I forgot the beginning of one joke and the end of another. Can anyone help?

This one, I forgot the ending. It goes basically like this: a man's grandmother asks him for a picture of himself. He only has a picture of his, um, junk... but he figures grandma has such bad vision so she won't realize what the picture is. This is the part I don't exactly remember: She gets the picture and says something about the size of his nose and something about a beard.

Other joke: I forgot the whole beginning (or set-up), but the answer is "Because it's the only thing you can get straight in a woman's head" -referring to a boner I think?

Googling is very helpful --

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top half.

Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but them remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.

A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says... "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style, it makes your nose look too short!"

Source: Nudist Jokes (http://www.jokebuddha.com/Nudist#ixzz1OEHyPZAo)

Thanks for your help, that's close but it's not exactly it. I distinctly remember something about a beard.

Thanks for your help, that's close but it's not exactly it. I distinctly remember something about a beard.

Be creative and adjust the wording of the joke. Or Google for "beard."

Like Wondergirl suggested, tweek the end to something like: 'trim your beard, it makes your nose look small'
Or something along those lines...

Funny, I'm pretty sure the second joke you're not able to remember is something like...

Why do guys like (for lack of a better term) BJs some much?
"Because it's the only thing you can get straight in a woman's head".