Story merged

How do I overcome missing someone I love so much"distance is killing me"

Did you guys break up? Or are you in long distance relations? The only way to overcome it, is to keep busy. I know you have probably heard it all before but its true.

You need to do something different everyday, meet a friend, go shopping, finish projects, have something new everyday of the week, fill your schedule as much as possible. :)

Could you come back with some more details please?

Yeah! It's a long distance relationship.would cheating on her be the best for me?

Why on earth would that be the best thing to do?

If you're in a relationship with someone how on earth would cheating solve anything?

If you can't do the relationship LD-you should break up-not cheat.

My roommate in school wants my girlfriend.although he has not told me about it but I can see it in his eyes.but he told someone about about his desire to sleep with my girl & I'av not asked him.what should I do.:mad:

A lot of people want a lot of things they never get. As long as you know and trust your girlfriend and know it'll never come to fruition, I'd just ignore it.

Tanx but how do I cope with sexual urge.am 23 and I don't masturbate.am nt a fan of prostitute .when I say cheating I really meant something like a substitute.

Better start masturbating then or else end it with this girl, there is no way you could love her "so much" if you are thinking of cheating. Long distance relations clearly don't agree with you, don't be selfish and look elsewhere, end it first and then only address your needs.

Why are you still with her when you have so many thoughts about replacing her?

Why do you even care? You're the one that's thinking of cheating on her
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/missing-her-578154.html

I love her and I always want to be next to her.but lets not forget am a human being that have feelings and urge masturbating is really not going to work I know because I don't do it.may be I'll try the with the prostitute is that OK?

Can you really live with the guilt of cheating on your girlfriend?

Tell you girlfriend about your sexual urges and your plans to either cheat or use a prostitute.

See what she says and get back to us.

Maybe the girlfriend also has sexual urges and is either masturbating or considering "using" a (male) prostitute. Women have urges, too. That's not just a male thing.

This could be a very meaningful conversation.

Wonder if OP would be willing to record it for my listening pleasure.

This is an interesting thread. I would think the approach would be "I love and miss you so much but you're not here so I am going to cheat on you." Yes, very interesting.

Please do NOT use chat speak.

Type out the full word.

Otherwise, I will assume you are 13, and treat you as such--meaning, I will delete your post because you are on an ADULT board.

Is this the same girl you are wanting to cheat on?

I know you don't expect me to tell her.if I should do that it's going to curse serious problems in our relationship.I know her very well she's not going to agree to it.now am confuse really don't know if I'll use a prostitute or do the masturbating thing(ow!)but I think I can live with the guilt of cheating.am not the first.maybe I'll try telling her indirectly.

I feel sorry for your girl.

You SHOULD tell her. It SHOULD cause problems in your relationship.

How would you feel if SHE went to a prostitute because masturbation just isn't working to cure HER urges?

You're a jerk. Either masturbate or break up with this girl. She doesn't deserve the diseases you're going to give her just because YOU can't control yourself.

It all happened when she came around.I care a lot because I love her.do you think am being sentimental or selfcentred.

Sentimental?

Where?!

I know you don't expect me to tell her.if I should do that it's going to curse serious problems in our relationship.I know her very well she's not going to agree to it.now am confuse really don't know if I'll use a prostitute or do the masturbating thing(ow!)but I think I can live with the guilt of cheating.am not the first.maybe I'll try telling her indirectly.


IF... it is going to cause (or curse) problems..? No if, just when and how big.

Maybe if you get addicted to heroin or meth you can shed all blame and say "The drugs made you do it.
and add it was in conjunction with the devil " and then nobody will blame you.
But you will have to look in the mirror every morning knowing the truth and seeing a weak willed cheating person looking back may be unpleasant.

And just a reminder, masturbating is not cheating as long as you do it alone.

Seriously now , all sarcasm aside,
I suggest you get some counselling because your thoughts you have relayed about your situation and your possible solutions (even with the limited information you provide) suggest to me
You need some input from someone anchored firmly in the real world who can get with you face to face and be professional enough to help you sort through your situation which seems to have caused some loss of perception .

I have no idea what you're talking about.
I thought this was about someone wanting to sleep with your girl friend.

Your worried about your friend liking your girlfriend? You should be more worried that you wanted to cheat on her. Maybe your friend would be a better catch for her.

We have some good eyes here. Good catch Addy.

If your girlfriend is long distance, I would think your roommate has little to no chance on his desires coming to fruition.

Before you decide what to do, I strongly suggest that you look at yourself in the mirror. Can you tell us what type of person you want to be?

Why are you against masturbation? What is 'ow' about it?

