21 years I've always thought that my a certain person in my life was my real _____________ but it turns out that my last name is not my last name its an adoptive last name and I have no clue where to begin in searching for the family I never knew that I had, having to find this out while planning a wedding has been a very stressful and yet my fiancee has stood by me threw it all. Getting married while your young has its advantages and disadvantages but when it really comes down too it its about wether your in it togather threw the good and the bad and if you can compromise and make it work, Its hard but wether your young or old you have to work at your marriage to make it work and if you understand theres going to be hard times and your not always going to see eye to eye, but you just work your way threw it then it can last forever. My fiancee and I have been togather for 3 yrs and we've been threw alot theres was a time we were both jobless and no help from family but we made it we're fighting a battle over his 3 kids that he has and we haven't seen a light at the end of that tunnel but it'll come. No things aren't always perfect but like I said before wether your young or old you have to work at your marriage to make it work and yes love is a big part of your relationship but with time it'll only get better and stronger, kinda like wine with time it only gets that much better and stronger. Sorry for the book that I wrote.

My mother first got married when she was 16, I can't say if it was a good idea or not as he died a few months later.
She then went on to get married a further three times.now been divorced for 15 years.
If it works for you, I say good luck to you and I hope it works out.
I personally am so glad I didn't marry my ex, I got with him when I was 16,he is the father of my child,and we were together almost 6 years all in all.
Good luck to you...

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???
I don't have much time so I'm going to be quick. I got married at 28 years of age, believe me I have matured quite a bit over the years since my marriage 15 years ago. I can't even begin to imagine how people as young as yourself are going to be able to pull this off. But good Luck anyway and remember if you love him now waiting will not make a difference ,you will still love him in 1, 2, or 3 years from now. :)

I got married in November at 18. My husband and I were together for 3 years to the date before we got married. We had been through so much in those 3 years. I knew early on that this was the man for me. I knew that we would get married some day! Everyone gives you a hard time about being so young even complete strangers! But you just have to be strong and if you love someone fight for them! Don't let anyone make you feel bad even for a second. And if you do feel bad or embaressed don't get married. I have a friend who got married at 16 and she is still in high school and doesn't wear her wedding ring because she doesn't want anyone to know. I don't think she is ready for marriage and all it entells! We have been married for 7 months now and for 4 of those my husband has been hurt and on disability! It has been hard I have to work 2 jobs but it I want to do it! I want to take care of him. I don't think getting marrried young is for everyone but also think that you shouldn't be stopped from doing something that you want to do! If you feel it's right than go for it! No one knows your situation better than you!

I also started a group on myspace for young married people if you want to join please feel free!

MySpace (http://groups.myspace.com/MarriedEngagedYoung)

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???
Wow hun I'm going trough the same thing first off I would like to say congrats! You probably don't hear that a lot I know I don't. My Fiancé n I are getting married in feb. when he gets home from boot camp. I hope your wedding is beautiful.


I hope all the young girls on here weddings are beautiful and that they go just the way you want them to is your day! And next time some says your to young to marry tell them your in love and that you don't care what they think lol

p.s. how did you all tell you parents?

Send me a private message or something maybe e-mail [email protected]

It really is up to you. I would wait being so young. I married young 19. Knew him all my life, had other boyfriends, but he was different. I do not even think I loved hin as much as I love him now. It was more physical and just a strong attraction. My Dad did not like him much... well my dad did not like any guys running after his daughter. I really liked that about my father. If any guy was to have me... well they had better be as much as a man as my father plus more and provide for me, and love me as he for his daughters. I was selective and when my husband asked me could he come to my church to worship with me... I knew he would be my husband. He prayed for me and chose me. My father tested him and watched him. Still does.. just like a father and son.
But...

We did it out of guilt because we did not want to burn with lust since we we were so in love and more in lust with each other. We were church kids and did not want to mess up. We were virgins too. And we knew that we could do it with everone's blessing if we were married. We thought we would be considered grown and on the same level with all the other married couples we looked up to and that they would respect us. It was our passage to grownhood .

We did not have much... so we planned a wedding thinking with all the gifts and money coming in we would be set. In the end... we still felt like children.,. because we had to depend on everybody else to chip in for money and wedding dress and get loans . The chepo side... using the church fok to do stuff for free or with little money. It was more work on the family part . It did take our minds off the dysfunctional sides of both our famlies for a while because I got to act like a queen and get catered to because it would be my day and of course... they had to play alone and not let my special time be a bad memory plus this was what we wanted and marriage is good for man and woman if they can not contain themselve.

Sad to say... our marriage was just a way to be together and get some gifts and feel like queen and king for day... make a wish list for stuff that We wanted or thought we needed. WE repented we grew , we changed, gone through some tough times yet stayed committed to the marriage. We have a covenent marrige. We take it seriously. He loves unconditionally and I him. We are still together after 35 years. We diid do it right have a remarrigae and we paid for everything. Al our friends had to do was show up and just enjoy. THey did not have to serve food or throw parties or give gifts. Instead we blessed them with gifts for just being apart of our lives over the years and encouraging us.

MArry for the right reason and if you cannot afford to have a big wedding without forcing other peole to take up all their time with you for 1 year leading up to the even... wait until you can afford it... wait until your husband can prove to you that he can provide you with a roof over your head. Not you... but him. Make sure he can afford you even if you do not work so it will not be an issue once the children come.
Make sure you can walk on your own feet and not be in your parents wallet once you get married. Better yet... forgo the big wedding... have a small wedding and have a recpetion... ask for cash and use that to put a downpayment on a house or put it in an account for your retirement fund.

