She seems to be getting crazier and more manic as D day comes along. We increased the number of guests by 6 and she started shrieking at me about how she has gone to such lengths to have a perfect wedding and now has to run around ordering one more table, flower arrangement and bowls. OK so My family members came in at the last minute and we can't say no, and she has a right to be upset but behavior like this is something we never tolerate from our children. Both my husband and I have just lost any desire to welcome this girl into our family. He told me I should have stopped her in her tracks and not stood up for this insolent behavior. My visiting family tells me that I should call her mother and tell her to get her daughter in line.The last 2 times I ended up apologizing to her for something I apparently said that upset her. P.S. There numbers have gone up too, so its not a money issue.

Usually it is up to those getting married, and making the arrangements (which can drive anybody nuts), to set the number of guests. It is impossible to plan without having numbers.

I presume the 'we' you refer to is your husband and you? That you decided to add six more guests seems like it was something that did not include her. Did you ask her? Talk to her about it? Or was she just told, and if so, by whom.

It really wasn't up to you to say yes, or no, to additional guests. That you felt you couldn't say no to the extra people, shouldn't have translated into the bride to be accommodating more guests that she wasn't expecting.

To phone her mother to put her in line, or treat her as being insolent, and now thinking you don't want to have her as a member of your family, seems a bit over the top, for a situation that you say on the other hand, she had a right to be upset over.

I would not have added more people to the guest list, without asking first. Maybe you didn't ask because you knew what the answer would be.

My opinion is, that you need to apologize. To alter the guest list, without permission, after arrangements right down to the table settings has already been set, was too long after the final guest list was made, to just add more people.

You are probably right
She sent a message though our son to deal with her parents