Why are you against masturbation? What is 'ow' about it?


With tongue firmly in cheek it's "ow" because, among other things, OP is a human being. (Masturbation must be something human beings do not do.) : "but lets not forget am a human being that have feelings and urge masturbating is realy not gona work i know cus i dnt do it"

I once had someone who was not US-born explain to me that he "couldn't" masturbate because one of his hands was clean (for eating) and the other was dirty (for bathroom purposes). He could not use the clean hand (his right, and he was right handed) for religious purposes and was "not very good" with his left (the bathroom hand). I don't think there would be any purpose in making this up so maybe OP's problem is cultural.

(This, by the way, was more info than I wanted to know.)

And somehow his PENIS would still be clean after going to a prostitute?

The problem may be cultural, but then the OP should just be waiting for marriage to have sex, as called for by his culture

If you're considering cheating then it's only fair that you let her know, so that she can cheat too. After all, if it's okay for you, it's okay for her.

If you're thinking about cheating just because you can't control yourself, then you should do the honorable thing and break up with her, let her find someone that actually loves her enough to keep his penis in his pants.

You do nothing, and you don't cheat on your girl either. If you cannot handle your needs, then you are not ready for an adult relationship.

What, you think you are the only one to find your girl friend attractive? Guess again, many probably do, and wish they had her. That's life,

We all have urges and needs, so talk to an older, respected, responsible man, and let him know your problems, IF you cannot HANDle them yourself.

When you start letting those urges control you, then you are asking for more trouble than its worth.

I tried masturbating last night and I felt useless because its not working.I called her and told her that I was missing her and I feel like holding and kissing her and making love to her.she was like"oh! Baby am missing you too and i also want to hold u close and kiss you then make love to you but is not possible now,you are far from me.dont worry when i come over" {in 2months time}i felt bad about what I was trying to do but 2 months! God help me.dont think I can hold on.

No... just wait for her. If you can't wait then you don't love her. How long till you get to see her?

That was a mistake.being sentimental or selfcentred that was for my previous question.hope he doesn't make an attempt.

If you won't tell her then obviously you know it is wrong and that her reaction would not be good.

Maybe something like chatting on skype with her with a web camera would help you?
That way you could masturbate, but she would still be part of it.

If you can't handle not having actual physical contact with someone then I think it's time to break it off.

Chidi, it doesn't sound like you are giving yourself a chance to explore your own thoughts and body.It sounds like you are going to have to change your perception of masturbation for it to work for you.

Masturbation is healthy-a lot more healthy than a prostitute. You are not taking anything away from your girlfriend.

Do you have fantasies or thoughts about what you want to do with your girlfriend? Build a fantasy world in your mind where you are with her. Let yourself get aroused. Explore what feels good like you would with your girlfriend.

I think OP is ready, willing and able to have an affair (or pay for sex) and nothing/nobody is going to change his mind.

He's looking for permission, not advice.

And somehow his PENIS would still be clean after going to a prostitute?

the problem may be cultural, but then the OP should just be waiting for marriage to have sex, as called for by his culture


It's not about his penis. It's about masturbation and clean hand vs dirty hand.

I don't know whatever else that particular culture allows or doesn't allow. I only know what was said to me. I will see where research leads me.

How old are you?
If you trust your girl friend, the fact that another guy finds her attractive means nothing. If you think you are the only guy looking at her, you need a wake up call. Looking at someone does not mean you will go after them. Liking them does not mean you will go after them.

Threads merged

OP is prepared to have an affair or pay a prostitute for sex but is concerned by the look he sees in his roommate's eyes where the girlfriend is concerned?

There are problems here far beyond jealousy and inability to masturbate.

Maybe we should just leave this alone until he comes back.

I don't feel he loves her unconditionally or he would never once consider cheating on her. Having these thoughts maybe he should just let her go respectfully before its to late.

As far as his friend having an attraction. Big deal. My husbands friends have all hit on me and several times. So sad for them for doing it.

Maybe we should just leave this alone until he comes back.

I don't feel he loves her unconditionally or he would never once consider cheating on her. Having these thoughts maybe he should just let her go respectfully before its to late.

As far as his friend having an attraction. Big deal. My husbands friends have all hit on me and several times. So sad for them for doing it.


Instead of coming back he opened a new thread.

I agree with you about friends hitting on other people's wives and so forth. And I don't think he loves her "unconditionally." He "loves" her on HIS terms.

88sunflower finds this helpful : Judy those were just my thoughts. I think he is surprised at these responses more then anything.


And I'm surprised that HE'S surprised by the responses!