Make sure you are not marrying for the wrong reasons. Make sure you have prayed and gone to counseling with a pastor or married couple(s) not divorced people. Make sure you are whole and not bringing baggage into your relationship that should have been dealt with earlier on. Make sure you are not using it as a way to manipulate and control the other. MAke sure you are not a needy person who is looking for someone to take care of you because you do not know how to take care of yourself.

Make sure you do not get into this marriage thinking it will make the other person better. Marriage does not change the make up of a person... When the party is over and it is just you and he... then what? Make sure you are going in the right direction together. Cleave to each other... not mom and dad or other people. Know that what works for one couple will not work always for you. Some years it will be a 80/20 percent marriage,other times a 50/50, othes times a 20/80 or 40/60 type of thing. Just know what you are getting into. If it is a 100/0. something is wrong. IF it is like that before you get married... wait and watch.

Follow your husband... if he has you in a shack... love him just the same as if he has you in a palace.
Be his biggest cheerleader... his righthand lady. If you have any doubts. Wait and listen to your heart. Your gut will never steer you wrong. Hope I am helping The easy part is hooking up with the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with. The hard part is working the relationship till death do you part. Oh and make sure you go back and apologize to and thank your parents if you gave them a hard time. In fact keep the doors of communicatons open before the grandchildren come in to play.

Be a daughter or son and not an in-law. Form a unified front. And get in good with the mother and grandmother. IT will help in your relationship with your husband. He will love you even more... unless he got some issues with his parents. IF he does... do not marry until he make things right. I saw how my husband treated his family... sisters... mother... that gave me a good indication of how I would be treated. I am treated with the utmost respect and he values me as a unique woman ,wife, mother, business partner,friend and lover.

If he is the one... then he will wait for you and you will and can wait for him.

Hi I'm 17 and my boyfriend and I had plans on getting married in 08 when I gradurate and by then I'll b 18 and he'll be turning 19 but I support you and think its up to you. Do what you feel. I've decided to wait until I gradurate college to marry him but do what your heart says.

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???
I am 17 also, and getting married only two months after my 18th. When I talk to people about it I simply ask them how they knew about their spouse (if they are married) and explain to them that age doesn't create those feelings. Actions and moments do. Time spent together do. And if they are not married, and have never been, I simply say how can you judge me and say I am rushing and it isn't true, when you haven't felt it yourself. If married, but divorced I ask them what went wrong, and I tell them I know that it won't be easy, far from it, but we talk and we listen. We know it is a two person commitment forever. And we believe in divorce. However, there will always be people who look down on you for being so young. You just have to know that in your heart it is right and that you are lucky to find your soul mate so soon in life, some never find theirs period. If I am ever down or doubting or wanting to give in so people will stop running their mouths I just look at my fiance's parents. His mom was just graduated and barely 18 and his dad was barely 21 (the exact age we will be when we say I do.. weird huh?) They are still together now, 23 years later and act just as in love as my baby and I do. If we have even an ounce of that love in us I know we'll make it. I am sure you and your love will make it too. Don't dwell on it if others can't accept it... it is you who has to live with the decision it is you and him who will face the impact of that decision... not the rest of the world. It may effect them, but it won't be nearly as much as it is to you.

I would love to see how many of these are still together??

Hiya I know the situation unfortunately all to well I was engaged when I was 17 (now 18) and I have known him for 8 years and had been to gether for 2 and he had helped me through deaths being raped by my ex and everything you can thionk of,

When people walk pass and you see them notice the ring or your telling people you know think about it as a good thing when I am in the same situation I say I feel so lucky to have found this early and not going through the traumas of break ups and bad boyfriends is a thing of the past and won't happen again! I know how lucky I am to have found my true love so young and be proud to be mature enough to know that at your age too! Learn to yourself and don't let yourself be shamed by others who can't realise it!
Its good advice! I so nailed it! On the dot brill pill advice!
But seriosly be the stronger person be engaged loud and proud :D I know I am!;) :D

Good luck in live and love!

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???
Don't you don't need the approval of other people to get married you will be an adult when you marry so why bother if you are sure that he's the one and you are in love and he feels the same way then I say go for it

My husband and I got married 11 years ago. I was 20, he, 23. People thought that was young, they said we'd never make it, but we did... and for the most part it has been a happy eleven years.

One thing I have come to realize, which has helped me tremendously is that people change! Sometimes we want them to change, and it doesn't seem to be happening quickly enough, sometimes we liked them better how they were, and they become someone we didn't "sign up" for. Either way, marriage needs to be a safe place where you can grow up together, and give each other permission to change. Sometimes that can be scary!

There is nothing like marriage(and children) to iron all of the wrinkles out of a person, it isn't always fun, but if you yield to it, you will become an even more beautiful person. Life is full of trials, these trials shape us and mature us if we will yield to love. In my marriage, yielding to love means not always having to have my way or be in control, (and that is hard for me!) It means giving up what I want a lot, for the good of our little family. For my husband, it means a lot of sacrifice and hard work.

To answer your question directly, How do you reassure people... well, these people probably love you, and want what's best for you. They are probably married themselves, and know how difficult even the best marriages can be. . Time may be your only ally, but it may help for them to know that you know it won't all be "pie in the sky."

God bless you. May you have a long and happy marriage!

Hello. I read this question and realized it was the same issue as mine. I too am 17 years old and am planning on marrying my boyfriend who is 19. We are getting married next year and he will be 20. I am LDS so its not that much of a surprise but again its really hard for people to accept.

