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View Full Version : What is my ex thinking? Where do I go from here?


sabresfan23
May 31, 2011, 10:57 AM
A little over a month ago my girlfriend of over 3 years asked for a break from our relationship. I accepted her request as I truly do love her and if it was something she needed I would do it for her. She said it was not a breakup but only a break. Silly me to believe that because about a week later she essentially told me she didn't want to be with me right now. Turns out the popular opinion of why she broke up with me would be the new guy she is currently seeing and started talking to almost immediately after we broke up. I tried everything to get her back within the first 2 weeks and then decided to just give her space and if it was meant to be she would come back. I also told her within those first 2 weeks that I just wanted her to be happy and if this new guy gave her what she's been missing I would understand. I accepted and didn't fight this new relationship as I knew it would just bring them closer together and farther away from me.

Naturally I started going out too, dating, and having a great time. She had made no effort to contact me at all and showed 0 interest in my life, which needless to say sucks as we were best friends and lovers for such a long time.

Now I noticed she had un-followed me on twitter, MySpace, and Facebook. I emailed her for the first time in weeks asking why, which she responded with saying she understood I was single but didn't like or want to see it ( I had recently noted on MySpace that I had met a cute girl and was jokingly "into her") and that she couldn't just forget about everything we had over the time we dated. She then asked me not to respond and she didn't want to talk to me. I tried to email her, call her afterwards and it appears she's serious as nothing was answered.

I now not only have lost the girl who I thought was the one but have also been completely kicked out of her life. I have handled everything as maturely as possible and this still happened. She jumped into something right away after we broke up and I doubt that will last regardless of how she feels toward him right now considering they met right before we broke up. I've tried everything to move on from this girl but I really believe deep down that she still loves me and I shouldn't lose all hope but should continue to live my life to the fullest.

I don't know what to do now. I agree our relationship needed a changeup and possibly a little break but I don't want to lose her forever. Do I try to get her back now or just keep out of sight and just let her new fling run its course and allow her to figure it out and come back on her own? I have been doing the latter for many weeks. Thanks for any insight anyone can provide!

I'm 23 and she's 22

dwidrick
May 31, 2011, 11:17 AM
Best advice is to work on making yourself happy and move on.
She removed you from her myspace, Facebook, and twitter because it is too hard for her to move on when she can look into your life every day using these social networks. Out of sight out of mind is what she is trying to do by doing this. Will it work? Who knows, only time will tell.

But yes I would say all you can really do now is work on moving forward and learn from this. She knows where you stand and that you want to be with her so there is really nothing new you can tell her and her removing you from her profiles and not responding tells me that she actively trying to put you behind her.

I know it is tough and it hurts, I've been there done that. But at the same time her removing herself also helps you out at the same time as it will make it easier for you to not think of her since there are no easy ways for you to keep tabs on her.
Hope this helps some.

Good luck

amicon
May 31, 2011, 12:42 PM
You go no contact and ask no questions-she asked for ''a

Break''-cowards do this when they want to explore and still

Want their previous to hang around as a possible back up plan.

Consider this over and do please go live your own life and leave her to live her life-without you in it.

slapshot_oi
May 31, 2011, 02:12 PM
I have handled everything as maturely as possible and this still happened.
Okay, but this:

Now I noticed she had un-followed me on twitter, MySpace, and Facebook. I emailed her for the first time in weeks asking why. . .
Wasn't very mature. And neither is:

. . . Do I try to get her back now or just keep out of sight and just let her new fling run its course and allow her to figure it out and come back on her own?

You dated for three years, this breakup is for good. My advice is to keep out of sight and don't contact her. This is the formula to move on and grow, this is not a ploy to get her back.

Consider yourself lucky, she hasn't been contacting you giving you any false hope that you can work through this. Follow her lead, show zero interest in her life as well.

vanheart
May 31, 2011, 02:56 PM
Killer advice. I agree.

Vakantie
Jun 1, 2011, 12:51 AM
Wow! I'm almost in the same situation.

The best advice is to stay NC. It is really the best formula to move on. I'm still not totally over my ex girlfriend, but when I started NC I started to feel much and much better. I've grown so much in that short period.
Try to keep your mind busy at all time. Here are some examples I received in my thread: go study, hit the gym, start cleaning, go out with friends. Friends and family are really important at this point. Just do something to keep your brain focused on.

I know it is hard, but NC and time really are the best medicine.
I don't know if it would help you, but here in my thread there's a lot of useful information: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-broke-up-me-after-4-5-years-really-some-help-577451.html

talaniman
Jun 1, 2011, 07:49 PM
She is following the same advice I would give her, and you should follow the same advice the others have given you.

That would be mature. Sorry for your loss, but good luck moving to better things. And it will get better.

sabresfan23
Jun 2, 2011, 12:47 PM
Thank you all for your answers and advice. I will definitely take them all into account as they seem very insightful and correct. I think I was just holding on to hope instead of reality. The reality is she is moving on in her own right, whether this guy is an immediate rebound or not. I guess just because I physically conducted NC by not calling or texting for weeks I didn't take into account that I had still seen what she was up to in her life via social networks. I really felt as though I was doing well throughout many weeks and then having that last connection taken away really set me back.

Now I feel as though the break up is sort of new again and I am starting the recovery process all over. I think this time will be easier though because I don't really want to talk to her but I still am having trouble getting her off my mind. I realize she is moving on and I need to do the same regardless of what the future may hold for us (doubtful). I can't hold on to a future hope that will most likely never happen and need to start making my own future not letting her dictate how I live my life. It's time to go out, have fun and live again.

sabresfan23
Jun 3, 2011, 06:29 AM
Your thread has definitely helped. I have the "luxury" of my ex completely throwing me out of her life. I couldn't even imagine what I would do if she contacted me but it seems like you are getting stronger every day and I applaud that. You are definitely an inspiration for me at this time.

sabresfan23
Jun 3, 2011, 06:33 AM
You are absolutely right slapshot. I had a quick trigger response in emailing her after weeks of NC. Her doing what she did by disconnecting from me completely was a real shock to the system for me. I had no idea how I was still holding on through the internet. The process of healing has started all over again and this time for good. There is nothing more to hold onto and its time to accept that its over for good.

sabresfan23
Jun 3, 2011, 07:09 AM
Thank you. One day at a time