Chidi... break it off with her. She deserves someone who will be honest, faithful, and respectful. If you loved her as you say, you would want that for her.

That you are even considering cheating on someone you profess to love shows that you have no business being in a serious relationship with anyone at this time.

Show some integrity and do what is right.

I know you guys all want me to think with my brain not my penis.but please do put me into consideration.have you guys ever stayed more than six months without sex! I love her,yes I do.am really not looking for permission am asking because I have conciense.how do I hold on please tell me(excluding masturbating)thats all I've been getting from you guys.. note=am not against masturbation and its not a cultural thing is just that I don't feel anything when I do it.

I know you guys all want me to think with my brain not my penis.but please do put me into consideration.have you guys ever stayed more than six months without sex!? i love her,yes i do.am realy not looking for permission am asking because i have conciense.how do i hold on please tell me(excluding masturbating)thats all i've been getting from you guys..note=am not against masturbation and its not a cultural thing is just that i don't feel anything when i do it.


Yes, I have.

Dude, there may come to be many times you have to do without sex. You don't like masturbating, then maybe you don't know how(?), and that's a learning experience. There are also COLD showers you can take.

Whatever you chose the bottom line is if you let your nature rule your good common sense, then you are out of control, and leave yourself open to temptation, and a lot of bad behavior.

Life throws things at us as a test of our character, and you never know when self control will be all you have to keep your dignity, and self respect. What if you get married and still through injury, illness, or like now distance doesn't allow you to have your woman with you to satisfy your needs? What of pregnancy?

You are young, and best not start bad habits or dumb behavior just because you can't get some when you want it.

When a cold shower, or self indulgence doesn't work, then you just have too much time on your hands, and you need something else to do. It would help if you got busy with something constructive and not just sit and dwell on sex.

Change your thoughts, and you will change your attitude, because trust me, even when your female is with you, she may not want to have sex when you want her to. Or cannot (illness, injury, or just plain mad at you for whatever females get mad about, the list is endless) so start now and not be a slave to your nature, you are a man, not a dog.

Hit that cold shower.

Let's hope his partner never gets sick or pregnant or is injured. He'll be out howling at the moon within 24 hours.

I know you guys all want me to think with my brain not my penis.but please do put me into consideration.have you guys ever stayed more than six months without sex!? i love her,yes i do.am realy not looking for permission am asking because i have conciense.how do i hold on please tell me(excluding masturbating)thats all i've been getting from you guys..note=am not against masturbation and its not a cultural thing is just that i don't feel anything when i do it.

You want to know what I think? First how would you like it if your girl went out and slept with other guys because she hasn't seen you for 6 months? I am sure you wouldn't be to happy about it.

Now what I really think. I think your selfish, rude, immature and certainly undeserving of any respectable girl. I most certainly do think you came here thinking you were going to hear what you wanted to hear or you never would have asked. You were wondering about cheating on your girlfriend. Where in your right mind did you think you would get the green light from anyone here? There are a lot of guys here that have been hurt and here looking for comfort because women have ripped out hearts and stomped on them. Then you come along with a girl and you want to treat her like this? Maybe we can find her a decent boyfriend here.

Wait here is what I think also. Cheating on her is a great idea! You go out and find whatever one is willing to give it up every time you want it. Then when you finally see your girl who will more then likely be missing you and want to shower you with her affection, well you just hold off and tell her what you have done. You watch her expressions and no doubt her eyes will fill with tears and you will hurt her. Then when you feel like a man for doing that to the girl who loves you I want you to puff out your chest like a real man and run back to the one you cheated with. That's a great idea.

I read this WHOLE thread and feel obligated to answer.

I'm quite sure the majority of people, if polled, would say that they prefer a real life sex partner to masturbation . Yet, during a "dry spell" or "long distance relationship salvaging", they are more than willing to take matters in their own hands. You say that "you don't feel anything", I'm not quite sure what that means. Does that mean that you don't love your hand? Or do you not feel your penis?

Either way, deal with it. Wait for her return, or "do it" yourself.

No one here is going to suggest that you visit a prostitute. Get real. If that's what you want to do, then your not much of a boyfriend are you?

And for the "friend" who wants to have his way with this lucky girl, shame on him for verbalizing his lust. Most of us just THINK it, not say it, when we are smitten with the love of another. It's all part of growing up.

Based on his threads, could OP be an attention getter, some form of a troll? He seems to want to discuss masturbation -

I know you guys all want me to think with my brain not my penis.but please do put me into consideration.have you guys ever stayed more than six months without sex!? i love her,yes i do.am realy not looking for permission am asking because i have conciense.how do i hold on please tell me(excluding masturbating)thats all i've been getting from you guys..note=am not against masturbation and its not a cultural thing is just that i don't feel anything when i do it.