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???
Personally ithink u can't know if u want to marry someone unless u have lived with each other a few years if u don't livewith them how do u truly know u love them

I am 20 years old and I got married 6 months ago!! I couldn't be happier. I love being married. I also get that same comments about young marriage but I try to ignor them because it is my decision not theirs.I have even had people ask me if I got married because I had got pregnant and that is not true. Getting pregnant is not the only reason people in there early 20's get married... they do it for the same reasons that people in their late 20's do it! LOVE!

Well this thread was started in 04... it would be nice if those that started the thread would come back and update us as to how their lives are going... positive and the negative.

Are those that were marrying... still married? Divorced? Children?.

Where are they now! Lol! Would be interesting and enlightning for sure! Plus I'm sure they'd have some valuable advice to offer others who are thinking about taking that huge leap...

Soooooo... BTT (bump to the top) and hope they reply!

I'm 20 and I got married 7 months ago. Do what feels right. Trust your heart!

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???
The more you try to 'prove' it to others that this is what you want, the more it will seem immature and uncertain. The best thing to do, would be to accept that people will be critical because of the 'failure rate' and stereotypes associated with young marriage. Don't worry about trying to prove or show anyone anything, except love for your future husband. Concentrate your energy on showing people, through your daily actions and intelligence that you are mature, sensible and certain of your future with your fiancée. In five years time when you are still happily married, you can then think or say to people "and you said it wouldn't work, look at us now!"

So you are engaged? Well then what is your hurry to get down the aisle? I don't want you to think I am being mean I'm not. I in close to the same situation. I am 18 and just got engaged to my boyfriend (who is almost 19). He wanted to get married in '09. After talking we decided now that we are engaged that there is no rush. We know that niether of us are going anywhere. We decided to work, make money, buy a house, get finacially stable and then have the wedding we deserve and want because we will be able to afford it. Not to mention having a home to go to after the honeymoon. You don't have to take any of our advice but you should take a step back and look at the common sense side of things.

I'm about to turn 20 and my now fiancé is just about to turn 19 we have known each other since we were 15 and have been dating for a year but lived together for about 9 months. We have talked about marriage for months but he just recently popped the question. We have decied to get married in a courthouse for now and once wegraduate college have the official cermony with our familys. Now 17 seems a little young to me but if yor in love your in love so best of luck.

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???
Hello I am 19 and I got married last year to the love of my life and I have been extreamly happy ever since. I love him and we are trying to start our family together. When we told people we were getting married we got the same looks and comments but now they see how happy we are. So if you want to get married you go right ahead and don't pay no attention to those who say other wise! GOOD LUCK in life!

I was with my boyfriend for 9 years before we decided to get married. From the time I was 15-24. A couple months ago I left my 'husband'... make sure you're 100% positive, I thought I was... and I was wrong.

I heard all the time that we were too young to be married... and it definitely had a toll on the relationship too.

Just remember, there is no rush to get married... from someone who's been through it I suggest you try and take it easy, if you love what you have... why change it?

Hi,
I am a newleywed and I am 19 and my husband is 21, we are both going to college and planning on graduating very soon with Bachelors Degree and we have learned to become almost numb to what people may think. I was hestant to tell my family that we decided to get married so young, because I did not know what they would think and then my fiancé at the time and I discussed it and we decided to do what made US happy, not everyone else. My husband and I have been together for 5 years, and have been through a lot, so I knew that I was ready to marry him!

Make sure you are 100% ready and do what makes you happy, its your life, not anyone else's! If people have a problem with it, big deal, trust me THEY WILL GET OVER IT! Good luck and I hope this helps a little!

I think it would be wise to take some time to yourself. Go to a nice coffee shop or somewhere like that where you won't be bothered, by yourself. Write down all the reasons you want to get married. Write down all the things about your fiancé that you wish would change. Write down all the things about yourself that you want to work on. Write down all the reasons people have given in trying to convince you not to get married. Then look at each thing you wrote and try not to be judgemental or reactive on an emotional level. Just honestly think about whether it is true, or not true. Determine if you are justifying things in your mind, or saying something is true but different for you because of some condition you are putting on it.

All I'm suggesting is that this is a very adult situation, and it effects every aspect of your life from your love life, sex life, your future children, your family, your friendships, your education, your future, your finances. It's a very, very big deal and being in love is absolutely not enough. Most marriages that fail do so because of money, being unprepared to be parents, one or both families objecting to the marriage, immaturity on either party's part, or simply growing apart. It's hard to know how we will develop as people, even in our late teens and early twenties, so it is a huge leap of faith to marry at those ages. I mean, I don't even think I could stand to live with the couch I had when I was 20, much less the man I was dating! Yikes!

That said, I have two friends who married at your age, and they are now in their forties and still married. Both tell me they wish they had waited and had more of a life as a single young person, but neither regret who they married. Both wish they had finished college because money has been an ongoing struggle and they both finished school with children to take care of, too - and part time jobs.

So, make the best decision you can and then fully commit to it.

Well said Lacuran8626, but I don't know if any of you guys noticed the date on this person's post... May 24 2004! If she was going to be getting married, she has probably done it by now.

I know exactly how you feel.. I'm 19 and I'm engaged, my finacee is 21.. we have been together for four years now and we a devoted to each other, but my family still think's I'm to young to get married.. it's really not up to them if you get married or not.. it is your life and your desion to make.. if you really love him then it doesn't matter.. I hope you have a great future with your soon to be hubby...

Hmm... I am 18, my partner is 23. We've been dating for 8 months, and living together for 6 months now and have decided to look at getting engaged around my 19th which is in another 6 months. We have spoken with both sets of parents about our plans and although they aren't 100% keen on us getting married this young, I think the fact that we've sat down and made plans for the future and set goals for us has convinced them that we're serious. I love my partner more than anything and he's been there for me through so much, he is my best friend and there is no one I'd rather spend the rest of my life with and I doubt thered be anyone else willing to put up with me for the rest of theirs lol. We aren't rushing into marriage, its going to be at least another year and a half before we get even close to the aisle stage but at the same time I'm not going to wait around for a few years to "mature" because I'm a big believer in "everything happens for a reason" and I figure that we could get married now and it might not work out, but at the same time we could wait a few years and it still might not work out. There are no certainties in life, You find something you want or need and you grab hold of it as tightly as you can, the way I see it with my partner is that nothing would give me greater pleasure than that little piece of paper declaring that I am his and he is mine. And its not just a piece of paper, marriage is a public declaration saying "hey, i love this person..i love them even when they snore so loudly i can't sleep, i love them even when they look like crap in the mornings, i love them with bad breath, i love them with messy hair and sleep in their eyes, i love them when they gamble away all our rent money for the week, i love them even when they throw their dirty clothes all over the floor or drown the bathroom floor after a shower, and i love them so much that in front of everyone else that matters to me i want to give myself to them" Age is irrelevant in love. Age becomes an issue when the couple aren't mature enough to tackle the issues as they come, and believe me we know all about issues, we both come from broken homes and have watched our parents hate each other and cops called on parents and custody issues etc etc etc we know its going to be tough, but we're both very aggressive people and fight over tiny issues but at the end of the day we never leave an argument unsolved.
Anyway that's just my little rant in case anyone's curious lol..

Though it would be interesting to see whether all the other people mentioning their engagements actually got married or not lol

Hello, you asked this question four years ago so by now you should be 21... I would like to know how is everything going for you and your husband. Also, for every other young person out there who plans on getting married young, don't be afraid. If you are confident that you and your partner's love is real and not puppy dog teenage love then go right ahead. So many people discourage young people to get married to the one who they love because of the high divorce rate. Fifty years ago, most people were getting married young, the only reason the divorce rate is so high is because we live in a world of distractions and temptations. As long as the two of you know your priorities and keep them straight and possess good moral then everything will be okay. You can't go looking for something in someone else your missing it in your marriage. Your not going to get 100% of what you need/want in a marriage anyhow so don't think that you are and know that you are going to get on each other nerves. It's not going to be disney princess fairy tale love everyday. But as long as you trust each other and you FIGHT FOR YOUR LOVE( because believe me you are going to fight! ) and keep God number one then everything will be all right. Good luck for all those young people out there looking to get married! I wish you the very best and may God be with you!

Wow. 4 years of posting...

OK. I got married when I was 18 years old. He was 20. We had the love and support of everyone... parents, pastors, family, friends, etc but it didn't go well. I think our main problem is we finished growing up together and well we grew into different people. He wanted me to be a stay at home wife and wanted to dictate much of how my life would happen. He didn't see me as strong and independent but as a woman who needed to be looked after in every aspect of life. Plus... he cheated on me. Even before he cheated it was bad. I'm not saying that young marriages can't work. I've seen them work. I just think that you should be extra careful when listening to that little voice. If it says run then take some time. If you are truly in love then you'll be in love a little later down the line. Also seek some type of counseling. I'm now 23 and married to the love of my life but the premarital counseling made us both feel like we were starting with a sound foundation especially since I was previously married. Love is awesome and if you've truly found it... don't let it go.

Well, hopefully you can understand their reaction because 20 is very young. Depending on who you are talking to, you may not owe them any kind of reassurance ( like a stranger ). But if you do I would keep it simple like " Yes, it is young but I have thought about it and feel strongly in my heart that I am making the right decision". I will tell you that I married my wife when I was 20 and she was 19... 17 years and three kids later we are still going strong... BUT marriage is tough AT ANY AGE and I can say that the younger you are the more challenging it can be. Hope this helps !

You know, my grandparents have been married for 65 years. They got married when they were 20 and 21. I know that that was the norm back then but, who says young people cannot still find love that young. I have a friend who married her high school sweetheart when they were 20, they have a better marriage then a lot of other couples I know. Just show people that you are in a mature relationship and as long as you have something going for you in your life and you are truly happy and not just getting married because you hate your father or just because you're pregnant, your age shouldn't matter.

I am 19, and have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years. He is the most important person in my life, because he helped me through so many hard times. We both think that we are the right person for each other, and want to eventually get married, he thinks 4 years, I think 2. Mainly because his parents broke-up before they ever got engaged, and he is scared the same will happen to us because we have already broken up once. My parents had a shotgun wedding at 18, so I am also scared of that happening. But the biggest thing is we are waiting until marriage to have sex, and I am scared if we wait 4 years it would be too hard, but we both don't want to make a mistake or get divorced. Can anyone give some advice?

My mom got 16 when she got married there no prob how old you are all that matters is that UR GETTING MARIED DUH!!

my mom got 16 when she got married there no prob how old u r all that matters is that UR GETTING MARIED DUH!!!


I do not think 12 year olds should be on an adult board - that being said, please stop with the "text talk" and speak English.

Duh!

Hello I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 21... we have been together for 4 years, and knew very early in our relationship that we wanted to someday get married. But for cultural reasons, this has been an issue for the both of our families, especially mine. I am a junior in college, and he is a senior.