You're thinking with your penis. You don't want to believe you are, but you are. If you really loved her then you'd never even consider cheating. Real men, men that really love a woman, don't cheat.

The fact that you can't control yourself is disturbing. Have you thought about counseling? Do you have a sex addiction? Many people go 6 months or more without sex. When I was pregnant with my first child I couldn't stand even the idea of sex. My husband and I went without sex for my entire pregnancy, and then at least 2 months after the child was born. All in all it was almost a year, and we survived. Why? Because our relationship isn't only about sex. We love each other, we respect each other, and we are committed to each other.

The fact that you can't even wait 2 months shows me that you either have a problem, need therapy, or you don't give a damn about this girl. I mean really, a prostitute?

Other then masturbating the only solution is to break up with her so that she can find a real man, one that doesn't only want her for sex.

Personaly, I think she can do better than you.

You don't deserve her.

That's all I have to say.

Thanks a lot you guys are the best.now I know a've not been thinking right.(clouded thoughts)a've really leant a lot and am going to put them into practice.as for you tal I love my hands ***.lol.. thanks a lot all of you for your contributions(I'll try)

I know you guys all want me to think with my brain not my penis.but please do put me into consideration.have you guys ever stayed more than six months without sex!? i love her,yes i do.am realy not looking for permission am asking because i have conciense.how do i hold on please tell me(excluding masturbating)thats all i've been getting from you guys..note=am not against masturbation and its not a cultural thing is just that i don't feel anything when i do it.

My fiancé and I have not had sex in almost 4 YEARS... don't talk to me about having to go without for a measly couple of months.

Granted it is because I have a medical condition, but we come up with ways around it that keeps us both happy.
You need to think outside the box...
What could you do sexually while she is away that doesn't involve another person and still satisfies you?
I can't answer that for you, only you know what "gets you off", but masturbation doesn't have to just be your hand and a box of tissues.

You can buy toys online for men, or there are 'home-made' things you can do to make the experience different. I don't think I would be allowed to post a link here but do some googling if you can't think of creative ways yourself.

Chidi01 does not find this helpful : I do love her


You're right. You do love her.

I had it all backwards. I guess cheating is another form of love that I'm not aware of.

Silly me... :/

Look, if you DID love her, then you wouldn't even dream of cheating on her.

So don't sit there an act like a saint.

Oh and by the way, read the rules of the site before handing out reddies.

Wow, not only a cheater, but he can't even take the time to read the rules of the site, AND nice chat talk. What are you like 12?

It's called full sentences.

PFFT!

I think that this thread has gone the distance, taken it's course. It needs to be closed. This guy is throwing out reddies, and defending his ignorant solutions to lack of sex. I couldn't care less about what happens to him and his horny little self.

People have given all that they can give. Yet he hasn't absorbed any of it.

If masturbation doesn't solve his problem, then he can do whatever he needs to do, I don't care.

I know that this sounds harsh, but I feel more for the ones that have confessed to more serious problems than his.

Please forgive me valued members, but we're talking to a brick wall.

A short, shallow, poorly built, brick wall.

Chidi01 does not find this helpful : Thanks mr expert.but you sound rude to me.is it that u can't help me or what?anyway a've learnt a lot.thanks


I'm as rude as you are immature.

Yes, you've "learnt". And we've learned a lot about YOU and YOUR values.

And I saw this reddie coming a mile away. "Mr. Expert" doesn't care.

Chidi01 does not find this helpful : Thanks mr expert.but you sound rude to me.is it that u can't help me or what?anyway a've learnt alot.thanks


I'm as rude as you are immature.

Yes, you've "learnt". And we've learned alot about YOU and YOUR values.

And I saw this reddie coming a mile away. "Mr. Expert" doesn't care.

Bravo. I have to spread the rep, but I couldn't agree more.

To the OP, bottom line is this, you want to cheat. That tells us a lot. One, you can't keep it in your pants even though you claim to love this girl. Two, you don't have any morals. Three, you're immature and not willing to go without in order to maintain your relationship.

We've said what needed to be said, we told you what you needed to hear. You're not here for advice, that much is obvious. You want someone to tell you it's okay to cheat. The fact is, it's not okay. So, you have to decide. Do you love her enough to keep your penis out of another woman, or do you screw around, put her and yourself at risk?

The fact that you don't think cheating is a big deal is really disturbing. Let her go. Let her find someone that can love her enough to not only think about himself and his penis.