Honestly, I think that these days, people are overly-analytical about marriage. They involve statistics, and other cases that have nothing to do with the couple wanting to get married. I am not one to use statistics to govern the moves I make in my life. I believe that this man was brought into my life for a very good reason, and someday we will get married. Most females look forward to their wedding and to being a wife, so we may jump the gun sometimes. But if my man asked me to marry him today, I would have no problem saying yes.

I am an intellectual, and it is a MUST that we both finish pharmacy school at some point to be financially stable, preferably before we have children. But my man is everything I could ask for and more. Marrying him today would only ensure that my future growth endears me to him, and that we do not grow apart. I think that getting married young is good if you have a plan, because love is not enough to ignore life's obstacles. But years down the line, if you are able to overcome those obstacles TOGETHER, and with God, then your marriage will be worth a lot more to the both of you.

Finally, people always talk! Its part of life, people around you are always going to have something to say. But remember that what is a big deal today, will not be a big deal forever. People will always move on, so don't let their ruckus today discourage you from doing what you feel is right forever...

Good luck to all of you ;)

hello im 18 and my boyfriend is 21... we have been together for 4 years, and knew very early in our relationship that we wanted to someday get married. but for cultural reasons, this has been an issue for the both of our families, especially mine. i am a junior in college, and he is a senior.

honestly, i think that these days, people are overly-analytical about marriage. they involve statistics, and other cases that have nothing to do with the couple wanting to get married. i am not one to use statistics to govern the moves i make in my life. i believe that this man was brought into my life for a very good reason, and someday we will get married. most females look forward to their wedding and to being a wife, so we may jump the gun sometimes. but if my man asked me to marry him today, i would have no problem saying yes.

i am an intellectual, and it is a MUST that we both finish pharmacy school at some point to be financially stable, preferably before we have children. but my man is everything i could ask for and more. marrying him today would only ensure that my future growth endears me to him, and that we do not grow apart. i think that getting married young is good if you have a plan, because love is not enough to ignore life's obstacles. but years down the line, if you are able to overcome those obstacles TOGETHER, and with God, then your marriage will be worth a lot more to the both of you.

Finally, people always talk! its part of life, people around you are always going to have something to say. But remember that what is a big deal today, will not be a big deal forever. people will always move on, so don't let their ruckus today discourage you from doing what you feel is right forever.................

Good luck to all of you ;)


I'm a little confused - if he's a senior in College won't he graduate with a Pharmacy degree? Or is he going to undergrad and then getting his degree in Pharmacy? The Doctorate programs are only 5 or 6 years total in my area.

You are also very young - 18 - to be a Junior in College. You were only 15 when you graduated from high school? Wow.

I am somewhat in disagreement with you that marrying young - 18 and 21 - guarantees that you won't grow apart but every relationship is different and only time will tell. I most definitely would not want my daughter to marry at 18, still in College, but, again, every relationship is different.

I'm a little confused - if he's a senior in College won't he graduate with a Pharmacy degree? Or is he going to undergrad and then getting his degree in Pharmacy? The Doctorate programs are only 5 or 6 years total in my area.

You are also very young - 18 - to be a Junior in College. You were only 15 when you graduated from high school? Wow.

I am somewhat in disagreement with you that marrying young - 18 and 21 - guarantees that you won't grow apart but every relationship is different and only time will tell. I most definitely would not want my daughter to marry at 18, still in College, but, again, every relationship is different.

I graduated when I was 16 years old, and now I am a junior... he's getting a bachelors first (4 years) then going to pharmacy school (another 4 years)... I don't plan on getting married today, or any time soon for that matter. All I was saying was that if you have the maturity and the finances, I think that it is good to spend these years together rather than waiting. Tomorrow is never promised, and although we all have a plan for our lives, sometimes unexpected things happen. It works for some, not for others. And for the record, my mother certainly wouldn't agree with me getting married right now either.

I will be getting married in October, and will be 19- my fiancé will be 19 as well. His whole family disapproves of our marriage. We met in 10th grade english class and have been together nearly FOUR years. I have read a lot of negative comments about this issue. But come on! Aren't there exceptions? FOUR years, and we love each other a lot! I couldn't imagine what my life would be if I couldn't share it with him! Yeah yeah, blah blah maturity life experiances... whatever. What if I want to share my life experiances with HIM? I don't NEED to go sew wild oats and have crazy 20's. I just want to live an adult life. We both work full time jobs, he makes $40,000 a year alone, I take online classes and we are set. We can't live together first, because of our religious beliefs. But what drives crazy is when people who don't know me, don't know my fiancé, still open their loud mouths to let me know I am too young.

I will be getting married in October, and will be 19- my fiance will be 19 as well. His whole family disapproves of our marriage. We met in 10th grade english class and have been together nearly FOUR years. I have read alot of negative comments about this issue. But come on! Aren't there exceptions?? FOUR years, and we love each other alot! I couldn't imagine what my life would be if i couldn't share it with him! Yeah yeah, blah blah maturity life experiances..... whatever. What if i want to share my life experiances with HIM? I don't NEED to go sew wild oats and have crazy 20's. I just want to live an adult life. We both work full time jobs, he makes $40,000 a year alone, i take online classes and we are set. We can't live together first, because of our religious beliefs. But what drives crazy is when poeple who don't know me, don't know my fiance, still open their loud mouths to let me know i am too young.



Sometimes it works - my sister ran away at 16 and married. My parents were NOT thrilled and did everything in their power to annul the marriage (and get him arrested) but she - and he - were firm in that this is what they wanted. She finished high school, finished college, had 3 kids, raised them, is a CPA - is still married and, from what I can tell, happily. He has a career, she has a career - they have a good life together and if something happens to him, she is self supporting.

Does she ever miss being on her own? I don't know. She went from my parents' house to her husband's apartment. It works for her.

I moved to NYC, finished College there, wouldn't change/trade those experiences for anything.

Different experiences for different people.

I will be getting married in October, and will be 19- my fiance will be 19 as well. His whole family disapproves of our marriage. We met in 10th grade english class and have been together nearly FOUR years. I have read alot of negative comments about this issue. But come on! Aren't there exceptions?? FOUR years, and we love each other alot! I couldn't imagine what my life would be if i couldn't share it with him! Yeah yeah, blah blah maturity life experiances..... whatever. What if i want to share my life experiances with HIM? I don't NEED to go sew wild oats and have crazy 20's. I just want to live an adult life. We both work full time jobs, he makes $40,000 a year alone, i take online classes and we are set. We can't live together first, because of our religious beliefs. But what drives crazy is when poeple who don't know me, don't know my fiance, still open their loud mouths to let me know i am too young.
I fully agree with you!! I'm not into putting all of the nitty gritty personal details of my life out there. But I fully agree that people who don't know you, nor do they know your life story or what you are capable of doing, try to tell you what is right or wrong... with such conviction!! I mean different strokes for different folks. The main factor that is stopping me at this point is financial constraints. In that area, I am smart enough to know that we are not prepared to support ourselves without struggling. But still, I believe that after 4 years, I am wise enough to make my own decision about this. I know that I don't want to experience anything else with anyone other than him, so waiting would serve me no purpose. I would rather make new memories with the one I love.

I don't think there is anything wrong with getting married so young. I believe why the divorce rate is so out standing is due to the lack of communication between partners. Don't listen to what any one else has to say. If your heart tells you this is the right thing for you to be doing, and you are positive about this then go for it. If you are so in love there is nothing you guys can't work through together. Being married entails a lot of talking and working through obsticals, it's a partnership. As long as you are in it together and there are no doubts then good luck to you!! By the way, my husbends grand parents got married at 18 and 23, his parents 19,23 and him and I got married at 19 and 24. His grand parents still going strong as with his parents and us!! :)

Hey everyone.. before to note the original date of this post 2004!

Hey everyone..before to note the original date of this post 2004!



It's been reactivated several times including June 2008 -

I am 17 years old an am engaged to be married a couple of monthes after i turn 18 to my fiance who is 19 and will be 20 by the time we marry. When i tell people this they act very shocked and it seems as though they dissaprove. What can i do to reassure them that this is definately the person i want to spend the rest of my life with and that i am not being immature or hasty about it???
It doesn't matter if you love this guy and he treats you right and you treat him right. Then you can get married.

You can't convince people with words. If you are ready, act ready. Get an education, don't have children until you are ready, be financially independent, pay your bills on time, be mindful of your money, don't drink or otherwise break the law, treat each other in a mature and loving way (no yelling, swearing, taking the low road, violence, etc.). Don't expect your parents to continu e to parent you day to day - if you are adult enough to marry, stand up and be mature. People will see you as you present yourselves. It's that simple.

There is no quick way to get them on your side. It may take years. But one day if you truly are ready, they will say "and we thought it wouldn't last - who knew?"

Make sure you really are ready. Do you know how to cook? Do Laundry? Pay bills? Establish credit? Do you both have well-paying jobs? Can you qualify for an apartment on your own? What about school... what's the plan? Have you been to premarital counseling? What's your agreement on going out with friends? What if he decides to go out and party at 21... and you have a baby at home? It will probably happen... how will you feel about it?

You have to confron t these things very realistically. Nothing wrong with a long engagement, either... arrange to both go to the same college, or study at home and commit to saving all that you earn for your eventual marriage so you have some savings, and even a downpayment for a house, before you marry. Just a suggestion...

If the relationship doesn't last, you'll still have your money and education!

You are young yes, but if you and your fiancé can manage the responsibilities that comes with marriage and if you are both truly in love with each other, I say go for it. I understand where your coming from I'm in the same situation even though I'm a bit older than you are. What matters is your happiness, not what other persons think, just ensure you both plan to continue your education in order to have properous future. I wish you all the best.:)

Hi. I am in the same situation. I am 17 and engaged. My family and my fiance's are very supportive. We are getting married in August. Love is all that matters at this point. Do what you want to. Just make sure you have money saved, reliable vehicles, a plan of a place to live, and all the love to get through it . I've heard many people say "If you're prepared for all the bad stuff and you're willing to work hard and try everyday then you will do fine, Just remember it's not going to be easy". I really wish you the best of luck :) My fiancé and I hope to start our family soon after we are married :)

Hi. I am in the same situation. I am 17 and engaged. My family and my fiance's are very supportive. We are getting married in August. Love is all that matters at this point. Do what you want to. Just make sure you have money saved, reliable vehicles, a plan of a place to live, and all the love to get through it . I've heard many people say "If you're prepared for all the bad stuff and you're willing to work hard and try everyday then you will do fine, Just remember it's not going to be easy". I really wish you the best of luck :) My fiance and I hope to start our family soon after we are married :)



You have answered a May 2004 post - it's been opened a couple of times but OP has not been back.

Well... if you REAllY want to but teenage weddings don't have a high success rate due to the failure to answer these questions

1. What's your money situation... Financial problems are the number 1 reason for divorce

Can you support each other without living on paycheck to paycheck

2. How long have you known each other

Must be longer than 6 months at time of engagement but when you get into 1-2 or 3 years I think you're a little more ready

3 Are you sure there is no possible way you can wait. At 20 or 21 you may be more ready.

Unfortunately, you will never stop getting these looks. When I got married I was 16. I was engaged a little over 3 months to plan a semi-decent wedding. And that whole engagement and even after we were married we got so many nay-sayers. It never ends. I mean, my husband and I are a rare statistic.. we are still married even though we married young. We had 2 other friends of ours who married young and I'm sad to say they didn't make it to 22 before they were all divorced. But I will tell you, adults look at you that way because they know how much growing up you will do from 17 to even just 21. I am NOT the same person I was 12 years ago when if first said I do. And unfortunately most young relationships cannot withstand the change in each other that will def. occur. If I had known then, what I know now.. I would NEVER have gotten married before I turned 25. I love my husband, but I missed out on so much because I was stuck at home being a wife.. If you are not careful you can each begin to resent each other. My advice is if he loves you and you love him and it's the everlasting kind, then wait intil you are BOTH in your 20's.

Marriage is scary. I'm 20, nearly 21 and I think that you do not know what marriage is -- what a relationship is, until you live with the person for at least 6 months. Things change when you live with someone, when you effectively are living the married life. I recommend it. It opens your eyes to what your significant other's characteristics really are.

What really saddens me is the amount of young church kids (I used to be one - I don't identify with the "culture" anymore) who are pressured into marrying for the sex and the fear of burning with lust. I have met girls as young as 16 getting into marriage. No girl is ready for marriage at 16 these days. Not at 17, 18 or 19 and for some, 20. I think if you're so horny that you need to make a life altering decision, you need to get a sex toy.

Hi! I am in a VERY similar position. I am now 18, have been engaged for almost a year, and when I am married I will be 19 and he will be 20. It's not necessarily age that affects the marriage, but where you are as a person at that age. Some people in the 40s are WAY too immature to get married still, obviously not because of their age, but because they just aren't ready. Really think on if you are ready to be married, and to devote the rest of your life to your man. If you think you are, that is great! :) The main reason I don't listen to all the crap I get about getting married so young is because of my great grandmother. She was married at 16 to a 26 year old man. They were VERY happily married literally "til death". It can be done, it depends on where your heart is <3 So if you know it is right for you, then just ignore the bad comments and take in and cherish the kind words and any advice you receive. Good luck, and I hope it works out for you two!

Marriage is scary. I'm 20, nearly 21 and I think that you do not know what marriage is -- what a relationship is, until you live with the person for at least 6 months. Things change when you live with someone, when you effectively are living the married life. I recommend it. It opens your eyes to what your significant other's characteristics really are.

What really saddens me is the amount of young church kids (I used to be one - I don't identify with the "culture" anymore) who are pressured into marrying for the sex and the fear of burning with lust. I have met girls as young as 16 getting into marriage. No girl is ready for marriage at 16 these days. Not at 17, 18 or 19 and for some, 20. I think if you're so horny that you need to make a life altering decision, you need to get a sex toy.

... Being horny is not what is driving this girl to want marriage. If a teenager wants sex this badly, they would just go out and do it, not run off and get married, and certainly not ask for advice first if it is that urgent of a desire to have sex. I think that comment was a bit insulting when a young girl just wanted some advise and guidance. Please people.. be helpful, not judgmental toward somebody who needs kind words. If you disagree with the idea, just say so, and let it be. By the way, I'd also like to comment on "not know[ing] what marriage is." Anybody could live together for years at a time and still not know what marriage is all about. I believe that being married helps one to learn what marriage is. Other than that, how are you to know for sure if you've not been in that position before? You learn a lot during marriage, sometimes the easy way, sometimes the hard way, but you simply can't know it all before you are married the first time. Thank you.

hi!! I am in a VERY similar position. I am now 18, have been engaged for almost a year, and when I am married I will be 19 and he will be 20. It's not necessarily age that affects the marriage, but where you are as a person at that age. Some people in the 40s are WAY too immature to get married still, obviously not because of their age, but because they just aren't ready. Really think on if you are ready to be married, and to devote the rest of your life to your man. If you think you are, that is great!! :) The main reason I don't listen to all the crap I get about getting married so young is because of my great grandmother. She was married at 16 to a 26 year old man. They were VERY happily married literally "til death". It can be done, it depends on where your heart is <3 So if you know it is right for you, then just ignore the bad comments and take in and cherish the kind words and any advice you receive. Good luck, and I hope it works out for you two!!



If you are, in fact, pregnant will that move the date of your marriage forward? I think circumstances can play a big part in age and whether a marriage will last and marriage at 16 some sixty years ago is a lot different from marriage today.

I think finances play a BIG part in marriage (I don't know the stastics but I knew financial problems are mentioned in a large percentage of divorces) and I worry how established in careers or at least in money-making jobs people at 18, 19, 20 are.

And then if they add a child or children to the mix - a recipe for disaster.

If you are, in fact, pregnant will that move the date of your marriage forward? I think circumstances can play a big part in age and whether a marriage will last and marriage at 16 some sixty years ago is a lot different from marriage today.

I think finances play a BIG part in marriage (I don't know the stastics but I knew financial problems are mentioned in a large percentage of divorces) and I worry how established in careers or at least in money-making jobs people at 18, 19, 20 are.

And then if they add a child or children to the mix - a recipe for disaster.

I don't believe that a pregnancy should move a marriage forward. If anything, it should be held off a little longer. A couple should never get married because of pregnancy. Most people in that situation have a child that is resented most of it's life because of the situation. In my opinion, somebody in that position should wait until after the baby is born to be married so that they get married for themselves, not because of pressure from all angles that will most likely be present. That way you lower your risk of divorce, I would think.. My brother and his girlfriend did not get married when she was pregnant, and in their case that was good because we've talked and I guarantee they would be going through a divorce right now. When they do get married, it won't feel like it is because the HAVE to. About the marriage idea... you are right. Financial problems do put a lot of stress on any relationship. But Old days or no, it is about what is in the person's heart. People have their own, very individual thoughts no matter what the year is. People still separated years ago as they do today.

..... Being horny is not what is driving this girl to want marriage. If a teenager wants sex this badly, they would just go out and do it, not run off and get married, and certainly not ask for advice first if it is that urgent of a desire to have sex. I think that comment was a bit insulting when a young girl just wanted some advise and guidance. Please people..be helpful, not judgmental toward somebody who needs kind words. If you disagree with the idea, just say so, and let it be. By the way, I'd also like to comment on "not know[ing] what marriage is." Anybody could live together for years at a time and still not know what marriage is all about. I believe that being married helps one to learn what marriage is. Other than that, how are you to know for sure if you've not been in that position before? You learn a lot during marriage, sometimes the easy way, sometimes the hard way, but you simply can't know it all before you are married the first time. Thank you.

Well, in fact, I do know what marriage is. I am in the midst of a divorce from my husband whom I married when I was 18.

Obviously I disagree, but considering I have good reason for it. I think you are quite insulting to think my advice is not valid, to be blunt with you. I know for a fact that many teens get married out of pressure from their families and churches because they have to "do it right". Gone are the days when girls must be submissive and must get married to be provided for. Like I say, no matter how mature one is, no girl in Western society needs to get married at 18. Make the mistake and delude yourself, but there is a hell of a lot of living to do before you get hitched. Marriage is merely a piece of paper, a name change, state of mind and an expensive party -- it's the acts and the situations that go with it that can fully be replicated while living together.

Well, in fact, I do know what marriage is. I am in the midst of a divorce from my husband whom I married when I was 18.

Obviously I disagree, but considering I have good reason for it. I think you are quite insulting to think my advice is not valid, to be blunt with you. I know for a fact that many teens get married out of pressure from their families and churches because they have to "do it right". Gone are the days when girls must be submissive and must get married to be provided for. Like I say, no matter how mature one is, no girl in Western society needs to get married at 18. Go ahead and make the mistake and delude yourself, but there is a hell of a lot of living to do before you get hitched. Marriage is merely a piece of paper, a name change, state of mind and an expensive party -- it's the acts and the situations that go with it that can fully be replicated while living together.

I still don't see how you having been married and getting a divorce proves anything. That is your situation. And, if marriage in in fact, "merely a piece of paper," why don't we all just get hitched? After all, a piece of paper is so insignificant in our lives, so why should it change a thing? My grandmother... in the days that have come and gone, was not there only to be a good submissive housewife. She did her share of work and providing for her family, just as a woman in today's world would. I'm sorry that it did not work out for you, and I wasn't trying to say that your advice was necessarily invalid.. just that you did go about it in a rude way. I was simply stating my point of view, which is what was asked of us by the girl who posted the first question. I do disagree with yours as you do mine, and that is fine, but I think that YOU were quite insulting, yourself, to a girl who needs advice. If you post your opinion online, expect it to be bashed, or tossed aside. If you take that heavy of offense to it, then I see no need for you to post anything at all.

I don't believe that a pregnancy should move a marriage forward. If anything, it should be held off a little longer. A couple should never get married because of pregnancy. Most people in that situation have a child that is resented most of it's life because of the situation. In my opinion, somebody in that position should wait until after the baby is born to be married so that they get married for themselves, not because of pressure from all angles that will most likely be present. That way you lower your risk of divorce, I would think.. My brother and his girlfriend did not get married when she was pregnant, and in their case that was good because we've talked and I guarantee they would be going through a divorce right now. When they do get married, it won't feel like it is because the HAVE to. About the marriage idea... you are right. Financial problems do put a lot of stress on any relationship. But Old days or no, it is about what is in the person's heart. People have their own, very individual thoughts no matter what the year is. People still separated years ago as they do today.


I don't know that "most" people who get/got married due to a pregnancy resent that child. I'm sure there are no stastics in either direction.

I also question whether people separated "years ago as they do today." Years ago - and you referenced your Grandparents so I'll say 60 years ago - women didn't work, couldn't support themselves. Divorce was scandalous.

While I appreciate and think I understand what you are saying, I think you are being idealistic. I would like to hear from other people who, in fact, actually married at a young age, see what their experience is or has been. I can argue both sides of this based on friends and family members.

I don't know that "most" people who get/got married due to a pregnancy resent that child. I'm sure there are no stastics in either direction.

I also question whether people separated "years ago as they do today." Years ago - and you referenced your Grandparents so I'll say 60 years ago - women didn't work, couldn't support themselves. Divorce was scandalous.

While I appreciate and think I understand what you are saying, I think you are being idealistic. I would like to hear from other people who, in fact, actually married at a young age, see what their experience is or has been. I can argue both sides of this based on friends and family members.

I guess it doesn't matter how many times you say it, does it Judy?! This just goes to show that people do NOT read through previous posts before answering questions, so that advice given is informed advice. Many other details are often given, and without reading the details, it's often ill-informed advice. Although this discussion may help some others who do take the time to read through, what has been said several times by JudyKayTee, is that this post is almost 5 YEARS OLD! Please read through the pages people! It would make it much easier on those of us that would really like to focus on the immediate problems that need our attention! Please pay attention to the date of the original post!

Thank you for your cooperation!

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